My SELF-portrait: boy becomes girl

[Frédérique]

Selfish??!!! Crossdressers???!!! Not crossdressers! This issue could easily be posted within its own thread.

Are MtF crossdressers selfish? :thinking:

Once upon a time I was self-neglecting, a self-repugnant and self-destructive individual dearly in need of some self-healing. Autoeroticism carried the day, and the self-torture of self-hardening was foremost on my mind, self-willed as it were, in a self-universe of my own self-making. I was not imbued with self-abnegation or self-abasement, but I felt it was time for self-correction...

I set about self-creating a new me, with self-improvement being my #1 priority. There was no self-deception, but I needed to self-wind and become self-important, at least to my SELF. Low self-regard was replaced with self-indulgence, using self-control and self-sacrifice in tandem, all for the good of my new self-identity. Soon, simply by wearing clothes appropriate to my inherent self-image, I became more and more self-absorbed, eager to become that self-same self-created creature I had dreamt about as a self-absorbed boy...

The person formerly known as a boy became a girl, a self-conscious, self-contained living entity, self-willed and self-sustaining in its completeness. Out of this new and exciting situation sprang self-appreciation and self-sophistication, with continuing self-activity leading to self-admiration. All of this was new and welcome, but, thanks to self-knowledge and a heaping spoonful of self-consciousness, my self-assurance did not lead to self-worship. Humility and self-knowing are always present as reminders, tell-tale self-existent and self-perpetuating warnings to not become too self-important. I’m a self-made person, in other words...

With this self-begotten self-regard in place, it’s a struggle to not fall into the trap of being self-centered or self-opinionated, indeed to do so would be self-contradictory. I can only be self-illustrative with my self-assertions, and entertain the self-musings of other, more successful automaths. I use a pseudonym, and not an antonym, to keep my SELF hidden away from harm. My self-fulfillment, a self-accomplishment of modest proportions, is governed by my own will. There will be no self-parade, but plenty of self-reproach, in the longed-for desire that self-trust will carry the day and self-communication will triumph...

Thus self-assured, I shall continue along this winding path to my unknown self-destination, a male in search of self-conquest via self-modification. I am self-dependent, in fact I cannot imagine a state where “self” does not hold sway. This self-imposed self-adjustment is my immediate self-concern, and I think others fail to appreciate that a self-propelled, self-relying, self-respecting individual such as me poses no threat to society. I may operate through self-service, indeed I’m here to self-reflect and self-help whatever ails me. Given the opportunity, the idea of interaction in this manner is self-explanatory – I attach no self-importance to my selfhood. Self-discipline requires introspection and self-expression, and I am not an autotheist by any self-stretch of one’s imagination...

Is an MtF crossdresser selfish? Are you proceeding from a love of self, influenced in actions solely by a view to private advantage? In other words, do you love yourself, or do you love your SELF? IMHO, if you don’t love your “self,” you won’t be crossdressing, and, if you don’t love yourself, you cannot love or help others like yourself. Be true to your self, my friends...
:whew!:

Sorry for the unabashed worship of a lowly prefix, but I couldn’t help myself...:heehee:

[sally silverfox]

Well said.But this post and others of yours have showed how deep a thinker you are.

[Alice Torn]

I remember Paul Harvey often saying, "Self government requires self-discipline."

[Tracii G]

Deep thoughts but kind of misdirected.
One needs not think so much about why they are one thing or another just try to be the best person you can be to all others.
I don't delve on why I look like a guy and think like a girl I just do and I have accepted that being just the way I am.

[Sophie86]

There is a such thing as people who are self-absorbed in the sense that they expect other people to constantly do for them while they do nothing in return. I think the notion of selfishness as the ultimate evil, though, comes from the belief that no action is moral unless it has some other person as its beneficiary. I don't agree with that.

[sissystephanie]

Once again an all inclusive OP to deliniate a simple conclusion! Traci said pretty much the same thing, but with a lot less words!!

[Kathi Lake]

In a way, I do see what I do as selfishness. When I dress as Kathi, I am having me time. I am not with my wife. It is not us time. I am focused on my wants, my needs, my desires. It's not exactly an altruistic pursuit.

I also am on a journey. It is a journey that is bidirectional, as I see it. I am moving towards a goal - that of being more feminine in my outlook, manners, thoughts and actions. At the same time, I am also moving away from who I don't want to be. You know how women don't want to turn into their mothers? Well, I don't want to turn into my father.

Since this last Sunday was Father's Day, many of my Facebook friends changed their profile picture into that of their father, and posted messages on how their father was so influential in their life. My father was not Ward Cleaver. I have more half-siblings than I know of, I'm sure. He beat my mother, ran off multiple times, and finally disappeared. That is not the person I want to be, and I have fled from that 'example' as much as possible. Yes, I know - there are good men out there, and some would count me among them. To me, my best qualities as a man are the ones that I learned from the women in my family - mercy, patience, nurturing, and more.

So, Freddy, I am happy to be traveling with you on this journey.

:)

Kathi

[JustWendy]

Frédérique - a very self-ish response. Thanks for a fun read and a gentle approach to a current debate.

Wendy

[Sophie86]

In a way, I do see what I do as selfishness. When I dress as Kathi, I am having me time. I am not with my wife. It is not us time. I am focused on my wants, my needs, my desires. It's not exactly an altruistic pursuit.

So do you consider that good or bad?

When you spend time with your wife, do you consider that altruistic? Don't you also get something from that?


Well, I don't want to turn into my father.

Amen to that!

I was one of those who couldn't quite bring myself to post Dad's photo on FB, even though I still have a relationship with him. There are just too many ambivalent feelings there.

[Kathi Lake]

So do you consider that good or bad?A little of both, I suppose. When my wife is in one of her low points on her opinion of my crossdressing activities, doing what I do can seem a bit selfish in a bad way. Do I deserve my Kathi time? Heck yes! Is it always a bad thing? No. It's not.

Kathi

[docrobbysherry]

What a "self"-ish thread! After readselfing it inselftirely, I'd saylf, if u dare commself, it's every girl for herself!

[sarahNZ]

Hmmm... yup, ok, ....hey your not a lawyer by chance are you? I didn't understand a bit of that, lots of big words.

[noeleena]

Hi,

To love your self is not selfish.

To love others you need to be able to love your self first ,

other wise you can not show true love because its not in you,
& to receve love you must give love .......

...noeleena...

[Debra Russell]

myself I think my brain hurts

[Frédérique]

...this post and others of yours have showed how deep a thinker you are.

Deep thoughts but kind of misdirected.

I assure you I’m NOT a deep thinker, but thank you! This particular piece is just a writing exercise, with me trying to cram the prefix “self” into a post as many times as I can, for semi-humorous purposes. Of course, just under the verbose surface IS a deep concept about self-ism and its relationship to crossdressing. I find it amusing to skim across the surface of depth, if that makes any sense at all. We could just as easily have a truly serious discussion about selfishness, something I may touch upon further along in this post...


Frédérique - a very self-ish response. Thanks for a fun read and a gentle approach to a current debate.

Thanks, Wendy! I think its OK to be selfish, especially in regards to one’s own personal happiness, and we MtF crossdressers may be selfish by default, but you can see this self-interest in many different ways. I either suffer from, or thrive in, an environment where social interaction is at a premium. As such, I’ve learned to believe in myself and preserve the “self” at all costs. I can’t say I’m self-centered, but what else is there at the end of the day when nobody else is around? My crossdressing is not exorbitant, in fact its budgeted, out of sight, and done purely for pleasure – I carve out blocks of time to dress and try to content myself as often as I can. I don’t wish to be more visible around the house, even though my sister knows I crossdress. Am I being selfish protecting the special joy I derive from dressing, or am I being selfless by keeping to myself, not bothering those around me, and not changing the dynamic of everyday life?

Speaking of my sister, she is a self-proclaimed selfish person, but maturity has changed her into the most generous person I know (generous to everyone, BTW). I may seem selfish by comparison, but I am conscious of her example, and I emulate her expression of SELF. Years ago, my sister wasn’t told the truth (by my parents), and she embarked on a self-centered campaign of self-identity. This had a profound effect on her little brother, and here we are, living together in harmony, two selfish peas in a pod. Perhaps you can only be truly selfless by coming from a position of abject selfishness, but I believe we aren’t born with either idea...


Hmmm... yup, ok, ....hey your not a lawyer by chance are you?

