Accepting or Not ?

[Renee Demarea]

Hello Girls, I been living with my GF for over 2 yrs now and she found out 5 month in that i liked to CD, We have had a few talks about it some in detail . She doesnt really understand why and doesnt feel she can compete with it ? We also have had talks about getting married next year. Talk is one thing But a picture is worth a thousand words so what do you think is going to happen the first time she sees me dressed ? You know I have to cross that bridge before I say I DO . Any Ideas on how to make it Happen ?

[giuseppina]

Hello Renee

More communication is really the only way. If you push too hard, chances are your GF may turn unaccepting. You're right to discuss this before tying the knot.

This may not be your cup of tea, but here are two journal articles:

Surprise! Men Who Cross-Dress Are Similar to Men Who Don't

and

How Intimate Relationships Are Impacted When Heterosexual Men Crossdress

Both of these are professional journal articles. Payment is required to obtain a copy. Google knows where to find them.

If she does any online searching, the p*rn that invariably turns up in web searches can be safely ignored as unrepresentative of the true picture.

All the best :)

[GMCD]

There's no way to really tell what your GF's response will be. Just having what you wrote to go by, it sounds like she doesn't feel comfortable about it and may react negatively. Since you are being so open as you head into possibly getting married it is of HUGE importance for the two of you to figure out how you will operate together in the partnership of marriage.

My advice would be that as you have already begun the very important conversation about your dressing and she is willing to work out this situation with you, that you should very clearly voice to her that you would like for her to see you dressed up. If she agrees, I would begin by showing her photos of yourself dressed first. Share these with her personally and talk about how she feels about those images of you. This creates a safe environment with the ability to "turn off" the image of you that way if she needs to. It's very important to give her time to process all of this. You've been a CD for a long time and have worked out a number of things about how you being in a dress fits into your reality. She has not had this benefit and has a right to work it out for herself and have the benefit of time that you've already had. Then, depending on how this works out, you can arrange to have her see you fully dressed in person. Again, this should be in a private, closed setting and you should give her plenty of space to turn away as well as to study you and ask you questions, etc. Do not push her in any way, let her process. Let her lead the interaction and attempt to reply gently, honestly, and completely. Again, you've had the time to deal with it that she has not.

You may discover that from the first time she sees a photo of you dressed up that she will be fine with you, let you borrow her bra, and goes shopping for a new g-string for you. You may discover that she will allow you to dress so long as it's in private and you never let her see you. Or you may find that she falls anywhere in the spectrum between the two. This is okay, you are in a partnership and you need to respect her limits and desires just as you wish her to respect your needs. At worst, she will walk away unable to deal with the situation and unwilling to continue the conversation, this will hurt but it's better to know that there were lines your love for each other could not cross now before committing to a marriage and possibly a family that would only be ruined later.

Just remember, above all else, take it slow and easy and respect and love her and keep in mind that this is all new and unusual and there is fear of the unknown. If you show love and care for her when facing a challenge you have a better chance of showing you are a good man who will always take good care of her even if you have to defend the family castle in a pair of Louboutins and a vintage Dior gown.

I hope you find something useful in that.

Much love!

[tammi ogles]

hope im doing the tech stuff right . Ive been married thirty years to a woman that i dropped the cd bombshell on after the I DO's definitely wrong move just starting the conversation and her not running away in panic is a good sign the advice on starting with photos seems to me to be areally good way to start something i didn't do if she doesn't run, screaming after that ,maybe scheduling a home date between you two would be the next step i do highly recommend that you don't wear something that you've pilfered from her dressers or closet, though lol

[Tina B.]

Just what ever you do, don't try pushing it at her to hard, to fast, that can scare them off. But now that it is already out there, I would sure want to know things where going to be alright before I went any farther. Life is short if it's done right, but it can go on for ever, in an unhappy relationship. misery moves the clock slow, so be sure you are accepted for who you are before you commit, or it can be thrown up in your face, every time you have a problem, and there is always going to be problems. But if she can accept you for who you are, Having been married twice, once with and once with acceptance, life sure is better with it!
Tina B.

[Renee Demarea]

Well Girls,Thanks for some Great advise I believe that the next time we have a serious talk , I will show her a few pics and see her reaction and bring it up to the next level . Thanks again for the feed back. Renee