Shake hands, hug, or kiss?

[Frédérique]

“You don’t get out much, do ya?” (A reply to one of my posts, c. 2009)

Today is my birthday, and I have a special question, mainly for other MtF crossdressers on this site, but anyone may reply. I once asked one of my friends this very question, nestled among several pointed queries in a PM, but, for the life of me, I cannot remember what the response was. Please excuse my innocent curiosity, but I’ve always wanted to ask this - here goes:

If you and I were to actually meet, would you shake my hand, hug me, or kiss me?

Or none of the above, I mean if you knew it was me, and you and I were dressed for this fictitious encounter, i.e. one MtF crossdresser meeting another. Perhaps you would avoid me entirely, or maybe you would take the opportunity to slap my made-up face, getting back at me for all these overblown texts I spew forth. I understand, but I will be very glad to see (and meet) YOU – would you allow me to do any of the abovementioned gestures of affection? I should explain that this is NOT an attempt to find out how many people like me or dislike me, nor am I inferring that wearing women’s clothing somehow changes one’s approach to physical contact, leading us to do things that we, as males, might not normally think of doing. I assume there is no obligatory way that two women would greet each other, indeed I’m not qualified to make these kinds of assumptions, based as they are on incomplete observations – the older I get, the less I know, in other words. This is more about isolation, and a tacit acknowledgement of another person’s lonely struggles, finding that elusive needle of alternative-ness within a haystack of “normal,” unimaginative human beings...

Perhaps you cannot contemplate meeting an abstract concept like Freddy, so just tell me how you would greet another crossdresser, one much like yourself. Many people on this board can answer this question quite easily, since you often get together for one reason or another, and it’s no big deal to meet and greet. In my case, I’ve never met another crossdresser in the flesh, yet I’ve been doing this for quite a long time now – it would be very moving for me to meet someone I know (or admire) from this site, or simply another CD, because it would verify the reality of what I (and we) do. The feeling of loneliness would soon evaporate, symbolizing the end of a long, torturous journey, and the beginning of another. After wandering for years, alone, through a desert of my own making, I finally get to meet another pilgrim – this would be a remarkable moment, so how do I express my feelings of relief and joy? I have no doubt about what I would do, but how would YOU respond?
:thinking:

Let’s start with a hand shake – on the other hand (pun intended), let’s not. Males shake hands, and men gauge certain things from a handshake. My handshake is about average, meaning I don’t squeeze the life out another male’s hand to express my strength and resolve. Oddly enough, I encounter a lot of very gentle, wet noodle handshakes out in the world, even from males who wear a cloak of virility. Memorably, I once shook a woman’s hand, and she just held it out to be clasped thusly, with no return gesture forthcoming – this delicacy made an indelible impression on me at the time, but this is in no way indicative of ALL female handshakes. OK – you and I are dressed as women, actively emulating women, so how can we shake hands like males normally do? Shaking hands indicates agreement, and you and I agree resolutely, but will shaking hands stir up our delicate grip on femininity? Under these unusual circumstances, it goes without saying that high-fives or “fisting” will not be forthcoming. Chest-bumping is also out of the question, but only out of a healthy respect for our prosthetic undergarments...

So, how about a hug? I don’t mean that quick clasp-and-release, nervous way that males “hug” each other – I mean a REAL hug, a tight hug, one where you crush the aforementioned breastforms gently together in a mutual display of affection. This is awkward, or is it? I mean, how long is she going to hold me like this? After a while it feels good, once you get past fear of the unknown and deal with the moment at hand. I’m thinking that, at this point, gender no longer becomes a point of reference – you and I are males, yet we are dressed as women, and we’re hugging each other. It gets confusing, but so what? We’re just two human beings, unconcerned with the implications of our crossdressing – I wonder if I might be monitoring the pressure of your hug for signs of repulsion or discomfort. Relax, it’s just a gesture, meant to put you at ease – I like you because I understand you, and I want you to know I care about you. We are linked in spirit, knowledge, and experience – that deserves a hug! BTW, no slapping on the back, please...

Would you think about kissing me? I’ll tell you, I would kiss any member on this site if I met them, no matter what nook and cranny they occupied, especially my friends. I hope that notion doesn’t put you off! Let’s talk about practicality, MtF’ers – I mean, I don’t want to disturb your makeup, nor do I wish to impart an unwanted impression of my lips on your countenance, but something meaningful and profound needs to be done! Do we kiss each other on the cheek, or do we kiss on the lips? I’m thinking about my lipstick, as you are, but don’t hold back now – we may never have this opportunity again. I have no compunction about kissing another male-by-birth within the circumstances I have outlined, but, of course, we aren’t males if we identify as females, correct? Would females kiss each other in this manner, at a moment like this? This is a kiss with no strings attached, more like a token of love and confidence, a manifestation of peace, in the absence of any ill will, like males USED to do. The kiss can be profoundly light and gentle, indicative of friendship, or more forceful, indicative of fondness, but it’s NOT an “air kiss.” We are the courageous explorers of gender, so why succumb to “normal” modes of greeting at a time like this? Think continental thoughts and be at ease, my friend...

Like I say, I’m not alluding to a notion that wearing women’s clothing necessarily changes the dynamic of things, meaning a masculine approach to human interaction, because I feel that is already in place regardless of our outward appearance. In this case, where one lonely MtF crossdresser meets another MtF crossdresser (who may be lonely or not), it’s more like finally meeting a member of a small, unseen, alternate, or “secret” society, made even smaller by the fact that I know some of your thoughts and you know some of mine, thanks to writing. Whether or not you agree with what I may submit from time to time is irrelevant – I recognize you as a sister, and I wish to express my gratitude that you exist in the world. A handshake is simply inadequate, a hug is not enough, but kissing may be the only way to efficiently express how one feels. Do you agree? I need to tell you that if you kiss me, I’ll be crying, so you may want to bring some tissues in your purse to help me stem the flood of emotion...

I will be so very glad to meet you, and I hope you feel the same, but I’m under no illusions – perhaps you’ll avoid me altogether and do none of the above. I understand, but, if you’re a crossdresser, I love you, and there are only so many ways to express this heartfelt feeling. I know what you might be thinking – she’s gone too far this time! If this minute examination of a moment in time is too much for you, I apologize. I merely wish to state that, if I were given the chance, I would recognize another MtF crossdresser with genuine emotion, appreciative of his (or her) unquestionable courage. It all boils down to whether or not you feel your crossdressing is special, or what your level of appreciation for another CD’er may be. I assume that some people do not appreciate me at all, but cries of “Oh, brother” can be easily replaced with, “Oh, sister!” I much prefer the positive sound of the latter, and life is much too short for half-measures...

So, will boys necessarily BE boys, under the circumstances? Please tell me about your experiences meeting other crossdressers, or what you might do if you met ME. It goes without saying that I live vicariously through my sisters, in a vacuum, just off the Interstate, and, no, I don’t get out much...
:heehee:

[Mandy]

These are my rules ; I prefer the hug, thats as far as it goes basicly:D :bday2: btw xx

[Karren H]

Shake hands! I only hug peope I know well and I only kiss those I love..

[Sally24]

As I have greeted many fellow CDs, some from this forum, I will answer with my experience. Let me preface that even as a male, close friends and family will get hugs regardless of gender from me. I will generally hug CDs I meet. If they are cautious or timid I might go with the ARM or shoulder touch. Friends will get a good solid hug and possible a hair or ear kiss. Messing up her makeup or mine is quite a consideration after all. I only kiss my SO and my own children on the lips. I feel personally that it is too intimate a gesture to share casually.

As to acting differently when dressed....... I find that along with appearing female other behaviors can change substantially. I have a close friend who is fairly quiet in male mode but very bubbly in girl mode. I know I am more comfortable with touching others while dressed. I am just more in touch with my body and dont feel self conscous.

[AllieSF]

For me it would be a big hug. After living so many years in South America, I love the touchy feely Latin cultures. If we met there I would also give you a light peck on the cheek.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOO YOU!

[GMCD]

Happy Birthday


I love the touchy feely Latin cultures.[/I][/B]

I am Mexican. It's one of the "touchy feely Latin cultures." I also spend a lot of time in communities of faith where embraces of love and encouragement are also very common regardless of gender. Hugs are important to me, they symbolize acceptance and belonging, support and a willingness to be vulnerable.

I feel a very close camaraderie with my fellow TG folks. I admire those who "live life to the fullest" and I want to be accepted by them as a companion on the journey even if I haven't accomplished what they have. I feel compassion for those who are still "weak and timid" and want to let them know that they are not by any means alone in this cold dark world that has shoved us into a corner. Everyone deserves to belong. Everyone deserves to feel wanted. Everyone deserves to have someone receive them as warm friends and to be made to feel a part of the family. Everyone deserves a hug.

I think I like what Sally said about those who are cautious or timid, and I would definitely try to be aware and considerate of that. Although, in my experience, a TG who's coming out for the very first time is typically relieved to see another TG welcoming them rather than afraid of them, but people all have different comfort levels.

Kissing is most definitely a more intimate act. There is a certain level of familiarity that develops over the course of a close relationship. I think everyone here is very cool, but I doubt there's anyone here I would give a kiss too the very first time we met. We haven't had any kind of relationship. But I would certainly give any and every one of you a warm loving hug and quite honestly, I would welcome any warm loving hugs you had to offer in return because I can always use them.

