In a dilemna, Please suggest.

[sara.s]

Before I come to my problem, let me introduce myself.

I am a hetero CD and I dress neither because I identify as a female, nor am I a fetishist. Dresses dont excite me erotically. I feel I am passable in a dress and want to go out dressed on weekends and that would be thrill for me. Somehow I dont feel guilt about my dressing.

Problem is, I am new to this city and I am looking for a place to live. I have a option to live in a single apartment or move into a shared house where I get to move into a upper part of a shared house while the lower one is occupied by a female. The shared option saves me about $100-125 a month at least. What would you suggest? Should I go for option 1 or go for option 2? If option 2, should I tell her beforehand "Hey btw I am a TV and sometimes like to go out dressed, Do you have a problem with that?". If I move in with her and then tell her, she might not like it and may ask me out of the house for being a pervert. I am confused. What would you suggest.

[NathalieX66]

I have no idea what it's like in Kentucky people-wise, though I've been there....nice countryside.
If this was Boston or New York city , you can find your way around easlily enough and find accepting roommates, mainly because people are too preoccupied with their own lives to complain about roommates, unless you keep them up at night, or invite strangers all the time . Such is life in the big city.

I would ask, and see how it goes. If you ask a female roommate, will she out you just because she has a rambling mouth? Or will she support you and be discreet?

I'm single, a homeowner, and boringly hetero, dating & loving life, and yes I do go out dressed en femme in public... a couple times a month actually. Everywhere. ...in the deepest public eye.
...and yes, it's not the easiest thing to do, even from my standpoint.

[jennifer_cd]

Hi Sara. My recommendation is to communicate your interests to your potenial housemate and see how accepting she is of it. If she is cool with it you've got yourself a genuine new friend. If she does not seem receptive I'd say the private single apartment is your best option even though the cost would be higher. If the woman renting out the place is not supportive of your interests and willing to let you live your life your way then you'll be unhappy and thats no way to live :)
Jennifer

[Carla]

I would say to tell her up front. Be sure to explain it just as you did here, that you are hetero, not a fetishist, etc, and that you enjoy going out dressed as a female. You may also explain that you will not have a line of strangers coming to the door, loud parties etc.

The up side is, if she has no issues, then I would ask if she would like to go shopping one day and maybe ask her honest help with adjustments to makeup. She may become "girl friend", not in the romantic sense, but as BFF. The downside is you get the single apartment and pay a little more.

[eluuzion]

hiya sara,

That would be an easy decision for me. Live alone. I like people. I just don't like sharing a house with them, lol. I shared a two bedroom apt with 3 friends my first semester of college. That was my first and last experience with room-mates.

I like doing what I want to do, whenever I want to do it. Like last night (or this morning)...anyway it was 2am and I was down in my "family" room target shooting with my pellet rifle (I use pages from some of my daughters old story books, because they have a bunch of little pictures of animals/people, lol).

There are not many "room-mate" scenarios that would accommodate my lifestyle. :heehee:

Plus that "upstairs" option would not work for me either. Especially in a house. The person downstairs can always hear you walking around and stuff which seems it would eventually turn into an issue.

just my $0.02 worth. You owe me a penny...:heehee:


:love:

[sara.s]

Thanks for your suggestions. I will explain my situation as I did above and see how it goes. It would definitely be great to have accepting roommate. Btw I am also considering showing a few of my pics to her. Do you think it would be okay??

@eluusion, I too normally do not like roommates (I had cleanliness issues with my ex roomies), but her house comes fully furnished and electric and other utility bills included, no long term lease. House is very good and has two kitchens, bathrooms etc and even lockable door to upstairs (but the stairs is inside the house). I only need to share entrance and the washer/dryer that is all.


...and yes, it's not the easiest thing to do, even from my standpoint.

i am eager to experience that :daydreaming:

[AllieSF]

I would just explain to her that you are transgendered and occasionally dress up to reflect your interests. Too many details too soon and ruin a good thing. If she asks questions, answer them succinctly and honestly. Again, do not come out to her to hear yourself tell someone your life story. if she accepts you, you can tell her everything at a later date. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Saving money in this economy is very wise. Also, remember she will be your room/house mate first, not a girl friend nor confidant. Just treat her as that, respectfully and let the rest happen, if it ever will.

[Mistybtm]

I for one say the private single apartment is your best option, reason I am sure she wil have friends over and i am sure they will fine out so unless you are going to come out fully the private apt would be the best IMO.

[marny]

It's not complicated enough already? shake baby,shake!

[NicoleScott]

I would say to tell her up front. Be sure to explain it just as you did here, that you are hetero, not a fetishist, etc, and that you enjoy going out dressed as a female.

OK, so you are a crossdresser, and maybe you should tell her that, but why should you have to explain the reason you crossdress? If you dress up because it's exciting to you, why is that her business? Same with dressing up because you identify as female, if you do. Or for any other reason. There seems to be this idea, even here on the forum, that if you dress for pleasure you must be a sexual pervert and you masturbate 15 times a day. Is this a way of telling her that you are one of the "good" crossdressers? If you think you should tell her that you crossdress, do so, and let it go at that.

[mscatie85]

Saving money in this economy is always welcome especially to individuals like us who need to support two wardrobes. Personally I would pay a little extra for the addition of privacy this way you don't have to worry about a potentially annoying living situation. If you do decide to attempt the option of living with a roommate then I would tell them up front that you are a crossdressers and like to go out sometimes. If they have a problem with it, they can tell you up front instead of them discovering this secret at a later time and potentially ending up out on the street because they have a negative reaction. When you do tell your potential roommate be careful not to put in to many details, if they have questions then they will ask.

Hopefully everything works out and you will have a living situation that is happy and safe.

[Tina B.]

As was mentioned above, you not only will have to tell a roommate, if you want to come and go openly, but then if you do, you are also telling that to all the neighbors, and all of the roommates friends, even if she where to accept you as a TV, and is OK with it, you would still have to deal with her friends, possible boyfriend ( I'll bet he could have a little attitude about it), as well. So it comes down to just how out to the world you are ready to get, remember, like Pandora's Box, once open, you can never get it closed again. If you are ready to be out, then sure, who doesn't like to save money, but if you are not ready, just how much extra can you afford for the right of privacy.
Tina B.

[docrobbysherry]

"I am a hetero CD and I dress neither because I identify as a female, nor am I a fetishist. Dresses dont excite me erotically. I feel I am passable in a dress and want to go out dressed on weekends and that would be thrill for me. Somehow I dont feel guilt about my dressing."

Sara, I'm a CD and even I don't understand why u need/want to dress!

Save yourself a LOT of explanations and probably a LOT of grief! Rent your own place! The money spent is well worth the independence and piece of mind you'll have, living alone with Sara!

[Chickhe]

If you are living in the same house and you will be lounging around dressed and coming and going that way, then you should tell her because you want her to trust you and she may have guests who could be shocked so you want her to have a heads up so she can plan for it. I would not put it as a question to her because you are not asking her permission, you are just telling her about yourself. If she is totally shocked etc. then its probably a good sign to not share the space with her, but the problem is context...what does she know about it? So maybe just start by telling her you are an aspiring actor and you are currently practicing to be a female impersonator.

[Joanagreenleaf]

Depends on what kind of life you want...

This seems as good and opportunity as any to spread your wings and try living it up a little.

It also sounds like a "good" opportunity to dig yourself a little deeper into the closet - if that's what you prefer.

Either way, it's a learning opportunity... I'd chose the "out and about" route... But, that's just me... You know, "out and about" me.

Wife, family, social life, pride, happiness, options, freedom, money - stuff like that.

Yeah, chose the "up" staircase - it's right there in front of you.

If she's OK with your first words, you'll work something out - and you both save some dough.

[Lexine]

I'm just going to echo some people's opinions here since I'm in agreement with some of them.

I would try to talk to the potential roommate/housemate to see if they would be okay with that sort of thing. Communicating something like this early on may lead you to know that they may be accepting and, better yet, perhaps open to it to the point that they'll be able to help you if you need any help with anything related to being a CD/TV. Worse case scenario, she doesn't like it, you're back with only one option.

Either way, at least you won't be awake at night thinking if one option was better than another!

[Yolanda_Voils]

If you must have a roomate, then by all means I think you should divulge the information.

With that said,, I suggest looking further for perhaps a more secluded housing unit, you may have to drive further but privacy is underrated.

If at all possible, find a spot where you can leave & return, transform and not be identified as a CD for safety.

Since you're new to the area, I suggest getting some pepper spray. Much research has found the Sabre Brand to be well liked in general.
Reviews of most products complain of poor "Lock" safety, so beware.


This unit has "3 in 1 protection which consists of CS Military Tear Gas, Red Pepper & UV Dye"
10' range
[I've been hit with a very minor side dose of CS Gas, it felt like needles blasting into my nose, when I left the area, the pain quit]

SABRE Compact Pepper Spray with Quick Release Key Ring (Pink)
$8.85 + Free Shipping
http://www.amazon.com/SABRE-Compact-Pepper-Spray-Release/dp/B001EWNEC4/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

[Fab Karen]

Telling a roommate is best, trying to hide it & sneak around would be stressful. You'd have to gauge what kind of person they are- but if they have a confederate flag on display, don't even bother, just go elsewhere.
& yeah, basic for living with other people is don't make noise late at night or early morning, and don't constantly have people coming & going.

btw, don't assume if a female roommate is ok with your dressing that she'll take you shopping, etc.

[Yasmine]

Hi, Sara.

If she would be a pleasant person to share a house with, and it's cheaper, then go for it!

Yes! I believe you should be honest and upfront about yourself, perhaps saying casually that "dress in drag part time", to put a more acceptable image into her mind.

If she's not totally okay with you the way you live (and your courteousness expressed by being truthful) that's just the way the cookie crumbles, sweetheart.

Personally; I've shared houses with a woman, and on another occasion with a group of men, and I preferred living with (another?) woman.

Yasmine.

[KellyCD]

Sweetheart let me give you some advice. DO NOT LIVE WITH A FEMALE.

I currently live with two under the age of 30. My life has been a living hell ever since. At one point it was 4 of them, but females simply can't live together without trying to kill eachother....so 2 were kicked out....by the police.

These girls are mentally challenged first off, one claims she was an officer in the Army(not true), is a drug addict(which she denies weed is a "drug") and is hands down THE dumbest person I've EVER met in my entire life. She tries VERY hard to fake a german accent(even though she's from Tennessee and has a THICK country accent) and now I've learned that this "job" she says she's working at...."selling education to army families" is really just prostituting herself on craigslist. We found her ad today. But yet she claims she's "just a good ol country girl".

When you live with females their will be guys, LOTS of them. Their WILL be drama. If its a young girl their WILL be parties, with guys there, who will see you as a threat. Had a very "nice" staff Sargent in the infantry grab a pair of scissors from the kitchen and threaten to kill us all if "Lauren"(another roomie that got kicked out) didn't sleep with him. I didn't take that too well and make a long story short he left our house in the bed of his own truck, woke up 40 miles away. Made sure to burn his truck to the ground too. (When I solve a problem, it stays solved).

Trust me, get your own place. It won't be as cheap but your sanity will thank you.

[sara.s]

There seems to be this idea, even here on the forum, that if you dress for pleasure you must be a sexual pervert and you masturbate 15 times a day. Is this a way of telling her that you are one of the "good" crossdressers? If you think you should tell her that you crossdress, do so, and let it go at that.
I did not want her to think that I would get into her dresses and also if I were into men, then two men making out upstairs would be really creepy for an old lady. So, everything had to be told.

[sara.s]

Since you're new to the area, I suggest getting some pepper spray. Much research has found the Sabre Brand to be well liked in general.
Reviews of most products complain of poor "Lock" safety, so beware.


This unit has "3 in 1 protection which consists of CS Military Tear Gas, Red Pepper & UV Dye"
10' range
[I've been hit with a very minor side dose of CS Gas, it felt like needles blasting into my nose, when I left the area, the pain quit]

SABRE Compact Pepper Spray with Quick Release Key Ring (Pink)
$8.85 + Free Shipping
http://www.amazon.com/SABRE-Compact-Pepper-Spray-Release/dp/B001EWNEC4/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Bingo! Your post comes at the right time. I was planning to buy one incidentally. Thank you.

[chewbacca86]

I would try for option two! Saves you money and the worst thing that can happen is she denies you as a roommate.

[sara.s]

I would try for option two! Saves you money and the worst thing that can happen is she denies you as a roommate.

Please see post #21. No money saved.

[PetiteTonya]

Sara;

I have no sense of how large this city or town is, but something to consider. If this is a small city and you do decide to divulge this piece of rather personal information to this prospective room mate AND her reaction is negative, the ramifications for you in terms of daily life may be rather unpleasant. Just something to consider before you make your decision.

Tonya

[Barbra P]

I’m with the crowd that likes privacy in my own home, something I’m not getting much of right now with a Wife, a 28 year old Daughter and two young Grandchildren living in my home. On the other hand sharing a house with a totally accepting GG might be very appealing – just one of the girls. But I suspect the fascination would wear off quickly. If you live in a major metropolitan area and think you would like to give living with, and sometimes as, a woman get a hold of some of the LGBT local papers or stop by the local LGBT community center and checkout the want ads from people looking for roommates. You will need to be honest up front, and be sure to make it personally clear that you are heterosexual (provided you are) and not Gay or Bi – strictly just a crossdresser.

Many years ago I spent a couple of evening enfemme with the Wife of a friend and she taught me a lot of how to be more feminine. Things like how to properly sit in a skirt and how to get out of a chair too, what to do with my hands, how to walk, and how to hold a cup and saucer, etc. This was many years ago and it seemed like everyone smoked and she showed me how to smoke like a woman, how to delicately touch the back of a man’s hand when he was lighting your cigarette, and then demurely turn your head up and to one side so that you didn’t blow smoke in his face. It was a very memorable and enjoyable couple of evenings and I’ve wished I could find another GG willing to spend more time teaching the cunning ways of femininity. But would I want that 24/7?

[kimdl93]

I well, for $100 a month, take the deal and get to know your neighbor and let her get to know you. Then, if she seems to be open minded and generally accepting, you can make an informed decision about how much you can share about yourself. In the mean time, you save some money!

[NicoleScott]

I did not want her to think that I would get into her dresses and also if I were into men, then two men making out upstairs would be really creepy for an old lady. So, everything had to be told.

Understood. You have to call it as you see it. Now we're talking sexual behaviors, not gender. There are some people who believe that crossdresser=gay. But I see your need to head that off before it becomes an issue.

[Yasmine]

Hi Sara, Sorry to hear that it did not work out perfectly.

If you could find someone to buddy up with, in the leasing of a two bedroom apartment, it could work out cheaper still ?

Good luck!

[sara.s]

Okay, So this is how it went...
The women was an old lady who works for church, but mostly stays at home. I showed her a photo of Sara and asked her if she liked her. Then told her that the one in the photo is actually me. That shocked her a bit and then I explained her my situation. She was ok with me staying dressed in the house, but the idea of me going out irked her. She was very worried about neighbors as the houses were very close and no fence covering. She said she wouldn't have had issues if there was a private entrance to the house. She treated me with respect nonetheless.

EDIT: Re posted as many missed it

[Fab Karen]

Sweetheart let me give you some advice. DO NOT LIVE WITH A FEMALE.

I currently live with two under the age of 30. My life has been a living hell ever since. At one point it was 4 of them, but females simply can't live together without trying to kill eachother....so 2 were kicked out....by the police.

These girls are mentally challenged first off, one claims she was an officer in the Army(not true), is a drug addict(which she denies weed is a "drug") and is hands down THE dumbest person I've EVER met in my entire life.
This is untrue as a blanket statement ( young or not )- you just had the luck to find trailer park trash for roommates.

[sara.s]

Hi Sara, Sorry to hear that it did not work out perfectly.

If you could find someone to buddy up with, in the leasing of a two bedroom apartment, it could work out cheaper still ?

Good luck!

Its not easy to find a "perfect" roomy unless its a big city. Single works for me.

[Sarasometimes]

I think you need to explain the situation or it could be uncomfortable or you could need to move soon. One other thing is that even if she is cool with it will others who visit her be cool. I know i would hate the tension that could arise from her friends. i would opt for going solo if you can swing it.