The Best Day of my Life and the Worst Evening

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

Hi Ladies:

Well this past Wednesday i booked a makeover at the MAC store on Bloor in Toronto.
The makeup artist(Francis a young man originally from Montreal,did my makeup)
,did a fantastic job and for the first time in my life i actually saw the woman i feel i
am in the mirror. i was on cloud 9.
Driving home i felt that this was a turning point in my life and that i can't hide the
truth about my crossdressing from my wife anymore. so i told her about my need
to dress in Women's Clothes.
It was awful she broke down and cried and made me feel awful(which she had every
right to do) the mood in our usually happy home has gone frigid and i think we are now on the way to divorce. Although my world(and my wife's) has began to crumble for the first time in my life i can be totally honest with myself and others.
to all the sisters still in the closet be careful, we all know this is never going away
,but the fallout can be horrid. thanks for listening

Love and Peace

Giselle Reeves

[Kathi Lake]

Giselle,

First, I'm sorry that you and your wife are having troubles. Reading through your post, I saw two conflicting messages;

". . . the mood in our usually happy home . . ."

". . . began to crumble for the first time in my life . . ."

and

". . . we are now on the way to divorce . . ."

Giselle, unless you told her that what you wanted was more than the crossdressing you mentioned, I really don't see how one event can or should lead to divorce. I think there are a few things working here; One, you just experienced your first makeover, and most likely the first accompanying case of the pink fog; that wonderful sensation where all is right with the world - as long as you keep dressing up. Two, you claim that you feel you are a woman, as you finally saw 'her' in the mirror. If this is the case, then yes, expecting a wife to stay with you through transition - though some of them do - is tough.

Where do you go from here? Well, unless you have everything laid out in your mind on what you are going to do and when, and who you really are, it would be hard to tell you wife these things. I suggest counseling with one who has experience in gender identity issues. As soon as you wrap your head around all of that, you will be prepared to go further in your journey - either with your wife or not.

Kathi

[SherriePall]

Went through the tears with my wife over 10 years ago. The thing is to be honest and to keep talking. If your intentions are not to transition, then take every opportunity to tell her you love her and mean it!
Others will follow with more advice gathered from their own experiences.

[Pythos]

Wow. Talk about over reaction. Yes the shock would be a lot, but this? This is irrational. At least to me it is.

Forget about the letting her know that the cding is not more important than her, that is apples and oranges. It is important. Probably as important as a classic car can be important.

What she needs to know is that you are the same person she has known, and that you are not going to cheat on her, with either another female, or a male.

[Cynthia Anne]

It's a shame so many times a relationship ends like this! I think Kathi and Sherry both have good advice! I will add give her some time to think things through! Unless you are going to trasnsition!

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

special thanks to all the sisters that have commented here and emailed me, this is indeed a very difficult time in my life
(and of course my wife's life as well) i feel we could reach some common ground if she would invesitgate crossdressing
from a point of view different than the "Jerry Springer Show" mentallity?
She only see's at the present time that crossdressers are promiscuous homosexuals and perverts and it will take a lot
of information and contact with other family's in the same position to counter this. anyways wish me luck and again
thanks for the honest and frank suggestions and comments.

[NicoleScott]

Encourage her to do some research about crossdressing. It's not just about those types that show up Springer. Then lie low and give her a chance to do the research. If she doesn't, you may be doomed - she doesn't want to see it any other way than what's in her mind now. Now that the cat is out of the bag, when you two take up the conversation again, be sure to be honest with both yourself and her about where you intend to go with your crossdressing.

[Sara Jessica]

Wow. Talk about over reaction. Yes the shock would be a lot, but this? This is irrational. At least to me it is.

I'm thinking it's not such an over-reaction at all (short of the divorce comment, that seems a bit extreme at this point).

Put yourself in the woman's shoes (uh-oh, perhaps a poor choice of words in these parts). It could be any woman who learns out of the blue that her "man" either 1) likes to dress up to whatever degree, or 2) has deeper rooted feelings of femininity that may or may not lead to transition. It blows up her world to say the least. Some women are better equipped to cope with such revelations, some are not. Those who are often fall back on life experiences or attitudes towards what might be called alternative types of behavior and/or lifestyle.

Bottom line, this sucks for many of our SO's.

To Giselle, all I can say is that I would echo many of the other comments, that communication at this point is key. Best of luck to you.

[docrobbysherry]

Shock, irrational fear, and indignation r NATURAL for any SO that didn't have a clue!:eek:

I've BEEN married and divorced! A solid marriage should NOT be destroyed by such a revelation! U need to CLEARLY COMMUNICATE WHAT IT IS U WANT to do as a CD, and what if any, accommodations would be required from her!:straightface:

If u desire RADICAL CHANGES in your relationship and in your marriage arrangement, THAT could easily lead to divorce!:doh:

If u only desire to dress alone in private, that should NOT!:thumbsup:

Anywhere in between and u both will need to arrange a satisfactory compromise!:brolleyes:

[Inna]

Hi babe, I should start with "I am sorry" but I won't. I will start with "congratulations".

