Comfort level

[Patty B.]

I've become very curious as to how all you girls find out, or what has helped you to deceide how far you dress, where, when, why? Do you go out in public enfemme or do you stay in, and if you went out did it alter your preconceived perceptions of what it would be like. Did it stop you from continuing to go out more or did it encourage you to continue to go out in public.
This has been a real topic of conversation with my wife, ultimately it has to be a choice I am comfortable with no matter what I deceide. I know this has been discussed before but would like to bring this up again. By the way my wife is pushing for being out enfemme in totality.

[Karren H]

If she's pushing you to go out enfemme!! GO!!! NOW!! After I finally went out I now look back and wonder why I waited so long!! Fear mainly till one day I just walked out the door. And its been a journey that I wouldn't have missed for the world. If quilt crossdressing today I will be happy in the fact that I did go out and had a blast! :). GO.

[deebra]

I would say it all depends on how good you look and how well you pass, I hope your wife is seeing you as passing. Now look how good Karen looks, she would pass in a girls lockeroom. I f you do pass well you have a great journey ahead of you. Just think, you can be two people, which ever gender you decide to be.

[GMCD]

Wow! So many questions to cover!

I've been dressing my whole life so it's really hard to pinpoint any kind of a progression. For the most part, I've been happy with any amount of women's clothing on from just panties under my rather unisex and boring jeans and t-shirts to completely dressing up. Dressing up completely and venturing out into the world was the result of my own attempts to figure out my own place in the world as someone who is TG. I wound up living as a woman for nearly three years. In the end, I was good with returning to a mostly male life, but I still enjoy getting fully dressed and going out when I can. At the very least I like being out on the back porch when dressed and just enjoying the outdoors in clothes that make me feel good about myself.

I didn't know what to expect being out in the world as a "female" before the first time I went out. I discovered that I enjoyed being dressed as I wished to be dressed. I found that being treated "like a lady" was nice - men opening doors for you, letting you go first in line, conversing with ladies about "girly" things, etc.. As I became used to it, though, I also found that dressing up mattered less. I've written before on the forums here that, in time, dressing up becomes normal and eventually it sometimes even gets to be a chore. I don't mean that I didn't want to dress anymore, just that having to "disguise" my male self every day was just not satisfying. After three years of living that way, I took stock of my life, re-defined who I am in a much more realistic manner, became comfortable with myself and began my life over again.

Today, I am in a great marriage of eight years with a loving and supportive wife. I can dress whenever and however I wish. As I said, I don't really go out anymore. I like to dress completely, and even get all made up. I don't like wigs so I wear my natural short hair (I think I look a little "butch lesbian" that way). I don't try to pass since I'm not going out, I fix myself up to look properly dressed as a female though (no whiskers, no body hair, that kind of thing). Then it's into the studio or out to the porch for photos!

This is where I've come from and where I have settled with things for now. I am not unhappy or dissatisfied although I am looking forward to a chance to get properly put together and go out and just be myself in my favorite clothes again someday.

Hope that helps! Much love!

PS, I'd like to add that not dressing fully or not going out DOES NOT make you a FAILURE at being TG in any way. If you want to experience it and can do so with support and in relative safety, then try to do so, it can be great fun. But, please, don't do it just to earn your Tranny Merit Badge. Too many people are too eager to push you out of the nest when you might be one of those birds that doesn't fly. Be sure of what you want and why you want it then go from there, no one is keeping Tranny Scores.

[Angiemead12]

If I could dress daily I would! Go forth and explore this great offer if your ok with it!

[AllieSF]

I have been dressing a little over 4 years and my first goal was to go to a restaurant with table clothes for a nice dinner. Well, I didn't quite make that the first time out, but I did go out just a few months after starting all this. I have never looked back since and am always looking for new adventures as Allie. I do not recommend that you go out if you are not ready. However, if you are ready, just do it. Try for something simple and safe for all concerned and then as you build up your confidence, go on and upward from there. I go anywhere I would go in male mode with no fears and much happy anticipation.

[AnnaCalliope]

Your comfort level is only going to increase if you consistently push it to new limits. First time, maybe go out for a walk in the park at night. Next step would be to go out in the evening and fill the gas tank on your car, maybe go inside and buy a soda. Eventually, you may find yourself attending major sporting events, rock concerts and even flying cross country en femme. I've yet to fly en femme, but I've been out pretty much everywhere else.

[Eryn]

I think that the ultimate decision is very individual. Some people like to paddle about the shallow end, others want to leap into the deep end and sink or swim.

Regardless of your appearance, a lot of it is the mindset you have. I know a couple of very masculine-looking GGs, masculine enough so that an observant CDer might think "is that a sister?" These women, despite their appearance, never have an issue because they are confident in asserting who they are.

The same applies to CDers. You might have some masculine traits, but as long as you assert yourself as a female with a few strong cues few people would have the poor manners to challenge you. They may suspect, but they can never be sure.

