any insight would be welcome.

[anda_mouse]

Ok here’s the deal and sorry if it comes off as rambling. I’ve been involved with my partner (female) for about 8 months now and we have a very great time with each other. She is a bit more alpha I believe (though she’d argue that with me) than I in our relationship. She is also somewhat of a feminist. She hardly wears makeup (not that she needs to) and I have yet to see her wear a dress or even remotely dress too feminine. I myself am not much of GQ type of guy and am more likely to be seen in cutoff shorts than slacks. Anyways she has no idea about this part of my life and while I have been tempted to tell her many times I don’t know how she’d respond.

1. Because I haven’t told her sooner when I should have.
2. Since she is a bit of a feminist I fear it may bother her that I want to dress “girly” and enjoy it because she see’s that style of dress as something she stands against. As it degrades women into merely pretty play things for men and makes women believe their ultimate self worth is in appearances.

However a while ago we were at a gay pride celebration and a friend suggested (with no mention from me or egging on whatsoever) that the guys and gals switch out attire for the evening. We all did and it was a great time for all. My partner was quite touchy with me throughout the evening and even said I made a pretty girl. She has even said on a few occasions that I look like a girl prior to this. Now I am very tempted to let her know about this part of me because I feel we will be together for some time and eventually she WILL find out. I just don’t know how to do it or even if I should. I don’t even know if I am conveying what I’m trying to say correctly even here. I am one confused soul at the moment. Any thoughts anyone? Or does anyone have a situation similar?

[Cynthia Anne]

You had better get it out in the open NOW! If she finds out you have been doing this behind her back then you should exspect the worst! Perhaps you could bring up the celebration you went to and how much you enjoyed it! Then let her know that you have a fem' side and enjoy dressing! Let her take it from there! Good luck! Hugs!

[VioletJourney]

If she's truly a feminist she shouldn't care. True feminism is about equal rights and opportunity, etc not bra burning and acting like men.

[sissystephanie]

Gina, the way to do it is to open your mouth and speak!! If true love is there she won't care! And if she does care and doesn't like you doing it, than it is time to find another lady! I would also add that she may already suspect that you CD!

[Stephanie Miller]

Why wait for the inevitable? You know you WILL tell her. Some time - and some where. She will respect you more the sooner you do. If she's not in to it... then it's best for you both to move on and stop waisting your time with each other. If she is .... whoo hoo! Times a waistin' :yippee:

Sounds to me like she might be open to it, more than you think. ;)

[anda_mouse]

i know i know i have to just tell her but yeah i dont know how to get about it. i dont know if she suspects i cd because that evening was someone elses idea and she really seemed to be having more fun with it than i was.

[Genifer Teal]

You seem to be doing what most (understandably) do - trying to determine if she will be in favor of it or not. I get that there is no point opening up if she is not going to like it. My question is, "Then what?" If she doesn't like it, will you continue to hide this side of you forever? Is that what you really want? You will be stuck stealing little bits of time to your self here and there and dressing at a hotel or maybe locked in some room somewhere. You may never experience your Femme self the way it could truely be. I think you have a bigger question to ask yourself. What does your girl side need for you to feel happy and complete? Once you answer that question, deciding to tell her (or not) will be easeir.

Best wishes, Gen

[anda_mouse]

genifer....hm honestly my girl side needs to above all have at least 3 days a month to be out. not necessarily out around town but out in private and fully dressed. i have no plans to go full time at the moment but it is not something i havent considered. i am also afraid of what the consequences may be if she is not for it. seeing as how we have mostly mutual friends and while i dont think she would i dont want the whole world finding out.

[Stephenie S]

You seem to be doing what most (understandably) do - trying to determine if she will be in favor of it or not. I get that there is no point opening up if she is not going to like it. My question is, "Then what?" If she doesn't like it, will you continue to hide this side of you forever? Is that what you really want? You will be stuck stealing little bits of time to your self here and there and dressing at a hotel or maybe locked in some room somewhere. You may never experience your Femme self the way it could truely be. I think you have a bigger question to ask yourself. What does your girl side need for you to feel happy and complete? Once you answer that question, deciding to tell her (or not) will be easeir.

Best wishes, Gen

Genifer is wise beyond her years. Pay attention to her.

Stephie

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Maybe the next time she mentions how pretty you look as a girl ask her if she would like to see you dressed up as one again? That might give you a clue as to how she feels.

As far as being a feminist b/c she don't wear makeup and dress up much, I wouldn't necessarily say that's true. I never wear dresses or dress up unless I'm going to church, work, job interview or a funeral. She may just be someone who is more about comfort than style. Until you know for sure don't make any assumptions.

[anda_mouse]

actually she IS more about comfort. she dislikes most modern femine styles because she finds them uncomfortable and has stated that her friends who dress like that do it to get attention and a man to buy them drinks while out on the town. not only of course but a mojority as she explains. she's never said anything to her friends on this opinion and never makes faces or that kind of thing when we are out and people are dressed like that she just tells me to the side why she doesnt like it. she really is a very awesome person and i just want to figure out what to do. i know the decision is ultimatly up to me but i just want some voice on the subject before i decide what i do.

[Wendy_Marie]

Sounds to me as if she has already opened the door for you...She complimented your looks as a girl and has gone so far as to suggest that you look girly even in guy mode...So unless she is doing so sarcatically...I say she is giving you every oppurtunity to out yourself to her.

Go For It.

[cd_in_de]

She is obviously open to the idea - even if only sometimes. Perhaps her feminist beliefs have her desiring reversal of gender roles.

[Vanessa Storrs]

Instead of asking us what she thinks, why don't you ask her?

[Sophie86]

actually she IS more about comfort. she dislikes most modern femine styles because she finds them uncomfortable and has stated that her friends who dress like that do it to get attention and a man to buy them drinks while out on the town. not only of course but a mojority as she explains. she's never said anything to her friends on this opinion and never makes faces or that kind of thing when we are out and people are dressed like that she just tells me to the side why she doesnt like it. she really is a very awesome person and i just want to figure out what to do. i know the decision is ultimatly up to me but i just want some voice on the subject before i decide what i do.

Tell her. If she's not going to be approving, it's better to know it now. If she is, then she'll wonder why you didn't trust her enough to tell her.

It's not an easy thing to do. The inhibition against talking to people about it is very strong, but somehow you're going to have to find a way to say the words. "I am a crossdresser." Remember all the stories you've heard on here about people finding acceptance in the strangest places. If you can't find it with her, that would be strange indeed.

[eluuzion]

hiya gina,

Sometimes confusion is caused by rolling everything into one "big ball", then trying to figure it out. It becomes overwhelming and you get no answers and make no progress, aside from becoming more confused. Confusion is just a sign that you need to break a problem down into manageable pieces. Once you do that, you feel in control again instead of just overwhelmed. You can resolve each piece and put the puzzle back together, which resolves the big ball you started out with.:)

Seems to me you have several issues. Here are a few questions that came to my mind...nothing intended to be personal, but just what I would ask myself in same scenario...

Many times when we are caught up in an issue, we tend to perceive everything in terms of being related to the issue at hand. ("This is a sign of...that is a sign of"...etc.). Sometimes we only "see" what we want to see. Are you engaging in "selective perception"?

Is "telling her" and "how she will react" the same issue or two separate issues?

Is revealing your CDing interests to your SO the right thing to do, regardless of whether she accepts or rejects it?

Do you feel you have the right to deny another person their right to make an informed decision about how they want to spend their life? (By withholding information that may have made a difference in the direction they chose, if they were made aware of that information prior making the choice they made?)

Does procrastinating the inevitable ever lead to a more favorable outcome in terms of self-respect and character assessment?

Which makes more logical sense?
- Do not place a bet unless you can determine the outcome of the race before it takes place.
- Prepare for all of the possible options and outcomes and then address the only credible source directly (your SO).

Does the decision to "conceal" a "relationship impacting" issue from your SO ever really do anything positive for either party? What quality of life will you gain from concealing part of your true self from an SO? What is to be gained by an SO who builds a foundation with a partner she believes she totally knows, but actually does not?

Given all of the possible unpredictable changes and events that occur in daily life...Does anybody have the ability to predict the future accurately enough to justify concealing information from another person under the assumption that it was "to protect them from harm or being hurt"? Is that really logical?

Would you rather reveal your issues to your SO or others... or try at a later date to convince those who discovered it on their own that you "always intended to tell them"?

just my thoughts...good luck:hugs:

:love:

[Tina B.]

Sorry to say, if you are going to tell her, the longer you wait, the harder it gets. There never is a good time to show your vulnerability, but to have a good relationship it does help, and Can be appreciated for that fact that you had Faith enough to trust her and tell her. Or she could figure you are just to weird for her, and dump you, but if she does that it's better now, that after years of marriage and cost you everything you have. Not to mention just how nice it is to be able to hang you clothes in the closet, and wear them a lot more often because you where up front about who you are. Remember tell or not, you are who you are, and will always be, and if you are going to leave together it helps if she knows who you are and accepts you that way. After all you say she has no interest in feminine things, or sexy dress, and you are willing to accept that in her, knowing it most likely won't change either. I just think life got better because she knows, but then my wife did accept me for just what I am.
Tina B.

[anda_mouse]

you guys are all spot on :) thank you sooooooo much