The Pink Fog

[Jaelle]

My SO introduced me to this term a few months ago and most definitely describes my SO's shopping habits to the T currently. How do you other GG's handle the pink fog? Any tips from other CDers or GG's on what I can do to kind of snap him out of it? I've thought about setting a monthly budget of what he can spend for girly stuff, but I hate the idea of restricting him to much as he just came out to me about 6 months ago and this is the first time he has ever really felt free to be himself.

[wadevikingfan]

i have heard the term pink fog, and still trying to figure out what that really means...would some one like ot enlighten me??

wendy

[Jaelle]

The way I understand it, it's like obsessive shopping for cute and pretty girl clothes to the point that it can interfere with other aspects of your life. ie...shopping online while at work to the point that your productivity drastically drops.

Here is a great link that discusses the fog... http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142123-The-Pink-Fog&highlight=pink+fog

[AllieGG]

A budget for girly stuff is reasonable, but should be dictated by your financial situation and based on responsible spending. I understand not wanting to restrict him, but that doesnt mean there should be an open ticket to run up credit cards balances.

Try surprising him with something you think he would like, and ask him to wear it for you. Doesn't have to cost much. It would mean so much to him that it came from you. The thought you put into picking it out reiterates your acceptance and would mean more than something he just picked off a rack or website, etc. This kind of indulgence releases the fog a lot....until next time of course:)

[Sandra]

Some times they don't realise that they are in the pink fog, so the times comes to have a sit down and have a talk about it, and get it sorted so that both of you are happy.

[juno]

... I've thought about setting a monthly budget of what he can spend for girly stuff, but I hate the idea of restricting him to much as he just came out to me about 6 months ago and this is the first time he has ever really felt free to be himself.
I think a shopping budget is a really good idea. It shows acceptance, which is incredibly uplifting, while also helping to keep it reasonable. Many women have excessive shopping desires, and have many items in their closet that have never been worn. (Of course, regular men can blow budgets on a big screen television, so it is not just a girl thing.) Transwomen can be more susceptible when they are new to shopping in public, because they have not had enough time to temper the thrill of shopping with logic.

Also, the Pink Fog is not just about shopping. It is about enjoying the thrill of being feminine to a point that it takes priority over logic and responsibilities, and interferes with life rather than just being a benefit. It is essentially about crossdressing desires getting to the point of becoming becoming an addiction.

[Rianna Humble]

My SO introduced me to this term a few months ago and most definitely describes my SO's shopping habits to the T currently. How do you other GG's handle the pink fog? Any tips from other CDers or GG's on what I can do to kind of snap him out of it? I've thought about setting a monthly budget of what he can spend for girly stuff, but I hate the idea of restricting him to much as he just came out to me about 6 months ago and this is the first time he has ever really felt free to be himself.

Hi Jaelle, Thank you for raising this question. As others have mentioned, the Pink Fog is a kind of euphoria that can overcome a cross-dresser when she first accepts herself or (as in your case) finds acceptance from a Significant Other. Unfortunately, in the Pink Fog, cross-dressers can tend to lose sight of what is reasonable and let aspects of the CD'ing take over their life.

I think that your idea of setting a budget is a good one and is not at all too restrictive. It will send the message to your partner that you want her to be able to express herself in a reasonable way. I also think that Allie GG's idea of a present from you is a very good one.

Elsewhere you speak of still having some struggles to come to terms with your SO's revelation, well I think that in joining this forum and asking questions like this shows what an absolutely outstanding person you are. I hope your SO knows just how lucky she is to know you.

I look forward to reading more from you in other parts of the forums.

[Jaelle]

Thank you for all your responses. It definitely helps me in trying to find a way to navigate the fog and hopefully help him come out of it. I think I'll do some shopping tomorrow. *grins*

[Cari]

I budget money and time.

I think my pink fogs come in when I stay away to long,
As long as I take some time to dress once in awhile I don't really get the dense pink fog.
The only "cure" I have found is to spend time dressed :-)

[Mimi]

Are you and your SO reasonably close to the same size? There are lots of things in my closet that fit Eryn, including clothes I hadn't worn in years or had bought on a whim. That way Eryn can "go shopping in my side of the closet". It doesn't cost anything, and makes use of clothes I no longer wear. We also share some items of clothing as well.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Jaelle,I'm an m to f CD and I'm not a GG. I always thought the pink fog was anytime when the urge to indulge in CD things overcame you. I first felt it when I was very small and it began to jell in my mind that there was something a little different about me when I was 7 or 8 and I would enjoy full outfits of ladie's clothes with makeup,wigs and pierced ears. The pink fog can be risky. I was overdrawn at the bank about a year ago. So reasonable restrictions should be discussed. I don't think he'll mind.

[Anna B]

Try surprising him with something you think he would like, and ask him to wear it for you. Doesn't have to cost much. It would mean so much to him that it came from you. The thought you put into picking it out reiterates your acceptance and would mean more than something he just picked off a rack or website, etc. This kind of indulgence releases the fog a lot....until next time of course

How wise are you!!! I wish my GG would do that for me>

Anna x

[Jaelle]

Are you and your SO reasonably close to the same size?
I wish! I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl, and he has all the hot frilly stuff.

[kittypw GG]

I hate the idea of restricting him to much as he just came out to me about 6 months ago and this is the first time he has ever really felt free to be himself.

Why in the world would you hate the idea of restricting him? He is not a child and all grown ups have a budget. I want the freedom to be myself too but I have bills to pay and responsibilities. I can't have the couture wardrobe that I really want because it expresses who I feel I am inside because I live in reality. Don't be afraid to reign it in. If you don't have a budget resentments will build and knock holes in the foundation of your relationship.

[ReineD]

To be honest, I reached a point where I had to ask her to not show me her purchases anymore. This lasted for about a year, but was during a time when she just got so much stuff, while I couldn't due to complications in other parts of my life. And if I am to be completely honest, I have to say (even though I am not proud of this), that I had mixed feelings in that I fully supported her need to go full speed ahead with the wardrobe and accessories expansion in order to establish her style, but at the same time I kept thinking, "but a guy is supposed to want his girlfriend to wear the pretty things more than him. I want my bf to want to see the sexy things and the jewelry on me and not on himself".

It was a struggle for awhile and I didn't know how to communicate this to her because I didn't want it to seem as if I did not support her desires for self-expression. It also seems so greedy when you look at it objectively, yet my feelings weren't about greed at all but about who gets to be the woman. If that makes sense. Also, I knew how much beautiful women turn his/her head, and I just felt I couldn't compete since I was wearing the same old, same old, all the time.

Anyway, it was just a kink in the road and I did learn to deal with it. I eventually came to terms with it by realizing that I am sharing, and not giving up, my woman's role in the relationship. This is something that I needed to learn how to do, since from the time I was a little girl I knew nothing other than being the one and only woman in a relationship and that pretty things are for the woman to wear, so that she can be appealing to her man.

I'm afraid this might be something that few CDs will understand, since they've not been in the skin of a man who does not wish to dress and who wants to buy pretty things for his wife. And before anyone jumps on me for not being egalitarian, if we both had had the same education, the same jobs with the same salaries, this would not have been an issue. Maybe. :p At any rate, my energies have been spent raising kids in the last quarter century (with my ex ... not my current SO) so that now I simply don't have the same resources that I would have, had I put all my energies towards developing my career. But I digress.

I have a friend who has been married to a CDer for 25 years. She told me years ago that I had best let go of the idea that I was going to be the princess (by that she meant not sharing my woman's role) in the relationship. Things got easy for me when I followed her advice, and all is good now. I did have to change how I looked at my role as the one and only woman in the relationship and at my age, it is not an easy task. But my love for my SO made it easier since the benefits of being in a relationship with him/her outweigh everything else.

[DonniDarkness]

But my love for my SO made it easier since the benefits of being in a relationship with him/her outweigh everything else.

And thats how we Know you are IN love with your SO....

Awesome post Reine.

-Donni-

[Sophie86]

Having a budget is part of being an adult, so don't be afraid to bring this up. Whether it's dresses or hiking gear or D&D books, I can easily get carried away when I shop. IMO, having an agreed upon amount for monthly discretionary spending works best. That way everyone knows how much they can spend, and there doesn't have to be a discussion every time someone wants to make a purchase.