True Horror Stories???

[adrienner99]

I think that many of us share a terrible fear of going out in public dressed. While I have been out a fair number of times, I am still at least wary or tense the whole time--will I be read? Will I see someone I know at the makeup counter? Will someone from the office spot me? Will teenage girls or boys ridicule me?

And yet, nothing terrible has ever happened. Yes I've been laughed at and once a crude man said something nasty...but not much more than that...

So I wonder if all this fear is really needed...and my question is--have your worst fears ever been realized? Were you ever seen by someone you worked with, or did you endure some brutish or humiliating circumstance? What's the worst thing that ever happened?

If enough people respond with, "Nothing I couldn't handle," then maybe we can all start getting over this mind-numbing fear...

[gender_blender]

Not really. Most people don't care; just take the usual precautions: don't go to dangerous places and use common sense. It helps if you pass and even more if you're attractive.

If you see someone you know, say hi.

[Karren H]

I've never had any issues or big problems... But I pick my venues so I won't have any...

[Michelle James]

So far I have not encountered anything I couldn't handle. As far as running into someone? Well the way i see it is; if it happens it happens and the sooner they either get over it or not the sooner we can all get on with life. I have come face to face with neighbors who have said nothing other than hello or good morning. etc. I have run into business associates who have expressed no recognition when introduced to me by my SO (as my own sister in law).


Not really. Most people don't care; just take the usual precautions: don't go to dangerous places and use common sense. It helps if you pass and even more if you're attractive.

If you see someone you know, say hi.

I agree with most of what you say. You are correct that most people don't care and of course taking precautions is way up on my list. I avoid dangerous places and common sense is king. Yes it helps if you pass, but (you knew there was going to be one) I have seen extremely passable CD's give themselves away with a timid or unsure demeaner. You must have confidence and attitude. Most importantly I vehemently disagree with your last part "and even more if you are attractive" That is just wrong. Many GG's are not that attractive. I am out there every day with very few issues and have you seen my avitar. The premis that being attractive is an any way a key element in being accepted while cross dressing you way through live is a extremely flawed and I am living proof.

[Sara Jessica]

...will I be read?

Probably.


Will I see someone I know at the makeup counter?

Maybe, it's always a possibility.


Will someone from the office spot me?

Maybe, no matter how careful one might try to be. Again, it's always possible.


Will teenage girls or boys ridicule me?

If I want to be cynical, I'd say guaranteed. But even if this were the case, who cares?


And yet, nothing terrible has ever happened.

Right, and as a wonderful friend of mine who is always good for a great quote or analogy says, "the world (continually) fails to explode".


Yes I've been laughed at and once a crude man said something nasty...but not much more than that...

If that is the worse that happens, you are doing pretty well.


...and my question is--have your worst fears ever been realized?

Personally, I guess that my only fear in going out (for lack of a better word) is to be outed on terms other than my own. But that is a risk we take when going into the big wide wonderful world we live in.


Were you ever seen by someone you worked with...

Encountered a former client a couple years back in my wig days. Don't think I was so recognizable but either way, I subtly removed myself from the situation, likely without even being seen at all.


...or did you endure some brutish or humiliating circumstance?

Nothing even remotely deserving of such a description.


What's the worst thing that ever happened?

For me, it was coming face to face with someone I've known most of my life, she going down an escalator while I was going up. Again, this was during my wig days and we were face to face for a few brief seconds that at the time seemed like minutes. She looked right at me yet to this day I don't think she recognized me.

I don't think I slept for days as I worried about the "what-if's" but since then I have come to realize that my world wouldn't end if I were somehow outed to people I know. Again, if that ever happens I'd prefer it to be on my terms but it's something which doesn't give me too many pauses these days.


If enough people respond with, "Nothing I couldn't handle," then maybe we can all start getting over this mind-numbing fear...

Tales such as these can serve to offer reassurance and encouragement to others who are contemplating stepping out but at the end of the day, it is a really big step that should be taken only because one is comfortable in doing so. A challenge to get over fear is not a good enough reason in and of itself. Someone's fears, whether legitimate or perceived, are theirs and theirs alone to deal with.

[sometimes_miss]

True Horror Stories; you mean, like family and friends that slowly distancing themselves from you until you never have contact with them anymore after you let them know about the crossdressing? Yeah, I live that one.

[sissystephanie]

In over 60 years of crossdressing I have never had anything bad said to me! Maybe that is because, like Karren, I pick my venues! Of course, it could also be that if it was a man he would be on the ground hurting!! Not kidding, I may be old but I am still dangerous!! I was well taught!

As far as family is concerned, they all know and don't care. If I meet friends who know the male me, well they will have an opportunity to meet my other side!! Guess you know my attitude!! I am who I am, and I am happy!!

[Sallee]

Never really had anything bad. Got stop by a cop once but he was cool Gave me a ticket :-( Ran in to a friend once he didn't recognize me. Have been read numerous times nothing has ever been said.

[eluuzion]

Aside from the time I was attacked in a dark alley by an axe-toting band of renegade munchkins that tried to steal my purse and I had to fend them off with just the spikes of my CFM 5" stilettos...:D

Nothing exciting to report. I do not venture out much, and when I do I pick my venue carefully, as others have noted.

:love:

[TGMarla]

But the fact remains, and will likely always remain no matter how much acceptance grows in the public, that crossdressing can endanger you when out in public. There might always be that one person, or persons, who simply cannot wrap their little minds around the concepts that this is none of their business, it's hurting no one, that we are not endangering society at large, and that we exist whether they like it or not. When we place ourselves in situations of potential danger, it is normal to experience fear. Now, granted, it doesn't have to be the mind-numbing fear you describe, but it is healthy to at least be wary and aware of your surroundings at all times. Our potential for harm goes up a great deal when we let our guards down, no matter what the situation is. We fear the haters, and we have seen the rare, but very real situations when people in the GLBT communtiy have been harmed, or even killed. But thankfully, these situations are unlikely when simply strolling around a mall or eating in a restaurant.

[Sarasometimes]

Karren said it best, no because I pick my venues to avoid problems. The chance is always there, we just need to minimize it as best we can. Stay alert just like GG's need to and be smart. I look at it this way, you are allowed to go anywhere you want. Much like the right of way on the road, you are entitled, but if taking that entitlement means getting run over by an unyielding semi, I don't exercise that right.

[Cynthia Anne]

Some great responses here! I say just go out and have fun! Don't worry about nothing! There will be plenty of time to worry when and IF!

[Sheren Kelly]

True story #1: I was taking the Metro to the Gay Pride festival in DC (to staff the TGEA booth). At Pentagon City the receptionist from work walks into my car and by chance sits in the seat directly across from me (facing me). I try to stay composed and got off at my stop, with her eyes following me out the door. The result? NOTHING! I am 100% sure I was read, and I am sure there was a lot of gossip, but no one confronted me about it. I mentioned in a previous post that I sensed some people I worked with had an attitude change to me, but it didn't affect my job performance and I remained in my position until I decided it was time to move on for a better job.

OK, true story #2: I got lost in Anacostia around midnight trying to follow some friends who were headed to the local drag club. While stopped to make a left turn (against traffic) I was hit from behind. The 2 guys in the car drove off and left me to assess my situation in a cocktail dress in one of the worse sections of town. Result: My bumper was crumpled, but I could drive. At that time I was a new TG girl, so I had a spare set of guy clothes in the trunk (just in case), but didn't need them on this night.

It is always better to avoid a bad situation, and avoid being out alone after dark.
Today, I would not think of going out on my own without a fully charged cell phone and some extra cash.

[Stephanie47]

True Horror Stories; you mean, like family and friends that slowly distancing themselves from you until you never have contact with them anymore after you let them know about the crossdressing? Yeah, I live that one.

Amen, Lexi. It's not encountering the person I will never see again from some far off city. It's exactly the situation or person who will somehow affect a person's employment, church, social and personal friend and family relationships. To be out of the closet sometimes results in also being out of the house and out of your community.

Sometimes it's better to be an in-home cross-dresser and still have a life than a cross-dresser out and about by hisself with few if any friends and family.

[wendy360]

I agree with Karen, I pick where I go before hand usually in drab so I know where to go and I feel comfortable being there. The worst that has happened is being called sir at a doughnut shop. And as I get out of my car I sing these words, "Lets give em something to talk about"

[Julogden]

These are from back when I used to go out a lot, about 15 years ago.

My weirdest experience, sort of a potential horror story, was on an evening when I was going to a popular mixed club (Berlin) in Chicago with a post-op TS friend. We parked a couple blocks from the club in a residential neighborhood and as we were getting out of the car, a car with three or four men drove up and stopped next to us and one of the men got out and tried to pull my friend into the car with them. She fought him and I ran around to help, but the guy jumped back into the car and they took off. I don't know if they saw me and figured we're both trannys and left, or what. But it was weird and scary. We did continue on to the club though, and my friend seemed to take it in stride, and we partied on.

Another time, at that same club, we attended the club's Halloween party. I got inside and was looking around when I suddenly realized that there was a bunch of people there from the place that I work. They were all from the night shift and I worked days, so I wasn't a real familiar face to them, but I was a union steward and had some contact with them. I definitely got a couple looks of what seemed to be recognition, but nothing was ever said at work.

The most annoying experience that I had was after leaving that same club (I should have quit going there!). I was again with my TS friend as well as another CD who was in drab and a GG friend of my TS pal. After closing the club, we walked to a nearby restaurant for a very early breakfast and were seated in a large booth. The place was empty (about 4:30 A.M.) except for us. Shortly after we were seated, two Chicago policemen came in, and when the saw us they seated themselves at a table right next to us, with both of them facing us. They then proceeded to whisper to each other and laugh about whatever they were saying. After they finished, they left, but not before spoiling our mood with their intimidation and rudeness.

Carol

[PretzelGirl]

You shouldn't go out unless you can handle what ever can happen. Not everyone wants to deal with these things when dressed. I agree with others that you should choose where you go wisely. We can avoid some circumstances (not that it is our fault, but some things can be predictable).

I have run into people from work and I just casually turned the other way. No issues or at least it hasn't come up. Other than that, the worst I have seen is a chuckle or someone with the deer-in-the-headlights look. The stuff worse than that was probably behind my back. That is fine, I didn't have to deal with it.

[Karen__Starr]

The worst was in my teenage years when three boys took advantage of me over several encounters which I believe sped up my female feelings and was exposed to group sex earlier than I every thought would happen.

[Diane Smith]

Nothing completely terrible has happened. I was followed once -- at a reasonable distance -- while exiting my nail salon by a man who kept yelling at me, "Hey, sir, why are you dressed like that?" I ignored him, jumped in my car and drove off (making sure the door was locked, though). I had a local cop come to my door once when I had just come in from a night out fully dressed to ask questions about a fender-bender I had been involved in earlier. He took my ID, inspected my car in the driveway and wound up giving me a ticket -- all while I stood there in a dress and heels. But he was professional and nothing bad happened (except the fine). I ran into a fairly close work acquaintance when I was en femme getting fitted for new glasses at Lenscrafters. I was rather dismayed that she recognized me immediately even when dressed, but other than that, she acted as if nothing unusual was going on at all, and we stay in touch to this day. (She is a very, very liberal law professor and probably has a pretty flexible attitude about things.)

Like others have said, I try to avoid places, people and situations that could put me in real physical jeopardy -- nothing scares me much worse than that. But I think I can deal with everything up to that point, as the old "sticks and stones" saying goes. I've found that 99.9% of people either ignore my presence or actually appreciate me in some way, by being helpful or making a kind comment.

- Diane

[linda allen]

The worst was in my teenage years when three boys took advantage of me over several encounters which I believe sped up my female feelings and was exposed to group sex earlier than I every thought would happen.

After that, the rest are not really "horror stories". I don't know how that would have affected me.