The entire matter is really between your ears. If you are willing to go out and assert yourself as female then you will be accepted as such. If you are hesitant and "flighty" you might have problems. In sports they call it "BE the ball!" In CDing I suppose it would be "BE the woman!"

[Jilmac]

As a lifelong dresser, I didn't emerge from the closet until 2007 so it was with some trepidation that I ventured out en femme. When I did, it was with a friend who helped me come out. After several outings with her and meeting other CDs and TGs, I was able to go out alone en femme and blend in with my surroundings, whether it was a movie, shopping, park, yard sale, flea market, or church. Now I can go just about anywhere without fear of being outed. As other girls may have said, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

[Cari]

I just try things in as safe an environment as I can find then decide if I enjoyed it or not.
My comfort level is influenced by everything else in my life.
When things are going well I try more new things and my limits seems to expand.
If times are tough I tend to not push limits or try new things.

How far do I dress - my limits are mainly with grooming
I spent a few weeks with thin eyebrows and was uncomfortable with that.
So now I keep them neat but not really thin.
I shave everywhere but my arms don't know why, mainly they itch when I shave them and are allot of work to keep up.

Where - Friends have helped me and I'm ok almost anywhere with a group.

My preconceived notions about getting out and meeting other CD's just got blown out of the water when I went out.
The people were nicer and more open than I expected.
I enjoyed myself and was more comfortable than I ever thought possible
On the other hand heading to the mall alone I was much more nervous than I expected.
Id say it has stopped me for now; I wont rule it out but didn't enjoy it so its not at the top of my list.

I guess when has evolved as well - I enjoy it more when Im basically happy and everything is taken care of.
Ive set up things so that I can dress pretty much dress whenever the mood strikes.
In the past I had to work at finding time alone ect.

The big change with why is just that I don't ask that anymore;
I spent allot of time on why and found that I enjoyed where when and how much more.

There are very few things I regret trying,
Some things I tried too soon learned from the experience then did them again and enjoyed it.

I try things when I feel ready and set limits based on if comfortable and having fun that's basically it.
some limits have lasted others disappear over time.
Its kinda a personal journey.

[Nicole Erin]

Well, I can dress and go out as I want.
Thing is, I can wear makeup, blouse, and whatever and be fine.

For some reason though, the ONE thing that I don't feel comfy going out in is a skirt, and I am thinking it is cause yes, my legs are sexy and would draw a lot more attention, especially from the men. I can just hear it now, "OH f***, that is a dude!"

So just try to narrow it down to what you are not comfy wearing out and try to avoid that, unless we are talking something that would really throw off the ensemble, as in, don't dress real nice then wear some horrid tennies like one member always posts photos of on here

[docrobbysherry]

I think there r MANY different takes on this, Patty! There's going out dressed, then, there's going out DRESSED!

For me, going out in vanilla public alone dressed, trying to blend is both STRESSFUL and BORING! I dislike dressing that way and can't pass! I DO IT only if I'm meeting other CDs.

However, dressed in something HOT and going out to a special venue with other girls?
"Girls, I CAN BE READY IN 45 MINUTES!? OK?"

(I'm getting excited just THINKING about that!)

[Shoe Fettish Boy]

My comfort level fluctuates a lot. I don't mind wearing shoes most places any time. But as for the rest. I can wear a dress easier in hair and makeup than without. But I have not felt the compulsion to do the hair and makeup for a while. I wear lingerie liberally, and feel more comfy with it than without. the company I find myself on dictates a lot.

[Joanagreenleaf]

An interesting question, dressing out vs. dressing in... I suppose I just felt it made no sense not to live my own life and out the door I went. I think nearly the last place I thought to go to was a "Support Group" because I didn't feel like I needed any support. And, maybe that wasn't such a good idea in the long run... Most people in TG/CD/TS/Gay support groups - back then - had serious personal and professional problems that just broke my heart. It sounds unkind, but, "Dumb people do dumb things." It wasn't being gay or CD or anything like that that really seemed to be "the problem." It was their being clueless about how to live with themselves and other people. Nobody, even then, really cared that much about one's hobbies and orientation, but most the people in "support groups" worried themselves to death over what might happen, or, what people thought, and whined through the meetings. I finally just stopped going to them - but for sometimes dropping in to "give back to the community." A community of people trying to help who worked very hard indeed... And, thank goodness they still do. You asked about going out in general... That was fine. Going out, "in drag," "en femme," or, whatever, people were generally supportive and kind. It was no surprise to me that they were - I'd seen no one tarred and feathered for just walking around... And, "a dollar is a dollar." Having done all that, I don't think there's much new to be learned from keeping it up. If you haven't gone out and enjoyed all that yet, do so. But, don't expect it to really go anywhere unless you feel like making changes in who you are, where you live, and things like that. The world doesn't really care enough to help you do more than "get by" and you'll wind up having to decide if you enjoy what you're doing enough to keep doing it. In the end, your life ends up being up to you. But, you have to live it as you go along to get where you wind up... If your wife wants you to go out, maybe it's because experience is still the best teacher. So, go.

