Frédérique
06-14-2011, 05:05 PM
“Perhaps the sun will never shine... upon my field of wheat” (Keith Reid)
The Sun IS shining on my field of wheat, in fact it’s wheat harvesting time again here in Kansas, and I’m out standing in my field, alone, trying to be outstanding in my field, namely the wonderful world of MtF crossdressing. It was 102° yesterday, and the flat landscape that surrounds me and stretches to every horizon smells like toasted wheat – I’m not kidding. At times like this, as I meander around the fields of reality, I’m reminded of Field of Dreams, and the famous line from that film, “If you build it, he will come.” Maybe it’s the relentless heat, or the conscious notion that I may the only gender-shifter in the immediate vicinity, but I cannot help but think that, for a lucky MtF crossdresser, or a fearless male, if you wear it, SHE will come...
Let’s say you’re a boy, a perceived weakling, picked upon by bullies and seriously deficient in the self-esteem department. You don’t fit in, in fact you’re NEVER picked for the team – maybe you run like a girl, or throw like a girl, or think or act like a girl, and this latent expression yearns to be set free, even though nearly everyone seeks to suppress what they cannot understand. You admire qualities in people that equate with femininity, at least “femininity” by your own personal definition. You need to look in the mirror, boy, and dream about the possibilities open to you, moving ever closer to a closet of wonders, away from what you’re supposed to be. Think the impossible, and take the first step. Soon, you will realize that if you wear it, whatever you desire, SHE will come – all you have to do is try, and don’t be afraid to be everything YOU want to be...
You’re a male, yet you appreciate beauty in all its myriad forms. Life is just something to get through for some people, and there’s no time to stop and contemplate anything beautiful about it. Boys certainly aren’t supposed to do that, and, if you’re an adult male, any love of culture puts you squarely into the queer camp, even if you exhibit other, more normal male characteristics. Art is a bona fide perversion, music needs to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, and the other fine arts are too sissified for the typical male. See you at the museum, Charlie, or maybe not, since love of beauty requires one to be alone, or at least alone with one’s thoughts. Remember that actress you saw in that movie, the one whose performance moved you to tears? You learned something about yourself, something very profound and meaningful – afterwards, you find yourself unconsciously emulating her gestures, movements, and posture, all inspired by this performance you witnessed. It can be real, and not just acting – wear it (whatever she wore in the film), and SHE will come...
Your male peers revel in all things ugly, unless they want something from a female, of course. In the great scheme of things, not caring about one’s appearance seems to have become an accepted norm, supported at nearly every turn. YOU care about your appearance, inspired by your chosen role models, female and male, and you take great pains to not look like everyone else. Of course, you stick out, not like a sore thumb, but more like a white iris among the weeds. You shave and groom yourself religiously, so you immediately come under suspicion as somehow being less male. It’s the school playground all over again, where weakness, via jealousy, is targeted for modification or elimination. Little do your peers know the full extent of your femme-scaping, since your carefully managed eyebrows, carefully manicured fingernails, and carefully chosen (soft-spoken) words only hint at a world of comportment others may never experience. Ever conscious of fleeting time, you have chosen this state of non-masculinity, preferring to live life YOUR way. You wear it, and SHE comes of her own volition...
You’re not afraid of intimacy; in fact you embrace intimacy with all the strength you can muster. You listen to others patiently, and you choose the company you keep, even though you are most comfortable with yourself. You yield, never exhibiting stubbornness, yet maintain a healthy gender incorporation just under the surface you have chosen to assume – SHE is always there, only a whisper away, protected from the non-believers through a deportment that is NOT a disguise. If only they knew, but they don’t, and even if they did they wouldn’t understand why a male would willingly side-step his own masculinity for reasons of happiness. Why even discuss this mysterious attraction to femininity, indeed why attempt to describe "femininity" at all to those who cannot, or will not, see past their own gender? Intimacy springs from this non-masculinity, and you make friends with other individuals who value trust and depth vs. distrust and shallowness. It’s more of a human, or non gender-specific quality, this lack of fear about intimacy, and femininity is only a convenient word to describe it. Better to leave the definitions to those who must define things, and get on with one’s life. You know what THEY don’t know, and you keep this precious knowledge safe from those who would do you harm – your intimate friends may not know about your magical crossdressing, but they like the qualities you project when you are among them. Wear it, and SHE will emerge...
