CD "paranoia" poll...hehehe

[eluuzion]

Ok, maybe it is not really a poll, just curious about "spying" here.

First of all, the disclaimer...(I'm not stupid, lol)
I do not believe in hiding significant issues from an SO. I do not have an SO now, nor have I ever “hidden” issues from any of my SOs that would have an impact on our relationship. But I am also single, so that shows you how successful I am at figuring out relationships...hehehe.

There, now for my questions. Feel free to lie. I don’t really expect much truth here, lol. After all, this is the Internet:heehee:

All this forum space that is devoted to discussing “hide-n-seek” games makes me curious...

-Do you think your SO has ever “spied” on you...or is now?

-If your answer is yes, what methods do you think were/are being employed?

-If you think this happened or is currently happening, do you think it is CD related?

-If your answer is yes, what do you think your SO really knows about your CDing?

-If your answer was yes, do you think she is just not telling you what she knows about your CD activities? Why not?

Or, do you think you are so “good” at this, that there is no way you are compromised?:heehee:

Feel free to digress...a little bit.:) This is not intended to be a discussion about "right and wrong", but I am sure somebody will find a way to turn it into exactly that...lol.

:love:

[Kate Simmons]

The fact is that women are naturally nosy(they call it being curious), especially in connection with an SO. If there is anything that is shared or can be checked up on, you can rest assured it will happen, so don't do anything you don't want to be found out.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

My X use to 'spy' on me all the time! And yes it was often cd related! That's why she is an X!

[Dawn cd]

My wife and I have been married for many years and always respected each other's privacy. She never poked thru my closet where I had women's tops, side-zip slacks and plenty of cosmetics. When I finally fessed up she was surprised--not troubled, but surprised. That was strange because over the years there had been a few accidental "finds" of stuff left laying around the house. She just never put two and two together. Need I add...my wife is a great lady.

[Danni Renee]

1) Yes, my SO has spied on me
2) Checking my Facebook, emails and such but it is easy to do since I gave her all the passwords
3) It is not crossdressing related. We have had some trust issues (and they are merited) and this is one way I keep the trust. She dos not check all the time, hardly at all but it is the thought that counts

[NicoleScott]

I don’t really expect much truth here, lol. After all, this is the Internet.

Sure, there's a lot of deception on the internet. For example, a cd-hater posing as one of us in order to get on here and bash us. Or someone looking for a simple date but has evil intentions after meeting.
But the anonimity we have - having an online feminine identity while protecting our "real life" male identity - also allows us to have naked honest discussions and revelations about ourselves that we would not otherwise.

I think my now-wife discovered my stash before we were married. But I'm not sure. Now, I don't think she spies. She knows about me, and is OK with it. I can dress in front of her, but I prefer privacy and she's not a bit interested in participting.

And that's the truth. Maybe.

[Karren H]

Yes she has but I'm pretty sure she stopped! She doesn't want to know!! Especially after finding fem clothing in my wardrobe. So she makes me put all my clothes away so she won't find anything.

[Tina B.]

Not to my knowledge, but then I don't hide anything to snoop into, we share the same closet, and she is free to go in my drawers and borrow anything she wants. And we both carry keys to both of our cars, so my trunk is her trunk. It may take the fun out of it for the wife, but if your life is an open book, there is nothing to spy on.
Tina

[TGMarla]

My wife doesn't spy on me. But for years I thought I could hide this from her. I was very careful, and meticulous about how I went about this. But I was mistaken, and like bad plumbing, eventually it leaked. She knows I do this, and she's not real down with it. But while it caused some friction at first, she no longer views it as a potential problem in our marriage. She doesn't want anything to do with it, so I still keep it away from her. But she doesn't spy on my, or rummage through things to see what she can find, or attempt to hinder my activities in any way. Bless her heart.

[JenniferR771]

Elision,
Good question. Ms. Janice does frequently check my history online, daily I am sure. And she gets angry if I delete my history. She does not check my hiding places...not that often...because she is disgusted and does not want to see my girlie things. But last month she rearranged my whole series of 5 storage boxes. Shoes in two small boxes, underwear in one big box, wedding dress, dresses and skirts in another big box, wigs in the file box. Leather and other stuff...on top shelf.
At least she folded the skirts very neatly.

[suchacutie]

The word "spy" implies that there is something to be found that I would not tell her up front. It also would mean that I have the time to try to keep something from her that, for some reason, I would not want her to know. Since it was my dear wife who got the first look at the first transformation to Tina, and since SHE was the one who said, "we HAVE to buy you a dress"!, there really isn't very much to hide! My wife is Tina's mentor, confident, and girlfriend. She and I discuss issues from this site all the time. We discuss Tina, what she might think about a certain issue, whether this outfit or that would look good on her, and even if Tina is jealous of the amount of time that I spend in male mode. When I'm on this site, I don't shut it down when she comes to look over my shoulder. I want her to see what I'm interested in so that she and Tina can be better girlfriends!

Ok..time to bring my wife her coffee and wake her :) Yes, it's a bit late but we didn't get to sleep all that early last night!

Then we're off to a wedding!

tina

[alice clair]

My SO goes through my things and will arange them in order in my closet, dresses skirts blouses and tops. Sometimes she will cleanout my panty drawer and arrange them in order, thongs bikinis and boy shorts, i am so lucky to have her. So i have no problem with snooping. She knows more about what i have than i do.

[karinels]

My last S/O did spy on me. At the same time, she did know and even supported my CD'ing and sexual curiosities. But she did use the history of my internet searches against me even though I was open and honest about what I was feeling and looking at. She drew her own conclusions, and I do not hate her for that. I am only disappointed that she held everything in until it festered to the point of no return which in turn gave me no place to go except rage and rampant accusations. Karin, if you read this, I have other things to say to you. It starts with an appology, then demands one. But you are too stubborn to forgive, so F U.

[PretzelGirl]

The fact is that women are naturally nosy(they call it being curious), especially in connection with an SO. If there is anything that is shared or can be checked up on, you can rest assured it will happen, so don't do anything you don't want to be found out.:)

Hmm.... Sounds a bit like a stereotype Abigail?

Since my wife has always known about this, I can't answer most of the questions. But my wife is not wired that way. She accepts things for what they are and I just can't picture her spying on me at all. After 21 years of marriage, I think I would have caught on by now if it was happening (after all, I am only mostly oblivious :heehee:).

[NicoleScott]

But while it caused some friction at first, she no longer views it as a potential problem in our marriage.

Marla, this really jumped out at me. Certainly some crossdressers' journey and destination are a threat to a stable marriage. And some wives just can't tolerate a crossdressing husband. But for the marriages that work, maybe it's because the parties, who may have some personal issues with crossdressing, can see that it doesn't necessarily have to be a problem for the marriage. My wife knows and accepts, but doesn't participate. Crossdressing is way down on the list as sources of friction in our marriage (but no deal-breakers).

[Lorileah]

-Do you think your SO has ever “spied” on you...or is now?

When my wife was alive ...nope Current SO ...probably


-If your answer is yes, what methods do you think were/are being employed?

Boris and Natasha :) I would say Google


-If you think this happened or is currently happening, do you think it is CD related?

Uh huh because current SO thinks I should be miss prim and proper :devil:


-If your answer is yes, what do you think your SO really knows about your CDing? current SO has known from the beginning before we even met in person. She has an idea of how I should be that does not quite mesh with how I want to be. As you all know I don't want to blend into the wall paper. OTH I don't want to be a DQ either :)


-If your answer was yes, do you think she is just not telling you what she knows about your CD activities? Why not? She may not like it but she knows it is who I am and that is what she wants...me as I am

[sandra-leigh]

I don't think my wife ever spied on me. She does, however, lose track of where she puts things, and might look in odd places to try to find them (because she's forgotten what is supposed to be in those places), so she did find some things that I didn't want her to find.

[L'eggs n' heels]

My ex-wife was more open and cool about the whole CD thing when we first met, maybe even turned on by it. As time went by she seemed to like it less and didn't want to see me as "Sophia". She would go in a different room and say "Tell me when you're done!", rather than being able to hang out with me for an evening while I was en femme. She didn't leave me over CDing, it was more about problems I had (and still do to some degree) with alcohol.

[docrobbysherry]

Knew I CDed. However, it was a pretty boring, non-issue back then.:straightface:

Then, we separated and went thru a 5+ year long and rancorous, divorce!:doh:

During that period, my dressing racheted UP!:battingeyelashes:
Since I was worried about her or a private dick watching, I ALWAYS pulled the curtains titely shut when dressing!:brolleyes:

Just ONE pic of Sherry shown to the judge, and I may NEVER have seen my kids again!:sad:

Now, years AFTER our divorce, Sherry is out in my yard all the time and goes to CD events around the country!:D

[eluuzion]

Sure, there's a lot of deception on the internet. For example, a cd-hater posing as one of us in order to get on here and bash us. Or someone looking for a simple date but has evil intentions after meeting.
But the anonimity we have - having an online feminine identity while protecting our "real life" male identity - also allows us to have naked honest discussions and revelations about ourselves that we would not otherwise


hey NS,
I was half-joking and 3/4 serious as usual with my Internet comment, as you know. But I agree with you on the point you have noted here.

As many times as I have vacillated on my opinion of the Internet being an overall "good" or "bad" thing...I inevitable settle on the "good" outweighing the "bad". It has provided such a remarkable human resource tool for expressing and understanding those parts of ourselves and others that would probably never surface without the platform and anonymity the Internet provides.

*************
Thank you to all of you that replied. Relationship dynamics are a endless source of fascination for me. Each partner develops their unique "strategy" for navigating the challenging issues that every relationship encounters.

What I find most interesting are those relationships that have successfully weathered the test of time in spite of what on the surface may appear to be some pretty bizarre interpersonal communication and intimacy issues. Somehow the combination works for the couple over the long term. (When I certainly would have placed my bets against any chances of survival).

I certainly commend those of you who have figured out something that I surely never will. I am still trying to figure out how any of us survived our days in the playground sandbox.

I am hoping that someday I will learn those strategies that made your relationships endure. When I grow up...I want to be just like you! But being realistic here, that "growing up" part is not likely to happen anytime soon in my case... :battingeyelashes:

But I am searching for a meaningful and fulfilling overnight relationship... hey...it is a start....

:love:

[Stephanie47]

My wife knows I am a cross-dresser. She does not spy on me because she does not want to 'discover' anything connected with cross-dressing. I store my feminine clothing in boxes that are in plain sight. I would not want to antagonize her disapproval by hanging my dresses in the walk in closet. As far as the Internet, I use Mozilla/Firefox as my search engine because it automatically deletes history whenever I sign out. Even if a wife does not approve of cross-dressing and know the husband is a cross-dresser, what's there to hide. And, I do not mean issues that arise due to spending excessive amounts of money that cut into the family budget, ignoring family time, etc.