As for whether these attitudes owe to any sense of gender, in my case they do not. I genuinely try to think that people are wonderful and beautiful and worthwhile (at least until they prove themselves otherwise, but that's a different story). Regardless of how I may look at any given moment, I hold the same essential views about others. I would be just as quick to embrace another person in any setting where we are receiving one another in camaraderie and friendship. In fact, I often feel heartbroken when I see a TG person out and about because I would love to go up to them and at least tell them they are loved and not alone and how proud I am to see them living life to the fullest but I know that it would probably just be all awkward and create terrible messes and that I should just smile and wish the best for them in my heart and move on. But, that's me, too much emotion in my heart to live like the other men.

Just my silly two cents. Much love!

[Sophie86]

As Sophie, I would react to how exuberant your greeting was. Do you look reserved when meeting someone for the first time? Then we'll just shake hands. If you're gushing, we'll hug.

If I'm in male mode, then a first meeting just gets a hand shake. I have a few close male friends that I'll hug on occasion, but most guys would find it a bit weird to hug on a first meeting.

As for kissing, that's usually reserved for wife and family. There are only a couple of GG friends I kiss, regardless of how I'm dressed. Both have seen me dressed.

[Dawn cd]

Of course it depends on the history of the relationship. Is this someone I've corresponded with on the web, or it is someone I've accidentally encountered? If there is a history of familiarity, my impulse would be to kiss, but I would take my lead from the other person—not wanting to make her uncomfortable. I can see us exchanging a cheek press and shoulder hug.

Dawn

[kristinacd55]

First of all, Happy Birthday!! Second of all, as far as this goes when I greet my tg girlfriends it's always a nice big hug and usually a kiss on the cheek. It's always such a pleasure to be together!

[DonnaT]

I've met a good number of online trans friends, and it's always been with a hug.

If the other person reached out a hand to shake, then a shake it would be, as I would assume that is all they are comfortable with.

I've been kissed on the cheek a couple of times, but it's not my thing.

[eluuzion]

Hey, I never pass up an opportunity to hug another human, especially females, :battingeyelashes: I am a pretty tactile person.

I am usually quite accurate when it comes to "reading" people. So I would use the greeting that seemed most comfortable. But a kiss...no, not at a first meeting...because that is how I got my ex wife pregnant. It had to be kissing, since I always used a condom...:battingeyelashes:

Happy Birthday!

I baked you a cake and boxed it up. Then I just wrote "Freddy" on the outside of the box and left it at the post office. I hope you get it...:heehee:

oops...gotta' run...just noticed my pants are on fire!...

I hope you have some friends to spank you tonight...:hugs:


:love:

[sissystephanie]

A Very Happy Birthday to You, Frederique!! And many more!!!

If I know the person I will hug them, and if the person is a lady (even if really a CD) I will kiss her cheek!! Been doing that for more years than a lot of you have been alive!! And my dear late wife did not mind at all!! Shaking hands is a kind of standoffish way of saying hello!!

[Eryn]

First order of business: Happy Birthday!

Now, onto the question.

How I am presenting would make a very big difference in the way I greet you.

If I am presenting as a male, it would be a handshake, and the manner of the handshake would be different if I were meeting someone presenting as male or female. Males receive a straight-on, hands vertical, firm, but not crushing handshake lasting perhaps a second. I reach out to females with fingers bent so that she can delicately fold her fingers over mine while holding her palm downward. It would be more of a gentle grasp than a shake and would last a bit longer than the male version. I've occasionally done otherwise but it isn't comfortable for me.

Now, there are exceptions. My hairdresser hugs everybody so naturally she receives a hug back from me. Other friends don't like to touch at all and that is OK too.

If I am presenting as a female it would be more complex. In a business situation or in a situation where I don't know the person at all it would be handshakes. OTOH, if the person was known to me, and Frédérique you fall into this category, you would likely get a hug if I got a sense that is what you wanted. It's all in the body language and admittedly I'm not really an expert in that. The first encounter might be a bit awkward. :o

A kiss? I don't think so, beyond the "air kiss" so popular among celebrities. Kisses are very personal, are potentially damaging to makeup, and at the moment are pretty much reserved for my spouse.

After reading your posts here, Frédérique, I think that it would be fascinating to sit down and have a talk with you. Unfortunately, I'm half a continent away so I'll have to settle for what I have.