Your crossdressing has many benefits, simply by the way you welcome these non-masculine changes to your psyche. No longer do you feel the need to dominate others, nor do you wish to “do battle” with issues or the environment. In fact, there is no conflict, inner or outer, and you can breathe freely, safe in the knowledge that you have found a path worth following. You can bend without breaking, since you understand compromise. Surrender doesn’t seem like such a bad word anymore, since meaningless conflict will surely evaporate your state of bliss in the space of a heartbeat – you have ideals worth defending, but you have no stomach for fighting. Winning at all costs is not your style, or your goal. Everything in life seems to be some sort of game, played to win, stepping on others in the process – this may have its origins in male insecurity, but you feel reassuringly secure by comparison. Remember - SHE came out, because you had the courage to wear it...
It’s all based on your own experiences, the painful losses and the small triumphs, shaped by who you were before the world began to influence or dictate your behavior. You’re certainly not perfect, but you’re an individual in the truest sense of the word, a person who has made a difference simply by being different. You’re the most interesting man in the world, because you’ve made the decision to be less male than the next fellow. You know what you want to get out of life, and, even though your blessed MtF crossdressing makes you feel vulnerable in many ways, you accept this inconvenience as a constant reminder to be true to your true self – you ARE this way, and you chose to fully embrace the reality of “me.” You wear it, whatever it may be, and SHE comes out from behind the cloud of masculinity to illuminate your life...
Well, thanks for reading – I’d better get out of this wheat field before the traveling harvesters move north out of Oklahoma and reduce my immediate surroundings to stubble. The tall wheat is tickling my pantyhose (Donna Karan, of course), and my cute shoes are not at all appropriate for agricultural meanderings, even though the blowtorch-like breeze is billowing out my dirndl skirt quite nicely. This is the perfect feminine item to wear on a day like this, a conscious decision on my part. I wore it, SHE came, and I’m overjoyed at her continuing presence...
Does SHE show up only when you dress, or is she always omnipresent to a certain extent?
Also, do you dress to consciously change your behavior? I do – I’m always tucking HIM away...:heehee:
The Sun IS shining on my field of wheat, in fact it’s wheat harvesting time again here in Kansas, and I’m out standing in my field, alone, trying to be outstanding in my field, namely the wonderful world of MtF crossdressing. It was 102° yesterday, and the flat landscape that surrounds me and stretches to every horizon smells like toasted wheat – I’m not kidding. At times like this, as I meander around the fields of reality, I’m reminded of Field of Dreams, and the famous line from that film, “If you build it, he will come.” Maybe it’s the relentless heat, or the conscious notion that I may the only gender-shifter in the immediate vicinity, but I cannot help but think that, for a lucky MtF crossdresser, or a fearless male, if you wear it, SHE will come...
Let’s say you’re a boy, a perceived weakling, picked upon by bullies and seriously deficient in the self-esteem department. You don’t fit in, in fact you’re NEVER picked for the team – maybe you run like a girl, or throw like a girl, or think or act like a girl, and this latent expression yearns to be set free, even though nearly everyone seeks to suppress what they cannot understand. You admire qualities in people that equate with femininity, at least “femininity” by your own personal definition. You need to look in the mirror, boy, and dream about the possibilities open to you, moving ever closer to a closet of wonders, away from what you’re supposed to be. Think the impossible, and take the first step. Soon, you will realize that if you wear it, whatever you desire, SHE will come – all you have to do is try, and don’t be afraid to be everything YOU want to be...
You’re a male, yet you appreciate beauty in all its myriad forms. Life is just something to get through for some people, and there’s no time to stop and contemplate anything beautiful about it. Boys certainly aren’t supposed to do that, and, if you’re an adult male, any love of culture puts you squarely into the queer camp, even if you exhibit other, more normal male characteristics. Art is a bona fide perversion, music needs to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, and the other fine arts are too sissified for the typical male. See you at the museum, Charlie, or maybe not, since love of beauty requires one to be alone, or at least alone with one’s thoughts. Remember that actress you saw in that movie, the one whose performance moved you to tears? You learned something about yourself, something very profound and meaningful – afterwards, you find yourself unconsciously emulating her gestures, movements, and posture, all inspired by this performance you witnessed. It can be real, and not just acting – wear it (whatever she wore in the film), and SHE will come...
Your male peers revel in all things ugly, unless they want something from a female, of course. In the great scheme of things, not caring about one’s appearance seems to have become an accepted norm, supported at nearly every turn. YOU care about your appearance, inspired by your chosen role models, female and male, and you take great pains to not look like everyone else. Of course, you stick out, not like a sore thumb, but more like a white iris among the weeds. You shave and groom yourself religiously, so you immediately come under suspicion as somehow being less male. It’s the school playground all over again, where weakness, via jealousy, is targeted for modification or elimination. Little do your peers know the full extent of your femme-scaping, since your carefully managed eyebrows, carefully manicured fingernails, and carefully chosen (soft-spoken) words only hint at a world of comportment others may never experience. Ever conscious of fleeting time, you have chosen this state of non-masculinity, preferring to live life YOUR way. You wear it, and SHE comes of her own volition...
You’re not afraid of intimacy; in fact you embrace intimacy with all the strength you can muster. You listen to others patiently, and you choose the company you keep, even though you are most comfortable with yourself. You yield, never exhibiting stubbornness, yet maintain a healthy gender incorporation just under the surface you have chosen to assume – SHE is always there, only a whisper away, protected from the non-believers through a deportment that is NOT a disguise. If only they knew, but they don’t, and even if they did they wouldn’t understand why a male would willingly side-step his own masculinity for reasons of happiness. Why even discuss this mysterious attraction to femininity, indeed why attempt to describe "femininity" at all to those who cannot, or will not, see past their own gender? Intimacy springs from this non-masculinity, and you make friends with other individuals who value trust and depth vs. distrust and shallowness. It’s more of a human, or non gender-specific quality, this lack of fear about intimacy, and femininity is only a convenient word to describe it. Better to leave the definitions to those who must define things, and get on with one’s life. You know what THEY don’t know, and you keep this precious knowledge safe from those who would do you harm – your intimate friends may not know about your magical crossdressing, but they like the qualities you project when you are among them. Wear it, and SHE will emerge...
Your crossdressing has many benefits, simply by the way you welcome these non-masculine changes to your psyche. No longer do you feel the need to dominate others, nor do you wish to “do battle” with issues or the environment. In fact, there is no conflict, inner or outer, and you can breathe freely, safe in the knowledge that you have found a path worth following. You can bend without breaking, since you understand compromise. Surrender doesn’t seem like such a bad word anymore, since meaningless conflict will surely evaporate your state of bliss in the space of a heartbeat – you have ideals worth defending, but you have no stomach for fighting. Winning at all costs is not your style, or your goal. Everything in life seems to be some sort of game, played to win, stepping on others in the process – this may have its origins in male insecurity, but you feel reassuringly secure by comparison. Remember - SHE came out, because you had the courage to wear it...
It’s all based on your own experiences, the painful losses and the small triumphs, shaped by who you were before the world began to influence or dictate your behavior. You’re certainly not perfect, but you’re an individual in the truest sense of the word, a person who has made a difference simply by being different. You’re the most interesting man in the world, because you’ve made the decision to be less male than the next fellow. You know what you want to get out of life, and, even though your blessed MtF crossdressing makes you feel vulnerable in many ways, you accept this inconvenience as a constant reminder to be true to your true self – you ARE this way, and you chose to fully embrace the reality of “me.” You wear it, whatever it may be, and SHE comes out from behind the cloud of masculinity to illuminate your life...
Well, thanks for reading – I’d better get out of this wheat field before the traveling harvesters move north out of Oklahoma and reduce my immediate surroundings to stubble. The tall wheat is tickling my pantyhose (Donna Karan, of course), and my cute shoes are not at all appropriate for agricultural meanderings, even though the blowtorch-like breeze is billowing out my dirndl skirt quite nicely. This is the perfect feminine item to wear on a day like this, a conscious decision on my part. I wore it, SHE came, and I’m overjoyed at her continuing presence...
Does SHE show up only when you dress, or is she always omnipresent to a certain extent?
Also, do you dress to consciously change your behavior? I do – I’m always tucking HIM away...:heehee: