Unexpected Acheivments (Long post...Sorry.)

[Wendy_Marie]

As this is a long and perhaps overly descriptive story...I am going to break it up into three or more pages/posts.

I'm sure i am not the only one who feels this way..but my progress towards crossdressing and transitioning runs in cycles...Sometimes I feel like I am going no where and other times its like a run away freight train hell bent towards the end of the tracks..well today was that freight train.

McDonalds Run-

While yesterday wasn’t a very good day for me, today started off on rather good note….and has turned out to be a great day in the life of this Transgender/Transfemme Woman.
First a little relative information to explain and put this all into perspective….I finally broke down and sought out the help of a therapist back in February after dealing unsuccessfully with depression and stress for the better part of the last two years.

My sessions immediately zeroed in on my crossdressing which I had given up on over this same two year time period and not participated in at all…This was quickly identified by my therapist as a stressor in my life and almost immediately when I started dressing again I began feeling better and started coming out of my depressive funk.

After a 3-month long evaluation period I was given a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder which I already suspected myself and knew meant in layman’s terms that I was a female born in the body of a male.
That has been almost four weeks know and has seemed to correlate exactly to the time when my wife Janet began to experience an increase in the anxiety and panic attacks she has suffered from since our house was taken in a tornado back in early Feb 2009.

I tell you all that to inform you that yesterday’s bad day culminated in another visit to the Emergency Room for Janet, making this number five in just the last three weeks…It was beginning to look like my crossdressing was directly responsible for the increased severity of my wife’s symptoms and as such my career as a crossdresser/transgender was in serious jeopardy. The E.R. Doctor adjusted the dosage of the medications which my wife currently was taking, added a couple more and released her.

Upon arriving home we were greeted to an empty house…a rare occasion for us lately as we have our 25 year old daughter and our 3 ½ year old grandson who lives with us currently…another source of stress upon our marriage and my wife’s comfort. Knowing that I hadn't been able to dress for any length of time other than for my 1-hour Therapy sessions for several weeks, my wife insisted that I shower and get dressed and relax after our extended time in the Emergency Room.

I resisted at first thinking that this was only her meds talking and that as soon as she came down off of them she would have a different outlook…but the opportunity to dress for the rest of the evening and night enticed me until I couldn't resist and had to do so.
No sooner than I had gotten fully dressed, make up, hair etc…and just really settled in to play on the computer and watch television for the rest of the night…the phone rang…It was my daughter who informed me she was 10 minutes away and needed to come home to shower and get a bag packed to spend the night with my other daughter.

Both of my girls know of my TG status having recently been informed by their mother and I...and have been supportive with varying degrees of comfort....they still don’t want to see me dressed enfemme…so I have them trained now to call allowing me enough time to either clean up or hide away in my bedroom until they can come in and leave.

As it was close enough to my bed time anyway I opted to undress, remove my make up and waited until she came then left , only then to dress in my favorite nightie for bed.
As I had shaved my legs and underarms earlier…I had a wonderful nights sleep feeling all soft and smooth…and waking up to this sensation always puts me in a good mood to start the day.

I was able to sit quietly and drink my morning coffee and complete my other morning rituals as Wendy in peace, without feeling rushed or concerned that someone was going to burst in the front door and damn did it feel good.

Late in the morning my wife awoke and after pouring her a cup of coffee I sauntered off to change out of my nightie and put my short shorts and a tee on before rejoining her.

She was still feeling groggy from the effects of the
medication she had received in the E.R. last evening so she made her way back to bed and I decided to again get dressed up and spend as much of the rest of my day as Wendy as time would allow me to do.

I heard absolutely no complaints from my wife today as she would occasionally arise for a short time to eat, or get a drink etc…before again returning to the bedroom and drifting back into sleep.

At around 3:15 p.m. today my wife wakes up complaining about being hungry and having a craving for a Hamburger so I decided that I was going to push the comfort envelope with her a little and suggested that I go to McDonalds and get her something to eat…
She was a bit hesitant about my going dressed enfemme at first but as I have explained to her on numerous occasions…going out and interacting with the general public as Wendy is something that I not only desire to do….But feel that I need to do if I am ever going to function in society as I wish to do as a female in the near future.

I was a bit stunned when instead of protesting even further she told me what she wanted to eat and then said that she was going to have to go to the grocery store later to get bread, milk, soda and a bag of ice later on….She asked me just be careful that the neighbors didn’t see me leaving and lastly to not forget the hot apple pies.

I grabbed my purse, my ID and Debit card and made for the SUV before she could change her mind and decide that she wasn’t hungry after all….

Now there are two McDonalds located almost exactly the same distance of two miles from my house but in opposite directions…The one I chose to go to also happened to be located nearest the grocery store we frequently use and I had already made up my mind that since I was already going to be out..(In more ways than one!) I may as well hit the market for the essentials Janet had mentioned.

As I pulled up to McDonalds the first thing I noticed was the long line of cars which stretched all the way around the building meaning a long wait in the drive thru lane or going inside…
Without really thinking about it I pulled into a parking space located across the lot and exited my Durango, purse in hand…

I could see that there were just a very few tables occupied inside, but the truth is at this point it wouldn’t have mattered to me anyway as I was determined to see this thru.

No one was at the counter as I walked in and right on up to the register before being greeted by a young man who took my order and served me without so much as a stutter, a blink or even a second look. “Here is your order Miss.” He said as he handed it to me…smiling the whole time. “Have a nice day.”
I thanked him and told him the same and as I exited the store I ruffled through the bag determined to call the stores management and inform them of how respectful this associate had been to me.

After arriving home I did exactly this and even went so far as to e-mail corporate and relate this story via e-mail as well.

[Wendy_Marie]

Grocery Shopping at Price Cutter-
Next I drove the short distance down the road to the “Price Cutter” market which my wife and I shop at…albeit in the past only with me in drab…this was going to be the first time I had shopped there as Wendy.

There was something that felt different today for me and I don’t know if it was just the fact that I was shopping in a familiar store where we have a passing friendship with a couple of the associates who work there…or if it was the fact that I felt as if I had given acceptance of sort from my wife and consequently her permission to be out enfemme...? Any how I felt so much more relaxed and self assured.

Granted my wife didn’t know of my intention to do the shopping, but I justified this little unscheduled jaunt as only making good sense....After all, since I was going to be right there anyway why waste to time, gas and energy to get back out again later.
Never mind the fact that she was still in a medically induced stupor and in no shape to drive or even be out of the house unsupervised her self anyway.

So I was doing the right thing by taking this chore off of her anyway…right? Right!

If I wasn’t dressed I would have done the same thing anyway…so why would the fact that I was in my shortest khaki shorts, legs freshly shaven, Brown leather sandals on my feet with recently polished toes all red and cute....stop me?
The only thing I did any different was to change out of the blue hoodie I wear around the house and into a new Pink tee that my wife had actually donated to me a couple of weeks ago.

I pulled into a parking spot up front and after brushing through my hair and putting on one of my headbands to keep my hair from blowing in my face I again easily got out of the Durango, locked the doors behind me and made my way with purse in hand into the store and started hunting for a shopping cart.

This store is located in a well to do, but older neighborhood and has one of those feast or famine clientele who loyally shop it…What I mean by that is that it is this location is usually just absolutely dead and void of customers, or it is full and busy as a hive of bees.

Today seemed to be the exception...

I noticed as I pulled up there was just a modicum of cars in front of the store…but upon entering, it was busier than I had expected from my viewpoint on the outside and despite having more than the usual one or two checkout lanes open…It still wasn’t over crowded.

In the past a situation like this might have given me reason to pause and rethink my own reasoning and desire to be there but today had a different feel to it for me for some reason…

After all, I wasn’t there to shop for a thrill or the excitement of just being out dressed in public…..I was Instead there to do what any of the thousand or so other house wives in Springfield were out doing on this beautiful and sunny Saturday afternoon…Shopping to take care of my household and my family.

I felt absolutely no fear or any kind of uncomfortable sensations at being in this public place in my female persona today…I was there as Wendy and I was there simply because I had a legitimate reason to be there and I felt as though I belonged….

It’s a good feeling isn’t it…? That feeling of belonging and being accepted... A feeling that is hard to describe to anyone who has never felt the cold stares of strangers who judge without even knowing your situation or the circumstances that brought you to this point in your life.

And even despite receiving a few looks from the other patrons shopping this location it didn’t seem to matter to me because I was there with a justifiable purpose and determination…..and not just to be out to be seen.