Not a chance. I went to ART school – you know, to draw (and paint) nudes, so THERE...:heehee:


I think my brain hurts

I think you said this same thing about another OP I wrote, Debra! Sorry if it hurts, my dear...:sad:

Actually, you got off easy – I was going to write three more paragraphs, using the prefix “auto” as many times as I could, but I used autosuggestion to "curb" that idea...:eek:

[the_me]

I've always seen human kind as instinctively selfish as long as we eat and breath to keep ourselves alive at least. Sure, there are others who will perform selfless acts, but even the majority of them will come out alive, and many better off than when they started in many regards (be they a missionary or a soldier). I mean, should you get a good feeling from donating, or helping someone with something, you have just done something to make yourself feel better, even if it makes someone else feel better too right? I don't see being selfish to be bad, until it crosses the lines of basic morals and begins to trample on the rights of others, such as avarice, or expressed malice.

I hope I worded that right...

[Alice Torn]

Kathi, Thanks for mentioning that about Fathers Day. That has always been a tough one for me, too. Mother's Day, too. A lot of awful scarrs and hurt, that I have been dealing with bigtime lately, as I have to help my 90 yr old father now. There was a lot of drinking, fighting, verbal and emotional abuse, guilt tripping, and I have been so close to suicide, countless times! I am trying, and praying and working to forgive my parents and myself, and my brothers who hated me. I think there should be a day for survivors.

[Pythos]

But at least for me, the only reason it is selfish is because my mother or family is not accepting. I would so love to wear what I want with them, and not be limited to jeans or slacks. I used to be able to wear leggings with my family, then for some reason mom started the whole "gay ballet dancer" thing, and forbade me from wearing them when I go out with her. Makes me not want to go out with her then. Am I the selfish one? Yes. I am. I should just wear what she wants me to and act as she wants me to.

I do do that, but I really really resent it.

[donnalee]

I think this is biblical, or perhaps Talmudic; "If I cannot be for myself, who else would be for me?"

[DianeDeBris]

Freddy wrote "Hmmm... yup, ok, ....hey your not a lawyer by chance are you?
Not a chance. I went to ART school – you know, to draw (and paint) nudes, so THERE..."

Hi Freddy - FWIW, lots of us lawyers actually *like* nudes!

[Frédérique]

Hi Freddy - FWIW, lots of us lawyers actually *like* nudes!

Oh, I imagine they do! ;)

I was just pointing out that I went in a different direction from my lawyer friends – funny we should meet this way! I need to tell you that drawing and painting nudes isn’t all it's cracked up to be. Not only is it difficult and tedious (for a reason), but the models they provide for you in art school are…shall we say…less than attractive. Luckily, the imagination kicks in, or you learn to see the beauty in all things, which really helps when I look in the mirror and see my less than perfect self-image…
:sad:

[Alexiz]

But at least for me, the only reason it is selfish is because my mother or family is not accepting. I would so love to wear what I want with them, and not be limited to jeans or slacks. I used to be able to wear leggings with my family, then for some reason mom started the whole "gay ballet dancer" thing, and forbade me from wearing them when I go out with her. Makes me not want to go out with her then. Am I the selfish one? Yes. I am. I should just wear what she wants me to and act as she wants me to.

I do do that, but I really really resent it.

That kind of makes me feel upset.. I suppose not everyone can be accepting of everything, even in family. I'm sorry to hear that you get called such a thing by your mom, but I can see where you're going with the post on selfishness. I don't think that she should force pressure onto you like that, though.. I just don't feel that it's right. I often see messages like that with movies on disabled people or something, where siblings would be embarrassed of their handicapped sister/brother. I suppose it's never going to be instantaneous acceptance and it might be hard because others don't approve, but I think that being yourself to yourself is all that really matters..

As "the_me" had mentioned, I don't think being selfish is bad unless it starts to invade onto other people's morals and whatnot. If the topic is about loving ourselves by dressing the way we want, then I think that it's perfectly fine.

[Sarah Doepner]

It seems to me that a willingness to practice self-interest is a great survival tool. Particularly when we pair it with self-exploration and a desire to become a better balanced member of our world. While we can't control what the world does, we can try to control how we respond. Knowing ourselves, our likes, dislikes, tendencies and weaknesses can make it almost look like we are in control. Is it selfish to try and reduce the conflict in our lives or at least to try and redirect it? I'm doing much better now that I have a little "selfish" corner I can visit occasionally and put the rest of the world in perspective.

[Dawn cd]

I think there is a little self and a greater self. When we do nothing but feed the little self, then we are guilty of selfishness. Like a spoiled child, the little self is always crying for attention. But serving the interests of the greater self--that self that we are called to be--can never be selfish, for one thing because that greater self leads us to connect with other people and all of their struggles and hopes. The lovely thing about this site is that it forces us to listen and to develop our greater self.