I got outed by a neanderthal

[Michelle James]

My wife and I were out hitting some garage sales. Kind of a girls thing we do on weekends. At this particular sale, the lady of the house was a thirty something hotty. I may present as female but I still like women. I looked at her and my gaze might have lingered maybe a little too long. Her redneck husband who I noticed a little too late saw me looking. Now he had been drinking all afternoon. At least that was my conclusion from the pile of empty Bud Lite cans. He swaggered, or maybe staggered up to me and said "what are you looking at?" In that tone of voice only a beered up neanderthal can do. Right away I thought "oh shit here we go". What booze boy didn't know was that (and I think I may have said this before) my male side can be somewhat aggressive. Since I was presenting as female I acted a little scared by this hoping he would back off. The thing is the only thing keeping me from mopping the driveway with his skinny ass was me wanting to preserve the illusion that I was indeed female. If he outed me all bets were off as at the point that the proverbial cat was out of the bag I would have nothing to lose. Even tho my wife who knew what would happen and his wife were trying to diffuse the situation he just kept pushing my boy buttons. Then he said it! Yep right there in his driveway with a dozen or so people now gathered around he said "I want you f$%^ing lesbians off my property now!!!!
It took a few seconds for what he had just said to sink in. What! Wait he didn't say tranny he said lesbian. So I gave my wife a kiss right in front of him which seemed to really bother him. Then his wife gave us each a hug and apologized for his behavior at which time it looked as if he was going to be sick. We told her it was Ok and left. For the next several miles all we could do was laugh. I just got outed as a lesbian. Feels like I've passed some sort of important milestone. Ain't life grand?

[Shananigans]

I wish I was a fly on the wall at THAT garage sale.

P.S. This is me slapping your hands for checking out other women while your wife was standing there.

[Amanda22]

What a great story, Michelle! You handled that perfectly. Bravo!

[sissystephanie]

How does it feel to be out by a Neanderthal?? Wish I could have been there!!

I am a CD, but I have been checking out women since I was old enough to know what a female was!! I always told my late wife and the rest of my family, when I quit looking close the lid because I will be dead!

[Wendy_Marie]

I would say more importantly..What did your wife think about being outed as a Lesbian...?

I say this all the time, even about myself....Things like this are only funny when they happen to someone else....
XXXOOO

[Lucy_Bella]

I wish I was a fly on the wall at THAT garage sale.

P.S. This is me slapping your hands for checking out other women while your wife was standing there.

Hahaha ,,love the P.S.

[Michelle James]

I would say more importantly..What did your wife think about being outed as a Lesbian...?

XXXOOO

That came up once before. We were in home depot looking at paint colors and I cautioned her about talking about colors that "we" would like in "our" home lest someone think her to be a lesbian. i received the "I don't give a s&*t what people think speach so i'm pretty sure she was Ok with it. Like I said we laughed all the way home.

[Lorileah]

He was drinking Bud LIGHT? Couldn't handle the full stuff huh?

[Steph.TS]

He was drinking Bud LIGHT? Couldn't handle the full stuff huh?
well from the OP's post the redneck was describe as having a slim build "The thing is the only thing keeping me from mopping the driveway with his skinny ass was me wanting to preserve the illusion that I was indeed female." I'm of a slim build and 2 Smirnoff ices get me a bit buzzed :heehee:

[daviolin]

Great story Michelle. I'm still waiting for my turn to happen. You handled it beautiflly. Daviolin

[Sophie86]

That's classic. What a funny story! :)

[Danni Renee]

Well, I never dreamed of anyone being outed like you were! Amazing and funny how the situation could be defused like that. I can still imagine your stress level was on overload though - I am glad you got away with a laugh.

[Cynthia Anne]

That's the best story of the year! I think I'll leave it at that so I can laugh myself to bed! Thank you!

[t-girlxsophie]

The thing that struck me was the poor wife,saddled with that poor excuse for a husband guy sounds like a complete tosser.From your description of the incident she seemed like a decent,rational person

[Maddie22]

What a story!! I wish I could have seen that whole situation occur! I'm sure his wife is not exactly loving life with him.

[joanna4]

LOL totally not what I expected to happen. Glad to see you got a good laugh at it

[Patty B.]

