My sister hasn't talked to me in 4 months...and I just found out the reason why.

[Simply_Vanessa]

Out of all the family issues I've seen happen from someone coming out as a transsexual woman, I'm not sure if I've ever seen a situation like the one I have with my sister, Corina.

In february I came out to everyone and anyone. I made a FB. I'm not starting HRT until I finish losing weight in about 8 months, but I'm comfortable enough to show myself to the word already. Corina hadn't seen me since December, because I was in socal going to university while she was in SF going to fashion school. Corina saw the picture of me sometime around february.

apparently, this is how she reacted. she was disturbed at how similar we looked. it made her sick. so much so, that when I asked my father why she wasn't talking to me, he said it was because of this reason. she hasn't talked to me since february...and when she saw me at the end of april for the first time in about 5 months, she literally started crying. she made a huge scene and stormed out of a restaurant when she saw my eyebrows, even though I was being respectful enough not to talk to her. she was crying so much that day that our trip to SF had to be cut short. when I came out to my aunts..they mentioned how I actually looked like her, and they made the mistake of telling that to Corina. the fact that we look like similar bothers her enough that I haven't talked to her in 4 months.

I really have never heard of someones family not talking to someone TS for this reason, ever. its not like im trying to look like her. I've never asked her for any makeup or fashion advice, I learned everything on my own. its not like I can help what I look like, people have been saying how I look like both of my sisters for basically my whole life. she is an incredible narcissist..but even I never expected her to react like this. When I start estrogen this issue will only get worse for her...

What am I supposed to do? :( I really dont want want to lose a sister because she realizes we look similar...out of all the reasons to not be cool with TS, this has to be one of the dumbest reasons ever.

[AllieSF]

That is really a tough reaction from your sister. I would say it is her problem and it has become your problem since you are siblings. One way to approach it is to use your family and friend network to slowly (I said slowly) start talking to her to help her get past this hurdle. It is definitely surmountable. You have friends and family and I bet that they would help you as best they can. She needs time to come to terms with your transition, especially when it also happens to hit even closer to home with similar looks. So, eventually starting some type of communication will help her a lot. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Vanessa!

That stinks is she worried that someone will mistake her for you. My oldest daughter gives me a look at what I would look like if I was born a girl, our baby pictures till she hit puberty are identical. You can see what estrogen compaired to testosterone. I think your sister is mourning the loss of her brother more than anything, don't you. Give her time let her know you love her weather as her brother or her sister, and that you are here for her no matter what.

Hugs

[Fab Karen]

It's her problem. With that kind of reaction for that stated reason, she needs therapy. If the parents care about her mental health, they would agree.

[Katesback]

I have not talked to my sister in over three years. Sadly it is just part of being TS for many. Not to say all but many.

[Pythos]

Yep.... that is a really odd, and in many ways horrendous reason. That is actually quite astonishing to read of such a reaction.

[Hope]

I don't think this is quite so uncommon as some of the other girls do. I think it is definitely uncommon for someone to be as honest about it - but I think that a LOT of women are threatened by us. Think about it. We do a LOT of work to be pretty and passable. They do 0 work and are completely passable (as is their privilege) but part of the work we do makes many of us look pretty rocking. I REGULARLY get positive feedback from women about my make-up (I think my voice therapist is going to melt down if I don't bring my palette to our next session and just do hers for her.) and my hair (if only it were actually mine). Seriously, at least as often as someone calls me "he/him" I get a woman telling me my make up is incredible and asking for recommendations / help. We put a LOT of work into our appearance, and we are careful to dress appropriately for our age / situation (at least we try) and most of us still err on the side of looking more put together than more "casual" even in casual settings. Lets face it - we all have a special love for glam.

But think about what that means.

In some ways - we are able to be prettier than the women who just roll out of bed and pull on the jeans and t-shirt that the cat puked on. Which - when comparing oneself to other cis-women it is easy for women to think "bitch" or "sure, she is skinny - she starves her self and runs 15 miles a day" or "Who does she think she is, getting all cleaned up?" or whatever slight they have for women who are prettier than they are. But when WE are prettier than they are... Well... it is hard to look yourself in the mirror and be forced to admit that some GUY is prettier than you are. That is going to mess with a woman's head. Sure she COULD be MUCH prettier if she did 1/10th the work we do - but she chooses not to...

I KNOW this happens. I have seen it.

Imagine being in your sisters shoes - the situation is either that she suddenly looks like a tranny, or that her tranny brother suddenly looks like her. Either way she is not going to be happy. It's not a healthy mature reaction, and it is completely her issue to learn to deal with - but I can understand where she is coming from.

[Melody Moore]

I was told all my life that I looked like my mother, whereas my sister was told she took after my father & my
sister has always resented me, so maybe this is somehow related to why she is even more resentful towards
me now. I sent my sister photos via email and she came back with all these critical remarks about how bad my
make up was & how I terrible looked... yadda, yadda, yadda! But others who have seen the same photos told
me there was nothing at all wrong with how I looked in the photos.

So yeah, it could be because she is grieving for losing a brother. But could it also be a little bit of envy & that
typical sisterly type rivalry? Hmmmm I wonder? When I think about my relationship with my sister the only time
that we got on well with each other was when we were both up to no good together & she could get me into
something that would get me into serious trouble. So I think some type of rivalry might still exist between me
& my sister might still exist.

[Chickhe]

What I would do is call her up and say,...hey, its your twin sister. Or ask her what she is wearing and wear the same thing. ...make her beleive you think her attitude about looking like her is a big joke and she will learn to deal with it.

[Steph.TS]

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this thread has brought a question to mind, is it common for transwomen to look like thier GG sisters? if that's thecase it would help give those of us with sisters some idea how we'd look like...

[Simply_Vanessa]

shes not jealous of me...she puts a lot of effort into how she looks. a lot of people say she looks like kim kardashian. so I really cant imagine shes envious of me or anything like that.

I just think it just trips her out that her transsexual sister looks similar to her. we're almost the same height, and our faces and especially eyes look similar.

but I dont even know what I can do...I'm not in a position where she wants to communicate with me, like some of you are suggesting to do. we go to schools like 400miles apart, and I'm not going home until november. so other than waiting to see what happens, I really dont think theres much I can do except accept it...

[Momarie]

I don't think this is quite so uncommon as some of the other girls do. I think it is definitely uncommon for someone to be as honest about it - but I think that a LOT of women are threatened by us. Think about it. We do a LOT of work to be pretty and passable. They do 0 work and are completely passable (as is their privilege) but part of the work we do makes many of us look pretty rocking. I REGULARLY get positive feedback from women about my make-up (I think my voice therapist is going to melt down if I don't bring my palette to our next session and just do hers for her.) and my hair (if only it were actually mine). Seriously, at least as often as someone calls me "he/him" I get a woman telling me my make up is incredible and asking for recommendations / help. We put a LOT of work into our appearance, and we are careful to dress appropriately for our age / situation (at least we try) and most of us still err on the side of looking more put together than more "casual" even in casual settings. Lets face it - we all have a special love for glam.

But think about what that means.

In some ways - we are able to be prettier than the women who just roll out of bed and pull on the jeans and t-shirt that the cat puked on. Which - when comparing oneself to other cis-women it is easy for women to think "bitch" or "sure, she is skinny - she starves her self and runs 15 miles a day" or "Who does she think she is, getting all cleaned up?" or whatever slight they have for women who are prettier than they are. But when WE are prettier than they are... Well... it is hard to look yourself in the mirror and be forced to admit that some GUY is prettier than you are. That is going to mess with a woman's head. Sure she COULD be MUCH prettier if she did 1/10th the work we do - but she chooses not to...

I KNOW this happens. I have seen it.

Imagine being in your sisters shoes - the situation is either that she suddenly looks like a tranny, or that her tranny brother suddenly looks like her. Either way she is not going to be happy. It's not a healthy mature reaction, and it is completely her issue to learn to deal with - but I can understand where she is coming from.

Your post is Delusional and Misogynistic.
That must be some kind of MAGIC MIRROR you're looking into.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

shes not jealous of me...she puts a lot of effort into how she looks. a lot of people say she looks like kim kardashian. so I really cant imagine shes envious of me or anything like that.

I just think it just trips her out that her transsexual sister looks similar to her. we're almost the same height, and our faces and especially eyes look similar.

but I dont even know what I can do...I'm not in a position where she wants to communicate with me, like some of you are suggesting to do. we go to schools like 400miles apart, and I'm not going home until november. so other than waiting to see what happens, I really dont think theres much I can do except accept it...

vanessa - sorry this is happening.. she has her own feelings and it seems you are thinking the right thing, which is to accept them..

accept them doesn't mean putting up with any bs though!..lol.

let her do the talking, let her make movements..you can make sure she knows that you care about her, and make sure she knows that you doing well and simply hoping she becomes willing to engage you ...
whether online or by letter you can think of a way to gently let her know you are ok, and let it sink in that you are doing this...life is VERY LONG!

i doubt VERY much she is jealous of your looks..no offense heh, you look great...she may be upset that she has a role in the family that you threaten? she may be upset at the attention you will get in your family..or you may have nailed..she's just tripped out and can't deal with it right now...in other words, this could just be about her, and she needs to work her own stuff out..

i know my sister was very upset that as first born, i had all kinds of elevated status in my extended family, and i got tons of support and she found out more towards the end...this made her feel unimportant (as youngest this was her soft spot)...i hadn't thought of that and now we are more than best friends...among her first words to me were, OMG, you will never look like a woman.. so we've come along way...


The LAST thing you should worry about is this. Be kind and it will sort out and brothers and sisters go up and down over whole lifetimes...

[Melody Moore]

shes not jealous of me...she puts a lot of effort into how she looks. I just think it just trips her out that her
transsexual sister looks similar to her. we're almost the same height, and our faces and especially eyes look similar.
I think there is your answer Vanessa, because you both are being compared all the time & because you were
a male & can look like her without the effort, she is hurt & she feels belittled because of these comments of
others. But having said that, it is NOT your fault other people are doing this & she needs to realise that.
You are who you are & you are her sibling. So looking alike should not come as any surprise to her really.

I get jealously & bitterness from some of the girls in my support group because according to some of the
other girls who are my friends it is because I am more feminine looking than these girls who have been on
hormones longer than me & I was full-time & passing as a female before I started on hormones, but they
forget I was born intersex as well. So they have been pissed off, but that is not my issue or problem.

It is not my fault that I am just plain old 'me'.

Transitioning is not any sort of a competition, especially a beauty competition & neither should your
relationship with your sister become a beauty contest & if this is what is bugging her, then she needs
to grow up, put her big girl panties on & get over it, because right now it sounds to me like she is
behaving like a spoilt child.

My sister was always the 'Princess' in my family & has always demanded & got my mother's attention &
still does. I believe that she feels threatened as the only girl in the family because of how I know she is
& how she has set me up & back-stabbed me. Hate to say this about my own sister but she is pure evil.

[josee]

You probably cannot help but look somewhat like your sister. In fact assuming you were raised together you are geneticaly and socialy predisposed to look alike. She is your sibling does she not realize that?
Hopefully she will come around as she talks with her friends and realizes this.

I have to try hard to not look like my mother.

[Melody Moore]

I have to try hard to not look like my mother.
You are not alone, but despite a totally different hair style I can still see
my mother in me every time I look in the mirror or a photo of me now :puke:

[arbon]

Her response seems immature and self centered...low self esteem. Give it time, and hopefully she will find some help.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I look like my sister... Once she accepted I was doing this, she was totally ok with it... In some pictures people have actually mistaken me for her...

Anybody that attacks the sister is jumping the gun... This is a huge shock to people.. People have all kinds of misconceptions, fears, concerns, and yes, petty issues.... But telling family is a huge deal and a lot of the "screw them" advice is from people that will just bring you down... If you listen to them, you will get just what you asked for...

If you approach it with love and care, and they don't respond, then you can at least sleep nights knowing that you didn't lower yourself ...this takes time...sometimes years..

[Hope]

shes not jealous of me...she puts a lot of effort into how she looks. a lot of people say she looks like kim kardashian. so I really cant imagine shes envious of me or anything like that.

I just think it just trips her out that her transsexual sister looks similar to her. we're almost the same height, and our faces and especially eyes look similar.

but I dont even know what I can do...I'm not in a position where she wants to communicate with me, like some of you are suggesting to do. we go to schools like 400miles apart, and I'm not going home until november. so other than waiting to see what happens, I really dont think theres much I can do except accept it...

She doesn't have to be envious of you, and I seriously doubt that there is anyone that is envious of any of us - this is not easy or fun. Think about how much you don't want to look like a guy in a dress. Now consider how much your sister doesn't want to look like a guy in a dress. Now consider what it means when people tell her that she looks just like her "brother." Get it?

If you can't see her right away (and even if you can) the best idea is - like in all of these situations - just to give her space. Toss out an olive branch occasionally, an email, a voicemail, a card - whatever... and wait until she is ready to respond. Let her know that you are still around when she is ready - but don't be a pest or force the issue. You have had your entire life to figure this out - she has had... a few months?


Your post is Delusional and Misogynistic.
That must be some kind of MAGIC MIRROR you're looking into.

Well... I certainly know one girl who isn't at all, in any way, positively not threatened by trans girls. o-O...

But thank you for your kind constructive words - they are SO helpful, for all of us!

Would you care to substantiate any of your claims, or did you just come here to tranny-bash? Because God forbid any of us have any sort of self esteem, or forget for one bloody second that we were born with horrifying birth defects and think for a second that we might be overcoming them. Right? Thank god there will always be bigots around to remind us that if we ever start to feel passable, or satisfied with our presentation, or like anything other than freaks, that we are just seeing the reflection of a "magic mirror." How dare you come to a trans forum and post such bile? I mean, that IS what you were implying right? Anyone here who thinks that they are beautiful is looking in a magic mirror?

You owe us ALL a BIG apology.

Or perhaps you would prefer to post some sort of insight for the OP?

[Simply_Vanessa]

Thats why I said she was simply tripped out at how similar we looked. you were talking about jealousy and women feeling threatened by us...

which frankly, I dont agree with for one reason: you're trying to judge all women in one fell swoop. you cant paint with that broad of a brush. for every woman you THINK is threatened by us, there are many more that aren't. you're acting like all women just roll out of bed, and feel outclassed by a well dressed TS. dont let a few compliments get to your head, dont let a few personal experiences think that you know enough to judge over 50% of the population. your post was pretty delusional and misogynistic, it just didnt bother me enough to comment on at first.

she doesnt owe US an apology...im not even sure if she owes YOU an apology. what you said was very judgemental and presented in such a way that any woman would be angry at that. and just because she disagrees with what you say, it doesnt mean shes tranny bashing. did you see anyone else get offended? nope...only you :D the fact that she takes the time to visit a TS forum means she supports us.

you shouldnt try to speak for a group and demand apologies, when members of the group like me do not agree with what you have to say in the first place. delusional...

by the way...are you a crossdresser? If you're TS I expected you to be better with your terminology. i'm not her 'tranny brother' im her transsexual sister :)

[Katesback]

You know it appears anytime anyone says anything you dont like you automatically ASSUME they are all sorts of negative things. Examples are you tell that person they are a bigot and bashing. You have likewise done that to me even though you have never met me. Based on this mystical, and fantastical insight I think the girl's post does make sense.

There is also an irony about people like you. You want your rights and freedoms but if someone says something you do not agree with you lash out at them and say all sorts of mean things about them (even though you have never met them). This approach kind of reminds me of the typical religious fanatic that focuses on demonizing anything they do not agree with. In the end I wonder if they even realize that they are attempting to censure and violate the rights of others simply because they dont agree with them.

Another way to put it is "suck it up and deal with it". If you are this sensitive on the internet you are probably a real mess in the big bad world. That is if you have even left the closet. A thick skin is something that a trans girl should have and if not they will flounder.

Another point. There are a very small few people here that have ACTUALLY lived through SRS, FFS, BA, and all the other crap that one has to go through. We have LIVED IT. We have choosen to share our points of VIEW based upon EXPERT experiences and for myself EXPERT contact with countless trans people in a official capacity. If you have not lived through the formentioned phases you are NOT an expert. You are supposed to be learning. Like any learning experience you have the option to ignore the words of the EXPERT and do whatever you wish. I personally dont care. What does make you look terrible is when you challenge or degrade the words of someone who is indeed an expert.

Perhaps this might be something to take up with your therapist for your attacks are not what normal people would do, especially words written on the internet. Perhaps therapy or medications might help you, for today I would be scarred to be in your presence and say something you did not like and see you go postal.

Finally because I am quite real I am available to chat with you on the phone to help clarify reality for you if you so wish.




She doesn't have to be envious of you, and I seriously doubt that there is anyone that is envious of any of us - this is not easy or fun. Think about how much you don't want to look like a guy in a dress. Now consider how much your sister doesn't want to look like a guy in a dress. Now consider what it means when people tell her that she looks just like her "brother." Get it?

If you can't see her right away (and even if you can) the best idea is - like in all of these situations - just to give her space. Toss out an olive branch occasionally, an email, a voicemail, a card - whatever... and wait until she is ready to respond. Let her know that you are still around when she is ready - but don't be a pest or force the issue. You have had your entire life to figure this out - she has had... a few months?



Well... I certainly know one girl who isn't at all, in any way, positively not threatened by trans girls. o-O...

But thank you for your kind constructive words - they are SO helpful, for all of us!

Would you care to substantiate any of your claims, or did you just come here to tranny-bash? Because God forbid any of us have any sort of self esteem, or forget for one bloody second that we were born with horrifying birth defects and think for a second that we might be overcoming them. Right? Thank god there will always be bigots around to remind us that if we ever start to feel passable, or satisfied with our presentation, or like anything other than freaks, that we are just seeing the reflection of a "magic mirror." How dare you come to a trans forum and post such bile? I mean, that IS what you were implying right? Anyone here who thinks that they are beautiful is looking in a magic mirror?

You owe us ALL a BIG apology.

Or perhaps you would prefer to post some sort of insight for the OP?

[Jorja]

So what is the trick to getting someone to not talk to you? My brother, daughter and son won't shut up. They are forever stopping in or calling me and interrupting. They often expect me to drop what I am doing and help them or answer their silly questions.

Really Vanessa, just give her some time to deal with it all. In her eyes you might be stealing the spotlight so to speak. You were born male, her female. She is supposed to be the pretty one. It is kind of like two women show up at a party wearing the exact same dress. Instant flames.

[Melody Moore]

Really Vanessa, just give her some time to deal with it all. In her eyes you might be stealing the spotlight so to speak. You were born male, her female. She is supposed to be the pretty one. It is kind of like two women show up at a party wearing the exact same dress. Instant flames.

I have seen the best women get really catty in certain circumstances
& turning up in the same dress is one sure-fire way to start a cat-fight.

Noone is bashing you sister Vanessa, we are trying to work out what is
going on from what you have been telling us. So far what you have told
us sounds to me like she is behaving in a very childish manner & just like
Jorga has described when two women turn up who look exactly alike how
things turn nasty. I see the exact same thing in your situation Vanessa.

My sister & I never fought like 'cats & dogs' we have always been more 'cattish'
with each other - much like two cats fighting & it's easier to understand why we
were like that now with me being a female now. I was using some tongue-in-cheek
with regards my own situation & my sister. She pisses me off, but I don't take her
seriously, how can you take someone seriously who behaves like a little child? :heehee:

Corina is not a bad person, but how she is behaving right now is something else. So noone is being
critical of your sister, only her bad behaviour is being questioned Vanessa. I know you are a good
person & you care, but you can't be responsible for how everyone else reacts & deals with things.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i don't think women are envious of us at all, at least generally speaking.... there is a great deal of wishful thinking in that sentiment.
Projecting an idealized view of womanhood, filled with beauty, femininity and glam will get you into trouble..over time you will be disappointed...book that...
It is a gigantic chasm between feeling good about yourself and saying that women are forced to admit we are prettier because we are more put together or work harder on our makeup...

I don't love glam...i wear tshirts and jeans most days...in fact, over the last couple months, i've adopted the very comfortable black sweats, white sneaks and whatever top is closest to the closet door look..
i do wear makeup, and yes i want to feel confident and "normal" but it's nothing to do with "glam"...

I think when women compliment me, 99% of the time it's because women tend to look for nice things to say about other women..complimenting my makeup is just a way to say hi, have a nice day..."Cute shoes" and "where did you get that bag?" are very common comments that are equal to a guy saying...YO DUDE..

on a day by day basis, those little nice comments matter...they are not testaments to my makeup prowess as much as they are kind hellos that affirm my sense of myself..

[Hope]

Well... lesson learned:

Never underestimate the level of self loathing in a group of trans girls.

[Rianna Humble]

Would you care to substantiate any of your claims, or did you just come here to tranny-bash? Because God forbid any of us have any sort of self esteem, or forget for one bloody second that we were born with horrifying birth defects and think for a second that we might be overcoming them. Right? Thank god there will always be bigots around to remind us that if we ever start to feel passable, or satisfied with our presentation, or like anything other than freaks, that we are just seeing the reflection of a "magic mirror." How dare you come to a trans forum and post such bile? I mean, that IS what you were implying right? Anyone here who thinks that they are beautiful is looking in a magic mirror?

I think that she was much more commenting on the Bovine Scatology you wrote saying that "most" women feel threatened by a TS because of the amount of work we have to do on our looks, and claiming that we are much prettier than cis-women. I couldn't bring myself to believe at first that you had written such cr+p

I still can't believe that you could seriously think any of that stuff you wrote.

Feeling good about yourself is one thing, trying to put out that just because someone says something nice to you most women feel threatened by your looks really is simply deluding yourself.

[Simply_Vanessa]

Hope, I am in no way self loathing. I'm just humble enough NOT to think im superior to everyone because I was born a certain way. i'm also not schizo enough to think I can read peoples' minds. you really need to stop judging people because you're not even making correct judgements, you're just showing how delusional you really are :) please leave my thread, just stop while you are still ahead.

[Hope]

I think that she was much more commenting on the Bovine Scatology you wrote saying that "most" women feel threatened by a TS because of the amount of work we have to do on our looks, and claiming that we are much prettier than cis-women. I couldn't bring myself to believe at first that you had written such cr+p

Except that isn't what I wrote. Go ahead and go back and re-read the post - it is there for everyone to see.

What I DID write was that a cis-women can look much prettier than we do when they do 1/10th the work we do... Perhaps that was the source of the confusion?

What I did imply was that women are threatened by other women - particularly those who they believe are prettier than they are. This is not new or controversial or misogynistic news. I also suggested that this feeling of being threatened is bound to be heightened when one realizes that the woman one just compared oneself unfavorably to is a "guy."

I stand behind both of those statements 100%.

I also stand behind the belief that suggesting that anyone here who believes themselves to be in someway remotely attractive must be looking in a "magic mirror" is insulting. And in this case it was intended to be. Kudos to Momarie I guess - she managed to insult a tranny - maybe we should get her a plaque.