Birthday Hugs, Eryn

[Heather Daniels]

I've only met one other cd face to face ( that I know of ). He is a member here. I'm going to use the word "he" when refering to this experience, because we were both in male mode when it happened. We met here on this site and began a friendship. Mostly because of our proximity to each other, and because of several other non cd interests that we share.
I had been going back and forth on whether to meet or not, but I finally realised that I had to meet him. Afterall, we had soooo many things in common. I emailed him on a Sunday morning and told him where I would be, if he was still interested, and I gave him my cell number. While I was driving to the destination, my cell phone rang. I started sweating, my hands shaking, but I tried to be calm when I answered.
I pulled into the parking lot and waited. Telling myself that I could not believe I was actually doing this. Outing myself to someone that I had only talked to online. After what seemed like an eternity, I saw him pull in. We both got out of our cars and walked toward each other. A handshake was the first thing we did, if I remember correctly. We walked and talked together for over an hour ( probably more like 2 hours ). Getting to know each other better, discussing our other similar interests, and finally discussing the real reason we were meeting. Our shared interests in cd'ing. It felt so liberating to open up to another human being about this part of me. I really felt good about the experience, and I think he did too.
When we parted ways, I was ready for another handshake, but he opened his arms, and said " how about a man hug ". I wasn't prepared for that since hugging another man isnt something that I do on a regular basis. I shrugged my shoulders and said, sure why not.
It was a quick guy type hug. Nothing out of the ordinary for two friends to do I suppose.
Happy Birthday Frederique !

[Kathi Lake]

For something relational, like how to greet someone, I go by the relationship. Our relationship? You would *definitely* get a hug - and not just because it's your birthday, but because you're you.

Happy birthday, Freddo!!

:)

Kathi

[Christine1954]

I would have to go with Karren and Sophie. Hope you have a wonderful and Happy Birthday. :wine:
Christine

[drushin703]

happy birthday first of all.

here in Detroit, when a crossdresser encounters another crossdresser we always hug one another.you see, in this tg friendly city, there is
an expectation of friendliness and ultimate respect in the cd community.personally when I see one I want an embrace and expect one in return.
MY reasons are quite simple.I respect the journey, the sacrifice, the courage and the resolve that puts a person on this path of self fullfilment.
so if I ever see you frederique, expect a big hug.....................a sincere hug...dana.

[Fab Karen]

Hug people I know, shake hands with others, though if offered hug by someone I wouldn't back away ( doesn't change by how I'm dressed ). I was raised in America, where kissing is considered more intimate ( unlike France for example where a peck on the cheek is common among friends ) so personally you'd have to be someone close to me for that. btw I'm not a member of a secret society.

[GMCD]

For a group of people who claims to want to enjoy life and live to the fullest, some folks seem a little standoffish.

Would this be for cultural reasons (American's are very standoffish and often mean)? Or would this be because of our masculine upbringings (many many men tend to be stoic and standoffish by nature)? Or am I just a far more openly expressive person (and some of you are with me in being like this)?

[Julogden]

A big hug, stranger or not!

[Kathi Lake]

. . . Americans are very standoffish and often meanComing from your culture, it may seem that way, but mean? Really? We don't have the Latin disregard for personal space. Instead, we're much quieter and reserved. In our culture, we see not intruding into your personal space as more of a sign of respect than meanness.

Kathi

[Jeanna]

Happy Birthday!
I'm already taken so all I could give you is a hug:)

[GMCD]

Coming from your culture, it may seem that way, but mean? Really? We don't have the Latin disregard for personal space. Instead, we're much quieter and reserved. In our culture, we see not intruding into your personal space as more of a sign of respect than meanness.

Kathi

I don't mean meanness in that respect, I mean in just generally being disinterested in others. Americans are a very "me first" bunch and have little regard for the next person. (NOT ALL AMERICANS! I know! I know!) but in general.

Also, I am latin of Mexican decent, but I was born and raised in the US, am a citizen, voter, and tax-payer, and a US Navy combat veteran.

[Kaz]

Happy Birthday Freddie! It is 00.21 here so it should still be today over there!

If we are dressed and I knew it was you and vice versa I would consider you a friend/colleague and it would be a hug and kiss on the cheek!

[Kathi Lake]

. . . and a US Navy combat veteran.My first response was, "Navy? Combat veteran? Isn't that mutually exclusive?" :)

Kidding! I'm an Air Force puke here. The most combat we get is battling to see who can get their room service orders in first. :)

And yes, I know what you mean about our relationship styles. From our families to our friends to other relationships, oftentimes the closeness just isn't there.

Kathi

[Stephenie S]

Well a handshake is always safe. But if we met you would get a great big hug. Wanna kiss? That's fine too. No tongue though. I don't want ANY bodily organ inside me without my permission. :D

S

[steftoday]

I'm a hugger from way back. 'specially if you look like you're a friendly sort...
Happy Birthday too!!

[BRANDYJ]

Let me also wish you a Happy Birthday Frédérique. This is a very good question. Like others it would depend on how close we are as friends. I have some friends here that I know I would want to hug upon meeting. As for a kiss, I'm not sure. Not that it would bother me while in fem mode, it's just that I don't recall ever doing that with another CD that I have met. But if I did, I surely was not put off by it. In male mode I have hugged and been hugged by close male friends. We have loosened up with out macho attitudes since 2005 or so. And I for one think it's a good thing. Many women hug and kiss on the cheek very lightly. So why would I not in fem mode too? This is a very good topic Frédérique, as many of yours are.

