Wish me luck... taking another step...

[Bree-asaurus]

So I always get to the point where I'm about to jump off a cliff before I actually make any changes to improve the situation. For the past couple months, I've felt stuck where I am and not making any improvement. Having to pretend to be a guy in public has turned from an annoyance to something that can ruin my entire day. I've gotten to the point where I just can't do it anymore... It's either make a change, or sink into a horrible, spiraling depression that will impair my decision making and inevitably lead to... something bad.

I finally decided that while my boyfriend is out of the house for a week, I would work on my voice all day at home, never using my male voice by myself or with the animals. The day he gets home (today), I would only use my female voice around him when we're at home. I'm hoping that pushing myself like this will get me to improve my voice and get over my fear of using it (it cracks a lot and sounds bad sometimes).

If I can get this accomplished, and be able to use my voice in front of other people, the next step is not having to be a guy in public anymore... hopefully allowing myself to go full time, change my name/gender, etc!

I'm super excited, but nervous.... This is what I've been wanting, but apparently I had to become desperate enough to overcome my fear of failure.

I think this is the last major step I have to take before I can significantly improve my day-to-day life :D

[Rianna Humble]

Hope the voice exercises go well - I really need to get onto that myself, although the GIC doctor didn't seem tothinkit should be one of my priorities I beg to differ from his opinion on that.

[Faith_G]

Go for it! Practice is the only way to develop your voice. Talking to the animals is good, what worked for me was to make my internal monologue external. So anything I thought, I said out loud in my girl voice. Not only did it give me a lot of practice, it also changed my internal voice so I no longer had to translate things from my internal male voice to girl voice before speaking. I began to think in girl voice after a while and my girl voice became my natural voice fairly quickly.

[Jorja]

While having a femme sounding voice isn't necessary to go full time, it helps more than we realize. The key is to practice, practice practice.

It is a shame we as humans have to force ourselves to do the things we really want and need to do. Why must it always come down to this?
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

[Aprilrain]

Go for it girl the hardest part is getting over sounding silly to your self! Once I started meeting people only as April they never knew the difference so it didn't sound silly to them at all. A woman I had become friends with and I were talking about voice one night and I was complaining how I had been sired on the phone. She said "you don't sound like a guy to me isn't that your natural voice?" so I said something in my male voice and it freaked us both out! I won't be doing that again. For the record I get ma'amed on the phone all the time now. Unless I say I'm my wife then I can't talk about credit cards and store accounts over the phone! That is pretty fun. I am now in the process of going all the way with my femme voice with my parents, My dad asked me not to talk that way around him but he is just going to have to get used to it or not see me one of the two. GOD! wait till i tell him I'm changing my name! he'll have a heart attack.

[Melody Moore]

Hi Bree, I agree with Jorga, not having a female voice is no reason at all not to go full-time. In fact
if you were full-time, you would be much more motivated to use your female all the time - guaranteed!

[Bree-asaurus]

That's a problem though... cuz I haven't gotten to the point where I don't care what people think... I don't want to be treated like a weirdo when I'm talking to someone at a store and my voice cracks into manliness...

[Melody Moore]

don't want to be treated like a weirdo when I'm talking to someone at a store and my voice cracks into manliness...
That is the thing Bree, this is only your perception, because I found that people DON'T think you
are a weirdo even if your voice cracks. You have been told this by others here & I will say it again..
YOU look like any other GG & not all females have feminine voices either. I have met natal females
with deeper voices, so I really don't know why you try to use these excuses, especially since my
speech therapist told me that vocal communication only plays 7% in our overall communication. The
other 93% comes from non-verbal methods of communication including body language & appearance.

[Bree-asaurus]

That is the thing Bree, this is only your perception, because I found that people DON'T think you
are a weirdo even if your voice cracks. You have been told this by others here & I will say it again..
YOU look like any other GG & not all females have feminine voices either. I have met natal females
with deeper voices, so I really don't know why you try to use these excuses, especially since my
speech therapist told me that vocal communication only plays 7% in our overall communication. The
other 93% comes from non-verbal methods of communication including body language & appearance.

