caught but nothing said

[Christina89]

so the other night i opened a draw i had my stash in to put on some panties for the night. i moved my male clothes covering them and they were gone and i knew my mother found them and took them. now idk what to do. she hasn't said anything to me yet. i tried coming out to her once but i could tell she was mad about it so i stepped back into the closet. what should i do? just leave it as is or say something to her? thanks for the help

[Katie145]

If it were me, I would say, "where are my damn panties?!", but I know that doesn't exactly work for everyone. You could try coming out to her again, explaining that they're yours (and you would really like to have them back!). If you don't get any satisfaction from her, just find some new ones and find a better hiding place. I was caught more than once when I was younger living with my parents. I didn't really have much discussion either; I lost the clothes, but just got more, and improved the hiding spot. If you're not getting anywhere coming out to her or having any meaningful conversation, just take your losses and replenish the stash.

[suzy1]

I see you are 21 years old. Now I know it’s your mother but what right does she have to take your things. I would be furious!
However it seems that she knows about your cross-dressing so how about standing up for your rights and confronting her about going through your things and steeling some of them.
Like I said, she knows about you so you have nothing to loose and something to gain, your rights as an adult.

SUZY

[Sarah_CD]

I too was caught when i was younger by my mother. I said they were a girlfriends. she gave them back and i purged them.

[VioletJourney]

I agree with suzy, but I wanna emphasize the part where you confront her about taking your things, rather than about crossdressing. It's not a big deal so don't let her think it is.

[Joanagreenleaf]

In such cases it makes most sense to, "blame the parents."

Ask your mother for enough money to move out and don't tell her where you're going - or, why.

[TxKimberly]

You are the only one in a position to know if speaking to your mother will make things better of worse. One thing you DONT do though is come off as confrontational and get all up in her face about it. You and your mother have enough to worry about and think on without adding more stress to the equation.
My guess is that if your mother wanted to talk about it, you would have had the conversation by now. She found your stuff, took your stuff, and knows that by now you will have known that she did so. If she wanted to chat about it, seems to me she would have brought it up by now.

[Karren H]

Either confront her and get them back or move out.. Or threaten to move out if you don't get them back!! Of coarse if they want you to leave that could be a problem... Threaten to stay for ever if you don't get them back!! Yeah!!

[Mary Morgan]

If you are prepared to go to battle over your dressing, then by all means confront her. If on the other hand you wish to continue to live under her roof and not risk the possiblities then pick a better time and reason to have this little chat. JMO

[Amy Lynn3]

I think I might say to her....Mom I had some female cloths in my drawer and they are missing. I keep those there for special needs. At times they seem to be of comfort to me, but don't always wear them. They just are right for me when I wear other clothing and that is why I wear them. I'm not sure where they are, but I will need to buy some more items when I can.

Maybe this will open a door to talk, but at least you are not spilling the entire can of beans so to speak. All you are saying is I find comfort in wearing them at times. Maybe just say they support you better in certain areas and they feel better that guy boxers. Just an idea. Might work, might not.

[bobbie sue]

HI Gril just be honest with her sit down and talk to her about this it is part of who you are an allways will be their is no better time than now so be a women and fess up HUHGES AND KISSES

[Tina B.]

Get up in her face and holler at her for stealing your stuff, wait, you do have a job and can afford a place of your own, and everything needed to set up house keeping right? If not I think I might take it easy, see which way the wind blows, if momma thinks just taking them will stop you from dressing, she is wrong you will find a way, we all do. But never, never cut your nose off to spite you face, there are some parents out there that will tell you if you don't like the way they run there house you are free to get out, I would. Before confronting anyone, I would think about all the possible out comes, and what can be gained or lost with each, then figure out what it is you need, or want. Either way, good luck with mom.
Tina B.

[Kerigirl2009]

Ok here is a smart*ss way of dealing with this, GO into her drawer and remove the same amount of panties from her drawer. When she notices that they aremissing she will know it was you as she took yours, then Trade back. I stress though don't wear hers just put them in your drawer in the same place as yours where with a note that says HOW ABOUT WE TRADE BACK :)

I think this would work as you might get them back and you don't have to have a talk with eachother.

Good luck

[Julogden]

If moving out is possible, do it! That's far and away your best option.

If not, then it's hard to say what would be best. You know your situation better than we do. As long as you're under your mother's roof, you pretty much have to live by her rules, IMO. If you feel that she might be open to discussing it without making things worse, then do that. Getting confrontational in your situation will probably yield bad results.

Carol

[anonymousinmaryland]

Oh no, another Pearl Harbor day coming up. Be kind. It's her house. And tell the truth.
She already knows. MOMS KNOW EVERYTHING.

