Assumptions

[cd_in_de]

Why do people assume that just because a man likes to CD that he is gay? I am tired of being assumed to be gay just because I CD.

[NathalieX66]

because RuPaul exists?

[cd_in_de]

LOL at RuPaul reference

[VioletJourney]

'cause we're the T (transgender) in LGBT.

[Barbara Dugan]

They are always right about me

[sissystephanie]

Have people actually asked you to your face if you were "Gay?" If so, how do you answer them?

I cannot really answer your question because in the over 60 years that I have been a CD, there has never been a time when anybody indicated that they thought I was "gay!" Even now when I go out dressed enfemme, but presenting as a male I never hear any comments like that. I do get women asking me where I bought the skirt or the blouse, but that is all.

What many CD don't know, or realize, is that the majority of people walking around in public don't pay much attention to what people are wearing! Unless of course you are really standing out because of what you have on! I don't dress that way and never get bothered no matter where I go!

[cd_in_de]

People that live in large cities do not understand or get small towns. Small towns are very conservative; being more open than I already am could ruin me financially.

I have been avoided because others assumed I was gay because they heard I CD and assumed I am gay. The few that have actually asked me about it, I have openly told them that I CD but that I am straight.

[Debb]

I am convinced that at least for some people, gender goes hand-in-hand with sexuality. In other words, if you're a man, you want women ... if you're a woman, you want men.

Hence, the assumption that if you want to *appear* feminine, you must want a man, and vice-versa.

Please note, I myself do not feel this way ... it is easier for us crossdressers to understand that sexuality/sexual orientation is not really tied to gender. It is also therefore easier for us to forgive these neophytes their errors, and lead them to greater understanding :-)

[Valerie1973]

Some people assume you are what you ware.

[docrobbysherry]

I am convinced that at least for some people, gender goes hand-in-hand with sexuality. In other words, if you're a man, you want women ... if you're a woman, you want men.

Hence, the assumption that if you want to *appear* feminine, you must want a man, and vice-versa.

Please note, I myself do not feel this way ... it is easier for us crossdressers to understand that sexuality/sexual orientation is not really tied to gender. It is also therefore easier for us to forgive these neophytes their errors, and lead them to greater understanding :-)

That is SO TRUE, Deb! So much so, that when I began CDing about 15 years ago, I assumed if I liked wearing women's clothes I MUST BE GAY!

[Schatten Lupus]

Lot's of false beliefs and stereotypes exist. Lot's of people believe Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her own home. Unfortunately it's one of the very many false things people in our society believe. You could go on and on about such things, like a man's penis size matters when pleasing a woman (or that black men are genetically endowed with bigger penises), lots of people do not trust atheist, and even many Americans believe the earth is only 6,000 years old. We may live in the Information Age, but America is filled many lies, misconceptions, and misinformation.

[Jason+]

Have people actually asked you to your face if you were "Gay?" If so, how do you answer them?



I had this question posed to me recently while out and about as an obvious male in a skirt and top. My answer: "Nope, totally separate issues."

[Cynthia Anne]

I have been asked if I was gay more time then I care to count! Even by doctors! My answer is always the same! "No I'm not! What did you have in mind?

[Engendered]

There are very few straight CDs on television or in movies.

[Sedona]

There are very few straight CDs on television or in movies.

Great point! CDing and being gay seems to go hand in hand in the entertainment world. Sure some of our CDing friends are gay, but most are not, which is the part that the mainstream can't get their heads around.

[Briana90802]

Come on people!! We all know why we lump CDers and being gay together. It's human nature. We all do it. And if you don't believe me ask yourself a few questions. Do you call native Americans: Indians or by thier tribal names? People always think I'm Chinese and I'm not.

I love the King of the Hill thing, "Are you chinese or japanese?"
"I'm laotion from Laos."
"So, are you Chinese or Japanese?"

I'm not saying it's right to do this, just that it's human nature.

[5150 Girl]

I say "Yes I am a lesbian"

[cd_in_de]

I say "Yes I am a lesbian"

My friends have described me as a lesbian trapped in a man's body. lol

[Kate Simmons]

I never assume that . If anything I assume they enjoy what they are doing.:)

[Raychel]

Personnally I don't really care what they think. I am happily married with 3 kids. I think that would pretty much prove that I am not gay. But so what if I was. I am still the same person. Like me or not, This is who I am.

[Princess Chantal]

Here's another set of questions,
Why do people assume that married crossdressers are straight?
Why do people assume that if a crossdresser is not straight that he is gay? or vice versa?

People that are not engaged (or newly experienced) with the alternative lifestyles are more liable to make these type of assumptions. Best thing to do to educate them is explain your status and let them know that you don't represent every crossdresser

[eluuzion]

Because it is easier to assume than it is to ask questions.