There's deep and there's manly deep. I have a deep voice for a man... a very deep voice. And a very manly sounding deep voice at that. Maybe it's not noticeable for some girls... but while I may be pretty or whatever, my voice is a dead giveaway. Anyone want a recording before they say it's all in my head?

And my girl voice is still pretty deep, but it sounds like a girl's voice... not a man's voice.

And I have gone out plenty of times using my man voice... and most people can tell.

[Melody Moore]

And my girl voice is still pretty deep, but it sounds like a girl's voice... not a man's voice.

And I have gone out plenty of times using my man voice... and most people can tell.
Don't worry Bree, it will come together hun. It doesn't matter if you have a deep male's voice, because
then you develop a deep female voice that is on the lower end of the scale for females. And remember
not all women have high pitched voices. However you will have to raise your pitch a bit, but the main
secret is how you use breath & intonation.

[Hope]

If you are having trouble with cracking, you need to do exercises to strengthen the muscles controlling your vocal folds. Here is the short version - there are 2 sets of muscles, one controlling your upper register, one controlling your lower register - and because you only use one register most of the time, those muscles are SO strong and dominant that they do most of the heavy lifting - until your voice gets so high that they simply cant do the work any more and the other set takes over but they are not ready to take the big load the dominant muscles have been carrying and so they slip very quickly into a range they are comfortable with. You need both sets of muscles to be in good shape.

My wife - who just happens to be a professional singer and college vocal instructor set me up with a set of exercises to do to help prevent the cracking issues. Primarily it is all about making a big "siren" noise. Drop in at somewhere near the top of your range - someplace nice and high, but comfortable - then slide slowly, down to the lower part of your range - then slide right back up to where you were before. It should take you 10-15 seconds or so to do one complete oscillation. The slower you do it the better, but it will be hard to do it slowly at first. Pretty soon you will be in a good place with the cracking - or lack there of. Do 5-10 reps 5-10 times a day (but don't over do it - especially initially - think about body building and not over working your muscles - same thing) and you will be gold. I used to do them in the car. No one around to hear me - and it was free time.

If you can do this while you keep your throat open and relaxed, as well as keeping your soft pallet lifted (think about the beginning of a yawn) you will be in awesome shape.

I think Faith's point about dealing with your inner monologue is REALLY helpful too. Though I think of it from the opposite direction. Even with my wife helping me and guiding me - I didn't start to have a voice I was even sort-of OK with until I started thinking in my "girl voice." It's not my girl voice now - now it is MY voice.

I am sure my voice still sucks, but my voice therapist seems to think it is not bad at all... but then she has only seen me for a week - we will see what she thinks next week when she has had time to analyze all of the horrible recordings we made.

[Amber99]

Good luck! I'm the same way with letting things get bad before I have the guts to act on them, I'm sure I will be in the same situation soon :3

[Aprilrain]

I have a very useable, passable femme voice that i use all the time now but i still hear that annoying guy voice in my head! What gives?

Another suggestion, for what it's worth, is to put your throat in the position it would be in for gargling mouth wash. I got that one off of Melanie Anne Philips website. She transitioned in the 90s and has been post op for like 20 years. This really help me at first. The other thing i did was Sing along to music in the car which is harder than just talking. this would wear my voice out pretty fast but after awhile i got better at my femme voice and my throat muscles got stronger. Something I heard at the TS support group meeting i go to was to practice at the meeting. Everyone there already knows I'm trans and is in the same boat anyway.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Bree the best advice is BY FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to just do it.

I'm not sugarcoating it by saying your voice won't ever cause you a problem in the early days..your voice will develop over MUCH longer than a week.. this is a neccessary part of growth as a transsexual woman.

I practiced alot.
I worked on pitch, breathing.etc.. you know what? it didn't really work very well..

then earlier this year i started a 4 week training program in a store with many employees and all day customer interaction..and you know what? a totally different voice came out!!!!!!!!!!!
I put myself into the fire with no choice, and it literally changed my voice instantly.. the practice helped because i had a more control over my voice without thinking about it..

the voice was not as high pitch as i practiced, but it was a voice that worked...no one ever said a thing...i was for the first time a woman in a group of men and women that only knew me as kaitlyn...
with the way you look, i can almost promise you similar results..

i'm not saying you are wasting your time practicing..it you have really thick vocal cords you need to work them and gain some control over them... but to actually have an authentic female voice, you really do just need to get out there with no safety net..

[Melody Moore]

i'm not saying you are wasting your time practicing..it you have really thick vocal cords you need to work them and gain some control over them... but to actually have an authentic female voice, you really do just need to get out there with no safety net..
Much like jumping into the deep end of a pool for the first time,
you might go under a few times, but you soon learn to swim. ;)

You really need to have some more faith in yourself Bree, I know I do.
Yes I have faith you can do this Bree because if I can do it, anyone can.

Why you are not full-time already makes no sense to me at all Bree
because, everything about you looks to me like any other natal female.

Why wouldn't you change your name & ID when you look so unmistakeably
like any other girl? You never heard my ex-girlfriend's voice & how it use
to break up because she damaged it through all the screaming she use to
do. So her tones were really low for a female voice because it was the only
way she could speak, but noone ever accused her of being trans when she
was with me. There are tall women out there with deep voices & when you
just go for it, you will eventually find your female voice it will just all start
falling into place & become easier to do. When you listen to yourself you might
not think you sound all that different at first because you are too familiar with
your own voice. But give it time & people won't even notice anything unusual
about you. I go into shops all the time now & talk to staff & other customers
& noone even bats an eyelid. I get referred to by staff as a 'lady' when they
are getting someone else to assist me after I have made an enquiry in a store.

Sometimes Bree we can be overly paranoid & take a really negative view of ourselves
when others don't see us at all like we see ourselves. I never had any idea that I would
be getting on so well out there in society as a woman but here I am doing it! And the
only difference between you & I babe is that thing called 'faith'.

So yeah, I am with Kaitlyn... just do it! So come on in the water is fine :D

[Hope]

I'm not sugarcoating it by saying your voice won't ever cause you a problem in the early days..your voice will develop over MUCH longer than a week.. this is a neccessary part of growth as a transsexual woman.

As my therapist likes to remind me - this is why they call it transition.

You can practice all you want, and you need to and you should, but you do simply have to go out and DO IT eventually.

[Carole Cross]

I went full time without having done much on my voice, it still needs a bit of work now after over a year full time. It is getting better and even my phone voice seems to be improving. I still have days where I can't find the right level but it is getting easier.

It takea a long time but if you keep using it then it will get easier and, if you can afford it, see a speech therapist.

[Karen564]

Bree, just freakin do it !! After seeing your pic here, you completely pass as a female....so work on your voice & hone it as you go, but don't hold off going F/T over your voice issues...I wouldn't be surprised if your making out your voice being worse than it really is.....also remember this, not all girls look like barbie dolls or sound like one.....So just go F/T now, & deal with it......be yourself, be real...don't try being something your not....

I don't tell just anybody this....I know you can do it, so go do it..

I'll try to be back in another 6 months to check in on ya.....lol

Oh, Hi all....hope all is well....

Ciao,

Karen..xxx

[Bree-asaurus]

Thanks for the advice and opinions everyone. I didn't quite do exactly what I had planned... but I am going out as myself more. Only once since I wrote this have I gone out hiding in my guy cloths. I haven't been using my female voice all the time around my boyfriend, but I have been using it occasionally in front of him and my mom (who is here visiting)... usually singing to myself or talking to the dogs. I wasn't able to stick to the resolution I had made, but I'm still making better progress than I had thought I could.

I'm trying to not think of myself in such a negative light anymore... and while I could sometimes see that I may be passable, I am now seeing and believing that I really don't stand out... even being over 6 feet tall.

So I'm starting to listen to you all... lol... I know that a lot of my issues are just in my head and I'm pushing myself to ignore those bullshit thoughts I have.

In other news, a client that I have knows I'm trans and is totally cool with it. Him and his business partner actually just made me their lead developer. He told me that he would prefer to call me Bree and expects me to be myself when we have business meetings. I gave him a choice since my other clients all know me by... my former character.

As usual, things are going well and I just have to get over my own stupid fears to move along.

[Aprilrain]

Obviously your client sees the woman in you and finds it odd that you would still pretend to be a man besides your probably easier on the eyes now lol

[Bree-asaurus]

Oh I was decent looking before. I was totally a hit with the gays :P