Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged (Opinion Piece)

[cd_in_de]

As I read through the threads on here, on occasion, I see people downing other's opinions, en femme appearance, etc.

While I do not agree with everything I see on here, it is not my place to judge the people that I do not agree with. Thus, I do not judge and keep my opinions to myself.

Non-cds judge us all the time, so I think we as a group could do with less judging of each other.

I'm not saying that I am right, but that is how I am and that is just my opinion.

[kristinacd55]

In other words, if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. I agree :)

[Shari]

You're absolutely right.
Many times I find myself wanting to bash someone but then I stop and think.
This is supposed to be a support group. I try my best to remember that.
If the person angers or somehow offends me, I simply move on to the next thread.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree Hon. Unfortunately that won't stop those who are arm chair warriors, who parrot other people's opinions and who think their way is the only way from judging others. It's just human nature.:straightface:

[Cynthia Anne]

That is beautiful! If I can not speak well of a sister, I will not speak ill of her! Thank you!

[Karren H]

I kind of have to disagree... (Surprised? Lol). I'd say you can judge people.... For what they do... Not for who they are... I don't hate someone and judge them poorly just because they are who they are but I will judge them it they do stupid, evil, unlawful things... Just my opinion and I won't judge you poorly if you disagree!! (Fine. If you disagree AND are wearing women's jeans your toast! Ha! ).

[Sarasometimes]

I kind of have to disagree... (Surprised? Lol). I'd say you can judge people.... For what they do... Not for who they are... I don't hate someone and judge them poorly just because they are who they are but I will judge them it they do stupid, evil, unlawful things... Just my opinion and I won't judge you poorly if you disagree!! (Fine. If you disagree AND are wearing women's jeans your toast! Ha! ).


So Karren you admit that you will judge a book by its cover, if it is a denim cover, HA! Got you on this one.

[cd_in_de]

So Karren you admit that you will judge a book by its cover, if it is a denim cover, HA! Got you on this one.

LOL! That's a good one!

[Karren H]

Only if its covered in blue denim! :D

Everyone judges everybody else every day to some extent. "She's pretty".. "He's a jerk". Wtf was that guy thinking that wore the lingerie on the US Air flight??". Try not to judge... My sons gay friend last night... After seeing this guy on Americas Got Talent doing a pole dance kind of enfemme... "He wasn't bad but wearing heels was a bit creepy"... People judge. Lucky for me... I don't care what people think! And its served me well!

[Gaby2]

Are you by any chance judging judgers, cdindy?
How dare you!
We'll have to put you in the dock for this one...
:devil:Gaby

[NicoleScott]

Judge can mean "condemn" but it can also mean "determine". One of the jurors on the Anthony trial said that she could not judge people. I hope the other jurors, after they go into deliberations, can convice her that her judging is not condemning, but determining guilt or innocence based on the facts presented. No, we shouldn't condemn others for their look, or their opinions. But sometimes when discussing issues, we have to challenge others for their accuracy or basis for having an opinion. It's all part of civil discourse (as long it's kept civil). I don't want my subordinates at work to always agree with me, but encourage them to present another angle, inform me of something I might not know, and see things differently. Then, armed with more and better information, I can make better decisions. How boring (and useless) this place would be if everyone always agreed with a post. Unfortunately, it gets personal at times, and I've been guilty. Moderators have done a good job at letting us disagree - up to a point - as long as it's civil and productive.

[Kate Lynn]

As I read through the threads on here, on occasion, I see people downing other's opinions, en femme appearance, etc.

While I do not agree with everything I see on here, it is not my place to judge the people that I do not agree with. Thus, I do not judge and keep my opinions to myself.

Non-cds judge us all the time, so I think we as a group could do with less judging of each other.

I'm not saying that I am right, but that is how I am and that is just my opinion.

you should send your message about judging to the crossdresser chatroom,while your at it,teach them about tolerence,compassion,and understanding.


Only if its covered in blue denim! :D

Everyone judges everybody else every day to some extent. "She's pretty".. "He's a jerk". Wtf was that guy thinking that wore the lingerie on the US Air flight??". Try not to judge... My sons gay friend last night... After seeing this guy on Americas Got Talent doing a pole dance kind of enfemme... "He wasn't bad but wearing heels was a bit creepy"... People judge. Lucky for me... I don't care what people think! And its served me well!

Karren,what if it's red denim skinny jeans?

[Alice Torn]

Nicloe has it right. The quote is more truly, "Don't condemn, lest you be condemned."

[Debra Russell]

If you don't someone will -- or we are what we are and that all what we are! or you can call me Ray or you can call me RJ or you can call RJJ Junior but you doesn't has to call me Johnson!

