Frédérique
06-17-2011, 07:38 PM
Now and then you read an impassioned plea for civility on this site, usually because somebody doesn’t understand or appreciate the idea of civility, and they have written something that has hurt someone’s feelings, meaning a fellow (or sister) crossdresser. Luckily, little Civility has a twin sister named Compromise – I would like you all to meet her, because she exists squarely between the two sides of whatever “discussion” that may ensue from avoiding civility in the first place...
OK – you’re a certain type of crossdresser, and I am another type of crossdresser. We are either here because we are crossdressers trying to communicate with other CD’ers, or we are here to better understand WHY we feel the desire to crossdress, and what to ultimately do about it. There are many serious questions to ponder, such as: are there others like me, is it OK to crossdress, how can I stop, how can I continue, how do I tell a loved one, and so on and so forth. All meaningful topics for discussion, and the shy participant in any discussion, or any conversation that it generates, hopes to achieve support in some small way from this obviously very experienced group of crossdressers. Many members are civil to a fault, helpful and generous, polite, friendly, and mindful of another person’s struggles with things that can be very hard to understand. I have been fortunate to benefit from the generosity of others on this site, and I maintain a presence here to help as best I can, even though I am not as experienced as some on this board. Basically, I’m here to say, “It’s OK...”
With this in mind, I am attentive to the reality of this place. Some people do not respect others, either because of their own struggles with crossdressing, or a lack of appreciation for someone else’s direction, or simply the way they may write things in an attempt to communicate as best they can. Lack of civility, that’s what I’m talking about, and it saddens me when someone has to take the time to plead for courtesy, decorum, amenity, or tactfulness. The meek do not wish to inherit the world, they merely wish to exist, as others do, in this world of crossdressing, and be accepted just as they are. Even though pride is a deadly sin, swallowing one’s pride shouldn’t be necessary in a place like this, since we have all, by and large, been cast adrift from society and exist a world apart. What is the alternative? WE ARE, and it would be wonderful if we could all co-exist as equals while we are briefly together. Unmannerliness, immodesty, and impropriety come along from time to time, and I really try hard to NOT answer the door, since these graceless entities are not welcome. How does one best respond to something you don’t like? Enter compromise...
Compromise is a trade-off, a concession, or a 50-50 deal, trying to find middle ground during a particularly heated discussion. Some would call it a cop-out, but those are the individuals who prefer lack of civility over civility. Can we come to an understanding? Is it worth trying, or are you the type of person who must always be right, seeing compromise as a form of surrender? I’ll tell you, I’m interested in harmony, a softening of edges (or a stance), leading to an accord where all will benefit in some way, and when I say “all” I mean the membership. Whenever I read a post that incites me to write an impassioned reply, I’ll write it, then shut off my laptop and walk away before submitting it. A miracle occurs – within 15 minutes, I completely lose the desire to post the offending blurb, and it gathers dust until I delete it. I feel like I’ve spared the site a BIG argument now and then by this simple practice of NOT submitting something. Write it, read it, get it out of your system, and get rid of the desire to be uncivil in this special place...
That is a good example of a compromise, since I gave in to a desire to write something out of character, and then promptly deleted it when it no longer had any “bite” or meaning. I am attentive to the many types of crossdressers on this site, meaning I am aware of them, so I take pains with any words I submit. Now and then I over-reach, as everyone does, but you can see this entire written exercise as a struggle with male aggressiveness, male stubbornness, and male knee-jerk reaction, all things I seek to limit by dressing in my female clothes and entering a state away from masculinity. Of course, not everyone appreciates another member’s “take” on things, but I would expect a certain civility to be present at all times, built upon compromise and a tacit acknowledgement that none of us have ALL the answers. I certainly don’t, but I know YOU don’t either, so I’m sure we can find common ground amidst the proceedings and learn from each other. I keep hearing this recurring word “community,” especially when one (civil) human being is trying to understand the ideas of another (rude) human being, all within this alternative gathering of disparate sensibilities, positions, and opinions. To me, the idea of a “community” is heartening, but it exists as a mythical entity I may never actually see, for one reason or another. Without this site, I would have precious little access to the transgendered community, so I try to maintain a certain civility at all times, since I sincerely respect other crossdressers across the board, regardless of what variation of CD they may be. My own longed-for civility can be seen as a compromise, or deference, because of the effect of crossdressing – it’s good to put the MALE away and meet others who concur with that feeling...
To look at this another way, I do not wish to compromise my position by hurting the feelings of others. To dishonor, embarrass, or confuse another crossdresser taking the time to pour out his or her heartfelt words for all to see would be extremely uncivil, unkind, and downright rude. A lot of special people, many of them my friends, have left this site, done in by lack of civility or indifference that others dole out by the shovelful. Pardon me if I don’t see the point, or the need, for all this negative activity, but I feel for those who struggle to be heard deep inside this community we inhabit. I suppose it really doesn’t make any difference if I’m here, or you’re here, or she is here, or he is here, but this place is like an oasis for us crossdressers who lived through a lonely time without any communication, acceptance, or simple conversation between two (or more) kindred spirits. We came out of a void of empty darkness, into a dimly illuminated world that could use a good polishing. I’ll do my part, but please help me by being civil to ALL types of crossdressers, even if you cannot understand how THEY see things – just think about compromise, and meet the other party halfway...
To those who would say, “TOO LONG,” I invite you to read this OP in installments, you know, as a "compromise" of sorts. Better yet, meet me under the shade of that tree over yonder, across the river of understanding we must both cross together...
Are you willing to Compromise, for the good of Civility? They go hand in hand, my friend...
:straightface:
OK – you’re a certain type of crossdresser, and I am another type of crossdresser. We are either here because we are crossdressers trying to communicate with other CD’ers, or we are here to better understand WHY we feel the desire to crossdress, and what to ultimately do about it. There are many serious questions to ponder, such as: are there others like me, is it OK to crossdress, how can I stop, how can I continue, how do I tell a loved one, and so on and so forth. All meaningful topics for discussion, and the shy participant in any discussion, or any conversation that it generates, hopes to achieve support in some small way from this obviously very experienced group of crossdressers. Many members are civil to a fault, helpful and generous, polite, friendly, and mindful of another person’s struggles with things that can be very hard to understand. I have been fortunate to benefit from the generosity of others on this site, and I maintain a presence here to help as best I can, even though I am not as experienced as some on this board. Basically, I’m here to say, “It’s OK...”
With this in mind, I am attentive to the reality of this place. Some people do not respect others, either because of their own struggles with crossdressing, or a lack of appreciation for someone else’s direction, or simply the way they may write things in an attempt to communicate as best they can. Lack of civility, that’s what I’m talking about, and it saddens me when someone has to take the time to plead for courtesy, decorum, amenity, or tactfulness. The meek do not wish to inherit the world, they merely wish to exist, as others do, in this world of crossdressing, and be accepted just as they are. Even though pride is a deadly sin, swallowing one’s pride shouldn’t be necessary in a place like this, since we have all, by and large, been cast adrift from society and exist a world apart. What is the alternative? WE ARE, and it would be wonderful if we could all co-exist as equals while we are briefly together. Unmannerliness, immodesty, and impropriety come along from time to time, and I really try hard to NOT answer the door, since these graceless entities are not welcome. How does one best respond to something you don’t like? Enter compromise...
Compromise is a trade-off, a concession, or a 50-50 deal, trying to find middle ground during a particularly heated discussion. Some would call it a cop-out, but those are the individuals who prefer lack of civility over civility. Can we come to an understanding? Is it worth trying, or are you the type of person who must always be right, seeing compromise as a form of surrender? I’ll tell you, I’m interested in harmony, a softening of edges (or a stance), leading to an accord where all will benefit in some way, and when I say “all” I mean the membership. Whenever I read a post that incites me to write an impassioned reply, I’ll write it, then shut off my laptop and walk away before submitting it. A miracle occurs – within 15 minutes, I completely lose the desire to post the offending blurb, and it gathers dust until I delete it. I feel like I’ve spared the site a BIG argument now and then by this simple practice of NOT submitting something. Write it, read it, get it out of your system, and get rid of the desire to be uncivil in this special place...
That is a good example of a compromise, since I gave in to a desire to write something out of character, and then promptly deleted it when it no longer had any “bite” or meaning. I am attentive to the many types of crossdressers on this site, meaning I am aware of them, so I take pains with any words I submit. Now and then I over-reach, as everyone does, but you can see this entire written exercise as a struggle with male aggressiveness, male stubbornness, and male knee-jerk reaction, all things I seek to limit by dressing in my female clothes and entering a state away from masculinity. Of course, not everyone appreciates another member’s “take” on things, but I would expect a certain civility to be present at all times, built upon compromise and a tacit acknowledgement that none of us have ALL the answers. I certainly don’t, but I know YOU don’t either, so I’m sure we can find common ground amidst the proceedings and learn from each other. I keep hearing this recurring word “community,” especially when one (civil) human being is trying to understand the ideas of another (rude) human being, all within this alternative gathering of disparate sensibilities, positions, and opinions. To me, the idea of a “community” is heartening, but it exists as a mythical entity I may never actually see, for one reason or another. Without this site, I would have precious little access to the transgendered community, so I try to maintain a certain civility at all times, since I sincerely respect other crossdressers across the board, regardless of what variation of CD they may be. My own longed-for civility can be seen as a compromise, or deference, because of the effect of crossdressing – it’s good to put the MALE away and meet others who concur with that feeling...
To look at this another way, I do not wish to compromise my position by hurting the feelings of others. To dishonor, embarrass, or confuse another crossdresser taking the time to pour out his or her heartfelt words for all to see would be extremely uncivil, unkind, and downright rude. A lot of special people, many of them my friends, have left this site, done in by lack of civility or indifference that others dole out by the shovelful. Pardon me if I don’t see the point, or the need, for all this negative activity, but I feel for those who struggle to be heard deep inside this community we inhabit. I suppose it really doesn’t make any difference if I’m here, or you’re here, or she is here, or he is here, but this place is like an oasis for us crossdressers who lived through a lonely time without any communication, acceptance, or simple conversation between two (or more) kindred spirits. We came out of a void of empty darkness, into a dimly illuminated world that could use a good polishing. I’ll do my part, but please help me by being civil to ALL types of crossdressers, even if you cannot understand how THEY see things – just think about compromise, and meet the other party halfway...
To those who would say, “TOO LONG,” I invite you to read this OP in installments, you know, as a "compromise" of sorts. Better yet, meet me under the shade of that tree over yonder, across the river of understanding we must both cross together...
Are you willing to Compromise, for the good of Civility? They go hand in hand, my friend...
:straightface: