Selfish?

[Jennie1975]

I am 36 yrs old for the first time in my life I actually feel myself, whole, right, able to accomplish anything, normal.

Wanting to be accepted for who I am, selfish?
Wanting to be judged amd measured by who I am, selfish?
Expecting to be seen for who I am, selfish?
Doing things to be the person I am, selfish?

I understand and appreciate the fact that those around me have these memories and ideas of what I am supposed to be, of what I was trying to be. I am all those things and more that I would never, could never let people see.

I need to be selfish. I need this to be about me. I would love to have you beside me. This is my journey, this is about me. In order to be the best me, one who cares, one who loves, one to depend on, one who supports. This needs to be mine.

Selfish maybe, important very. It has been about what I should have been, could have been, what I have squandered.

No more. I am selfish if selfish is finding me.

Thanks for letting me vent/rant/purge.

Jennifer

[AllieSF]

I don't think that you are selfish at all. Many times those that acquiesce and give in to society and others end up being frustrated and miserable and not pleasant to be around, thus negatively affecting everyone near them, family, loved ones and others. To avoid that is not to be selfish, it is self preservation, especially when ones attitude, outlook on life and approach to and treatment of others changes for the better too.

[SilkenPrincess]

Jennie,
Selfish implies an attitude of non-concern for what effects transition has on those around you. I don't read that attitude in your post. Transition can be selfish, but for most it is not. It is self-preservation. It is self-fulfillment. It is self-growth. To be a positive part of someone else's life you need to preserve life and fulfill your potential to full maturity. Those in your life that can see this and remain supportive will be the ones to benefit from your transition. Those which withdraw are the real losers.
Steph

[Katesback]

Perhaps it could be called selfish. You have to weight the advantages and disadvantages of anything and come to a decision. What seems to be cronic though is when people take baby steps and end up living for a long time living in a sort of limbo. I have seen this all to often. I always believe that transition is something that takes 100%.

[Andrea85]

I don't think that you are selfish at all. Many times those that acquiesce and give in to society and others end up being frustrated and miserable and not pleasant to be around, thus negatively affecting everyone near them, family, loved ones and others. To avoid that is not to be selfish, it is self preservation, especially when ones attitude, outlook on life and approach to and treatment of others changes for the better too.

+1

Being selfish is when you aren't willing to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, because and unhappy person can't spread happiness. Not even being full time yet, my friends and parents have all noticed a huge improvement over me just coming out. Heck, all my friends come to me now when they have problems, cause they know now that I'm out and less stressed, will be there to help them in any way possible. Like a couple weeks ago, my bff's brother was in the hospital with both kidneys shutting down, and the Dr saying he needed a transplant. Not even thinking, I went and got my blood type checked, and was about to get in the ambulance for the ride to his hospital to give one of mine when she called and said he was going to recover. I came out the first week of January this year, and I know I wouldn't have done that the month before coming out in December. So just think, if I hadn't come out and not cared what anyone thought, her brother could have died. That would be an improvement, not selfishness.

[Pythos]

I concure with Allie. I have allowed that aquiesceing to take place in my life. I have been self less in many ways. I have helped my friends when they needed help, but when I need help, where are they? Usually in the same mess they were in before my help. In many ways it has badly effected me. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been had I been just a little selfish. I do get accused of being selfish because I want to wear something I like. But if I can I try to help the best I can. I have really had to burn self control points when the GG has called asking for help. It has been really hard to not do it (and I folded too, I helped the little twit, but she really needed it, "daddy" was doing nothing to stop her from going into serious debt with the bank.

All I can say is you are not selfish, I believe what you are doing is self preservation.

[Jennie1975]

Thank you all for your responses. I know I don't participate as often as I should and I hope to in the future. Your kind words and always honest ideas have helped me in ways I could never imagine.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

For us, being selfish is a positive.

Selfless is a great way to describe living a life you feel is wrong..

No cisgender person will ever be able to understand the depths of emptiness that being selfless brings into our lives..
I can't blame them..but I also won't blame myself for choosing to actually have a "self"

[Inna]

Be selfish, to gain your self, the truth, and love you so desire. Yes, be absolutely, utterly selfish to radiate the force of life and begin to see the world for what it really is, beautiful, joyful playground for happy souls to play and rejoice in its splendor. Be selfish all the way girl!

[CharleneT]

I agree with Kaitlyn wholeheartedly !

Transitioning is inherently a selfish act. No doubt about it. In this case it is also a healthy action. A conundrum that is hard for many people to figure out. As with all things in life, you need to be careful to not let that true fact become a crutch.

[Schatten Lupus]

In all reality, transitioning can be a very selfish thing. People may have many expectations and desires of you. But in the end this in not their life, it is yours. Anyone who would not want you to transition for any reason other than concern for your safety and well being are also being selfish. The decisive factor, and one that is most worthy of winning out, is you wants are to live as you should, and there's are to keep you from living as you should. You deserve happiness, and everyone else can either accept you for who you are or move on.

[Jorja]

Is it selfish to climb out of the darkness of depression and pain? Is it selfish to live life as any other human being would? Is it selfish to be the person you feel best represents you?

[Melody Moore]

The need to be selfish in transition is honourable & it's honest. We are not trying to shut anyone out & we are
only doing what is right for us, which in turn will be a lot more positive for everyone else around us in our lives.

Like many people here I felt guilty because I suffered Gender Identity Disorder & felt like I wanted to
transition quite a few times from about the age of 15 years or age onwards, but the fear & guilt always
seem to hold me back. After my kids came were born between 1987-1993 it was really easy for me then
to justify to myself why I shouldn't transition. I thought it wasn't fair to put my kids through that, I felt
that it would have been very selfish of me while they were still children to betray them as their 'father'.
So I waited until my kids had all grown up & were adult age before I transitioned & when my youngest
daughter turned 18.

I have never tried to tell my kids how they should live their lives. Both my daughters are bisexual but
I have never been critical of their sexuality or how they choose to live their lives, but mind you both
are very much against me in how I am living my life right now, but other people also had a part in why
they have been turned against me. My daughters accused me outright of being selfish, but who is really
being selfish here by expecting me to live to someone else's ideals?

Even my own mother tried to put me on a guilt trip telling me that she had a son & if I wasn't a male anymore then
I was no longer her child. Once again who is being selfish here & trying to emotionally blackmail me to control me &
trying to force me to live a life which was destroying me?

In most cases the transitioning is a matter of life & death. Every transsexual I know couldn't keep living as they were
for whatever reason. I struggled with gender identity disorder all my life, while I did everything that was expected of
me & some as a man, but I was never happy. My relationships always failed & I never could set my mind to something
for too long before distraction of some type from my GID would kick in. There were many issues that were linked to my
GID causing me stress, anxiety & depression. It became impossible to focus on anything long term. So I couldn't find
myself & issues kept on resurfacing so I just kept repressing them. I went through a period of very bad depression &
also tried to kill myself twice. But despite getting on top of my depression issues issues, my GID turned really nasty on
me & started to seriously affect my physical health. Related stress & anxiety was one of the biggest contributing factors
behind why my hormones went out of balance & then my immune system collapsed.

For over 10 years I was in & out of hospital because of issues with my health. If I got a wound or a sore it
took ages to heal up. My cholesterol level & white blood cell count was up through the roof, so I use to break
out in pimples all over the arms & around the neck that would develop into sores or a type of skin lesion that
no doctor with anti-biotics could treat. At one stage (2004/05) the Edema (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edema) (Swelling in lower legs/ankles) was
that bad that I could hardly walk. I also caught every single cold, flu or viral infection that passed through town
& each time it was back to hospital for more anti-biotics, nebulisers & oxygen just to be able to breath.

Before I started transitioning on hormones last year I believe that I would have been dead within 5 years given
the state of my health. The first thing that was noticed after I started hormone therapy was that my cholesterol
levels started coming down. And it has become more evident because of the improvement in my health that my
endocrine system works better with female hormones. I have lost weight & feel really good in myself for the first
time in a long time, so this is how my condition affected me.

So was I selfish to transition because I want to live a more fruitful & fulfilling healthy
life so I can be around for those I really care about for a few more years? I don't think
I was - it's my time now, time for me to live my life for me, not for anyone else. So I
think it's your turn as well.

:hugs:

[Bree-asaurus]

It's not anymore selfish than everyone else has been for their entire lives. They take that for granted. We have been anything but selfish our entire lives. When we decide to transition, we are just doing what everyone else has been able to do... be themselves.

[Hope]

Being who you are isn't selfish. It is healthy.

Asking someone else to conceal who they are because who they are makes us uncomfortable is selfish.