Another dating thread, lol

[Andrea85]

Well, after a couple dozen ads getting flagged on Craigslist and no luck with dating sites, I finally had a man that's really kind and sweet ant to get to know me. He's 37, I know, I bit older than me but age is only a number to me. He has a steady job, has partial custody of his kids, and is wooing me like crazy. And just think, I haven't even met him yet, haha.

I talked to him on the phone tonight for like 2 hours. We have so much in common it isn't even funny. He's dated trans girls before, and one of my trans friends in Knoxville. He understands the point I'm at and doesn't mind at all. Just talking on the phone he's been wooing me.

If he keeps it up after we meet, I may have me a boyfriend soon. :daydreaming:

[Michelle.M]

Oh, you SO have to keep us posted!

[Katesback]

I am going to take a shot in the dark guess here and assume your Pre-OP. I dont mean to sound harsh but straight men dont want a woman with mismatched parts. So then that leaves this guy. Sad fact is there are a ton of guys that want to be with trans girls that are pre-op. I have NEVER herd anything positive about these relationships (and where I live these girls often get HIV/AIDS).

More importantly is the emotional issues a pre girl faces dating a guy that likes her because of the mismatched parts. Personally I really dont believe that a pre girl should be dating. I am sure there are always those rare exceptions but note I said rare!

Its hard enough for a post op girl to date but pre NOPE.

I realize this might anger some people and thats fine. This is my opinion and I reserve the right to have it. LOL.

Katie

[Aprilrain]

I have been dating too and also have a guy that seems really interested. He lived with a TS girl for 3 years during her transition and they had sex before and after SRS. Apparently she wanted to explore other relationships and he worked odd hours so they drifted apart. Of course everything he says could be a lie and he could be an axe murderer who can say? its the internet. Another boy clearly just wants sex and I'm starting to get frustrated with the stupid games he plays. Last week I would have used him for sex but he didn't come over so of course I got over him just in time for him to start pursuing me again! No one else I've talked to is even worth mentioning.

I believe that Kate is right and most of these guys just want some on line masturbation fantasy or if somewhat more bold to actually have sex but that's it just sex! Of course if your like me and most of your friends are GGs then you would know that dating is sketchy if your a girl period! Yes it is worse for us but still there is so much bull shit that women have to wade through, of course that is half the fun! In either case I'm not ready to give up or hide out for two years just because I have a penis. I'm sure dating post op is very difficult especially if you have no prior experience and your trying to go stealth.

[Andrea85]

Guess this crap hole town I'm in next to the big crap hole of a city isn't too bad after all. There are many guys around here that just date us just to date. And yes, a lot of them are straight. Not all but a good bit are. Like a Dr. at UT I was talking to a while back. His reasoning behind wanting to date me was he saw the real person I was, not the superficial one the is shown to the rest of the world.

But yes, a lot of guys are just plain perverts.But that's just a male trait in general. The only difference being that some hide it better than others.

The one I'm talking to, just from our conversations, wants only a loving relationship with someone. I mean yeah, there ill be sex, especially since I'm not too hard to get in bed, haha, but want emotions to be there before we screw like jack rabbits, lol. He's just a really sweet guy with 2 kids (partial custody), and I know from experience that single dads are the sweetest and most kind people ever.

Oh, and Katie. THose are some horribly vague generalizations about a heck of a lot of people you don't know. Saying just because someone is pre op they don't need to date is really rediculous.

[Andrea85]

Oh, you SO have to keep us posted!

And I will for sure. My first dating of a man as a woman, so I'll be keeping record of it for sure. :D

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Please let us know what happens and how you handle the situations that come up.

Hugs

[Anna B]

And I will for sure. My first dating of a man as a woman, so I'll be keeping record of it for sure. :D

We wanna know all about it...!

Anna x

[GypsyKaren]

What Kate said.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Melody Moore]

My experience with online dating seems to only confirm what Kate & Karen have said, when you are pre-op then you
seem to only attract males that want 'gay male sex' & they also think you are desperate & hard up for sex because
you are trans. But how wrong are they? LOL I am not even contemplating sex with any male until after my op because
this type of sex does not turn me on & I would rather be with a female while I am pre-op. Once things are corrected
then I am sure I will feel a whole lot better & I know the guy will be with me in a heterosexual relationship & not a gay
type relationship. Gay guys or tranny chasers will probably miss those boy bits when they are gone & dump you anyway.

I want to meet someone who accepts me for the female I am going to be after my GRS & not as a pre-op transsexual.

