Did you hesitate at first ?

[incognito]

Of course I think I'm not speaking for myself, that you did not start out cross dressing on a big scale, and not on a whim. I think for most as for myself, it's a feeling you get pretty early on. Now I must say it always got my kinda excited to fantasize wearing bikini's and thongs. I even recall I once got caught in a thong by my sister and they bulied me a long time for it. My dad thought I was gay. Having recovered from that.

I'm wondering I still find myself in wanting to cross dress sometimes. I ordered a bikini back and forth and keep cancelling the order at the end. Now a sale has however made me order one again. However what if people find out ?

So a few things I'd like to ask 1 would be. Did you also order back and forth doubting and cancelling.

Then as a second my theory which is as following, and applies for me, and might apply for some of here, but in my opinion. It's more about discovering new things. Like wearing a soft bikini can be fun, also its fun to goof around. But of course not everyone things like me, and so some people like if my parents would find it would be worried, because I never had a girl friend.

What do you all think of it should I fight it or let it come over me.

[deebra]

order it, wear it, enjoy the feeling, it's hurting no one, hide it so your parents won't find it and if you are on the road to cding it can put a lot of pleasurable hours into your life. Once you experience the feeling I'm sure you will want to try panties and a bra next.

[Marcia Blue]

Most of us started dressing in phases. First just this, then add a little of that, and after while you are dressing all the way. This my take years or even decades, no need to rush. Just be your self.

I have ordered and canceled items in the past. I out grew that over time. Guilt, fear, and shame are hard masters to over power. Living in you parents house amplifies these feelings.

I to love dressing in something soft or silky, and just for the fun of it. Don't we all.

[diannecourtney]

There is true pleasure in the softer things of THE girl in all of us. Do you wear the whole or the lower half. If the latter do get the full feeling with the top. I had the pleasure of fitting into the wifes bathing suit and got a beautiful burn on the exposed areas. I loved the results - just great white Tetons -had to hide them for months. Grow into the program and the feelings for the finer things will take care of your deires.

[Karren H]

Personally I never doubt myself and what I'm driven to do... I have never canceled an order though I don't buy that much online. I buy most everything locally. Matter of fact I'm stopping buy the local exotic lingerie store tomorrow to buy another corset!! Twice in one week! So I'd go for it...

[CDPheobe]

If at the moment it felt good buying it, then leave it as such. Don't repress your inner feeling. Very bad to do that. Any why would you dent yourself a great time when you wear womens clothes. When I started, I bought pantyhose from Victoria's Secret. Then it went onto panties. Then I mustered enough guts to buy dresses, shoes, bras, etc. Now, I will walk in any store, womans, OR mans, and buy at will. You will learn to get over your shyness. Just be yourself.

[Tina B.]

I started when I was just a little kid, so maybe it's different for me. My only doubt is wither or not I could get away with it. I did go back and forth about buying things, not because of doubt, just had to get up the nerve to walk in the store and do it. (so old there was no online shopping, in fact there was no INTERNET.) Should you or shouldn't you, interesting way to question it. Fun goofing around, do you goof around like that with your friends, or alone? Soft does feel good, but you can get a mans swimsuit that's soft. Now ask yourself why you really like it, if your life doesn't need it, what are you playing with fire for? But if like so many of us, some how you feel more at ease with the world, and how you fit in, or feel that this is the way you where meant to dress, and look, by all means get that bikini and enjoy it, there is no reason to fret, you are what you are, and ever where, just with a new look.
Tina B.

[incognito]

Hmm for me, I had the fantasy of wearing a female bikini etc, I had it when I was in third grade of primary. So I was around 5-6 maybe. It never really fainted from my memory. And yes I once stole my sister panties and did wear them those where great times. Till I got caught, which makes me reluctant maybe into buying such stuff now. But I do like it, and with goofing around I mean I sometimes speak to a girl and am like ''I'd be so sexy in bikini no one would be looking at you any more.'' But the idea of really wearing one then while I type that makes it exciting for me. I do not know how to explain. Maybe some of you recognize this ?

