Want to throw all my femme clothes away after throw away remark.

[*michelle*]

I love crossdressing (be honest am the sissygirl type).Ive got a female friend of mine who helps me with it.She is the only one who knows.Ive dressed up infront of her,shes done my make up etc.weve gone girly shopping together.

Anyway I always ask her if she is OK with it all and she says yes everytime,not a problem to her because she knows I enjoy it.

I NEED her to be Ok with it because even though I love it, if she ever said shes had enough and dosnt want to be involved with it anymore than I would stop instantly.But again she says she is OK with it which is great.

But the other day I was telling her how fantastic she is for being so understanding and Women like her are hard to find...She says yes she is understanding but added she could never live with one though (sissy,cd,tranny.whatever)

It really upset me her saying that and I instantly told her 'thats it no more crossdressing'..which she replied I was being silly and she wants me to carry on and is dosnt effect me and her its just she wouldnt like it if someone she was seeing was cd..

But this completely changed things for me because in my mind I am thinking now she dosnt really like it and like I have said I do need to share my 'sissy ways' with her..So now I just feel like stopping completly and throwing everything out.

I know to find another Woman like her would be so hard,to share things with

Am I reacting to much on what she says...I look at what she said as her true feelings on it.

Please I need your advice on what to do ?

[Sophie86]

Am I reacting to much on what she says...I look at what she said as her true feelings on it.

What she said was her true feelings: She could never live with a crossdresser. In other words, she likes the relationship as it is, but she doesn't want to live with you. Is that enough for you, or were you hoping for more?

[SamanthaS]

I would say don't throw your clothes away because the "urge" will return, and you will have to spend alot of money to replace what you threw away.

[Amber_Lynn]

I've dated a number of women who were fine with CDing. As long as I didn't go over board and let it run our relationship. She's accepting of it, keep enjoying what you're doing! Whatever you do, DON't PURGE! I've done it before and come to regret it. I got rid of a lot of things I liked :(

[Jean Marie]

WHAT ever you do, do NOt throw your things away. Purging never never is the answer, it will only cost you lots of money to buy everything back. You will never lose your desire and need to crossdress, actually your need and desire will only grow stronger as ytou get older. If you feel you must do something then box everything up and store away securely. For as sure as the sun sets in the west you will dress again. Remember every CD has made the mistake of purging, so if I can prevent you from making ame mistake I will be very happy. Huggzz Jean Marie

[Sandra]

Unless you are wanting more out of the relationship then I would carry on, she has said that it doesn't affect you and her. But if you are wanting more then at least she has been honest with you.

[Oilpainter35]

I agree, you are way to wound about this. Throw your things away. Like said before, you will return and replace all your things, when you do throw them out, but that isnt gonna change the fact that she likes being around you. Just not live with you. I have people I know I like spending time with, but not live with...Love 'em to death but ahhh...no thanks on moving in. Just thank her for being as loving withyou as she is at the present time. If she didnt like being with you she would just not engauge with your behavior at all. Embrase what you have instead of wishing for what you want.

[RADER]

Why don't you put your things in a cardboard box like they have for moving vans, tape it up good,
and store it in the Attic, basement, garage, or even at a friends house. You will be so glad you did
in the long run. I Purged once a long time ago, regretted it to this day, because I could replace all
that was lost. Since stiles and fashion change, what you have now and love to wear, may not be around
in a year or so.
As far as your SO is concerned, just go real slow, people change their minds every day, and if she
has feelings for you before, she most likely still has feelings foe you now.
Good luck, and get some boxes.
Rader

[Natalie D]

It sounds to me like she's a true friend. As she is such a good friend to you I believe she is doing the right thing by being honest. She looks on you as a friend and not her lover. There's a big difference between the two. As others have said if you want more out of the relationship then it would of course be a problem. If you are good friends and just that, then I dont see the problem. It sounds like she has no problem having a cross dressing friend. I can't see any reason not to carry on as you are.

[the_me]

What she said was her true feelings: She could never live with a crossdresser. In other words, she likes the relationship as it is, but she doesn't want to live with you. Is that enough for you, or were you hoping for more?

I believe this to be right.

It sounds like you are friends and she is happy with that. Doesn't sound like she is interested in pursuing a relationship beyond that.

I was in a similar position once a long time ago, but I kept trying to pursue a relationship and ruined a friendship that had lasted near 10 years, as well as sabotaged myself time and time again during that time, holding out for something that just wasn't going to happen.

I'd say keep going as is, be happy, and don't sabotage yourself with overly high hopes! Good luck with everything!

(PS: Also agreed, it always seems to be a bad idea to toss out anything. Store it if you must, don't toss it all!)

[Kathi Lake]

What to do?!

Apologize. Fast, and with honesty and contrition!

Here you have a woman that knows about you and still likes you. She helps you and is there for you. Most women, if given the choice, would not want this in their lives. We and they are socialized that it is wrong. Even though she knows it is not on an inner level, everything that shaped her tells her that it is still wrong.

Don't purge based on one comment. Apologize for flying off the handle and just be her friend for awhile Do something she wants to do. Maybe - just maybe - she has seen how selfish crossdressers can be, and doesn't want one in her life.

Kathi

[Randilegs]

I am afraid I do think you are overreacting. First off, you should not need her permission to CD. In fact, you do NOT need her permission. Now, her approval may be something else. You ARE getting her approval. It sounds like you have been hoping for a deeper relationship with this woman and now you feel betrayed. I recommend you relax and enjoy the friendship you have. I don't say it will be easy! But, believe me, sister, a real friend who is supportive of your CDing is more valuable than a lover. If she can respect (and encourage) your femme side, you have to respect her limits.

[Anne2345]

Maybe - just maybe - she has seen how selfish crossdressers can be, and doesn't want one in her life.

Selfish??!!! Crossdressers???!!! Not crossdressers! Wow, Kathi, what an incredibly insightful and keen observation you have articulated! I think it is an observation that tends to be overlooked and disregarded too frequently, and one that we should all be mindful of when it comes to family and friends. This issue could easily be posted within its own thread.

I have to agree with the vast majority here. And if you were looking for more than a friendship with her, you cannot fault her for her honesty, as painful as that may be. But if it is your continued friendship that you seek to continue, I cannot say it any better than Kathi did - "Apologize. Fast and with honesty and contrition!" I would also add, as others have, to be grateful and appreciative of her friendship, and enjoy it! Good friends are hard to come by. Good, accepting friends are even harder to come by. At least that is my guess, given that I have not come out to any friends, but I digress . . . . :)

Either way, good luck, and I wish you well!

[NicoleScott]

I instantly told her 'thats it no more crossdressing'..

She is being brutally honest with you. She likes you as you are (a crossdresser) but could never live with one. It sounds like you want something more than friendship. If so, it doesn't look good for you. But throwing out "that's it no more crossdressing" as if that's something she wants to hear really isn't being honest - with her or yourself. That's making a promise you can't keep.

[LilSissyStevie]

She probably sees you like a girlfriend or a gay friend. It's the story of my life. Don't blow it by getting all squishy on her. Romance probably isn't going to happen. Keep her as a friend but keep looking.

[gender_blender]

Sounds as if you want there to be more than dressing assistance. I had a few friends like her in college who were more tolerant than accepting. There are girls out there attracted to crossdressers, but remain true to yourself (don't purge your clothes) and use this as a learning experience. I was fortunate to pass well enough to actually attract hot bisexual or pansexual females.

Don't expect too much of tolerant friendships with females.

[Sophie86]

Do something she wants to do.

Based on the OP, dressing him up is something she wants to do. Since she has repeatedly reassured him that she enjoys it, I don't think there's any reason to think otherwise.


Maybe - just maybe - she has seen how selfish crossdressers can be, and doesn't want one in her life.

Or maybe she wants a lover who is very masculine in his appearance, outlook, and behavior. :)

[Kathi Lake]

Based on the OP, dressing him up is something she wants to do. Since she has repeatedly reassured him that she enjoys it, I don't think there's any reason to think otherwise.How I read the above:
. . . who helps me with it.
. . . she's done my make up etc.
. . . she says yes everytime,not a problem to her because she knows I enjoy it.Sounds like normal female behavior. She's a friend. A friend that was asked to do something that she knew another friend would like. Women are often socialized to put their own feelings aside and do things for others that are outside their comfort level to please others. Of course, not knowing these people, I could most certainly be wrong. That's just how it sounded to me.

Kathi

[StarrOfDelite]

It cuts both ways. When I was a young guy I did all of the super-testosterone things, and I wish I had a dollar for every woman who liked me as a masculine male friend but wasn't interested romantically because I was too macho and boorish to put up with 24/7.

[Chrissy.Sexton]

I have no constructive comment since I'm too selfish to share my cross dressing with anyone!

Christine

[*michelle*]

You beautiful people..each and everyone of you who has commented.

You can read me like a book,even though you do not know me..

Thankyou for all your advice..It really has helped me..

Yes..I do want more from her and I suppose her saying that hit home...BUT

I should be really grateful for what I have got with her...She is a beautiful caring Woman who I am blessed with being very close friends with..She accepts me for who I am, and because she knows it makes me happy is there for me with my crossdressing/sissyness..She calls me her 'girlfriend' her 'little sissygirl'.She lets me dress up infront of her.She helps me with my make up.Advices me on all things girly..She does all that for me...OMG what was I thinking of saying I dont want to do it anymore..Most crossdressers/sissys would do ANYTHING to have a Woman like her in their lifes..Like I say I am truly blessed and tomorrow I will tell her that I will always be her 'girlfriend' and I will thank her and tell her how much I appreciate her friendship.

Thankyou again to you all for pointing this out to me.You have all helped me out..lots of love michelle x

[Kathi Lake]

Michelle, good for you!

I'm glad that you realized what a friend you have in this woman. In addition to your apology (hint hint :)), may I recommend a little gift to thank her for her friendship? You must know of a hobby of hers to support, a favorite wine, or a pretty plant to remind her of your friendship.

Kathi

p.s. - we can "read you like a book" because we've all been there. We have that book. We've been that book. :)

[Karren H]

There is nothing wrong with what she said. What's wrong is your reaction. Your going to blow a good thing! And I agree with her! I don't have a problem with crossdressers but I could never be married to one!! Just the way I feel like its the way she feels. So accept that she likes your enough to help and get over the rest! Imho.

[Barbara Jo]

Be greatful for her honesty.
You can't blame anyone for not liking something/anything about you.
It's fortunate you found out before it's too late. So, just enjoy the relationshio for what its.

However, people can change and you never know if she wiil come to accect you fully or, at least a bit more.etc.
I would not push it though.

BTW, I think a key word here is 'sissy" Not too many women would want a sissy, real or perceived.
I would suggest that you just back off a bit about the dressing and covince her you are not some stereotipical sissy.
There is a time and place for evertyhing, Exhiibit you masculine side more and she may realize that dressing is just one part of you and you can indeed be a masuline partner when she needs one.
You have to decide what you want out of life.

[Tara D. Rose]

This woman just wants to satisfy her curiosity. Oh so true.

[Vickie_CDTV]

If I were in Michelle's shoes, I'd feel the exact same way. I'd secretly hope for more than just a friendship eventually as well, and be heartbroken if that hope was dashed. For some, that kind of bond with a woman who shares in your dressing is very very powerful, and I can't blame her for wanting to be with a woman she had shared that with. The sad reality is that here are not many women who would actively want and pursue an intimate relationship with someone like us, and I know the anger and frustration you must feel :(

However, I still agree with everyone else in saying that you should not purge, you will regret it later.

[BRANDYJ]

Michelle never said exactly what she wants from this relationship. Never said she wanted her in a romantic way or a serious long term one on one relationship. But let's assume she does want more then just a friendship. Then she needs to have a talk with his female friend and lay the cards on the table. The way Michelle said it, it sounds like this girl wants to be friends but is not interested in a one on one romantic relationship.

So we need to know more about howMichelle feels about this woman and how she thinks this woman feels about her before we can give any kind of advice.

[Fab Karen]

You say "I always ask her"- if she already told you she's ok with it, why keep asking? Maybe she feels you sound needy in constantly asking, and saying on top of it all "women like you are hard to find" she felt like maybe you were hoping for a relationship to blossom. What she told you is it'd bother her in a sexual relationship, but that doesn't relate to your friendship. Relax & enjoy the friendship.

[L'eggs n' heels]

You know, there are chicks who are actually turned on by straight guys who dress up, you just have to find them.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle,
Rule #1 don't purge.

Rule #2 If you feel you must purge see rule #1 again.

Crossdressing is like the Mafia you just can't quit.

Orchid

[Pythos]

This sounds familiar. First off, why does she like doing your makeup and junk, and yet does not want to be with you? What the heck is that all about. Have you told her your true feelings for her.

For the sake of the maker don't go and say "I'll do anything for you" such as giving up crossdressing. There is nothing but hurt down that road. If she cannot like you because of what you do, then you have to do what I have had to do and realize she is not the one.

Now, I will say this will be tougher than hell. I still miss that silly twit of a girl. I still beat myself up over the fact she chose someone else over me. But you know what? That is her problem. Her life has not improved one bit since she moved back in with that piece of refuse on two legs. She is still calling me for help, which I have folded to once.

Your friend may, just may, look at the good and kind person you are, compare you to some beefcake and make a decision. That decision may be in your favor or against. But you unfortunately have no control over this.

It sucks, believe me, I know.

[t-girlxsophie]

I have a few GG friends who are very receptive to me and my dressing ,we are even having a party with my wife and myself soon so they can finally meet Sophie,but I know without a shadow of a doubt they would never be with a Crossdresser,doesnt mean I treasure their friendship any less.You should just be thankful you have someone who is there for you many Crossdressers are alone with this secret part of their lives.

Sophie

[Tina B.]

A friend and a girl friend are very different things. I had a friend that I worked with for years, we came pretty good friends, She is kind of butch, told a great dirty joke, and was a lot of fun, but I wouldn't have wanted to live with her either. What you look for in a friend and what you look for in a lover are not at all the same, whats rough is one wants more in relationship and the other don't. If you aren't accept her as just a friend, run, pinning for what you can't have will just ruin a good friendship anyway.
Tina B.

[BillieJoEllen]

If you continue your relationship with this woman long enough (and you have purged) you will eventually have a very severe argument. She will undoubtedly bring up your CDing and toss it in your face. Thats my opinion and experience.

[linda allen]

It sounds to me like she's a true friend. As she is such a good friend to you I believe she is doing the right thing by being honest. She looks on you as a friend and not her lover. There's a big difference between the two. As others have said if you want more out of the relationship then it would of course be a problem. If you are good friends and just that, then I dont see the problem. It sounds like she has no problem having a cross dressing friend. I can't see any reason not to carry on as you are.

I agree. A friend, not a lover.