[ronny0]

In such cases it makes most sense to, "blame the parents."

Ask your mother for enough money to move out and don't tell her where you're going - or, why.

IMO..... Not sure how to say this w/o putting people down.
First, at 19 years old I was working full time and living my own life.
Second, Asking for money to live your life, How about getting a job and paying your own bills.
>> We already have too many people in this world expecting others to care for them. <<

As for the problem with his mother.
Put a lock on the door, or move out, or do as any 'child' should do and obey you Mother.

[Shelly Preston]

I think you should work out the best way to tell your Mother

Have a read at the link in my signature on how to tell your partner it might help

You could also ask if any of your stuff is in the wash as you seem to unable to find some of your underwear. This will give her the opportunity to make comment.
At least then you will get the chance to discuss it
Unfortunately this might mean not dressing under her roof

Only you can judge the best course of action

[GingerLeigh]

She knows something is up. You'll need to talk to her to set her straight. All she knows is that you "collect panties" and she may have misconceptions about what your intentions are. Look at the highly publicized lunatic Canadian Colonel from CFB Trenton for a reference as to what she may possibly be thinking. He stole undies from hundreds of women and murdered two (one under his own command). You are her son, you have the right to discuss this with her. Although like so many others posted, be prepared to move on if you must. At least wait until you've finished university before you approach this (if you are in university and if your folks are paying your way). I don't know you or your mother so I don't know how rational either of you react when you discuss something this sensitive. I don't know if she's a bigot, closed minded, or extremely religious or if you are argumentative and pushy. Tread lightly and be understanding since she's probably like most everyone out there that thinks we all want to be women, or are gay or bi-sexual or something more complicated/difficult to handle. (no offence intended)

I told both my parents less than a year ago. I'm over 40. I wish I told them sooner. I could have had their help when I was really down. Instead I suffered in silence needlessly. No, they had no idea. Mothers do NOT always know. Mine had no idea, nor did my father even though the warning bells were sounding loudly throughout my youth. It's up to you to clear the air, if you're strong enough.

Everyone's situation is different. I'm not trying to preach, so do what you think is best. I could be full of hot air.

Good luck with whatever you decide. "If you chose not to decide, you still have made a choice".


Ginger

[sandra-leigh]

There is a possibility that she wants you to raise the subject with her. But I don't know: she might also be hoping it will all go away. You have to decide based upon your knowledge of her.

[KandisTX]

I see you are 21 years old. Now I know it’s your mother but what right does she have to take your things. I would be furious!
However it seems that she knows about your cross-dressing so how about standing up for your rights and confronting her about going through your things and steeling some of them.
Like I said, she knows about you so you have nothing to loose and something to gain, your rights as an adult.

SUZY

I agree with 100% of Suzy's statements. At 21 years of age, you are an adult and entitled to some semblance of privacy, even if you are living in her home. In all honesty it is none of her business what you do with your live. You are an adult and what she is doing quite honestly is classifed as theft.
My question is why are you living at home at 21 years of age? It might be time for you to consider moving out on your own if you are not up to coming clean with her about your lifestyle. I am almost 43 myself and I came out to my mother when I was 17 years of age and she was and is quite supportive and accepting of my lifestyle as is my wife of 9.25 years. You would be surprised at how accepting and understanding a mother can be, you are her son after all.

[eluuzion]

hiya Camilla,

At first I thought you were talking about pot, :heehee:

We do not have enough information to tell you what to do. But it sounds like your mom has that area covered very well, lol.

Well, the owner of the sandbox gets to make the rules for the people that play in it. So unless you are paying rent, you are at a disadvantage in the power department. Even if you are living rent free, that is breaching your personal privacy which I would immediately address with mom. (after I made absolutely sure I did not toss them in the clothes hamper myself, lol).

Sounds like it is time for two adults to have a grown-up discussion.

If things go south, you can always remind her that someday you will be in charge of picking out her nursing home, so she better be nice. :D

good luck...
:love:

[Kate17]

Hi Camilla

Like several have said, only you can make the decision what to do as you have to live with or get along with your mother. My advise is a little less direct. Through out life, I saw that a lot of people avoided that which made them uncomfortable. Fear of this, fear of that. In your case, you were afraid your mother was mad so why tell her. I also noticed that successful people tended to face their problems/issues ( business and pesonal) and say - OK lets get it out and take care of it right now. If you believe you are right or justified or that it is no one's business but yours, then you will be a winner. If the results are not good, you have only addressed the inevitable and you certainly can find away to settle the issue. If your results are positive, then look what you have gained.. Why live under a cloud? I hope that makes sense.

