I need encouragement and/or advice on what to do next.

[Sophora]

I have ran into a snag in my life and I really need some encouragement now. I will be calling my friend tomorrow and talking with her about this very issue however I would like some other encouragement with this(and I consider all of you my sisters at this point).

I found out on Tuesday I am being evicted from my apartment. I have until the end of July to move out. This means I have until about a month and a half to find another place to live. This took me by surprise. I am month to month. While I have been late with my rent a lot, I have always provided a note stating when I can pay. I also have never been more than half a month behind(In fact this last month I was only 4 days late). I do understand that it is my fault and that I shouldn't have been late at all.


This is kind of hard at the moment as I am afraid on how people are going to take me being transgender. If I move in with people I will have to let them know that I am as I am not wearing guy's clothes right now. Don't get me wrong I still own guy's clothes and can wear them if need be however since I will be living with people, they will need to be told up front.

This is the good solution as I will be paying less in rent. 85 to 150 dollars less and from the ones I have checked out so far online includes utilities as well as internet saving me an additional 100 to 120 dollars. This would mean I can start with the therapist and start my transition in earnest.

However the flip side is one I want to avoid. If I don't find somewhere to live, I will have to move back to Pennsylvania. This is bad for 2 reasons. The first being that I absolutely despise Pennsylvania with a passion. The second being that I will have to come out to parents before I am ready to. I already come out at work before I was to and I would like to be ready for my parents. I am also nervous as if my mom and/or dad, don't like the fact that I am transgender, I have no where to go after that. The other fact I have to consider in this option is that if I live with my mom, she has tenants that live above her and if they move out because I am transgender than I am going to feel so bad that I took away a source of income from my mom.

I know a support group would be ideal for this but alas I still haven't found one. I am going to go to the transgender center in the twin cities and see if they can help me locate a roommate(I don't know if they can in that way but I am looking for options).

Sorry for the rambling however I needed to write my feeling as well as receiving some encouragement and maybe some other suggestions on places or resources that are available.

Thank you in advance.

[Aprilrain]

In the future try to avoid month to month, that's fine for a storage unit but it is no way to live. Otherwise i think Kittykitty pretty much said it. Yeah if there is nothing Trans specific there must at least be an LGBT organization in the area. They won't be your brothers and sisters like us but at least you can find some allies.

[Hope]

Here is the url for the GLBT center in Madison:

http://www.lgbtoutreach.org/

They are good folks if a bit unreliable sometimes. If you decide to come down this way I will recommend the Saturday afternoon T support group. The Friday one is pretty bad, but the Saturday is good.

If you move to Sane county, you will have protections against getting evicted for being trans. You can still be evicted for not paying your rent - but that is going to be true everywhere. You simply HAVE to do that.

My only other suggestion is to take things a bit easier... you have been moving at warp speed - you are out at work, but haven't seen a therapist yet? There is no wrong way to do this, and we all have to do it the way that makes sense to us - but there are things you can do that will make it easier... Warp speed - particularly warp speed w/o lots of financing is not one of those things.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Sophora,

Yes, you are right. You HAVE to pay your rent.

I am a landlady so I have some experience in this matter. Look, I know it's easy to assume that I (or your landlord) have plenty of money, but that's not true. I DEPEND on my rental income to pay MY mortgage and bills. If you don't pay your rent, I can't pay my mortgage. Then what happens? The bank forecloses on my house, and we are BOTH out of a place to live. Being late a couple of days is usually OK, but half a month? No. I would evict you also.

Now. Getting a new place. Are you in transition? Or just dreaming about it. If you are transitioning then don't say anything. Just rent a room. Landladies, and landlords don't give a sweet flying patootie who or what you are. We care about the rent, the way you keep the place clean and neat, and if you are quiet around other renters. THAT'S ALL. That's all, dear. I don't care if you wear a clown suit 24/7. Pay your rent on time (or even early), be quiet at night, and keep the place clean and neat. No body needs to know a thing about your transition. Don't announce it to the world. Don't announce it to any body. Just rent a place.

And sweetie? If you are transitioning? Dump your guy clothes.

S