:love:

[Danni Renee]

I think the assumptions are based on experiences. Girls like boys (and vice versa) and people see male-female realtionships every day. So if a guy wants to be more feminine it is only natural to assume that includes sexual preferences. The only way around that is through educating people and letting them see different experiences. Unfortunately that is currently achieved primarily through television which is progressive in many ways but includes only things that are a "cause" for people with the resources to fund programming. As a small group of people who tend to stay closeted we are simply not loud enough for our voices to be heard and so we do not effect change and live with the assumptions.

[cd_in_de]

I find it amusing that people have forgotten about a famous publicly straight crossdresser: Dennis Rodman. When he married Carmen Electra, they had a public wedding in which he wore a wedding dress and she wore a tuxedo. The photos from the wedding can be found on Google Images.

[cd_in_de]

http://wedding-ready.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/dennis-rodman-in-wedding-dress-1.jpg

[Princess Chantal]

I find it amusing that people have forgotten about a famous publicly straight crossdresser: Dennis Rodman. When he married Carmen Electra, they had a public wedding in which he wore a wedding dress and she wore a tuxedo. The photos from the wedding can be found on Google Images.
His book tells more and is more influential than his wedding dress pictures
"I paint my fingernails. I color my hair. I sometimes wear women's clothes."
"As a kid I would sometimes dress as a girl. You play house, you play doctor--everybody does that, but some people like it more than others. I used to go through the whole routine--dress up, wear makeup, act like a girl."
"I want to challenge people's image of what an athlete is supposed to be. I like bringing out the feminine side of Dennis Rodman."
"If I want to wear a dress, I'll wear a dress."
"After years of struggling with my identity--who I was, who I was going to be--I've become totally confident about being who I am. I can go out to a salon and have my nails painted pink, and then go out and play in the NBA, on national television, with pink nails."
"When I cross-dress now, it's just another way I can show all the sides of Dennis Rodman. I'm giving you the whole package. I'm becoming the all-purpose person. I'm like the running back that can break one to the outside and also go over the middle to catch a pass."

Madison Square Garden President Dave Checketts raged: "When I saw the pictures of him showing up on the motorcycle with the makeup job, I just couldn't believe this is what it has come to. I guarantee you that as long as I'm running the New York Knicks, he will not be on this club."

[RylieCD]

Why do people assume that just because a man likes to CD that he is gay? I am tired of being assumed to be gay just because I CD.

and why do the assume that we are some peteifiles or child molesters? I am the same as I always have been, nothing has changed or will change just because someone knows me a little better.

[cd_in_de]

His book tells more and is more influential than his wedding dress pictures
"I paint my fingernails. I color my hair. I sometimes wear women's clothes."
"As a kid I would sometimes dress as a girl. You play house, you play doctor--everybody does that, but some people like it more than others. I used to go through the whole routine--dress up, wear makeup, act like a girl."
"I want to challenge people's image of what an athlete is supposed to be. I like bringing out the feminine side of Dennis Rodman."
"If I want to wear a dress, I'll wear a dress."
"After years of struggling with my identity--who I was, who I was going to be--I've become totally confident about being who I am. I can go out to a salon and have my nails painted pink, and then go out and play in the NBA, on national television, with pink nails."
"When I cross-dress now, it's just another way I can show all the sides of Dennis Rodman. I'm giving you the whole package. I'm becoming the all-purpose person. I'm like the running back that can break one to the outside and also go over the middle to catch a pass."

Madison Square Garden President Dave Checketts raged: "When I saw the pictures of him showing up on the motorcycle with the makeup job, I just couldn't believe this is what it has come to. I guarantee you that as long as I'm running the New York Knicks, he will not be on this club."

I wasn't aware that he wrote a book about CD; what's the title?

[Debb]

Yeah, I worry somewhat about the pedophile thing. I have a grandchild whose parents are divorcing, and they both know I cross-dress; I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop, legal-wise, where she tells the judge that she doesn't want our grandchild around "that pervert" who wears women's clothing.

[Princess Chantal]

I wasn't aware that he wrote a book about CD; what's the title?

It's more of an autobiography and the book was a number one best seller "Bad as I Wanna Be."

[cd_in_de]

and why do the assume that we are some peteifiles or child molesters? I am the same as I always have been, nothing has changed or will change just because someone knows me a little better.

When my ex-girlfriend's son's father found out through a third party that I crossdress, he posted on Facebook that he did not want his son around a "crossdressing child molester". I have never been accused of being or convicted of being a child molester. I sued him for Defamation; needless to say his lawyer settled with me.


It's more of an autobiography and the book was a number one best seller "Bad as I Wanna Be."

Thanks. I am taking a trip next month and that will make for good reading during the trip.

[Princess Chantal]

Yeah, I worry somewhat about the pedophile thing. I have a grandchild whose parents are divorcing, and they both know I cross-dress; I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop, legal-wise, where she tells the judge that she doesn't want our grandchild around "that pervert" who wears women's clothing.
Her assumption of the judge's knowledge and awareness of crossdressing/gender expression may backfire and kick her in the buttocks

[cd_in_de]

Her assumption of the judge's knowledge and awareness of crossdressing/gender expression may backfire and kick her in the buttocks

I have considerable Pro Se (self-representation) experience in court. The judge will look at the issues of crossdressing and pedophilia as 2 separate things. Thus, that part of the case won't go in her favor. Additionally, most of us have the sense to not confuse children by dressing when they are around.

[Emma England]

It is impossible to tell a persons sexuality just by the clothes they wear.

If you are straight, a gay man will know quite soon, because if they start flirting with you, they would get no response (as you are not attracted to them).

Who are making these assumptions anyway?

[gender_blender]

Why do people assume that just because a man likes to CD that he is gay? I am tired of being assumed to be gay just because I CD.

Because the public cannot be bothered to see the difference between a Drag Queen's costume and a crossdresser's lifestyle. I stopped caring years ago, and now my thousands of friends on my personal facebook and myspace can see that I'm in a relationship with a hot GG.

[Pythos]

There are very few straight CDs on television or in movies.

BINGO!!!

That is it!!! Unfortunately most people's source of social structure comes from the television, and media in general. There is also the possiblilty that gay crossdressers....aka drag queens, get far more coverage. I have to admit, when Ru Paul came out blatenetly as gay, and even claimed to the spokeswoman for gays, I lost some respect for him. I know that sounds rotten but I was so hoping beyond hope that this performer that was loved by many, including a whole heck of a lot of women would come out as straight. With that I was hoping this would put a dent in the idea that when one wears styles and behaves like a female they are doing it to attract men.

IT IS NOT BECAUSE I DISLIKE GAYS. It is because want assumptions to die. To go away.

Eddie Izzard was a ray of hope, but now from what I have seen he dropped the cding schitdt (sp).

But in general, in the media Crossdressers are either Gay, Bisexual, or murdurous criminals.

NOt so good for the straight cders, that would like to be identified as such.

[Nicole Erin]

Alright this sucks, Dennis Rodman looks better as a woman than I do...
And with people assuming a CD/TS is gay - who the hell cares who someone else sleeps with?


http://wedding-ready.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/dennis-rodman-in-wedding-dress-1.jpg

[Dawn cd]

Personally, I always had a crush on Corporal Klinger.

helmi.home.pages.at

[LilSissyStevie]

The truth is I probably am gay, but I suffer from erotic target location error because I'm attracted to women instead of men. Also, like a Drag Queen, I only dress for (my own) entertainment purposes.

[Lainie]

Gays are fairly common and accepted in some of my circles, but I almost never see anyone en femme unless I have gone specifically to meet them. It's just that among the non-gender-conforming LGBTQQIA* groups, only gays and lesbians (about 10% of the population) are out enough to be recognizable.

*...queer, questioning, intersexed & allies

[Kathryn Philips]

Why do people assume that just because a man likes to CD that he is gay?

Because their parents taught them that boys who wear women's clothes, like boys...
...Just like they taught them that if you go out in the cold with insufficient clothes you will be immediately infected by viruses that cause the common cold.

[Jamie001]

Here is the reality of the situation. Do we have the guts to do something about it or will we cower in the closet?

The reason for this is because straight CDers are the most closeted folks in the world!! They don't come out and show the world that they are normal folks just trying to get on with life. Until straight crossdressers come out of the closet, they will remain part of the problem rather than part of the solution. We have made our own bed and we don't like to lay in it. We want some brave Cding folks to get out there and show the world that they are normal folks while we cower in the closet because we are too afraid to be discovered.

Pythos wrote:

Eddie Izzard was a ray of hope, but now from what I have seen he dropped the cding schitdt (sp).

But in general, in the media Crossdressers are either Gay, Bisexual, or murdurous criminals.

NOt so good for the straight cders, that would like to be identified as such.[/QUOTE]

[Loni]

it is a bad stereo type thing that has been around for a very long time. a man in a dress is gay (unless it is a comic in a play or movie).
even my mom had me "checked out" to see if i was gay. she know better now, and we enjoy each others company. she just did not know or understand back then.

.

[Barbara Dugan]

it is a bad stereo type thing that has been around for a very long time. a man in a dress is gay (unless it is a comic in a play or movie).
even my mom had me "checked out" to see if i was gay. she know better now, and we enjoy each others company. she just did not know or understand back then.

.

Loni why you believe is a bad stereotype..I Think is a false assumption but not a bad stereotype

[Princess Chantal]

Seeing that supposely that a very high percent of crossdressers are assumed to be straight, Is it more acceptable for people to assume a crossdresser is straight at the get go?

[Stephanie47]

As a child of the 1950's and 1960's to be a cross-dresser was to be a "faggot." There was absolutely no distinction between a cross-dresser and a homosexual. Fast forward to now. There is generally more acceptance of gays and lesbians than cross-dressers. Although my state and city have very progressive laws concerning sexuality, I have not read of one instance of a MTF cross-dresser asserting those rights in the work place or schools. Yes, there have been stories of people transitioning from one sex to another for medical reasons, but, none involving a male preferring to wear a dress and presenting as a woman.

[Shelly Preston]

I am afraid the media does not help when it comes to assumptions

Unfortunately any good role models who crossdress are of no interest to the media, they are always looking for the bank robber or worse. It is getting a little better on televison as some programs are at least trying to portray an image of normallity. for those of us who are out and abut all we can do is create a good impression with everyone we meet.
Change the world one mind at a time.

[cd_in_de]

People that I know continue to ask me if I am sure that I am straight. Until more straight CDs come out, this will continue to happen

[Princess Chantal]

Wouldn't the results be better if people express that their crossdressing has no influence on their sexual preference, desires or curiousities? Oh wait, to some crossdressing does influence and/or impact their sexual preference, desires and curiousities..... whether it be their own crossdressing making the influence and/or impact or could be the crossdressing of other individuals

[cd_in_de]

Crossdressing and sexual preference are 2 separate issues. Unfortunately, a lot of people like to lump them together.

[Princess Chantal]

Crossdressing and sexual preference are 2 separate issues. Unfortunately, a lot of people like to lump them together.

Yes I agree, however to some individuals they (crossdressing and sexual preference) could possibly have an impact or have an influence on each other....
I am not sure if it was my progression of crossdressing or the engagement in the crossdressing/trans community had the impact on my openmindness of what attracts my sexual desires. I was straight, had no thoughts or desires of being with individuals that are not genetic female, but now it's a different story as I am pansexual and gender doesn't have much of an influence what attracts me sexually.

[cd_in_de]

Yes I agree, however to some individuals they (crossdressing and sexual preference) could possibly have an impact or have an influence on each other....
I am not sure if it was my progression of crossdressing or the engagement in the crossdressing/trans community had the impact on my openmindness of what attracts my sexual desires. I was straight, had no thoughts or desires of being with individuals that are not genetic female, but now it's a different story as I am pansexual and gender doesn't have much of an influence what attracts me sexually

That is true. I guess it depends on each individual's situation. I am openminded and accepting of others preferences, but they are just not for me. In my individual situation, my sexual preference has never changed as a result.

[Princess Chantal]

That is true. I guess it depends on each individual's situation. I am openminded and accepting of others preferences, but they are just not for me. In my individual situation, my sexual preference has never changed as a result.
I respect that
If you were a person being introduced to the forum as say as a friend or a spouse and you see all these people describing theirselves as straight crossdressers or whatever, wouldn't you take the assumption that sexual preference and crossdressing is lumped together?

[cd_in_de]

I respect that
If you were a person being introduced to the forum as say as a friend or a spouse and you see all these people describing theirselves as straight crossdressers or whatever, wouldn't you take the assumption that sexual preference and crossdressing is lumped together?

I can't speak for other, but the reason that I introduced myself as a straight crossdresser is because people assume and lump them together. I did that to make the distinction between the 2 separate issues.

[Fab Karen]

If you don't plan to date them, why care?

[Princess Chantal]

I can't speak for other, but the reason that I introduced myself as a straight crossdresser is because people assume and lump them together. I did that to make the distinction between the 2 separate issues.

So you are assuming that people assume that the 2 go hand in hand LOL just teasing

But seriously in my opinion it's more of adding to the fire of assumptions of sexuality is the core front of crossdressing

[Princess Chantal]

What really is odd, is that people that are familiar with my dressing and outings usually are shocked with my sexuality when they are told of it. Could be the way I carry myself in photos or in my outings that strikes them as not of a sexual nature.....

[sometimes_miss]

Why do people assume that just because a man likes to CD that he is gay? I am tired of being assumed to be gay just because I CD.

Uhhhh, it's pretty simple. Women's clothing is primarily designed the way it is so as to be attractive to men; long hair, make up, figure conforming outfits, dresses and skirts, 'foundation garments', heels, none of that is easy to maintain/use, it's work (when you HAVE to wear it, anyway). So, people naturally think that we are trying to be attractive to men when we try to be pretty.