[Noortje]

I experiment. I just try things to see how they work. I've actually gone out once or twice, not because I needed to, but because I wanted to see what would happen, and how that compared to what I thought would happen. You can experiment as much as you like, and if you find out you don't like doing something, that's good too.

On the topic of other people finding out, though, remember that when the genie is out of the bottle, it is not going back in. So be a little more careful there!

[Tina B.]

I'm not out, and have no plans to come out. But I'm free to dress at home as much and often as I like. I've been out, and I'm just not comfortable out there, even out driving, I feel like ducking below the steering wheel if a car passes me, I don't, but I feel like it.
I'm not even sure why I feel this way, I can walk into a store and buy just about anything female I want, and never blink, I don't even care if the cashier is a guy or gal, but I'm not wearing it, until I get it home. It's really all about your own comfort level. If that's what you want, go for it, just don't try it for someone else if you aren't ready, it can be nerve racking for some.
Tina

[kimdl93]

The best advice is from those, above, who made the plunge...if your wife is good with it, then do it!

I haven't gone out in public fully enfemme, but have a sense that its only a matter of time. My wife is fine with me dressed at home - which is nearly 24/7 these days, but not quite ready for me to venture out with her. I'm hoping that day will come (soon!). know I'll be incredibly nervous the first time out, but once that's past I suspect we'll be out there together all the time.

[Darlene-VA]

Anymore I am totally dressed each time and that is my comfort level for I do go out quite a lot for shopping and just doing things that need to be done. It seems that once I reached the point of not caring what people said to the ways they looked at me did not matter I gained the confidence to be the real me.

[Fab Karen]

If she's pushing you to go out enfemme!! GO!!! NOW!! After I finally went out I now look back and wonder why I waited so long!! Fear mainly till one day I just walked out the door. And its been a journey that I wouldn't have missed for the world. If quilt crossdressing today I will be happy in the fact that I did go out and had a blast! :). GO.

YEP. And you realize most people don't care if they read you. Just use common sense, just like GG's do, about where & when you're going.

[thechic]

I experimented first wore casual clothing jeans tees and went out to malls etc,started out at first at night times,i made shore i could do the walk and talk,when i found that i was getting treated as a woman,i started going to more public places and events,started going out daily,wore more feminium clothing.still got treated as a woman,this made me more confident.
so now im totally confident in going anywhere any time enfemme,

[Janet Bern]

Go for it. I finally got up the nerve to dress during weekdays and going to malls. No one looked at me twice and I
am 6'3. Make sure you blend and not wear clothes that attract attention. For example weekdays during the day
I wear low heels or flats. longer skirt or pants. Breast is 40 B/C. You will be amazed how you can be one
of the girls with ease. Have fun.

[Raychel]

I believe what the others have said, your comfort level will grow with experience. I have only been out a couple of times. and I can see it happening. I could only dream that my wife would be that supportive to push for being out enfemme in totality. That she would be comfortable enough to still stand by my side of I were dressed as I prefer.

[Wendy_Marie]

i was eight years old the first time I went out into public dressed in female colthing...It was late spring, just before school let out for the summer. I faked being sick and was allowed to stay home by myself for the first time ever.
I put on a pretty lime green sundress and a pair of brown sandals that I had liberated from one of my sisters closet's and after a few awkward pauses at the front door of my house....I went outside walked close to a half a mile down to a neighborhood park and spent an hour or longer just playing on the equipment. I especially loved the swings...I finally decided it was time to go home and only then did I become fearful, wondering if someone had came home to check in on me.....turns out i had missed a call from Mom...this was back in the days before caller i.d. and we didn't even have an answering machine...I just explained that I was sleeping and so didn't hear the phone ring.

[Cheryl T]

My first time out I was so nervous thinking everyone I passed would know and start to point fingers.
Then I saw that hardly anyone paid me any attention (mixed emotions now...lol) so now I go anywhere, anytime and love being out and about.
This photo was taken yesterday by my spouse as we left QVC studios in Pennsylvania. We went to the studio store and then spent the day shopping all around and found some great buys, especially in Franklin Mills Mall in Bensalem. The JCPenney store is closing and the bargains were unbelievable. I got 2 pair of slacks, a chemise and my spouse got 5 tops, a chemise, a bra and a pair of slacks and the whole thing cost us under $60.

159525

[RachelX]

[QUOTE=Nicole Erin;2515245]Well, I can dress and go out as I want.
Thing is, I can wear makeup, blouse, and whatever and be fine.

For some reason though, the ONE thing that I don't feel comfy going out in is a skirt, and I am thinking it is cause yes, my legs are sexy and would draw a lot more attention, especially from the men. I can just hear it now, "OH f***, that is a dude!"

Don't be silly. What you might hear is, "Oh my god. What gorgeous legs!"
Having nice legs is a reason to wear a skirt, not to deny yourself the enjoyment of wearing one.