[Jay Cee]

Good for you, Andy. Enjoy the romancing and the wooing. You totally deserve to have someone special in your life, no matter what stage you are at in your transition.

My only advice in this is to keep it light, and don't get too far ahead of yourself. My dating experiences have led me to believe that you should take everything one day at a time. Why? Because if you start building a life together before you've even started dating, that will come across in a hundred subtle ways, and may scare potential mates off.

[boardpuppy]

This romance sounds as if you may have something going. That it slow and easy, enjoy the learning experience. Remember GG go through bunchs and bunchs of guys until they find the one that fits them.

[Katesback]

Of course your entitled to date and more power to you. I only wish that there was a gambling program out there for PRE-OP dating failures. I would be betting heavily. Funny thing is I dont bet money very often but then the odds are sooo heavy in my favor!

Also the point that someone else made. You find a nice guy pre and they dump you when your post op because they secretly liked your man parts.

You my dear are simply no different than the countless pre girls (me included when I was pre) that refuse to listen to the voices of reason and experience. It seems to be a terribly cronic problem in the trans community.

Katie



Guess this crap hole town I'm in next to the big crap hole of a city isn't too bad after all. There are many guys around here that just date us just to date. And yes, a lot of them are straight. Not all but a good bit are. Like a Dr. at UT I was talking to a while back. His reasoning behind wanting to date me was he saw the real person I was, not the superficial one the is shown to the rest of the world.

But yes, a lot of guys are just plain perverts.But that's just a male trait in general. The only difference being that some hide it better than others.

The one I'm talking to, just from our conversations, wants only a loving relationship with someone. I mean yeah, there ill be sex, especially since I'm not too hard to get in bed, haha, but want emotions to be there before we screw like jack rabbits, lol. He's just a really sweet guy with 2 kids (partial custody), and I know from experience that single dads are the sweetest and most kind people ever.

Oh, and Katie. THose are some horribly vague generalizations about a heck of a lot of people you don't know. Saying just because someone is pre op they don't need to date is really rediculous.

[Andrea85]

Katie, still holding onto your vague generalization of a lot of people you don't know, I see. Guess the many girls that have lived here their whole lives are wrong about the people they know. Guess I'm always going to be wrong about it since you must be all knowing and always right, haha. I couldn't even type that with a straight face, lol. Oh, and about refusing to listen to reason. Yeah, some things possibly, but that's how most of the bad info gets spread online. People seem to think that just because someone came before them doing something, or living something, that means they're always right. Hate to say it, but that's why I, along with many other girls I know either don't use this forum, or like me, rarely use it. Heck, my post count so far here only shows 151 posts (as of writing this) since April 2010, but I was here in 07 or 08 for a while, but only had like 20 posts or something. This forum does have a lot of good info floating around, but it's no better than any forum for any other subject. A lot of bad info with people perpetuating it like it's the word of God or law, whatever floats your boat there I guess.

But, you are entitled to your own opinions, and even though I have respect for people that stick with their opinions, I do not in this case. Your opinion will only hold back people and make an attempt to halt any progress that may happen. Times change, and opinions must too for there to ever be acceptance.

[pj]

Katie, still holding onto your vague generalization of a lot of people you don't know, I see.Easy now - you did the same thing; "single dads are the sweetest and most kind people ever."

Their ex-wifes may beg to differ. ;)

Just saying.

[Andrea85]

I didn't even notice that, lol. I should have said the one I've met, which would have been less of a generalization. :)

[GypsyKaren]

Myself, I never give an opinion based on the experiences of anyone here unless I know them personally, because otherwise at the end of the day you're just an anonymous person behind a picture on a computer screen. I do personally know quite a few non, pre, and post-ops, and while their experiences can hardly speak for the entire community, they do form some interesting trends.

I'm sure that it's quite possible for a non or pre-op to have a successful and loving relationship with a man, anything's possible if you give it enough time, but I've never seen it. Not saying it can't happen, just saying it's never happened to anyone I've known. It always starts out innocent enough and all full of good intentions, and I sure wish I had a dollar every time I heard this:
he saw the real person I was or variations thereof, but they always turned out to be tranny chasers looking for back door sex.

Not saying that's how it is for you or anyone else, just to those I know.

I may be generalizing here on this next one but it's kind of hard not to, and I'm sure there are exceptions, but...

Heterosexual men want a woman with a vagina, not a penis. It doesn't matter if all they want from you is oral sex, they want that vagina to be there instead of a penis because heterosexual men don't like to have a penis on their women, they don't like penises period.