I walked myself in and felt immediately relaxed as I am so very familiar with this store…I have shopped here at this exact location as early as Elementary School with my mother, and now more recently with my wife, my daughters and even my friends…

Now, suddenly the circle seem complete as I am here as Wendy shopping to take care of my own family.

I made my way to the shopping carts and found a good one... (No wobbly or stuck wheels for me.)

I knew the Skim Milk my wife buys is on the wall to my left, three quarters or so down the dairy case, found it easily and turned my cart around back towards the opposite side of the store a few isles where I could find the bread…

Whole grain Wheat with the split top…perfect for the toast she likes for breakfast….checked the date to find the freshest loaf.

Next I make my way a few more isles over to pick up a couple of 2-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper…I rarely drink soda anymore so my wife usually buys the store brands for herself…. but since she isn’t feeling well I splurge and spend the extra 0.30 cents and get her the brand name…maybe to soften the blow a little when she finds out I came shopping without telling her I was going to…?

Let’s see, was I forgetting something…? I pull the shopping list out of my purse (I see now why women love their purses…I like having everything I need right at my fingertips.) and see that the only thing left is to pick up a bag of ice…knowing the ice freezer case is on the east end of the store…not a coincidence that is the side of the store I parked my vehicle on…..I knew that I could pay for my ice and pick it up on my way out the door as I have so often done in the past.

On my way in I noticed that one of the cashiers (Shannon) a heavy set , very cute younger girl who has always given us good service and been very friendly to us in the past was working on checkout counter number 6…

Now, as I made my way up front I saw that she had another couple in her line and that one of the other checkers was finishing up with his customer and so was already empty…I pretended not notice the empty isle and instead parked my cart in front of Shannon’s register and quickly unloaded my selections.

The young male associate who was working the other register finished loading groceries for the person he was waiting on, then turning to see no one else in his line…he made his way over to Shannon’s and without hesitation asked me..”Paper or plastic bags Ma’am?” I responded plastic and smiled at being called by a feminine moniker again on this day.

I spoke up quickly and told Shannon that I needed a bag of ice, lest I forget in my happy delirium, only to be spoken to by the bagger again who asked if I wanted my milk double bagged…”I always do.” I responded and looked up to see that Shannon was giving me a big toothy smile.

I don’t know if she actually recognized me or not but who cares, I actually hope that she did……She and the rest of the employees of this store are going to be seeing a lot more of Wendy now after the day I was having.

I payed for my purchases with my debit card and didn’t receive any hassles about my male name on the card…..and exited the store…

As I always do after putting my groceries in my vehicle I returned my cart to the corral inside the store before climbing back into my SUV and heading home.

[Wendy_Marie]

Back Home
Last week I had discussed with my wife the idea of letting our neighbor Kathy know about my GID, and especially about the crossdressing aspect involved with my diagnosis…my argument behind wanting to do so came after my wife expressed concern over my safety especially after she found out I had been using a public ladies room at a local park to change into my Wendy attire for therapy every Thursday.

To my mind… the fact that she expressed concern about my personal safety made only logical sense that I begin dressing in the safest place available to me….this being the safety of our home.
The one and only thing that seemed to bother her and which she brought up most often during this…Umm discussion….was the possibility of my being seen coming and going from the house by our neighbor Kathy.
The conversation was brought to a rather abrupt end when the wife stated that she wasn’t ready to do this yet and so we put it off for the time being….this may prove to have been a big mistake.

Kathy makes her living as a Nail Salon Technician and has been in the business for a good number of years…So I just bet that in this time she has seen more than one TG/CD come in for nails, pedicures etc…. I feel it would be best to come out to her so she isn’t surprised or shocked to see the strange looking woman coming in going from our apartment on a regular basis. Plus, if she isn’t shocked by me as Wendy…Perhaps I can wiggle a discount out of her myself…Lol!

After I arrived home and pulled into the driveway I grabbed what I could carry and made my way into the house with it…realizing I was going to have to make two trips. As I walked back outside and the several yards from my front door to the truck...I noticed a teenage boy walking up to Kathy’s door and began to knock…that’s when I realized I was stuck…I either had to walk right out into the open in front of this teenage boy and my unsuspecting neighbor or hang back for a few minutes and wait to see what happened.

Kathy opened the door and I could hear a quick exchange of words between her and the visitor. He had brought her over a desk chair on behalf of his mother who lived behind us. At this point I hear cat calls, hoots and hollering from the street just a few steps away from me...and I turn to see that it is my other neighbor…the one who lives behind my apartment who is doing to hollering to my neighbor and her friend Kathy...
Now I have two neighbors, and a teenage boy standing between me and the safety of my own front door.

What to do? What to do?

This would be funny if it were happening to someone else I thought.

Feeling more than a little bit like a mouse caught out in the open between two hungry wildcats…, my first instinct was to just sort of hunker down behind the open door of my Dodge Durango SUV and pretend that I was looking for something….

I ruled this out quickly feeling that such an unnatural movement would probably draw more attention to me than doing nothing would.

I stood upright at this point and closed the door behind me and just turned around and walked to the back of my truck and out into my back yard towards the cover of my shrub…I am almost positive that I wasn’t spotted but to be truthful about it…I don’t care.

As I walked away from my truck I had this flood of emotions come over me and I began to tear up as it suddenly dawned on me what I had just experienced and I cried because I knew it was over.

In the last three quarters of an hour to an hour…just over the time it took for me to go and pick up food from McDonalds for the wife, and then on to the Grocery Store where I shopped for other food stuffs that would help to sustain my family over the next few days…

I had achieved some of the most important goals I had ever set for myself as a Transgender/Transwoman..those being just being able to function and take care of lifes everyday problems which arise with myself and my family.....and I have now.... so unexpectedly within an hour on this hot and humid afternoon in June.

[Cynthia Anne]

Wow! Windy Marie! Thats quite a story! Long, but I enjoyed it! Makes me proud to be your 40 mile neighbor! I,m happy for you! Hugs!

[Danni Renee]

Great story Wendy! You took some mighty big steps today. I hope your wife is feeling better and is happy for your success today.

[Kathy4ever]

Wow that was an experience. Now did the neighbor see you is the next question? hope the wife is okay now

[Wendy_Marie]

Thanks everyone...as for the neighbor...Not sure if she saw me or not...I am planning on talking with her the first chance I get to see her.
As for the wife, only time will tell if she is beginning finally to accept me or not....I am as always guardedly optimistic.

I realize that some who read this may think to themselves..Big deal...so you went to the grocery store and bought a burger...No big whoop right?

I have knwon for a very long time...At least since my early teens that someday I would make the transition to living as a female...the only thing stopping me has been the fear that I wouldn't be able to function in my everyday life. This little trip to me was more than just an epiphany...It was self accetpence and proof that I could reach a level of comfort, even if for a brief time....that I had only dreamed about before.
Now to set some new goals and move towards the day I can put my real self out there on a more permanant basis......
Thanks for the comments.

[Iskandra]

Congrats! great story! First time I went for a burger and the drivethrough attendant told me I had to come in to pay by card, I just drove off in panic..
Mind you dressed enfemme with a bald male head is a look just asking for trouble! lol

[Raychel]

That sounds like a pretty good day. Except for te trip to the emergency room. I hope your wife is feeling better.
You made some pretty big steps there. You know there is no turning back now. :heehee:

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

[Maria in heels]

Wendy...you definitely had a great day, full of fun and excitement. It really isn't fun, its just natural, and you were able to allow Wendy to feel everything that she deserves to..bravo ! I hope that your wife is feeling better today, and that Wendy gets more comfortable with everyday life

[Wendy_Marie]

My wife was up and around for a while this morning and has said that she feels a lot better today than she has in a long time...Fingers crossed that the adjustment to her daily meds is going to work out for her.

Raychel....There has been no turning back for me since I came out again back in February...I have ventured beyond the edges of the map....

Maria..you are so right that its not about fun or thrills for me..it's about being comfortable in my own skin.

[PretzelGirl]

Wendy, it is always a big deal when one of us takes a desired step forward. It is scary and rewarding. It is nerve-wracking and fulfilling. If you want to push on (and it seems you do) then you have made a big step. Congratulations! I hope it continues to go well for you and I hope that your wife does get better.

[Shelly Preston]

Wendy, I am glad to hear your wife is feeling better

You certainly had a busy day with everything that happened, I hope your neighbour is accepting of you as it will make life a lot easier.

[Wendy_Marie]

Wow! Windy Marie!

Cynthia Anne...you and I are going to have to have a talk about exactly what you are trying to imply by calling me Windy...? (-: