debating "coming out" to a friend

[Evildawn]

So I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now. I am a MtF CD still very much in the closet and have been for 15 years. I have this really close friend who I've been speaking with on a near daily basis for the last year or so. She is a lesbian so that on top of some other characteristics I've learned about her makes me think maybe shed understand or atleast accept it. I've hinted around at the subject some to see what her views on it actually are, but I've never gotten a definite answer... or course that's better than the instant bad reaction others have given in the past. Ive been able to be honest with her about everything else and she understands which is a first. Idk I feel like we connect a bit and would just like for her to know the real me. Thoughts comments or suggestions?

[Jessica Brynn]

If she is a true friend she will accept you with open arms. If not, you're better off without her.

[suzy1]

I can not see that being a lesbian will help. What’s being a lesbian and crossdressing have in common?
I think you can easily test the water by saying something like “I have this friend and I have just found out he is a crossdresser. How would you react if it was your friend?"

Coming out to anyone is a gamble. No matter how much you think you know them.

Good luck, SUZY

[AllieSF]

First, congratulations for having such a nice friend and a potential secret sharer. Second, once a secret is out of your mouth it is no longer a secret and they really do sometimes have the bad habit to come around and bite us. So, my only recommendation is to mentally prepare yourself for that bite and hope that it never comes. I sometimes think that we have to be at that point in our mental and emotional development with our lifestyle that we can reluctantly accept being outed to those that we prefer do not find out. As for your final decision, make it calmly and based on your best gut feeling and your experiences with her. Good luck.

[Evildawn]

Well the only actual connection I see in it is that at some point in her life she had to worry about what others would think before she came out. So maybe in that aspect shed be less likely to judge me based off of that having already gotten to know me personally on a deeper level.

[BRANDYJ]

The way I see it, you have several things going for you. ONE, she's a lesbian. She then should be open to other alternate lifestyles. You, as a friend accept that part of who she is. She then should accept your crossdressing as a part of you too. TWO, she is a GG. I feel that many female friends can and will accept this from a close male friend even if they won't or can't accept it from a partner/husband. You say you have hinted to her. My bet is you hinted enough,she will say something to the effect that she knew it or thought so. So I say go for it. I have told at least a hallf a dozen female friends and none of them think any leass of me. In fact, in most cases it made us closer as friends.

[Evildawn]

I really hope she can accept it without hurting our relationship as friends... I accompanied her the last 2 days to the pride event. An she kept sayin stuff like "its odd you and to this and your not gay or anything" or "it must feel weird to be straight and be here" and I kind of got the impression that she thinks im gay or somethin. Which I wanted to be honest with her right then and there but I couldn't find the tight words ..

[Cynthia Anne]

I really hope she can accept it without hurting our relationship as friends... I accompanied her the last 2 days to the pride event. An she kept sayin stuff like "its odd you and to this and your not gay or anything" or "it must feel weird to be straight and be here" and I kind of got the impression that she thinks im gay or somethin. Which I wanted to be honest with her right then and there but I couldn't find the tight words ..

Sounds like a great oppertunity to open up to her! If she is a 'True' friend then she will acept you!

[busker]

I really hope she can accept it without hurting our relationship as friends... I accompanied her the last 2 days to the pride event. An she kept sayin stuff like "its odd you and to this and your not gay or anything" or "it must feel weird to be straight and be here" and I kind of got the impression that she thinks im gay or somethin. Which I wanted to be honest with her right then and there but I couldn't find the tight words ..

I would say that from her comment she is probably not entirely certain of your support of gays/lesbians. Otherwise, it would be odd that she made the remark. If she was as accepting of you as you seem to be of her, it wouldn't have come up. You are either friends or......? My guess would be to keep your secret a bit longer.

[Sophie86]

I couldn't find the tight words ..

It's not easy to say the words, even when you're certain of a good reception. Rehearse it to yourself out loud where no one can hear you. Get used to hearing the words come out of your mouth. Then go tell her.

Don't try to get her to participate, though, or she will think you had an ulterior motive in telling her. That won't go over well.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

If she is accepting she will love it if not part ways.

[cd_in_de]

The LGBT community is accepting and supportive of us T's (both hetero and homo). So, she will most likely be accepting - maybe shocked - but accepting nonetheless.

[Shelly67]

Whilst its smashing to have such a close friendship , praps you should "test the water" first . Why not say you read an article on crossdressers , gauge her reaction ?
No one likes to be dropped , rebuked or ignored by people we hold dear . I nearly came out to a " friend " recently . I'm so glad I kept quiet , as all the times he needed help I was there , but as soon as things went badly for me he dissapeared . I thought we were close pals .....
Whats that old saying - " A wise head keeps a still tongue " .........
Either way , good luck .

[Tina B.]

Being gay does not give anything special to accepting us, some do, some don't just like the rest of the world. But the point I wanted to make has been made, and I agree, you said you where deep in the closet, once you tell anyone, you are part way out, and it is no longer in your control as to who else will here about it. Beyond that you may have a great confidant, or you could be exposing yourself to the world, your risk, your choice.
Tina B.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Whats that old saying - " A wise head keeps a still tongue " ......... Haven't
heard that one in quite a while. So-o-o-o true.

[Nikki A.]

If she's accepting it is because she is a friend. Being a lesbian or not really doesn't have a bearing on it. I've met some lesbians that are very accepting and others are not, especially if you are a hetero crossdresser. You're intruding on their turf, dressing like a woman and interested in other women (not men).
I hope it works out for you. It is nice to have someone that knows and understands and even occationally goes out with you. I know I have a friend like that and it makes things nicer.

[Evildawn]

So I finally worked up to telling her today and it went smoothly... appareantly she isn't bothered by it one bit and even offered to help me figure out how to do my makeup properly lol... which would be awesome. It seems we have a date to go shopping in the near future as well lol (she wants to pick out matching outfits). So it went better than I had ever expected.

I kind of eased into it with a conversation about things that don't make sense to me. We shared a few thoughts then I slid in one about how if a woman wears mens clothes she's a "tomboy" and no one thinks twice about it, but if a man wears womens clothes he's a "crossdresser" and most people find that weird. She agreed it didn't make much sense when you look at it that way and finally said what I've been trying to get her to say for months. " personally I don't see anything wrong with a man in womens clothes, its actually kind of hot". That's when I told her and she claims to of already known somehow.... im pretty sure I hide it fairly well but who knows. Anyway it went very well :-)


She claims to have some other lesbian friends who'd love to meet a guy like me aswell... but I haven't fully decided on that yet.

[Fab Karen]

Claims to have already known... so she was perhaps subtly trying to push you to opening up. You've got a true friend there.

[docrobbysherry]

Try this test, Dawn:

1. Who does she know that u mite be devastated if she told?

2. Imagine u and her becoming enemies!

3. What's the BEST that could happen if u told her? Now, what's the WORST?

Telling someone is like squeezing out toothpaste. It NEVER goes back in!

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

My grandmother from Ireland used to say, "Think before you speak and when you do, say nothing."

[Sophie86]

So I finally worked up to telling her today and it went smoothly...

Awesome!! I'm glad it worked out for you. :)