What a great way to respond in a way that could have escalated in to something with some or some unintended consequences. Way to go I also could go either way in reacting but I like your way best.

[eluuzion]

When I closed my glass studio and went back to college again, I had lots of garage sales. I practically financed that college degree by selling my glass work like that every week-end. I think "garage sales" and flea markets are a riot. It is like an "amateur practice session" for a regular retail store atmosphere. There seems to be some unspoken assumption that the typical rules of social etiquette do not apply.:heehee:

It gives you a peek at what those people in the car next to you at a traffic like are really like...:D

:love:

[Tina B.]

Michelle, you have no one to blame but yourself, running around with a woman, as a women, checking out a third woman, what was the poor drunk sap to think, after all if you act like a lesbian, you will be mistaken for one. His wife did sound nice though.
Tina B.

[Kate Lynn]

A neanderthal eh,I love them,especially when they make it physical,I get to be the real me.

Sorry but at my age,I'm really sick of the stupids out there,the bullies,you know who I'm talking about,the ones who should be neutered so they can't contaminate the human gene pool.

I have noticed many extremely intelligent folks in here,one of you must have a medical/chemistry degree,please,I beg of you,invent a cure for stupidity.

[Shelly Preston]

Thats just too funny :D


I wonder if his poor wife told him later just how much of an idiot he was

[Raychel]

I am glad this story had a happy ending, It certainly could have gone the other way real easy.
I really feel sorry for his wife, No woman should have to deal with a man like that.

[Miranda09]

Great story Michelle. That'll give you both something to laugh about for a long time to come. I'm just glad you didn't have to "bitch-slap" him clear across the driveway, but then again, he would have to live up to the fact that a lesbian taught him some manners!!!!! :D

[Raychel]

Imagine being at his work the next day when he had to eplain that he got the snot beat out by a lesbian. :lol2:

[Gina X]

A neanderthal eh,I love them,especially when they make it physical,I get to be the real me.

Sorry but at my age,I'm really sick of the stupids out there,the bullies,you know who I'm talking about,the ones who should be neutered so they can't contaminate the human gene pool

I have noticed many extremely intelligent folks in here,one of you must have a medical/chemistry degree,please,I beg of you,invent a cure for stupidity.

Probably a lot of these people will end up taking themself out of the gene pool, not fast enough though !!!

[Jorja]

Great story Michelle. I love it when stupid rednecks try to play the real man they think they are. They always go away with thier head exactly where it belongs, one way or another. I do often wonder if it is difficult to walk with thier head up there. :D

[JamieG]

well from the OP's post the redneck was describe as having a slim build "The thing is the only thing keeping me from mopping the driveway with his skinny ass was me wanting to preserve the illusion that I was indeed female." I'm of a slim build and 2 Smirnoff ices get me a bit buzzed :heehee:

I take offense at the supposition that us skinny people can't handle our beer. I weigh 135 lbs. and I've never drank a light beer in my life, and I think's it's been about 20 years since I've drank a Bud of any kind. Sorry, but most mass-produced American "lagers" are just so gross: if a beer has to be served so cold that it numbs your taste buds in order to be drinkable, that should be a sign. I prefer my beer with more flavor; I'll take a good ale (IPA, ESB, Brown Ale, Pale Ale, etc.) any day. Oh, and by the way, in my younger days I was known to try to kill the keg after everyone else had left the party. I guess, that's not very lady-like of me, huh?

[alice clair]

Amanda i really think that those two words Bitch Slap are perfect, i love them they are so funny, and i use them all the time. Have a Fem day

[DonniDarkness]

I love to read these kind of experiences....just when you think its going to get ugly, Bam the funny stuff kicks in

[StarrOfDelite]

You go, girl!!! Great account, I'm so pleased for you and all of us!

[SamanthaS]

I think deep down we all would resort to our male roles and kick-ass if we had to deal with someone like this.

[Stephanie-L]

I have noticed many extremely intelligent folks in here,one of you must have a medical/chemistry degree,please,I beg of you,invent a cure for stupidity.

There already is a cure for stupidity, unfortunately modern medicine is working hard to negate it. Back in the Neadnderthal days that jerk probably wouldn't have lived long enough to reproduce because he would have offended someone bigger and stronger, or many littler someones, or the lion that he didn't think to stay away from, or.... But we have a modern compasionate society, and he spreads his attitudes and genes........Stephanie

[Jilmac]

Who knows what the outcome would have been if he had been sober? At least you were able to leave in peace without decking the guy.

