Anyone here attend a regular monthly meeting? Tri-Ess or other?

[ErikaLeigh]

Well Gurls, I have been the president of our local Tri-Ess group for about 6 months now. It just seems that its getting harder to get our members to show up now more than ever before. I have talked to other group leaders that are experienceing the same situation. Just wondering if anyone else has seen a decline in meeting attendance and if there are any therories as to why?

My theories are:

1) The internet. This message board has helped me trmendously over the past several years, in fact I had neever been out in public, or even fully dressed when I joined. But since then I go out at least once a month for one reason or another, but usually to our meeting. I have talked to some though that are happy just dressing at home and surfing their favorite websites. Not me, I wish I could get out on a weekly basis, so many pretty clothes, and not much time to wear them . :D

2) That society has become more tollerant (maybe not accepting), but enough so that people just dont really care and CDers are just doing their own thing without a support group or club.

3) My final theory is that so many of you pull it off so well that nobody would notice anyway and therefore dont need a support group.


Anyway...... your thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I agree with your reasons. I am not a group type woman. However, I really do like the River City Gems in Sacramento, California. I think its was formed by some ex-members of a local Tri Ess group. Rachel Morley helped found it and she can tell you their story and current attendance situation. I like them because it is fairly unstructured, which I understand Tri Ess is not, they have great activities and include everyone from MtF and FtM CD's to TS's, wives, girl friends and visitors, including the neighbors of one of the member. Unfortunately, it is over an hour away all freeway driving. So, coming back at night has its risks. Another group I belong to is a GG/TG meet up group which picks a different venue every month for our meeting spot. Normally, it is a bar and then some of us go out for a late dinner. I like this group because we are out in the real world which suits my style, and the members and organizer are all great.

Then you have AKAMichelle in the Denver area and her group is growing by leaps and bounds with protected activities and a lot of out in the real world events. So, I think what you have given as reasons sound reasonable, plus the groups I attend accept everyone, instead of have a filtering process.

[girlalex]

I think answers 2 and 3 are correct. The first one not so much because from my experience on this website I haven't noticed too many crossdressers who prefer to dress up and just sit home. That how most of us start by dressing and staying at home, then we wanna go out because sitting at home is just not enough. crossdressing eventually becomes part of our daily activity that we want to take out doors as well as well as my self. yet I haven't gone out yet cuz i don't have anybody to go with. also no one that i know in person knows this about me yet. so i'm still trying to take things slowly. Another theory why i think there is less attendance is because some crossdressers don't find the need to wear full blown dress, make up and ect. instead they choose the androgynous look with a slight touch of makeup, and maybe those girl jeans and that androgynous jacket that won't immediately out them as a cd because that's what I would do.

[sissystephanie]

Ericka, I belong to 2 monthly meeting groups from my Church. Neither one of them has anything to do with crossdressing, but I mention them because there may be another reason why your attendence is falling. As a Past leader of both groups, I noticed a definite decrease in membership during the summer months! Other leaders said the same thing! Your three answers may all be correct, but I would bet that #4 (my answer) would be more likely the cause! There are too many other things to do when the weather is getting warmer!!

[msniki48]

Erika, I have attended tri ess and renaissance for 10 yrs and there is a big decline. where we had 50 to 60 now we have 8 to 10. us older gurls kling to the group more but the younger girls are out clubbing and shopping etc, our world is changing with more acceptance the key. our younger generation also much more accepting tha mine or my parents.

even our meetings are thinking of being held at a more social setting instead of the church we have used for yrs. many ladies night out groups are going out to dinner and finding total acceptance there also.


hugs

[BeckyAnderson]

I've been an active member of Tri-Ess since 2004. Our meeting attendance seems to wane back and forth from a few members showing up to being somewhat crowded but we have a "Core Group" showing up to every meeting. Where we have a problem is getting new members. We only have one Tri-Ess Chapter in our entire state and it located centrally in the state. However, given the lousy road system in Jersey, it's time consuming for most to travel to our meetings. We offer facilities for changing....so coming in guy mode is not a problem for those who need to maintain their secrecy and dress at the meeting. New girls come to the meeting once or twice but don't show up again. I feel it's because we don't really offer activities, like makeup demos, guest speakers or vendors coming in to hawk their CD wears, etc. I have, for years now, been taking new girls and regulars to our local Dress Barn for some shopping. We have a very special relationship with our local Dress Barn and they treat us like royalty. It's been lovingly renamed The Becky Barn :-) Several of us try to get new members to go to dinner (or, after the meeting for coffee, etc.) with us to a local restaurant. We've been going there for so long that we know the managers, bartenders and all the waitresses and they treat us as if we were celebrities. They are truly fabulous!. We've also put together a trip out to dinner and a movie on the 5th Saturday of any month that has one.

For some of our girls our trips out are an awesome experience. Many of them will take their first steps into public where they find a new level of nervousness. But after we get back to the meeting and they've had a chance for the evening's outing to sink in and the adrenaline to return to normal they find the new experiences hugely satisfying!

[Barbara Jo]

Years ago, I to belonged to a Tri-ESS out of of north Jersey.

From what I remember.....
There was always a group of "regulars" (including me) who attended most evey meeting.
The rest showed up sporadically.

Hpwever in the spring and summer, attendance always dropped off.
I guess this is due to some not wanting to shave their legs in the summer and the fact that people usually have other activities that take over that time of year.

[Barbra P]

Tri-ess doesn’t have a chapter in San Diego, but I recently joined Neutral Corner. This month only twelve people attended the meeting. I was told that wasn’t a bad turnout for June and July, the turnout in August should be better, and September gets much better. I suspect that during the summer months people are on vacation, or in the case of San Diego, on the beach. The San Diego LGBT Center has a group that appeals to a younger crowd and I understand that during the summer months their attendance is way down as well. Neutral Corner appeals to an older, white collar crowd; being 67 it appeals more to me than does the LGBT group. I’ll wait until September before I make any judgment calls.

[jennifer easton]

I would go to every meeting, but thats the problem here in KC Mo as far as I can tell we haven't any type of Tri-ess or any thing else to go to, now if some one knows of a group or some other place for us KC girls to get together I would love to hear. Jenni

[Mandy Marie]

A group formed last year here in West Michigan, the Transgender Resource Group, and it's meetings are well attended. It's been very helpful and reassuring, so much so that I wonder how far along I'd be if the group only existed 15 years ago. Online communities can't be as specific to one's local needs as a local group, so I feel anyone's pain if they don't have an area resource where they live.

[Cynthia Anne]

I really hope #2 AND3 are correct But I have reason to beleave #4 has a lot to do with it!

[NathalieX66]

I love Tri-Ess, and have attended a few meetings. I consider myself close friends with msniki48 and BeckyAnderson above, but nowadays I go wherever I go. Same with them,.

I've been to close to a half dozen shopping malls, and also resaurants, movie theatres, supermarkets, grocery stores, nightclubs, everywhere, you name it, the barrier has been broken down. What do I need support groups for?
Maybe Tri-Ess is outmoded with the present day attitudes. I appreciate any feedback.

[ErikaLeigh]

The situation in a few groups is not just the summer time blues as I call it, but year around. I know its hot outside (its going to be 114 here today) and that will make a few stay inside, but our numbers have been slowly dropping over time. Some of the core group has went their own way. A few are living full time and see no need, some have just stopped coming.

So far I thing that 2 and 3 are the most logical answers.

Nathalie, Your explanation seems to fit what I have been thinking almost to a tee.

[Sara Jessica]

I first attended Neutral Corner in San Diego back in the mid-90's, a time when I frequented several groups in the area (PPOC in OC, Born Free in the Inland Empire). I have since become reacquainted with Neutral Corner starting in December of 2006 IIRC. Since then, I'd usually make about 3/4 of the meetings throughout the year but I don't think I've been back since December.

The reason is scheduling, pure and simple. If I'm in SD, I time the visits to be with my friend Kim. If it aligns with a meeting, terrific. If not, we go out anyways, any place we wish to go.

I think the model for the "social" / support group meeting is still a valid one if for no other reason than it's a great place to make friends. It does strike me as odd though given the millions of peeps in SoCal that a group like NC can only draw 12 to 30 or so for a typical meeting.

[Sheren Kelly]

I was president of TGEA in Washington DC (2001-2002) and faced the similar issues.

Aside from the general mood in that dark time, we had our share of infighting (TS vs CD focus issues) that turned off may prospective members. There were several who would show up for 2-3 meetings and disappear, either into the closet or on to other groups. TGEA is open to all transgender, and is often a springboard for many to move on to TS or CD specific groups in the area.

The "regulars" were the workhorses who eventually burned out (as was my case). There are just more people who passively participate in these groups, and when the time comes to share the burden, they withdraw. We had a good newsletter, but as access to the internet improved, people were less reliant on meetings or the newsletter to stay connected.

Our most popular event was the annual holiday gala, that was open to all in the TG community. For many, it was an economical way to dress up and socialize in a safe space without having to travel to a conference event. Other than the workhorses who did the coordination, it didn't demand much from the participants above buying a ticket.

I don't believe we "pass" as much as we think we do. Society is just more tolerant of diversity. Support groups still have a place, but it will involve those few who are willing to do the work to make life easier for others to get out of the closet. Inspiring others to give in return is the challenge.

[wendy360]

I belong to a TG group that meets once a month. I'm lucky to make it to half of the meetings just because of other things in my life. I missed this months meeting because I went to my daughters graduation. I belong to other groups that I only get to their meetings about half the time. Peoples live are very busy and I think sometimes life just gets in the way.

[PretzelGirl]

There is a lot of good input here and I agree with those talking about regulars vs. occasional attendees. And the summer months are always bad for anything. People are getting out and doing other things while the weather is nice.

I have belonged to a number of groups over the years that have had their ebb and flow in the membership. To some level, it is the natural order of things. Once I went overseas and joined a computer support club and found their entire existence was to purchase one copy of a program and let everybody copy it. I soon was made president, I won a membership vote that we would auction off the software and start using that money and new dues to buy hardware so we could demo and teach things at meetings. Our list of total members went down, but our attendees at each meeting went up. Not surprising as the large member list would come once every few months to copy software but when you teach good things, they come each month so not to miss it.

And the same type of issues affect our types of groups. Without getting into political turmoil which can cause a group to implode, just the core direction can affect membership. Is it an instructional group (may attract more newbies) or is it a social group (may attract more old timers)? How much support is talked about if members are beyond the TG/TS/CD/etc spectrum? We are starting to put more activities into our group, but I think we don't want to lose the social aspects as that is what we built on. Because we also discuss a lot of support issues, we have a fair amount of SO/family/friends who come off and on. We fluctuate between 12-20 people at a meeting, which isn't bad for a fledgling group. But growth would certainly be good.

So I would say to look at the interests of those that do still show up and address other interests. See if you can draw interest from new people by offering something different. But don't stop doing things that the core membership enjoys, just blend more in. If you know of people in your area that don't come, ask them why. Some just don't want to go to regular events, but others will give you insight.

[Taylor186]

I attended a group (not Tri-Ess but followed the Tri-Ess model) from 2002-2006 and attendance those years was at a 20-year low. I don't think things have changed much for them in the years since but they're still around.

I'd say the internet played the biggest part in this decline as well as more tolerance on the part of businesses and patrons when a few CDs show up to spend money and have fun. Face it, the formal group meeting model, with agendas, votes, actions, annual dues, meeting dues, elections, minutes, financial responsibilities, political fights, balancing the diverse TG needs, finding speakers and so forth, requires a lot of work. We always had problems getting people to run for office positions for this very reason.

We now have several internet based CD groups in my area and they offer meetups for dinner or clubbing or whatever without all the fuss, muss and obligation of the more formal Tri-Ess model. Supplement that with forums like this and CDs can get answers to their questions with a diversity not possible in a small single group environment.

I don't think that CDs today (based on the hundred or so I have met personally) pull it off any better than those of 20 years ago, nor do they do it so well that no one notices. I just think people, in general, are more tolerant today.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Attendance usually drops off in late spring/early summer due to the heat; not just the issue of leg shaving, but also for some having to wear a wig, and for some even worse, heavy corrective makeup/beard cover and a wig.

One thing not mentioned is that some members drive in from a long distance (an hour or more each way was not uncommon when I regularly attended groups.) Since I started attending groups back in the mid 90s, the cost of gas has more than tripled (no exaggeration) and some just can't afford to make the drive anymore. If one factors into other issues (rising food prices and other expenses), more people un- or underemployed and it makes things that much harder for those who travel to meetings to do so.

One other issue is that the leadership end up being transitioning TS, since it is harder for those who are closeted to be out and visible. They often eventually transition and move on and leave the TG community, or even some who de-transition and return to living 100% as males for whatever reason.

[sandra-leigh]

The attendance at Masquerade (Winnipeg, Manitoba) fluctuates. Some days there are only about 8, some days there are over 20. Attendance is usually lower in the summer, and attendance is usually lower if there is heavy snow or strong wind. Cold itself is not necessarily a barrier (and it can get pretty cold here!): this city has a surprising number of well-attended cultural activities during the coldest months.

Constantly re-inventing ourselves is a challenge.

To alleviate burn-out of the "doers", we adopted constitutional changes this years that limit any one member from serving on the executive more than 3 years out of any 5 consecutive years: we stated bluntly that if additional people were not willing to step up and serve, the club would fold. These term limits also have the (intended) effect of getting new ideas and direction: when the same few people have been (relatively successfully) driving a club for a number of years, it can be hard to change the recipe.

There is always a programming challenge to bring in topics that old members have heard often before, and yet new members need to hear.

One social effect that we have been seeing is that the younger people tend not to stick around or tend not to visit us at all, because the younger people tend to jump faster to "transsexual". We welcome transsexuals, but we do not program with them in mind... we do not have the skills or resources for that.

[josee]

I joined Tri-Ess a few months ago but there is no chapter in my area. No one from the group has ever contacted me. I would go if I could find a group.

[kristinacd55]

Hey Erika,
I'm a member of a meetup group and went to 2 support group meetings which went well. Then there was all this infighting, and snippiness that I just didn't like so I'm not going back. The reason I went was for support, not for members to be fighting amongst themselves.
Anyway, I still go to social events and it's connected me in real time with some awesome girlfriends. :)

[Annette_boy]

Hi Everyone

I belong to two online meet up groups one centering on Baltimore where I live and the other in DC.
thet are both socal type groups, I now rarely attend the Baltimore groups events but always make the DC group.Reasons The Baltimore Group has slowed down doing things probably for burn out reasons but for me more importantly the sniping and a general meaness that has crept in this does not seem to be a devide on TS TG CD lines but more along personality.
this group has several hundred regestered members about 25 was the largest attendance I saw when things were good.
The DC group I attend regurlary we have schedualed meetups at a club or night out sort ov venue.there also several hundred regestered members and about a dozen that show up also for both groups less than half that RSVP that they will attend actually show up .
Factors for both internet tolerance many of us get cold feet as we are ready to go out the door cost of gas and parking and the general bad economy,Also summer is always bad for the reasons stated by others most eloquantly.
Sorry for the length and thanks for letting me rant.
Hugs Annette

[Marcia Blue]

I belong to a group called Central Iowa CrossDressers, CICD for short. We are more of a social group than a support group. We do offer support to each other but, most meet for the social aspects. Wives, GFs, SOs, Family members and Friends are also welcome. We have monthly meetings at the Patriarchs home and then often go out. We also have a GNO once a month or so.

Our membership is around 60 I believe. Members are from all corners of the state along with, Nebraska, Minnesota, Missouri, and Illinois. The group gatherings usually number 6 to 15 CD/TG girls show up. This group is only 2 1/2 years old.
That being said, I can only say weather is the biggest factor on attendance.

Our group link is:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CentralIowaCDs/

[Tora]

Josee and I may have had the same experience. I joined the national, get a nice Mirror mag a few times a year. No one would ever tell where the secret meetings were being held, in Michigan.

[msginaadoll]

I am from south east michigan too. I have no idea where any Tri-ess meetings are> I do go to a local meeting at the LGBT center called crossdroads. We tend to see the same faces there, maybe 10-12 people. There was a larger group at the annual dinner dance which was nice. I have talked to some ladies familiar with the meets and they think that they are a little dull, or where in the past when they went.