[Valerie1973]

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/babylonbeyond/2009/06/saudi-arabia-crossdressing-men-arrested-at-a-drag-

Be thankful they are not putting us in jail for this.

[Chrissy.Sexton]

I am new to going out - less than a dozen times now - and have been very surprised at how many people are so completely engrossed in their own situations and simply don't notice those around them. I am over 6' 6" in high heels and, after years of being concerned about this feature, am amazed that most people don't even take a second look. Strange!

Also, I always wear short skirts or mini dresses and still no one bothers me - well, almost no one anyway. One crude older man saw me strolling along a waterfront area and motioned for me to join his group. I kept walking but he approached me, got close, and said, "you have pretty legs, too bad you're a man". I had prepared myself to be "made" so there was no retort or guilt. I simply smiled and walked away.

I'm sure there will be more moments like this in the future. All one can do is have confidence, be the girl you want to be, and stay away from bad situations and venues.

Christine

[ReineD]

I'm not a CDer, but I feel I can participate in this thread because I do go out with my SO and I suffer the same fears and anxieties. I also wonder what people think and I feel nervous about running into people that we know. I'm not afraid of being confronted in public since the likelihood this would happen is very small. I'm more afraid of gossip and snide comments behind our backs.

First I want to say that my SO passes/blends beautifully, and we are nearly the same height when we go out since I tend to wear 4" heels, while she keeps to the lower heels. So ... it is not immediately apparent that we are a "couple".

In the beginning I noticed that we were being stared at, not by everyone but a few people who noticed, and I'd avoid looking them in the eyes. I've noticed a few people smirking and whispering, but I've developed a much thicker skin since now I just put a cold expression on my face and stare them down. They usually wipe the smile off their faces and just look away.

It's true that most strangers on the street don't care. We are just a small blip on their radars if they do notice, we do not affect their lives, and at worse we might be fodder for a dinnertime anecdote. And also, there are people who stare because they are curious and not because they think of us negatively. Maybe they know someone who CDs too.

My biggest fear is running into someone we know, and then having it be an open secret in our town. Generally, people don't understand about CDing and the views are likely to be more negative about it than positive.

Of course, restaurant people, SAs, etc are always polite or friendly. They like the business! :)

[Barbara Jo]

Many years ago, I decided to tavel to another town and go out in public dressed.
So, I checked into a motel near a major mall to dress and spend the night.

Everything went fine at the mall and I was having a great time just widow shopping, etc.

Upon retunig to the motel, I exited my car with my keys in hand with the motel room key on the key ring.
When I got to the motel's side entrance to my second floor room, an older gentleman smiled and opened the door for me...... great!

I climbed the stairs to my room and when I attempted to open my door, the room key was missing! It had eveidently fallen off the motel key fob ring.
I panicked for a few seconds and then, decided to retrace my steps. After all, I had the key when the gentleman opened the door for me.

I can't begin to describe my relief and joy when I found the key where it had dropped, on the first landing leading to the second floor! :)
A wise lesson learned: secure all keys!

[t-girlxsophie]

Ten years now I've been going out dressed and In the beginning I was a nervous wreck,gave myself a sore neck twisting around to see what ppls reactions were,but more and more I have gained so much confidence,the last few times I have been out,once by myself (going to meet up with friends) and the most recent with my Wife,on both ocassions in the middle of a busy afternoon in the City Centre.Now I don't pass but I do put lots of effort into looking as good as I can,and I think that makes a difference.I know If you Pass that is the best for us but that isn't possible for,I would say the majority of us,it shouldn't put us off.

I have wondered as have a lot of you,what would be the fallout if,when with my Wife we were seen by Family or friends,even though we are never out in our town,but I dont dwell on that I just go and enjoy every experience that comes my way.

My feelings towards the haters is that Im a better person than they could ever aspire to be.As long as we are sensible and keep safe,(a lesson I learned the hard way and got scars to remind me) that though was a long time ago.Have learned a great deal since then,Being out can be an exciting and memorable experience

Can't wait for our next venture out (with our kids) on Holiday in a cpl weeks,and hope it will be as succesful as our last time out

Sophie