[Nicole Erin]

I don't worry about it cause I know in my heart -
Only Judy can judge me.

[Schatten Lupus]

I'm not saying that I am right, but that is how I am and that is just my opinion.
You are right. As the saying goes "United we stand, divided we fall." And we are so damned divided it's not surprising transsexualism is still a mental disorder in the DSM V, that we as a group are a bargaining piece to be tossed overboard to pass legislation that would otherwise protect us, and we are attacked in even very trivial ways (such as the boy who got suspended for wearing a dress to school). Many of us bicker and argue over who is, and who isn't, and I've even seen transwomen argue over uterine transplants and being able to become pregnant ourselves. Our "community" is a mess, and we have only ourselves to blame.

[KarenCDFL]

I have to whole heartedly agree.

So many people here here ask things like how do I look or does my ass......

I will complement those I feel should be complemented (especially those I am very jealous of!) but thats pretty much it. I don't want to hurt anyones feeling nor start a flame war.

[BobbieJoe]

I think when you get to the point where you don't misjudge anyone, you've pretty much got this life figured out.

[Engendered]

If someone wants honest feedback, it should be given honestly, and tactfully (if it's feedback you think they don't want to hear). Although people have said that this is a support site, I have mixed feelings about that. A community where we can share experiences and grow, offer advice, and stories, sure. But framing it as a support site makes me think that crossdressing is akin to something like alcoholism. A negative thing that we, and those close to us need to deal with. This may indeed be true for a portion of us, and those of us closeted and in relationships may have it the worst.
My own perspective, that I wish more people had, is that crossdressing is something that is awesome, offers you a perspective that few people will ever have, and can and should be an advantage in relationships.

[Fab Karen]

I judge people who say "ye" :)

[Alice Torn]

If we are going to be Gods someday, I suppose it best we learn to judge rightly, and put ourselves in the other's heels, before bashing.

[Sophie86]

While I do not agree with everything I see on here, it is not my place to judge the people that I do not agree with.

Sure it is. It's just not polite to announce your opinion of them in public, and it would be silly to expect your opinion to matter to them more than their own opinion. But it's most definitely your place to judge. You have to know what you think, and no one else is going to make that judgment for you. :)

[SweetIonis]

We all make value judgements. That's just the nature of the human mind. This is nice, this is not nice. We do it all the time for the sensory, emotional, and intellectual input we get. People are no different. We see them, smell them, touch them, hear them, and even taste them (and I'm not talking about like a cannibal lol). When we do so we cannot avoid making some sort of value judgement.

The problem is this. We also have the need to feel that we are the best, the center of attention, and that the world revolves around us. Although this is certainly not the case, more or less all of us operate on this basis. Because of this, in the process of making value judgements, sometimes we go a step further and put ourselves upon a pedestal and feel that we are in a superior position to someone else because of some quality that they have that we may not like. That's a mistake. First of all, just because we make not like it, it doesn't NECESSARILY mean that it's truly a fault, because sometimes the fault lies within us, not the other person. But even if that's not the case, we are still in no position to say that we are better than others because first of all it's very difficult to make an objective judgement in that regard. Second of all we may have the same fault be might not be able to detect it. And third all if it were possible to see everything about all of us, everything we have ever said, done, or thought, we would find that there are so many faults that it would be difficult to say who is superior to who. What and who is in a position to set the criteria?

Therefore humility is a sign of wisdom, because when one truly looks within themselves, they see that I have so many faults, that I have no right to consider myself better than someone else because I don't like some quality, trait, or behavior that they have manifest.

[Sara Jessica]

There's a difference between a site such as this being an environment where cheerleading rules the day, where everyone walks on eggshells lest someone be offended in any way, and a place where meaningful discourse can occur. I'm for the latter and where opinions sometimes differ, so be it. Then there's the question of how one deals with inanity. Do you call it out or simply ignore it? More often I ignore but on occasion people must be called out on such things. Failure to do so reverts these pages to such an uninteresting place.

[Pythos]

This is an issue I have with the "if you don't have something nice to say..." line.

I have posted several pics here and there are usually three digit number of views and at most two digit number of comments. Does that mean a greater number of observers found my pics to be awful?
What I dislike about the notion of the quoted line is how it really does nothing if someone says nothing when something doesn't work. If that notion was applied in aviation, there would be a lot more wrecks due to mechanical failure.

There have been instances where I have refrained from saying anything (which goes right against my initial statement here, lol), but there was one set here where the individual looked absolutely terrible. I had to speak up, and was as nice as I could have been. It takes much more skill to offer constructive criticism than it does to just call names, but this set of pics....wow. I am sure I was offensive.

I do think what we need to be is honest. If we see that someone looks like a wreck, I think it is increadibly disingenuous to say " Oh girl you look great" or something affirming like that.

