What I really want? I'm confussed

[naye]

Hi, I hope that all you're fine, well, since a long time I always wondered how it will be if I could get out of the closet and feel free to be crossdressing anywere and anytime I want, I always wished to have a close friend or SO with whom I can share my crossdressing.

Well, I have a very good friend, she's GG and I trust her a lot, some years ago, after a lot of time thinking about coming out to someone to share my CDing and decided that she was the best option to do it, one day I went her home with the purpose of coming out to her, but I was really nervous, well, after some beers I got brave, but didnt wanted to tell her just like that, so what I did, was to tell her that I needed to use the bathroom, that day I underdressed with a really girlie red lace panty, so I decided to going out of the bathroom but "accidentally" leave my zipper down and quite open.

After few minutes of talk she realized that I had my zipper down, and in when when she told me, I react like "WHAT?, tell me, what did you see, tell me the thruth", but she only answered me "nothing, whats the big deal?, tell me why are you so afraid, tell me" and after many times that she asked me what was happening, why I got so nervous just because my zipper, I decided to show her why, and showed my panty, she just said "oh, that looks so cute on you", after that I told her what I do, that she was the first one to know, etc.

She was supportive, told me that it was ok for her, that I was going to be always the same for her, not to feel nervouse neither embarrased. That day I felt so happy, because finally I would have someone to share my CDing, and be and talk enfemme, so the next times I went to her home, I brought some clothes, show my clothes to her, talk about what I like and dislike, but never wear them in front of her, I dont know why, I just couldn't.

After sometime I even asked her if I could store some of my stuff at her house, so, my question is, why if I have always wanted and still want to share my CDing with someone, and she accepted and supported me, I'm even storing some of my clothes in her house, she supports me, why I cant dress in front of her?, why all the times in the moment that I am in front of her my desire to be enfemme with her dissappear?. When we talk about me and CDing, she always say to me "its great, dont feel bad, if you want to dress here just do it, feel free, if it is a good stress relief for you just do it", and I just dont do it. This has been since a lot of time.

And know that I am thinking about coming out to my SO I cant stop wondering if its a good idea, that the reason to open to her is to try to share with her my CDing and what I really am, but what if it happens the same that in the moment that I am in front of her I would not want to dress, or to share it with her, so, what would be the point of telling her?

I have went to transformation services, and that kind of places and I feel great, love to be enfemme talking, and being my self, but, why I cant do it whith the ones I trust?

What do you think?

I am really confused.

Thanks to all of you that read my post.
Greetings!!!

[Stephanie Miller]

Left your zipper down as a conversation starter. Oh really... :facepalm:
You have a female friend that knows more about you than your SO does? Recipe for disaster as well as very unfair to your SO.
Sounds to me like you need to come to terms with yourself and what you want in life before playing games with everyone else. Once you find you, then you will find those that accept you for who you are. How can they accept "you" when you don't even know who "you" are!

[sterling12]

Because it's HER House, and it's Her Choice! Be happy for what you have, and be glad that you have an accepting friend! Perhaps she doesn't want to go further because of your wife, did you ever think about that? "Oh wow, let me come over to your house and parade around in Lingerie, or whatever." Imagine that she just might be a bit uncomfortable with that!

Sorry, but you appear to be selfish and non-empathetic. I have noticed a symptom with SOME Trans Folk. Perhaps it mirrors Society but, "If you give them an inch...they will take a mile!" Some CD's and other Trans Folk always want to "push The Envelope" cept' it ain't their envelope! Perhaps if you made her more comfortable, she might relent a bit and help you further. If you just make "demands," your going to get an expected response.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[kendra_gurl]

Not knowing anything about your relationship with this GG friend who is not your SO it would be very difficult to give you any advise. From what you have said it sounds as if you are hearing her words that crossdressing is okay with her but you are wanting her to be "into it" more than she might be. Many CD's think they want to just be accepted by someone to help rid them of their own perceived guilt over the desire to crossdress when in fact what they are really looking for is someone to actually enjoy seeing and helping them with their choice of clothing and makeup. There is a huge difference in tolerance an actively participating. Example of that is your trips to transformation services.

If this is what your really looking for you might ask your friend is she would like to help you with any of this and see what reaction she gives you. If she says yes that would be fun then go for it. If not then you will know she is only willing to toleratete it.

What concerns me about your post is what makes it easier to speak to this GG than to your SO?

[sissystephanie]

Your relationship with the GG friend versus that of your SO is rather disturbing! Do you really love your SO? If so, why can't you talk to her the way you do with the GG friend??

i think you have not really accepted the fact that you are a crossdresser! Wearing panties and then delibrately showing them to a GG friend sounds childish, especially when you wouldn't do that with your SO! Sorry if that hurts you in any way, but it is the truth!! I think maybe you need to talk to a therapist who specializes in gender problems!!

[kimdl93]

Lots of issues here. First of which is a matter of appropriate behavior around anyone....getting intoxicated to find courage, deliberately leaving one's fly open, confiding in a GG friend but not one's SO, and storing your stuff at the GG friend's home. All bad ideas. Very bad ideas.

Putting aside these, I agree with sissystephanie. There is another problem. One the one hand you seem to want acceptance of another person, but don't want to dress or share this with that person. I have a feeling you're not accepting of yourself as a CDer. It seems you enjoyed the transformation experience, but perahps that was because you could maintain your anonymity...or keep this part separate from your day to day life.

[Karren H]

if you had worn a girlie SKIRT instead of leaving you zipper open... She'd have gotten the picture better and everything would be awesome? Awesomer... Ish.

[Fab Karen]

A part of you is in denial. Your friend is accepting ( as another said, don't ASSUME that means she'll help you shop, etc. ), you should relax & dress around her, and more importantly admit to yourself that this is part of you, you're not sick, it's not the big deal that you've built it up as in your mind. & don't lean on alcohol as a crutch.

[sandra-leigh]

"Oh wow, let me come over to your house and parade around in Lingerie, or whatever." Imagine that she just might be a bit uncomfortable with that!

I believe you misread, Joanie. The GG friend offers to let Naye dress, but, "why all the times in the moment that I am in front of her my desire to be enfemme with her dissappear?."

Naye is asking why Naye cannot bring herself to dress in front of someone accepting.

====

Naye: it is my opinion that you handled yourself poorly in the way you came out to your GG friend. That is, however, something in the past, something you should learn from.

In regards to why you cannot let yourself dress in front of your friend: some of the other posters have had good points. One theme that has not been mentioned, though, is the extent to which you feel shame at being known as a crossdresser ? For example, was "being a real man" emphasized in your family? Have you done "macho" things out of denial -- e.g., did you serve in the military to try to prove to yourself that you "aren't really that way!" ?

[Eryn]

Wanting to do something is not the same as actually doing it. I've had that same issue. Intellectually, I know that my wife is accepting of my dressing, but there are still doubts there ingrained by decades of societal conditioning. The first time I dressed in front of her was difficult, but it gets more comfortable with repetition.

[Tanya C]

First off, the reason you should tell your SO about your dressing is because she is your life partner and she deserves to know, not because you might be able to dress in front of her.
Secondly, dressing with another GG while your SO remains in the dark is a disaster waiting to happen. And when your SO eventually finds out (and she will) you will be taking on three major challenges,; educating you SO about crossdressing, rebuilding lost trust from having lied to her and convincing her that you have not had a romantic relationship with the GG.
I think that the best approach is to sit down with your SO and have a honest dialouge with her about your crossdressing. (with zippers up)

[Sophie86]

First off, the reason you should tell your SO about your dressing is because she is your life partner and she deserves to know, not because you might be able to dress in front of her.
Secondly, dressing with another GG while your SO remains in the dark is a disaster waiting to happen. And when your SO eventually finds out (and she will) you will be taking on three major challenges,; educating you SO about crossdressing, rebuilding lost trust from having lied to her and convincing her that you have not had a romantic relationship with the GG.
I think that the best approach is to sit down with your SO and have a honest dialouge with her about your crossdressing. (with zippers up)

I agree with Tanya completely.

[Cynthia Anne]

GET-ER-DONE! Either leave your s.o. or be honest with her!You're s.o. should be your best friend! You should unzip (sorry Karen) for her and no one else!

[docrobbysherry]

I'm having a problem identifying with ANYTHING u said, Naye!

However, I CAN tell u that the ACT of dressing is a very personal experience for me. I'm not sure I could ever share it with anyone. Even an SO, if I had one!

After I'm dressed, It's another matter entirely! My guess is that u haven't been around others dressed. After you've done that a number of times, u feel will differently! At least I do, now that I have!

[wantstocrossdress]

I always wished to have a close friend or SO with whom I can share my crossdressing.
Well, I have a very good friend, she's GG and I trust her a lot, some years ago,

sounds like you are looking for someone to be with, you've found your SO and she tolerates your dressing. why not ask her if she'd like do dress up with you or if you could dress up in front of her?

[naye]

Thank you very much for all of your responses, maybe I didnt explain myself enough when I opened this thread.

What I did with my GG friend about letting her know about my CDing, was long before that I even met my actual SO. This topic came into my mind because now that I am with my SO whom I love a lot and I am 100% loyal to her, I dont know if came out of the closet with my SO about I'm into CDing, and also when I remember that experience with my friend and that could never dress infront of her even she accepted me (she is still my friend), so I started to think something like if its a good idea to tell my SO and put in jeopardy my relationship with her, if even if she accepts me, maybe it will happen the samething to me and I cant dress and share with her my CDing, so maybe it dont worth the risk about telling her, even its killing me to be living in the closet.

My GG friend is still storing some of my clothes (because know I am with my SO and is not so easy for me to have that stuff at home without her noticing).

Sorry if I can explain my ideas clearly, but is because I am not so good in english so it cost me a lot to explain my self.

Thank you very much to all of you!!!