Coming out

[Shadeauxmarie]

I am afraid to come out to my wife, friends, and family. I have lied to them for years. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or for them to think less of me. I am afraid of how I would be perceived.


I am not a Christian.

[GaleWarning]

Then stay in the closet. Nothing wrong with that, if your marriage is not threatened and you are uber careful.
Can't see what Christianity has to do with it.

[Rianna Humble]

I am afraid to come out to my wife, friends, and family. I have lied to them for years. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or for them to think less of me. I am afraid of how I would be perceived.

I'm glad you see that you have lied to your wife and family, many people onthese forums cannot acknowledge the fact. If you tell your wife, she may feel hurt for a while and she may even think less of you for a short period; but if you don't tell and then get caught, she will definitely feel hurt for a much longer time and will very probably think less of you for not telling her.

There are stickies on these forums about how to tell your SO and also about what they will experience when told, I would recommend you to read through those carefully together with some of the threads that deal with getting caught and the brown stuff hitting the fan.


I am not a Christian.

At least that is one piece of baggage you don't have to deal with. I have nothing against people who believe in a god or many gods and who use that belief to help make themselves better people, unfortunately we see too many who take onthe label "Christian" but use it to condemn others rather than to try to understand - even though it was reportedly their guru who said "judge not lest ye be judged".

[Areyan]

i'm with the others... good luck with it... definitely read some of the info here at the forum about coming out to your SO and when you tell her make sure she has plenty of helpful links (not stupid, smutty ones) and other info that will help her understand what you're about.

take care. i would not advocate keeping it a secret like some others will advise you to. either outcome will hurt eventually but how much it will hurt and for how long will all depend on how you go about sharing this - or not. your choice in the end. good luck.

[Angiemead12]

Someone on the forum has a saying that " I would rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I am not "

The guilt was killing me and stressting me out hence I came out to my friends and family. But apparently I wanted more to be free to be myself.

Its not an easy route at all, I was lucky I have accepting friends and family. It was an amazing relief.

Think it through really well before you do anything. And have all your information down and be prepared to answer all basic to complex questions!

Goodluck!

[Tina B.]

I know how you feel, I've found no reason to tell my family, outside of my wife, I told her because I didn't want to sneak around her all the time, and it gave me the freedom to explore this side of me. Getting up the nerve to do that was hard, but I've reaped the rewards every since. I can't say if she thought less of me then, but more or less, at least it's the real me, and all of me, that she thinks it about.
I told her around thirty five years ago, and since she still seems to be in love with me for some reason I don't understand, or she one heck of an actress, I have to say I'm sure glad I told mine.
Tina B.

[Staci G]

At least that is one piece of baggage you don't have to deal with. I have nothing against people who believe in a god or many gods and who use that belief to help make themselves better people, unfortunately we see too many who take onthe label "Christian" but use it to condemn others rather than to try to understand - even though it was reportedly their guru who said "judge not lest ye be judged".

Rianna, I don't consider guru to be the correct phrase, I am Christian and do not condem anyone for anything except murder/rape/molesters ect.. I do not offend those that have different beliefs please don't be offensive to me for mine. Nor am I loaded down with "baggage". Please don't misunderstand this post I am not being accusitory towards you or anyone, I just take offense just as we my take offense by people saying all crossdressers are perverted freaks. Shade as far as telling your family I cant say either way because mine took it realllllly bad.

[Iskandra]

No offence Staci, but guru is just another way of saying rabbi, or 'teacher', which 'the Dude' was..
I am in no way religious, god or gods?! who knows, I doubt.. But one thing I know is that 'the Dude' was real!! (that btw is a complimentary term not a put down)
Anyway, don't wany to start a religious debate, differences aside I bet we would agree on much.. Just wanted to say that I don't think any offence was meant..

Hugs,

[Staci G]

No offence Staci, but guru is just another way of saying rabbi, or 'teacher', which 'the Dude' was..
I am in no way religious, god or gods?! who knows, I doubt.. But one thing I know is that 'the Dude' was real!! (that btw is a complimentary term not a put down)
Anyway, don't wany to start a religious debate, differences aside I bet we would agree on much.. Just wanted to say that I don't think any offence was meant..

Hugs,
I think we would agree on many things, I didn't take the offense with Guru I took it with putting all Christians in a box and not seeing any difference in any of us. I don't put athiest in one and say you are all going to hell, I say it is your life and beliefs or lack thereof. Anyway you are right it is a post for Shadeaumarie and she is on a hard path I don't envy. Good luck to her .

Hugs back at ya.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Thank you for your support. The difficulty is knowing I may never be truly at peace. I may never be able to dress as frequently as I want. Shave my legs, chest, and arms. Grow my fingernails and hair long.

I apologize for my lack of clear communication. I originally had posted this in another section because I thinking mostly of the fact I had lied about being a Christian. This gives me the same feelings as lying to my wife, friends and family about crossdressing.

[BobbieJoe]

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you-Jesus

Since you're not Christian you're allowed to mess around with what this means. I plan on hiding my crossdressing to the grave!!!

[kimdl93]

Shadeaumarie - the statement leads me to assume that you're struggling with this issue. My advice is to first make peace with yourself internally. I'd strongly encourage you to seek a professional therapist - not only to deal with the gender issues, but the whole of what troubles you. Yoda might suggest something like "Accept self and knowing self seek you should." But seriously, sometimes its easier to work through personal issues with the help of a more objective third pary.

I can certainly relate to lying about being a Christian. I grew up going through the motions of being a Christian - church on sunday, prayers at night, Confirmation etc. But I never really believed it anymore than I believed in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. I won't belabor why I didn't chose to accept this belief system. Its sufficient to say I just didn't. I chose not make a big deal out of non-belief because its so upsetting to believers (not just Christians - anyone who believes in this sort of thing). So, in a sense I'm a closeted non-believer...but I have accepted the fact and can live with that.

In the end, I don't think we have an obligation to reveal ourselves to others, but we do need to come to grips with ourselves. Good luck.

[Joanagreenleaf]

Lied about what?

My first wife didn't have a problem with, in my case, CDing...

She said, "That's it? That's what you wanted to tell me? From the way you were acting, I thought someone had died!"

As near as I can tell, no one dies from CDing... They only die - a thousand deaths - from not CDing.

Not that it's a big deal, either way.

And, that's sort of the point about getting past worrying about it.

[Rianna Humble]

At least that is one piece of baggage you don't have to deal with. I have nothing against people who believe in a god or many gods and who use that belief to help make themselves better people, unfortunately we see too many who take on the label "Christian" but use it to condemn others rather than to try to understand - even though it was reportedly their guru who said "judge not lest ye be judged".

Rianna, I don't consider guru to be the correct phrase, I am Christian and do not condemn anyone for anything except murder/rape/molesters ect.. I do not offend those that have different beliefs please don't be offensive to me for mine.

As others have pointed out Guru means a spiritual leader, I could have used a longer term, but am surprised that you find that offensive.

Or perhaps you are offended by being included amongst those who use their belief to make yourself a better person.

Unless I have offended you by pointing out that too many self-styled "Christians" (note the use of the quotes for the second time) do not follow the teachings of the one they are supposed to follow.

Whichever of the three is the cause of you feeling offended, I will apologise.

[Staci G]

As others have pointed out Guru means a spiritual leader, I could have used a longer term, but am surprised that you find that offensive.

Or perhaps you are offended by being included amongst those who use their belief to make yourself a better person.

Unless I have offended you by pointing out that too many self-styled "Christians" (note the use of the quotes for the second time) do not follow the teachings of the one they are supposed to follow.

Whichever of the three is the cause of you feeling offended, I will apologise.

Rianna, I am sorry for being so sensitive about the subject perhaps bordering on hormonal. I just hate the idea of being placed into a box with the condeming Christian force. I know they are there I know many of them and they are just wrong in their belief that we as crossdressers are sinners. I for one know I commit sins but crossdressing is not one of them. So I accept your apology and surrender my own to you.

[Sophie86]

I am afraid to come out to my wife, friends, and family. I have lied to them for years. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or for them to think less of me. I am afraid of how I would be perceived.

I would focus on just talking to your wife for now. She's the important one.

Do you have reason to think that she will react badly? How strong would you say your relationship is? Are there other problems that would come into play?

As others have pointed out, she may be very upset that you've hidden it all these years. That's not a given, but many women react that way.

How do you think she would react to the CDing itself? Is she fairly open-minded, or not so much?

I believe that telling the truth is the best policy long-term. It may cause you quite a bit of short-term trouble though. Think things through, and be prepared for contingencies going in.