[PretzelGirl]

Well, as everyone says, we don't have the whole picture. If you are able to have a pleasant, sit down talk with her, I would make the talk about privacy. I have a 20 year old at home and I don't go through her things. It is her room and she has a right to have her things remain untouched in there. So is it about the missing clothes? Well, I would ask for them back, but to me it is a bigger thing of having your own privacy. Even if you don't pay rent, that should be a basic consideration from one person to the other.

[TxKimberly]

Maybe I'm nuts folks, but it seems to me that you do NOT have much expectations for privacy when you are still living with your folks. MAYBE if you are paying rent, but even then I don't know that you have the "right" to demand it. Like others have said, if your living in your parents home, your choices are pretty much to abide by their rules or move your happy behind on outta the house. I don't care how old they are, if one of my children tried "demanding" anything from me as regards my home, it would get really ugly and it would get that way really fast.
Unless you have the means to move out on your own, I'd strongly recommend that you don't "confront" your mother. Bring it up, discuss it, talk about nicely and calmly - maybe. Confront her or make demands? Out of the question, because the only one that stands to get hurt if you try throwing your weight around is you.

Damn - I sound just like the father of three or something dont I? LOL

[sandra-leigh]

Maybe I'm nuts folks, but it seems to me that you do NOT have much expectations for privacy when you are still living with your folks. MAYBE if you are paying rent, but even then I don't know that you have the "right" to demand it.

In general, legally adults do have an expectation of privacy (at least in Canada and the USA) for the areas of the house not used in common. However, if the routine had been established that (say) the mother did the laundry and put the clothes away, then if the drawer in question was one of the ones that laundry got put in to, there would have been a reduced expectation of privacy.

But there is "expectation of privacy" and there is "theft". Removing the clothes was theft unless the mother had a sincere belief that the clothes belonged to her (or a sister of the original poster) and she was thinking she was just "putting away misplaced clothes" or the like. Taking the clothes with the intent of depriving the poster of them is theft just as much as if it had been a $200 Limited Edition Metallica Boxed Set that had been removed because it was a "satanic influence" -- justifiable only in an emergency.

[Sally24]

:devil:I like Kerigirls idea of taking Mom's panties hostage but hey, I thought sneaking up on my wife with a gorilla mask on was funny too!!!:devil:

Kimberly is probably closer to reality. If you're ready to try to come out to your mom again, then this is a good time. If not, lay low and start figuring out where your future lies. Getting your own place is the only practical thing to do when you want to live your life on your own terms.

[Joanagreenleaf]

We, of course, don't know your situation, not really. But, we do know you're going to have to grow up and live your own life - it's what life is about.

I wonder, if this was a different forum, if we'd be reading about mother's finding, "my stash of Playboy and Hustler magazines and taking them" a lot more often.

You really don't have to talk to your mother. Life will go on either way. Her doing anything, or, nothing, tells you enough for you to start making your own plans. Plans that probably don't include bringing this up for a while, if ever.

It's her life, her house, her kid. Let her do some thinking on it.

Meanwhile, I think your basic error here is hiding things where you have little reason to expect things can or will stay hidden.

If you like certain clothes, just pick up the Sunday paper, find a page with something you like, and note, "That's a great color!"

Then, talk about whatever.... Perhaps someone just needs to start somewhere...

Sex and children is a tricky subject. You want to tell your kid not to do "it" and then the kid says: "But, isn't how we all got here, even me...? Mom? Hello, mom? Mom? Mom, I though we were going to talk..."

[Tina B.]

Sally, I've always wanted to do that, how did it work out? I've read a couple of opinions, here, that it is legal to expect a certain right of privacy as an adult, I really don't think legal has much to with it, it's more about family dynamics, I mean who really had privacy in mommas house, this is a women that has wiped your butt, and nose, patched your wounds, and soothed your ego, all your life, she figures she has certain rights too, especially when you have not grown up enough to have gotten out on your own for the first time, she still needs more time to let go, and she most likely won't let go until you get out on your own, it's natural parent stuff, still trying to take care of you. I would like to think she is acting out of love, even if it is misguided. why risk hurting a relationship that will be there all of your life, for short term gain, just hide stuff better until you can get out on your own, and give momma a big hug. Believe me, if your mom is still around in another 67 years, like mine still is, you will realize, that those panties are not worth near as much to you as that old lady will be! Been there, had those fights, not about panties, but personal space. and a one bedroom apartment, solved it for me, and that was better than a ruptured relationship with mom.
Tina B.

[Sally24]

I thought sneaking up on my wife with a gorilla mask on was funny too.


Sally, I've always wanted to do that, how did it work out? Tina B.

NOT GOOD! She was hysterically scared for about 2 minutes and then mad for about......what's todays date?