Gay men want a man with a penis, that's one of the big points about being gay. Some may want an effeminate man with a penis, but the keyword there is "man", which you're not.

I'm sure there's nice guys out there who want to make the different kind of relationship that this would call for work out, I've just never seen it, and I think your odds of winning the lottery are greater than finding someone who's looking for a woman while thinking "but gender's between the ears, not the legs!" It's a gray area to be in, and gray areas are tougher to navigate.

Not saying it can't happen, just saying I've never seen it, that's why I'm on board with Kate on this...personal experience instead of forum experience.

Andy, I wish you nothing but the best of luck, I don't know you personally but from what I've seen and hoped for you're good people.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Sharon]

It is tough dating as a pre-op because the blasted penis invariably is what the other person focuses on which, in my case at any rate, is the last thing I want attention spent on. It was the cause of a few partings of the ways for me and the cause of my now renewed celibacy. If and when I finally have corrective surgery, I imagine I will make up for lost time.

Men with a history of dating "trans girls" obviously want those things unobtainable in a traditional hetero or gay relationship. If that is what you really want, then I wish you nothing but the very best. Just proceed with your eyes open.

[Andrea85]

Thanks for at least keeping an open mind Karen. With previous generations, I would have to agree whole heartedly. But as time goes on, people are becoming more open minded. Obviously, since there are so many of us that are openly out there now.

Now that that's been said, this thread is my cue to leave. The hole point of it was because I was excited to meet someone who made me happy, and liked me for me, not hat genetalia I have. But since it seems like I'll keep getting attacked for thinking and living with an open mind, I don't believe I'll be back here for a couple more years, except for a hormone question I've been meaning to ask for a while.

Have fun everyone!

[Katesback]

Attack????? Who the hell attacked you? They gave you opinions and because you don't like them you say your being attacked. Come on, seriously.





QUOTE=andy85;2516837]Thanks for at least keeping an open mind Karen. With previous generations, I would have to agree whole heartedly. But as time goes on, people are becoming more open minded. Obviously, since there are so many of us that are openly out there now.

Now that that's been said, this thread is my cue to leave. The hole point of it was because I was excited to meet someone who made me happy, and liked me for me, not hat genetalia I have. But since it seems like I'll keep getting attacked for thinking and living with an open mind, I don't believe I'll be back here for a couple more years, except for a hormone question I've been meaning to ask for a while.

Have fun everyone![/QUOTE]

[Areyan]

i'm also going to agree with Karen and Kate... they're not attacking you at all with their experiences and stories from real life friends and people they know going through this. sorry that you really want this guy to be for real 100% with you but i tend to agree with them. if you're pre-op and this guy is just wooing you already there's a creepy factor to it for me. sounds like he likes you just the way you are. good luck though, no one here is attacking you, just sharing what they have been through with this.

[Starling]

I can think of at least one person active on this forum whose happy, heterosexual relationship began when she was pre-op.

:) Lallie

[Katesback]

Ya know when I worked with trans people for the state I saw this thing over and over and over again. As someone else said it almost always ends in failure. It was not uncommon for it to end with violence, lies, pain, suffering, outting to the community, and finally the girl getting HIV/AIDS. This is not my opinion this is what I saw so often it made me sick! I cannot tell you how many girls came to me with the same line "he said I was his girl and he saw me as the girl I am". Never mind the fact they thier lives were shattered because I had to tell them they had HIV.

For many people here that see rainbows and fluffy bunnies I feel sorry for you because I doubt you have had to go to funerals for trans people. I doubt you have had to see the stuff I have seen. Perhaps that is one reason I am so blunt. I have seen the things many have not.

Finally if you think that it is easy dating after SRS, think again. As someone said it is hard for all women to date and many guys still will have a hang up dating a girl that USED to have a penis.

There is something that hardly ever gets talked about in the trans world. Many of us girls that are post op are SINGLE for life. Or we are lesbian and its easier that way. We often live a very quiet and borring life. It is not as easy as some might think being post op, but one of the benefits is that one tends to become wiser to the world and not see the rainbows and fluffy bunnies.

If you date a man while still having a penis your not doing yourself any favors! Instead you should be learning how to be a woman, saving money for SRS, and concentrating on more important things. The harsh reality here is that you are NOT, I repeat you are NOT a woman till after SRS (in the eyes of the world) and even then it is often a challenge.

Once again if I piss you off thats fine. The problem is that most of what I just said is not my opinion but factual observations. If you still have doubts about what I am saying I would suggest you talk to your therapists about dating. Once again I would bet that they would tell you to wait and concentrate on other things besides dating.

Katie

[GypsyKaren]

For many people here that see rainbows and fluffy bunnies

They were always seeing rainbows and kittens to me, enough to decorate Disneyland.

No one's saying that this is how it is or is going to be 100% of the time, and neither Kate or I are claiming to be experts or see-all, know-alls. These are just our personal observations taken in real life and nothing more. I've never actually met Kate, but I have had the pleasure of chatting with her on the phone (general rule of thumb: fakes don''t give you their phone number, so she's legit enough for me), and I've found her to be usually spot on with what she says. Both of us have been around the block more than a few times and are willing to share in the slight chance it might help one person, so please don't attack the messengers because they won't feed the kittens and fluffy bunnies.

Bottom line for me: you're all adults so do what you want, nothing you do will spoil my bowl of cereal in the morning.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Stephenie S]

It is quite refreshing to see and read some truth and honesty here on this forum.

SW

[Zenith]

No it's not easy being post-op either, but it has moments...I have been having some nice dates...had one just last night as you can see in my new profile pic... :D

[Andrea85]

I've decided to stay because of what a member here said to me, and this is my last post about this before I'm done with this thread.

Katie, you're no different than the homophobic Bible thumpers around here, spewing crap and making piss poor attempts at forcing people to believe what you think is right. If what you described is your experience, then it must suck to be you, but this isn't back in the day when you went through this. You do realize times change don't you and do you even realize that advice on this nature is quite regional? If you can't realize that then you need to pull your head out of your rear and say hello to the real world. But, your being from Florida explains a lot to me about your typical reply here. In my travels around the South, and of visiting relatives I have in Florida, I've yet to meet anyone from there that didn't have the attitude of a piss ant like you. Either too much sun or too many Cubans getting to you, depending on the area you're in.

And finally, do you see anywhere I asked for a poorly guided opinion? Well? I didn't think so. The only reason I even posted that was because I was excited, not questioning it or looking for advice on what to do. I I wanted to tell that for advice, I sure as hell wouldn't have here. I have plenty of M2F and F2M friends around here that are around my age that I could ask. Not here where the advice would come from old folks with outdated ideas of how things are.

And no need to reply to this since I sure won't see it. You've been added to my block list since I have no desire to deal with anyone that acts like a Bible thumper.

[Andrea85]

Can a moderator please delete all the BS posts from this thread or just delete it so I can start another? Thanks.

[Paulette]

All things considered, remember that what does not kill you make you stronger. I would suggest that you look at all of the criticisms posted and glean from them some pearls of wisdom and guide posts for you to follow on your path of discovery. Everyone is going to have an opinion, but only you can live your life. As I am sure there were times when your parents told you things when you were younger and you just laughed them off, only to come back and thank them for their advice. Take the fact that so many people have commented on this thread to know people just care about you and do not want you hurt.

[Andrea85]

Other than a small handful of people here I've talked to through PM's, the "advice" here has done nothing but slow my transition to a near halt. I never asked for advice, and could give a damn less about someone else's opinions when I don't ask for them. Several posters here are the typical "holier than thou" people and are not better than the bigots and Bible thumpers.

People that care about you? You really said that? I don't really see how jumping into a thread and pushing your outdated opinions is caring.


Moderators, please delete this thread.

[Felicity71]

Andy, Good luck with the relationship, I hope you have the greatest time. It doesnt matter whats in your panties, it comes from your heart.

Feck the absoluters that act like Bible thumpers!

[Beth-Lock]

This has turned into a very pessimistic thread. It is interesting to get a refresher review on Puritinism 101, adapted for TS/TG folk, but some TS women do have happy, monogamous and STD-free marriages after GCS. It is a little strict to recommend no sex before such a marriage, but then that is the moral gold-standard and always has been, hasn't it? But life and dating is not usually as simple as that, especially for adult TS/TG folk.

[Sharon]

From now on, when a creator of a thread only wants "you go girl!" replies, please indicate so in the thread title. :rolleyes:

When one member wants to convey caution to another member, whether optimistically or pessimistically, it does not mean they are being negative to that member in spirit. If we are to be a support group, a place where members can be here for one another, it is impossible to preordain the responses. The replies in this thread have not been posted in a negative manner, they have been written only with the care of the original poster in mind. Actually, the most negative responses are written by the person who apparently only wanted positive feedback. Ironic, no?

And, no, the thread will not be deleted simply because there were not enough lollipop and unicorn replies. It is being closed, however.