[PretzelGirl]

Frederique, I hope you are having a truly wonderful day!

I was raised a little <cough> conservative, so some of that still sticks with me. If I meet someone that I have no relationship with (on-line or in person), I am somewhere between a handshake to a quick hug depending on the person. If it is someone I have a relationship with (and many here are ones that I consider in that category), then I prefer a hug but personal preferences for the other is definitely considered. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. But you can project a lot of emotion in a hug. Kisses are very intimate to me. I kiss only my wife on the lips and kisses on the cheek are for family or really close lady friends. But I have seen some people who were hugged or kissed and it was obvious it was outside their comfort zone. So I don't want to put anyone in that position.

Sometimes you have to take the initiative to setup the expectation so everyone doesn't get uncomfortable. A couple of weeks ago, I met with a new group. They were a fun bunch and I foresee at least a few new friendships starting. One of them (a TS I believe, but she didn't state it) was a passionate kisser with many others. But at the end of the night, we exchanged some pleasantries and then I said "I would love a hug if you are comfortable with it". And I said it happily so it didn't come across as "keep your lips away" because I was not trying to send that message. I really suspected she wouldn't have a problem, but it did give her a chance to opt out and did set the expectation of what I was comfortable with.

So young lady, I would give you a big embrace should we ever meet. But I wouldn't kiss and as is said in many relationships, it is me, not you. :heehee:

Aw, it is your birthday, so here is one anyway. :koc:

[jaqueline1]

if it's someone i know and am comfortable with a quick hug for a girl and a handshake or fist bump for a guy. if it's someone i just met i'll give just a handshake

[Debglam]

Another absolutely wonderful post Frédérique! :) And Happy Birthday!!!!

I am proud to be a hugger!

Raised in a "boys shake hands" world, it took me some time to figure out what I was missing. The simple pleasure of an embrace of friendship or of love, depending on who the "hug-ee" is, was like discovering some delicious food or wine that I never had before! Reaching a point in my life where I no longer care about, OMG!, appearing less than masculine on occasion, I am able to enjoy yet another simple pleasure that women in our society can - being able to physically touch another human being that I care about.

So, en homme, I shake hands with strangers and hug my friends (male & female). En femme, mostly hugs, but I have to admit that going to my very first trans gathering last month, I was at a loss as to what was appropriate until one of the girls said "we hug around here!" :) Problems solved but the problem of hugging with a made-up face is a new twist. :heehee:

Anyway, hugs for you Frédérique!

:hugs:
Debby

[Danni Renee]

First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope your birthday wishes all come true!

I could answer the question quickly but for me there is so more more here than just the shake, hug, kiss that is directly related to my dressing.

I have grown up with a fear of touching others. I started having this fear about the time I first stated dressing. I never came from a touchy-feely family anyway so I did not have a lot of tactile sensation growing up. Hugs were just not there often and I still to this day do not feel like I can kiss my mother or sister on the cheek and I am still uncomfortable hugging my dad.

This withdrawal really started though when I started dressing. I did not feel I could touch anyone because if I touched them, it might give them an indication that I was different. I did not want to shake hands because I felt if I did not grasp it just the right way then the other person would call me out and know about my dressing and being different. I did not want to hug anyone because it might make them think I was too girly by hugging and therefore find out my secret. Kissing? forget about it.

As I grew up, I found by dating and after a long time of familiarity I could get over my fear of touching. However, even today it takes a lot of emotional energy for me just to shake hands with someone for fear of being judged for who I am. Any physical contact with someone I do not know sends shivers down my spine.

But to answer your question, I would try to give you a hug but please do not judge me if I didn't. It is not an indictment on you or any other CD as much as it is trying to overcome my fears, even in this accepting community.

[AllieSF]

Well, Freddy, as I mentioned in another of your threads, I do not always get through all of your posts do to their length. So, I went back and read this post again (actually, I read it completely for the first time versus scanning it). That being said, first you do need to meet some of us sisters to see, as I always say, that we are a fairly decent cross section of society as a whole with all its good and bad points, and those funny little quirks that we do not always understand. I have met quite a few of "us" and almost always enjoy the experience. When I don't enjoy it, I just chalk it up to another learning experience, don't dwell on it and move on to the next. So, dear Freddy, stick your neck out some (you know that the turtle cannot advance if it doesn't stick its neck out) and "make" the opportunity for you to meet someone.

Second, as I said earlier in this thread, I hug and that was a learned experience and now something that I always do when the opportunity arises. I hug everyone, including men. Hugging men needs some caution, but I am always surprised when the men enjoy what they need at that moment. They may be a bit hesitant, bit I have not scared anyone away yet, nor received that famous "fist" sandwich (not the nautical non-beef patty type). One thing about hugs with experienced women like us is that they know when hugs are just a formality and a friendly greeting and when not. The key here is the friendly formality greeting hug and previous experience. We always try to be careful not to "share" our makeup skills by rubbing a little on the outer clothes of our fellow Huggees. I have had to take a couple of blazers to to the cleaners to remove those loving smudges from the should sleeve's shoulder.