[VioletJourney]

Once I discovered this forum and realized that I'm NOT a freak for doing this, I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

Go through with the order this time. Don't worry so much what your parents think, "they might think I'm gay" sounds kinda silly tbh, because if they're loving parents they should accept you even if you were.

[incognito]

True but I would not like to go such discussions in my way.

Though lately I feel like having life goals which would require me to stand good in my shoes. To be strong and have charisma, and be of help. I'm wanting to study philosophy. But I'm not to sure if a cd hobby would help in it. I am afraid it makes it harder. But what do you chose pleasure. Or the serious path.. So hard. :(

[Sophie86]

Though lately I feel like having life goals which would require me to stand good in my shoes. To be strong and have charisma, and be of help. I'm wanting to study philosophy. But I'm not to sure if a cd hobby would help in it. I am afraid it makes it harder. But what do you chose pleasure. Or the serious path.. So hard. :(

I have a BA in Philosophy. It taught me to take my pleasure very seriously. :)

[Danni Renee]

I was like you - I hestitated a lot at first. My hesitation was with wigs though. I knew I really wanted one but I was so scared I would get caught. When I finally did order it, guess what? I DID get caught! It set me back about 5 years in my dressing out of fear.

That said, I do not regret getting the wig or getting caught. I regret that I let my fear of being who I am scare me into hiding. Now that I am older I regret that time spent knowing there was more to me but having to hide it instead of exploring it.

I do not think you should fight it. I do recommend taking things slow and explore yourself more as you go along. If you really feel the need to dress, you are going to dress. It is only a matter of time.

Get the bikini and enjoy (I bought my first bikini about 2 months ago and I cannot wait to wear it this summer)!

[incognito]

Thanks for all the replies. I still feel unsure, and today would be the last day I can cancel. It feels like a lot of strain on me. It might be the guilt I feel for others. Or just me not sure what to do. Or not accepting it myself.

It's like if I make this one big step, it will result in even bigger steps. I'm afraid it interferes with my goals. However if I look at the masses, following each other like blind sheep. I do think the guilt I feel comes from them. And if there is one thing I should not feel guilty towards, it's those people without taste and follow each other blindly. I mean who decided it's bad to wear female clothes as a guy ? That the clothes are made to fit females better then male's is of course 100% the truth. But it does not mean it cannot fit a guy, nor does it mean that it's only for females and not for guys. If a guy enjoys wearing it. I guess there's nothing wrong with it.

Even though I know this much of theory. I'm still feeling kinda stressed and strained cause of this whole issue. It's hard to pick it up. And I have felt like cancelling the whole morning nothing else but that subject cancel or not ? Is haunting trough my mind. I have ordered a bikini bottom with top, another bottom. And a thong, but I do feel like I should just cancel. On the other hand I all find it really exciting and can't wait till it's here to put it on since I'll be home alone in till 6 pm everyday.

It's straining though, since I do know why to do it. But still something of unknown earth is making me hesitate.

[Colleen03]

Of course I think I'm not speaking for myself, that you did not start out cross dressing on a big scale, and not on a whim. I think for most as for myself, it's a feeling you get pretty early on. Now I must say it always got my kinda excited to fantasize wearing bikini's and thongs. I even recall I once got caught in a thong by my sister and they bulied me a long time for it. My dad thought I was gay. Having recovered from that.

I'm wondering I still find myself in wanting to cross dress sometimes. I ordered a bikini back and forth and keep cancelling the order at the end. Now a sale has however made me order one again. However what if people find out ?

So a few things I'd like to ask 1 would be. Did you also order back and forth doubting and cancelling.

Then as a second my theory which is as following, and applies for me, and might apply for some of here, but in my opinion. It's more about discovering new things. Like wearing a soft bikini can be fun, also its fun to goof around. But of course not everyone things like me, and so some people like if my parents would find it would be worried, because I never had a girl friend.

What do you all think of it should I fight it or let it come over me.

I will admit I went through the same fears & doubts you have, but once I ordered my first swimsuit, it was gradual, but after a while I figured the hell with it and just kept buying en femme things. I always had that fear that my wife would somehow find out, or I would see someone I know at the time of picking up my stuff. I usually get most of my swimsuits from Sears. There still is a risk factor if I get something from ebay and I'll admit it puts me on edge, but otherwise I just go ahead and do it if there is something I really want. The fact is, you are not hurting anyone, and you are taking big steps for yourself and at the end of the day that's all that matters.

[incognito]

Thanks, again I think I'l let the order go trough!

[Stephanie47]

I buy a lot of clothing on line. The only thing I had a concern about was ordering a wig through eBay. It was an overseas delivery. I pondered the possibility the package would be opened for inspection. It wasn't. Now I'm thinking of ordering another. The only other items I worried about was ordering on two occasions evening gowns that were to be delivered by UPS. Somtimes the driver shows up before noon and sometimes after four. I was always concerned that my non approving wife would be home when the package would be delivered. Most of the time any on line retailer could not care less who was ordering. If they get a chuckle while fulfilling the order, I would not know. Do it!

[Maria Blackwood]

Just ordered some lingerie, put in on the evening I got it, and have CDed every evening ever since. It was literally like a light switch being flipped. Half my closet and half my dresser are now devoted to this, well, I guess it's a hobby of sorts for me. Hmmm. More than that. An exploration?

[eluuzion]

hi incognito~

Don't worry, this CD urge will clear up on it own in about 75 years...:hugs:

Life is short...try and spend most of it happy...

It is not a race...you have your whole life to try and find answers to questions that ultimately have none, lol. The only answer I can give you after all of my years as a CD...is that you do not turn into a pumpkin.

I hope that helps...:heehee:

thinkless/actmore...life is short :hugs:

:love:

[Jenny Doolittle]

Wearing and buying new things happened for me in stages. I started enjoying mother's things at an early age. being one of 7 boys I certainly was not wanting to be outed, and did wonder what was wrong with me for liking silks and satins, but they felt so wonderful to wear under my jeans.

A I grew older wearing a girlfriends panties happened, but I wanted my own.... which did lead to a fear of others knowing, but to some degree that went from a fear of the salesgirl knowing my secret to wanting her to know I was a CD. I loved buying panties, and camisoles, and even had a bra fitting that I felt was a brave new experience.

I recall the first time buying a pair of outer wear, a pair of capris I just had to have. My thought was, "Why am I buying these, I will never be brave enough to wear them out!" Well, as you had mentioned, you just find yourself moving from one phase to the next enjoying what it is to be feminine. Not 2 months later I was shopping in the same shop in those capris.

All of the above took a several years to experience, and now I DO wish I was braver when younger to experience my feminine side. But all said and done.... Enjoy who you are no matter what your age.

Life is much more fun riding in the front car of a roller coaster then a bus ride across Kansas.

[Cherie]

u sound very young like u i started with small things and eventually worked up to full dressing now im to old to enjoy my femenine side i wish i discovered my self when i was a lot younger so if it feels right enjoy it while you can

[wantstocrossdress]

yep, i started slowly too. It use to be just pantyhose, then layer upon later upon layer, then panties with bras and makeup and some of mom's skirts(i was bigger than her so the blouses and dresses did not fit), then i was able to buy heels and i also have my ex's wig... i still don't have proper clothes like dresses n skirts because im happy with the hosiery and lingerie i have. id like to buy a dress someday.

about the buying, here in the philippines i wouldnt buy online for fear that the package is delivered when im not home and someone decides to open it or gets curious and starts to ask about it. i buy from stores or i meet people to buy stuff. i get the buy-dont buy-buy-dont buy-buy feeling specially with stockings and pantyhose. i have 2 drawers of them and i always ask myself ifi need more. i've tried and had most of what is in the malls so i only buy new hosiery if its a bargain/good price, if its something i havent had yet, or its my fave color(very shiny skintones) :D

[Gerrijerry]

I started so young I don't even know what age I was any more. I just looked around and realized I was not dressed like all my friends. Every one was a girl at the time. I never liked male clothes and wanted to be a girl so much. But back then that was such a no-no. I did what all CD and TS did. I hid in the closet until it was safe to come out.