Questions about You?

[Ghathika]

I came to this site a while back seeking answers to why nature was changing me. Lots of great advice was given. Since then I have been in therapy and seeing many Dr's, doing diet and taking meds. My desire THEN was to be stay a guy and be a guy. The stress in my life had receded, and my health has gotten a lot better.

However since then I have really studied this site and the subject matter that goes with it. I have come to realise that everyday has become a constant struggle to just be a guy ( as defined by social and as I was taught how to be) and convince myself I am a guy. I have grown tired of the struggle and have decided to stop fighting nature and let things be as they are and nature run its course.

When I started learning about all this I had no idea how complex and deep and how much was not understood. After reading all this and finely doing a self inventory this is what I came up with about me at this point in my life and where I am now.

I no longer desire to be 100% guy, as I was born a guy with normal external parts, but I have the genetic twist that says I am not guy but both guy/girl as I have posted before. What I feel like mentally (the way I think my brain is wired) and have for a long time (like since I can remember) is about 70% guy and 30% girl. I do not have the desire to be 100% of either at this point. I have read that some people feel the need to be one or the other, neither or both.

My QUESTION is: How do you feel about being one or the other, neither or both? Follow up Question: if you feel like both at the same time, how do you express yourself and handle both genders in both private and public?

Thanks for your thoughts!
G

[ReineD]

Hi Gathika, my SO doesn't participate much in this forum anymore, but I can share where he/she is at with all of this.

My SO defines him/herself as DualGender, which is a highly flexible way of being. She relies heavily on her moods to determine how she or he wishes to present. There are certain things that he is not willing to do in feminine mode, such as visit his parents or go to work, but other than that there is a lot of elasticity. He long ago stopped questioning it, and just gives herself the permission to go with the flow. She might spend an entire week as herself, or she might come out a few times per week depending on what is going on, or he might come to the forefront for extended periods of time. My SO also stopped relegating certain interests to either "guy" or "girl" mode, so that she can go out to a coffee shop and bring along office work if she wants to, just as he would for example.

My SO has also taken many steps in guy mode to make it much easier to switch back and forth. He has long hair that he keeps pulled back in guy mode. He has also pierced his ears, keeps his body shaved, trims his eyebrows in a generic fashion, has let his finger nails grow out and has had laser beard removal, so that anytime she wants to go out and do something, it doesn't take her any longer to get ready than it does any other GG.

[Karren H]

My thoughts... I would love to be 100% one or the other but that's not the way it is so I accept myself without reservation and without questioning why an have move on... Stressing over something that would not change my life going forward is wasted effort. Imho.

[Angiemead12]

I am confused at this moment in time, after coming from LA pride and seeing all the variety of LGBTIQQ I want to align my gender more to the females. I want to be soft spoken, delicate, and beautiful. There were so many gay men that would scare me with all their muscles!

Today I am 80% guy and 20% Female but over the weekend it was reversed and the only reason was that i was with my wife. I felt the need to still look out for her. I would love to be 80 - 20 all the time but wearing more feminine clothes all the time.

[carhill2mn]

My belief is that "no one size fits all"! Even though we share many similarities, we are each unique. As for myself, I am comfortable in either gender that I am presenting as although, I do enjoy looking and acting as a woman more than as a man.
Thus, I spend my time en femme unless my male self is expected. I do not worry about am I this or am I that?

[suchacutie]

You have put your finger on the very adventure that most people experience on this forum. I thought I was all guy for 55 years, and within the span of 48 hours my wife and I realized that probably was not the case. It will likely take the rest of my life to figure out how Tina has played a role in my life, and how she continues to do so, no matter how I'm presenting.

In the best of all worlds we would be free to go back and forth from one gender to the other without concern or consideration. However, most of us live in a world that requires certain things of us that we have allowed to develop including relationships and jobs, to name two. When we want more "Tina time" we work to change our situation to accomodate. Once when that failed, my wife asked me if Tina was jealous of the time I spent as a male. Interesting question, huh?

The only way to know what your personal equilibrium will be is to try it. This is completely experimental and experiential. Try to give yourself as much feminine time as you can and see if you start missing some of the "guy" things that you want to do. Little by little you will iterate into a split that generally works, with some excursions to more "guy" or more "gal" time. Flexibility is the key as you beging to determine who you really are :)

tina

[eluuzion]

hiya G,

Interesting question(s).

I do not "separate" myself in my mind in any way. I may have several different thoughts, but I am always only one person in self-perception.

I do not spend much time in self-analysis. I just do what feels right at the time. If it does not feel right, I find something else to do that does feel right. There are enough people trying to make the world more complicated than it has to be. I am not one of those people. Life is short. I intend to spend as much of what little time I have here being happy.

I use the same strategy for just about everything in my life. I reduce everything I do down to a percentage calculation for success. I consider all of my options in any given circumstance, and choose the option having the greatest opportunity of helping me achieve my goal.

Simple example: Crossing the street when a car is approaching...
I might have an 85% of reaching the other side by running across before the car passes by. But I probably have a 99% chance if I just wait for it to pass by. So I wait.

Almost every decision I make can be reduced to that calculation which of course, typically only takes a few seconds to calculate in most cases. The "right" decision is not always the most pleasant option available and often the most uncomfortable to carry out, but it is always the direction I take. I am always focused on the end goal

I was born with high abstract reasoning abilities (not always an asset, lol). So everything in my environment is a big chess game going on in my head where I am constantly predicting the second and third future options/moves of everything around me. I can't control it... my mind just works that way. It makes me a good lie detector and people reader, but many times it makes other people uncomfortable.

Anyway...with my CD activities, I typically accomplish whatever I want to do by going around the obstacles instead of trying to go through them.
My objective is to reach my goals, not crash and burn being a martyr on the way there, lol. So I do not do things as a CD that carry risk of producing a negative impact on my daily life. (Such as social, business and financial consequences).

I simply find a way to do what I want to do while crossdressed that carries the lowest percentage risk of screwing up my life in other areas, lol. In the majority of cases (with a little creativity), this is easily accomplished. If it carries too much risk, I simply do not do it. (This is a rare case). There are very few things in life that I have wanted to do, that I did not end up doing. If I really want to do something I believe I can always find some way of being able to do it. (Without going to prison, lol).

I guess I do not have many identity dilemmas. Nor do I have any unfulfilled “wishes”. I view those types of things as goals. I live alone and work alone, so I am dressed most of the time. It works for me...:battingeyelashes:

:love:

[Kathryn Philips]

I am not 100% male or 100% female. Like Ghathika I am more male than female but I am unable to determine the exact mix. I feel that some days I feel 60%m/40%f
and others as little as 95%m/5%f. But I am definitely a substantially female on the inside. Unfortunately I am not able to express my female side anywhere near even the 5% of the time.

[Barbara Dugan]

I understand very well what you mean because I pretty much feel the same way..I never felt 100% comfortable as guy and people always perceived me as slightly fem but at the same time I am not sure if I want to become a woman even that when I assume the role feel so natural and easy maybe because I am stuck for bad or good in the middle

[Cynthia Anne]

I would love to be 100% one or the other, as long as it's female! I have always felt female and as I get older, the desire hasn't changed!

[docrobbysherry]

Wish I could help, Ghathika! But, I'm simply a guy who likes to dress and APPEAR to be a pretty girl! Why? I don't know!

[NathalieX66]

I'm a guy (proudly so) that just has a range of self expression that exceeds the status quo norm. I am not a fan of gender constraints. To me, gender is a spectrum....you find your place on the spectrum and you go wherever you want to go. I also feel that being stationary on that spectrum is not necessary either. You are free to move about the skies.

[Jorja]

I would not ever admit I was born a guy. That is just how much I detested the situation. From that you might be able to tell that I moved on to have SRS and become completely as much of a woman as possible. This is what makes me happy and able to live life. Through self exploration you will find where YOU fit along the gender line. If being strictly a guy is your thing, do it well. If being 100% woman strikes your fancy, go all out and be the best woman you can be. Should you fall someplace in the middle, make the best of the times when you present as one or the other and enjoy it. You have to find that place where YOU are the happiest and it makes YOU able to live your life your way.