It takes strength and perhaps inevitable feeling, that life must finally begin. What many of us call living is mere existence until such day when world falls apart and truth drives its feeble sword into our hearts. Pain is inevitable as we sever the parasite wart of guilt, lie and deceit from our soul. We destroy in an instant, pathetic illusion of life so tenderly sculpted from pretense. We cast a shadow upon all we love or deemed ours.

But awakened, we shall rise and for the first instant look upon this place with eyes wide open. True and pure, a young child seeing colorful playground for the first time.
For we shall not loose what we didn't posses in a first place. And those who loved us shall remain yet those whose hearts carry guilt will depart not of your doing but their own burden.

Be free, and shed the tear of love, these cleanse our soul and make us whole.

[SweetIonis]

Well I'm surely no expert, but to look at it from another perspective, I think there is some value to the saying that sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. If you really feel strongly about someone and the desire to dress or feel feminine isn't that strong then I would say either stop or just do it occasionally in private. If on the other hand it's something that you feel you need to do regularly you may have to just be up front about it. In that case honestly is probably the best policy and let the chips fall where they may.

[GaleWarning]

As always, I diagree with a lot of you.
Another good relationship gone west, for no good reason other than a CDer's extreme self-interest.
(I am not preaching from a pedestal here ... my marriage break-up was due to my greed ... I am only lamenting the loss of something worthwhile and precious.)

[SweetIonis]

As always, I diagree with a lot of you.
Another good relationship gone west, for no good reason other than a CDer's extreme self-interest.
(I am not preaching from a pedestal here ... my marriage break-up was due to my greed ... I am only lamenting the loss of something worthwhile and precious.)

OK, I'm curious. May I ask, was there a point where you where confronted by your wife, or did you come forward yourself. Obviously, either way, she didn't approve, so did you make an attempt to stop?

[t-girlxsophie]

It is sad when a steady relationship falters in this way,maybe edge her towards the Loved Ones section on here,where she can get real advice and gain some knowledge of the Issue.As stated by the girls Communication is always the key.

Not getting at your wife,or any GGs but anyone who thinks anything on J***Y S******R (gawd awful prog) is real or true to life needs their heads examined

Sophie

[kimdl93]

Giselle, I would caution you against jumping to any conclusions about your marriage. Your wife's reaction is about what would expect. You dropped a bombshell on her and she's undoubtedly in shock. You might have been a bit better prepared and laid some groundwork for this revelation, but what's done is done.

Or is it? I am sure that soon your wife will want...will need to talk to you. She'll want answers to dozens of reasonable questions. You need to be prepared to give her honest and meaningfully complete answers. If you value your marriage as much as it seems, you'll give her time to process, listen to her reactions, and try very hard to find some common ground.

[linda allen]

My question is:

You went and got made over, then you went home and told your wife about your crossdressing. Did you walk into the house made up with a wig and female clothing ? Breast forms and hip pads?

That would have been quite a shock.

Or did you change back to normal and say "Honey, there's something I want to talk to you about."?

[Amber_Lynn]

Very sorry to hear about this, but there is a military term called rapid dominance or shock and awe. That's kind of what you did to your wife. BAM, here I am what do you think! She was probably in shock. I know if my SO walked in with a butch hair cut, facial hair, a hairy chest and a "stap on" and said, I like to be a man. I'd probably get a little freaked out.

I have always lead in to my CDing desires step by step, getting acceptance and confirmation along the way. My current GF accepts my lingerie and although I have told her I have make up and clothes I've never dressed for her. Conversely to walk in to the house and hit her with BAM I'm a CD would be a blow to the head.

For us it's pretty easy to say, "hey my SO should be accepting of this" and many are. My GF has told me on a number of occasions that she wants me to be her prince. I reaffirm that I am, but sometimes I like to play the princess.

I wish you the best with this. It sounds like you took the shock and awe approach and you're feeling the repercussions of it.

[linda allen]

....... I know if my SO walked in with a butch hair cut, facial hair, a hairy chest and a "stap on" and said, I like to be a man. I'd probably get a little freaked out.
I have posted that before.

If we think about it being the other way around it would be easier for us to understand why most women are not thrilled with the thought of their husbands "turning into females".

[Jean Marie]

dear dear Giselle, I am so very sory this has come to an ugly confortation, hopefully with time and work she will come to accept you, she needs time and reassurance and to get the real facts about CDing and TG. Huggzz Jean Marie