[GirlieAmanda]

That is so great. Lesbians. Classic. I liked when the realization hit you. Wait! Lesbians? That's good... you must have thought. Freakin' awsomely classic. The kiss was so preciously perfect too. I have chills. This is the TG feel good story of the day.

[Shananigans]

Sorry, but most mass-produced American "lagers" are just so gross: if a beer has to be served so cold that it numbs your taste buds in order to be drinkable, that should be a sign. I prefer my beer with more flavor; I'll take a good ale (IPA, ESB, Brown Ale, Pale Ale, etc.) any day. Oh, and by the way, in my younger days I was known to try to kill the keg after everyone else had left the party. I guess, that's not very lady-like of me, huh?
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

(Because, two thumbs-up wasn't enough).

[KristinSkye]

I was not expecting the story to end like that. Still I'm glad it did, you handled that situation brilliantly!

[Kate Lynn]

Thats just too funny :D


I wonder if his poor wife told him later just how much of an idiot he was


what concerns me is,he's contaminating the land mammal gene pool.


There already is a cure for stupidity, unfortunately modern medicine is working hard to negate it. Back in the Neadnderthal days that jerk probably wouldn't have lived long enough to reproduce because he would have offended someone bigger and stronger, or many littler someones, or the lion that he didn't think to stay away from, or.... But we have a modern compasionate society, and he spreads his attitudes and genes........Stephanie


compassionate society eh?

[boardpuppy]

I love it....a b####h slapped redneck, it has been awhile since I seen one. Good going.

[Natalie Wood]

That is an awesome story...LOL.

[Nicole Erin]

If he had been sober he probably would have acted more like a normal human being.

thing is, he meant to insult you BUT - that very insult was more the compliment for you yes? Cause between the lines he was calling you a woman :D

Great story :)

My big concern is - I hope they didn't have anything interesting that you were not able to buy? I mean it would have sucked if you two had to miss out on a good deal.

[donnalee]

A neanderthal eh,I love them,especially when they make it physical,I get to be the real me.

Sorry but at my age,I'm really sick of the stupids out there,the bullies,you know who I'm talking about,the ones who should be neutered so they can't contaminate the human gene pool.

I have noticed many extremely intelligent folks in here,one of you must have a medical/chemistry degree,please,I beg of you,invent a cure for stupidity.Oh there already is one; it's called Ma Nature and works subtly and slowly but inexorably. Although the process is slow, it is certain and will cull out those who act stupidly, foolishly or too rashly, hopefully before they have a chance to reproduce.

[Audrey34]

Kudos to you and your wife Michelle! You handled that situation so much better than I ever possibly could. And I feel so sorry for that neanderthal's wife!
-Audrey

[Michelle James]

If he had been sober he probably would have acted more like a normal human being.
thing is, he meant to insult you BUT - that very insult was more the compliment for you yes? Cause between the lines he was calling you a woman :D

Great story :)

My big concern is - I hope they didn't have anything interesting that you were not able to buy? I mean it would have sucked if you two had to miss out on a good deal.

You are exactly correct. After my adrenalin level receded I was elated that he didn't read me as a CD and that as you said he called me a woman.

Had they had anything I wanted I would most likely have gone home and changed into boy mode and gone back. Then I would buy whatever I was after and then let my bad side out of his cage at which point I would ask him why he was picking on my sister and her partner. Just to see the look on his face. LOL

[Debglam]

Michelle,

I think I said this before, but you need to write a book! Well done to both of you!

[Maria Blackwood]

I have noticed many extremely intelligent folks in here,one of you must have a medical/chemistry degree,please,I beg of you,invent a cure for stupidity.


The problem there is that the stupidity isn't a malady to be cured. It's the norm.

Some coworkers and I were talking about that over lunch just a couple weeks ago. We think we're such an evolved species with our skyscrapers and Intertoobs and medical miracles, but when you think about it, it's a very small sliver of humanity that does the really smart stuff. The rest of them are sitting around with world views that are composed almost entirely of myth, lies and superstition.