[Gaby2]

This is an issue I have with the "if you don't have something nice to say..." line.
...
I do think what we need to be is honest. If we see that someone looks like a wreck, I think it is increadibly disingenuous to say " Oh girl you look great" or something affirming like that.

Everything is relative, Pythos.
When someone says "oh girl you look great" as you descibe, perhaps they see or imagine something which you can neither see nor imagine.
It depends where they're coming from.

I think you have a certain right to this judgemental opinion of the commentator and the picture poster - even if your opinion qualifies as downright condemnation. (Thanks for the distinction Nicole).
Indeed, your unique manner almost demands this approach.
I'll read everything in the context of my own experience.
I'll also take into account your unquestionable honesty and openess to other opinions.

This doesn't neccessarily apply to everyone though.
That's what's so important about this thread.
In a simple way cdindy has provoked some wonderful soul-searching and self-questioning.

Opinions vary as personalities vary.
The nice thing here is that one is almost guaranteed a mix of opinions.
Gaby

[kendra_gurl]

I try not to think of my having an open discussion or debate on an issue and judging someone else. Sometimes it may seem that way when I ask them to explain why they say something or post a photo asking for an opinion but that is more to help me understand them better. I admit I am starting to refrain and avoid some threads here as I have learned how quickly something very simple can turn into a very ugly off topic war of opinions.




I have posted several pics here and there are usually three digit number of views and at most two digit number of comments. Does that mean a greater number of observers found my pics to be awful?
.

Thats easy Pythos, every time we come back to read each new contribution it counts as another view.

[Lorileah]

I think that as a rule this site gives plenty of support, but that can come with some disagreement. If you see that a train wreck is going to occur, should you try and stop it?

The use of this site for discourse is a main feature. Everyday there is a post of "how do I look?" or similar and while most will prop the subject up, some will offer a reality check. Discussing when to tell a SO and similar are going to get arguments. But usually they are constructive and educational.

So here's a new thought. A member posts a picture. Asks "how do I look." and gets three responses, all nice. With the number of people here who would not say anything "bad" that person could assume that the majority is silent because they don't want to tell the truth. (and it explains why I usually get 5 responses ;))

[kendra_gurl]

I want to be the first one to place $10 into the hat to purchase Karren a pair of stylish girl jeans

Lorileah your avatar and profile photos are beautiful just for the record.

[NicoleScott]

Pythos, I wouldn't make anything of the numbers (reads vs. posts). I read far more than I comment on (believe it or not!). Some subjects I don't feel qualified to comment on, like gender dysphoria, transitioning, tucking, dating, and others, so I don't. I may know a little about those things, but not from first-hand experience, so I try to leave it to others more qualified.
As for honest but negative comments about a person's look, it depends on the request. "How do I look" doesn't tell me much about what the person is looking for. It might be just fishing for compliments. Some say "give me the good and the bad. I want to improve my look, and I really need honest opinions". That invites constructive criticism, as wanted. Saying "you look like crap, but you asked for it" would never be appropriate, because it's not constructive.
Also, when asking for comments, for example, on makeup or clothes, it would help to state your objective. Are you going to church, out to eat, movie, dancing, ball game, etc.? Do you want to focus on passing for casual daytime outings, or look your sexiest dor a date? Use good questions to get good answers.

[SweetIonis]

There's a difference between a site such as this being an environment where cheerleading rules the day, where everyone walks on eggshells lest someone be offended in any way, and a place where meaningful discourse can occur. I'm for the latter and where opinions sometimes differ, so be it. Then there's the question of how one deals with inanity. Do you call it out or simply ignore it? More often I ignore but on occasion people must be called out on such things. Failure to do so reverts these pages to such an uninteresting place.

I think that a good combination of intelligence, maturity and self control will dictate how we respond to things that we may feel are sub-standard or negative to one degree or another. Our mood is the key. The mood should be that I am trying to help someone be better, as opposed to using someone else's faults as a stepping stone to make myself feel bigger. As I have said before, we should bear in mind that we have faults also and as such we should not put conceptualize ourselves to be in a superior position to someone else just because we can see the legitimate faults in that other person.

I think the main thing to consider is can I respond in such a way that the situation and the person becomes better on a whole. If we will make the situation worse or the person worse we should refrain. However there may be some RARE situations where we may have to hurt someone in order to keep a greater damage from being done. For example killing a KNOWN serial killer or at least putting the person in a situation where they can do no more harm might be somewhat painful for the killer, however for the greater good, it's something that has to be done. I know that's a crude example, but I wanted to illustrate the principle. Unless it's something that rises to a level similar (doesn't have to be that extreme), if we are going to hurt someone without making them better, it's best to hold our peace.