Finally, I agree that kisses are important and take a greeting to another level when it is with a dear friend, known before or just meeting face to face, which is common when finally meeting our cyber friends. Those kisses for me, are still the peck on the cheek types that normally need some tissue to remove the sweet lip shaped smudges of the moment. If I am just meeting someone who I really know little about and have not developed any type of closer connection, then that peck on the cheek is more the typical "muah" (however you spell that) with little or no skin contact. If I ever had the opportunity to meet you then I am sure that we would need some tissue to wipe the tears and remove the evidence. Going back to "first" so to speak, save some money and take a much needed vacation to San Francisco, one of the safest places to meet fellow sisters and brothers and to get those hard, gripping and warm hugs and one or more of those tear jerking kisses.

GMCD: Having lived in various parts of the USA and lived and worked for over 15 years south of our porous border, I can appreciate your view point on the "disinterest" that is sometimes presented by some of us. However, I also believe and have experienced that it really depends on the individual, what part of the country they may be from and their life experiences. My family loves to hug. I have met many others just like that where a little physical contact beyond the hand sake in a normal occurrence. I have also heard from many Latinos that Americans from the north are colder and less affectionate (carinosa). I always take exception to that because though we may not be accustomed to hugging and more public displays of affection with strangers when meeting, we are very quick to open up our hearts, arms and houses to complete strangers. I see Latinos very affectionate and open when meeting. However, to become friends and actually to get invited to their home to meet their friends and family, is not always a common thing. Different cultures and different styles.

Great thread Freddy .... Thanks

[Samantha Scott]

Firstly, Happy Birthday!!!

I was bought up that males shake hands with other males but only shake hands with females if the female puts her hand out first, it didn't take me long to think that rule is just stupid. So now I shake hands no matter if your a male or female.

But I basically do it this way:
- if I have just met you or you are only an aquaintence, you get a shake;
- if we are friends you get a shake, hug or kiss on the check, depending on the person and what they prefer;
- only my wife gets a kiss on the lips, and sometimes my daughter if she wants or an eskimo kiss.

The only exception to this rule is a male friend from South America, he gets a shake, hug and kiss on the cheek, it's parts of his culture and I'm fine with that.

[juno]

There are many kinds of kisses. I would readily kiss someone on the cheek. In Italy, for example, it is pretty standard to do a double cheek kiss. In the USA, that is not so common, so I tend to hold back.

One of my first memorable experiences when starting to go out was getting a hug from another CD. It seemed a bit magical, because I felt like I was really a woman getting hugged by a woman, and not just like two people pretending to be women. Maybe I am missing out by not sharing kisses.

[Sheila11]

Never got a hug growing up, so I hug every woman, and some men, that I have met before. Kisses are reserved for my wife.

[Audrey34]

Happy Birthday Frederique! As I have done with many of my fellow cd's at my group, we either do a handshake or a hug. Usually a warm embrace instead of the quick "I love you man" type of hug, lol!
-Audrey

[NathalieX66]

I have a number of TG friends, we give each other a hug if we know each other....it feels like we're all on Team Girl, and I like it.
Women support each other, and we're no different.
First time strangers requires an introduction and a handshake....plus some one-on-one girl talk.

[Carla]

I have met many other crossdressers at TG events and generally it is not a gender issue in how you greet someone. If you are being introduced for the first time, whether you are crossdressed or not, stick with the handshake, whether the person is male, GG or a crossdresser. If you are crossdressed, then a hug is appropriate for greeting someone you have met before and have at least a casual relationship, whether they are male, GG or another crossdresser. If you are in guy mode, the hug works with GGs and other crossedressers, but guy to guy shuld stick with a handshake.....unless you are best buds, then quick hug and back slap works.

Give a hug when appropriate otherwise the handshake is perfectly polite. At TG events where I run into someone I have met before, it has always been a hug, and when meeting someone for the first time, it has always been a handshake. Kissing is not something I would do. That is only for my wife, who is always with me at TG events.

[Pythos]

I got the experience recently of meeting fellow CDers, and the funny thing is as a slinked into the club, I had given not thought how to greet. LOL. Usually at the goth club it is bow of recognition, and for the ladies that gentle kiss on the back of the hand. For the more modern Goths it is a hand shake.

Well that night at the cd gathering, as I said no thought about greeting. The others there offered their hands for handshakes, and I accepted. So it was handshaking.

Funny enough in normal life it is always handshakes, though I will try the arm grip shake with friends.

I also love hugs, but find them to be rare.

[Diane Smith]

I'm a big hugger, no matter how I'm dressed, so that's the standard greeting for me. I do the peck on the cheek with ladies that I know ... or would like to know.

- Diane

[Persephone]

:cheer::cheer::bday2::cheer::cheer:

Happy Birthday, Frédérique!!!

I live in Southern California and the custom here for women friends greeting each other is a hug and an air kiss (We are definitely housebroken and would never leave lipstick stains on each other!).

I have often thought that it would be delightful to meet you. If we were to get together en femme, my instincts would be to share a hug and an air kiss.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Paulacder]

if you were dressed in Fem. then I would treat you as auch. If a lady offers her hand then shake hands. No Huggs or kissing unless we were friends.

[Iskandra]

I dislike handshakes as the out dated thing they are, always feel uncomfortable with them, often they come across as a power struggle/dominance thing.. pah.. get over it..
And no,I'm not hiding a dagger up my sleeve, neither are you chump..

Kissing, hmm no.. Even on a first date with a gg,I don't think about kissing till the date went well and both thought it wasn't going to end there.. Be it friends or more.. Type of kiss depends on "friends or more.." But thats a whole other level of complication...

Hugs?! Sure I would hug you or any other cd I met if willing.. Just like I would and have hugged any men when willing and there is a friendship..

PS: Happy Birthday.. Is it you male or female one? ;)

PPS: If you talk as much as you write, then thats one female trait you've conquered.. (chuckle)

I..

[erickka]

Hugs are certainly in order here.

[Tina B.]

I was raised that kisses and even hugs where very personal things, and we didn't spread them around much, I pretty much only kiss, people I've married, Fathered, or am grandfather too. Hugs, (my wifes people are huger, never was comfortable with it) ugh. Even handshakes, if you put your paw out, I'll shake it, but If you don't, I'll nod, and say hey, that's about it. Now Freddie, don't take it personal, I have nothing against your long rambling threads, and enjoy the ones that don't go to far over my head. But I'm that way with the world, so was my father, and my brothers and sister, just not touchy feel lie, people. Must I would like to wish You a very Happy Birthday!
Tina B.

[Daphne Renee]

This is sort of a tough one to answer. Normally at least in male mode I would just shake hands. I have no problem with hugs though. kisses however are reserved for people I am much more familiar with. I would not kiss someone I had just met.

[Kate Lynn]

I don't like shaking hands,hugging and kisses are reserved for my wife,and all my pets,including the mules,and we have a laying hen who loves perching on my shoulder,I prefer knuckle bump greetings.

[minalost]

I'm a mirror: if you reach out for a hand shake I'll shake your hand; if you hug me, I'll hug you back; and if you kiss me, I'll kiss you back. If you stand there like a doe in the head lights of an oncomming car? Then I'll just smile!

[docrobbysherry]

----there r hugs, and then there r HUGS!:straightface:

Some were sincere, some were casual, some were measured, some were affectionate! NONE were dirty, or sensual!:)

Hugging has become quite the common greeting among our high school kids here in SoCal. And, it's spreading to the adults! The other day, my daughter's long time sports coach that I hadn't seen in a long time, gave me a big MAN hug at a crowded high school art show! (I was in drab, of course!)
I've seen other vanilla men hugging in public, too!:thumbsup:

Finally, I hope your BIRTHDAY IS/WAS SPECIAL, Freddie!:bighug:

[Lexine]

Hug most definitely! Kiss on the cheek if we know each other a lot!

[Frédérique]

I appreciate the many kind words, and the many varied responses to this topic! I’m sorry I haven’t responded sooner, but I was a little predisposed yesterday, as you may imagine. I was quite nervous about submitting this one, not only because it can branch off into several other topics for discussion, but also because it may also shine an unwanted light on one’s own phobias, namely mine – who AM I, anyway?
:idontknow:

I come from a family where there was NO touching at all, unless my mother was touching my forehead to feel if I had a fever! There was a dearth of physical contact - no hugging, no kissing, and no comforting sensuality to speak of. I only discovered physical human interaction when I left my surroundings, quickly learning that there were plenty of things I was missing. I’m beginning to think that my crossdressing sprang from the touch-free environment I grew up in, and I filled my life with all the tactile pleasures I could find, leading me, quite naturally, to wear clothing that hugs me all day long. Perhaps crossdressing helps to fill the void experienced in one’s childhood, but that’s another discussion, for another time…


As to acting differently when dressed....... I find that along with appearing female other behaviors can change substantially.

Yes, it affects me in certain ways, even though I am largely the same person, dressed or in drab. I get quieter, and more emotional, when I’m wearing my favorite clothes – It may have something to do with this “hugging” feeling I’ve already alluded to. This is another topic worthy of further discussion, in fact is it possible we dress in the hope of changing our behavior? I know one thing; I do not wish to carry my male “baggage” when I meet someone, especially another crossdresser. I actively seek to disassociate myself from masculinity in this borderline extreme manner, but it’s all for a good cause – my mental well-being. I believe that, in my crossdressed state, I can leap over the boundaries that hinder interaction and express compassion for the other “fellow.”


I am a pretty tactile person. I am usually quite accurate when it comes to "reading" people. So I would use the greeting that seemed most comfortable. But a kiss...no, not at a first meeting...

It may be too far-fetched to think that a kiss would be possible in the situation I described. I mean, “I don’t know you from a hole in the ground,” as my Kansas realtor once told me! Yeah, we don’t really know too much about each other, do we? Luckily, we get to meet THIS way, and preserve the bubble of our crossdressed existence, but I insist I would be affectionate if we were to actually meet. This highly personal feeling is based on many lost opportunities I have suffered over the years, where an expression of love or reassurance on my part, or vice versa, would have really helped. When I broke up with my girlfriend years ago, she hugged and kissed me, even though she was angry with me – she knew we might not ever see each other again. We DID meet again, eight years later, and we hugged and kissed again, happy to be together and alive. If I met a long-lost male friend, a handshake would no doubt suffice, but I might not LOVE the person, or what they do. In the situation I have outlined in the OP, a MtF crossdresser meets another MtF crossdresser, and we have (no doubt) tapped into a kind of sensuality that other males invariably fail to appreciate – we are special to each other in that regard, yet vulnerable, so I would act accordingly, but it would NOT be an act…


Would this be for cultural reasons (American's are very standoffish and often mean)? Or would this be because of our masculine upbringings (many many men tend to be stoic and standoffish by nature)? Or am I just a far more openly expressive person (and some of you are with me in being like this)?

This is another excellent topic for discussion, i.e. the “uptight” nature of American males, in fact I was going to allude to this idea in the OP. Unfortunately, it really has nothing to do with crossdressing, except in a peripheral way, helping to explain why crossdressers such as me feel the need to go underground. I mentioned having a continental attitude in terms of interaction between two males – there’s no doubt that males in other countries show affection differently than we do here, and it has a lot to do with our “masculine” upbringing, buying into what society expects us to endorse. I don’t think any male is less masculine because he may show affection for another male, but, for some reason, here in the 21st century, America is very uncomfortable with affection, displays of affection, or same-sex ANYTHING. It’s a sad state of affairs. Around here, you won’t see a male hugging another male for very long, and the image of a male kissing another male is beyond the pale, thanks to homophobia. A MtF crossdresser hugging another MtF crossdresser is completely beyond comprehension for most “normal” people, but there is a whole world of choice, compassion, expression, and alternative sensibilities just beneath the carefully manicured surface of America they WANT you to see. In other words, all is well – fancy a kiss?

Maybe you and I can perform a mutual curtsy…:battingeyelashes:

I promise I'll write a short post one of these days! :doh:

[carhill2mn]

It would depend upon the circumstances. If we were meeting for the first time at a non-CD or "T" event, I would shake your hand as ladies would in similar circumstances. If we were meeting under other circumstances, I would probably hug you. My actions would be determined by how I think a "lady" would act in the same circumstances.

Also, Happy Birthday!

[Kathryn Philips]

I would only shake hands in a business context. Since I will most probably never be dressed at work shaking hands is out of the question. For me hugs are for very close friends and family. If I ever have the fortune of meeting real people as kathryn I will greet them with a kiss on the cheek or both cheeks (I am a Spanish woman where the norm is to kiss both sides). before that happens I will have to learn how to kiss on the cheek like a woman. Males kiss differently...

[Debutante]

I would certainly give you a hug, Frederique... and maybe a kiss: on the cheek.
You deserve some care and attention in a way that women give each other.....

[maturegirlrobin]

Hi,
This is such an interesting subject ! In my xcase I am much more of a hugger as a feminine person then in my male side. It just seems so Right for me personally to Hugg when in femme mode. I love the closeness emotionally.

[Shoe Fettish Boy]

If I'm wearing a dress, I wanna hug and kiss, and if it's someone who thinks I'm cute I appreciate a little spank on my behind. :) Any other time a hand shake is fine. Unless someone still wants to take it there.

[GaleWarning]

A belated happy birthday, Frederique.
I tend not to be a touchy, feely kiind of person with people I am meeting for the first time.
If you were in male mode, I might shake your hand.
If en-femme, I would probably just say, Hi!

[Daintre]

I have never hugged even family members. As for kissing, well I did kiss my ex. Finally the hand shake, if it was required to close a deal then yes I would shake hands. Other than that the best I can do is a nod to acknowledge you.

[Patricia Jane]

Frederique; If I meet you I woluld Love to give you a Big Hug for all the wonderful missives I have read, Then when I knew you better it would be a hug and a sisteriely Kiss. I alrerady think I know you. Love patricia jane,

[kimberly ann487]

A hug or maybe a peck on the cheek at least. Careful of that makeup ! lol