For the record - I work in the cosmetics department of a major department store - I know how compliments between women work. I also know the difference between "I love your earrings!" and "OMG, your eyeshadow is awesome - can you show me how to do THAT?" Especially when I am in the grocery store, or at a restaurant, or elsewhere and not behind my counter.

But it is pretty obvious that I have touched a nerve here (still trying to figure out what that was exactly) - and that this is no longer about what I wrote, and more about group dynamics... As the consensus is that I am "delusional" and wrong, truth no longer matters. So unless this thread evolves back into something beneficial - I am done with it.

[Jay Cee]

r...out of all the reasons to not be cool with TS, this has to be one of the dumbest reasons ever.

Agreed!

As others have mentioned, this is her issue, not yours. You shouldn't have to change your look, just to please her. Time and/or counselling (or maybe both) will cure this for her. In the meantime, (privately) forgive her for her rudeness.

P.S. Lucky you! ;) I wish I looked as pretty as one of my sisters.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Quitting the thread doesn't make your point better.

Hope, your post is there for me to read..i read it, and i read it in context too. On rereading, it's even worse...
You responded to a very level headed Original post about a girls sister, and you turned it into a fantasy about how women are threatened by us..your basis for that was about comments made to you, about how you are really good with makeup, that we are "in some ways" prettier (name one "Way", what is a "Way"?),,are you kidding me??!!! your voice coach wanting you to make her over is about as stereotypical a reaction to transwomen as you can get..

... i didn't respond to it, even though i felt your assertion was totally baseless...you were attacked, and you responded by calling the attacker a bigot...and then when people chimed in , you said we are all self loathing, and that there was some kind of group dynamics ..you nitpicked criticism which was quite accurate..

It's quite incredible ...you have done this to me too (lashed out, called me a bigot).. I read all your posts.. you make alot of good points...but you have a blindspot, and you should take a hard look at it..

back to the OP... maybe this thread gives you a feeling for the fact that there is really no easy answer to even talking about being transsexual..your sister may be influenced by all kinds of people, and unfortunately it always lands on us to try to handle things... i do think if you give up, she may just drift away...siblings do that in all kinds of situations...i didn't talk to my brother for many years (way before i transitioned), but now we are close...
simply based on your attitude and the way you discuss things here, i think you have alot going for you, and although i'm sure there will be disappointments, you have a great chance of support even from your sister..

[Jorja]

back to the OP... maybe this thread gives you a feeling for the fact that there is really no easy answer to even talking about being transsexual..your sister may be influenced by all kinds of people, and unfortunately it always lands on us to try to handle things... i do think if you give up, she may just drift away...siblings do that in all kinds of situations...i didn't talk to my brother for many years (way before i transitioned), but now we are close...
simply based on your attitude and the way you discuss things here, i think you have alot going for you, and although i'm sure there will be disappointments, you have a great chance of support even from your sister..

I think Kaitlyn Michele's post says basically what I was trying to say. Do not give up on your sister. She has many other people in her ear about this situation. I am sure. At the end of the day, she is still your sister. If there was love there before you came out, it will still be there. She just needs some time to evaluate the situation and come to terms with it. After all, it's not every day that your brother becomes your sister, you know.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Actually, four months really isn't that much in the grand scheme of things, I had a dispute with one of my kids that lasted much longer. We got over it in time, time has a way of dissolving problems that we finally see just aren't that bad.

Karen Starlene :star:

So true..one issue we tend to face is that at the moment of decision/transition/disclosure we tend to be desperate/needy/vulnerable, and you want everything to happen so fast, and it just doesnt..HRT being the best example...Molasses has nothing on HRT

[Rianna Humble]

I think that she was much more commenting on the Bovine Scatology you wrote saying that "most" women feel threatened by a TS because of the amount of work we have to do on our looks, and claiming that we are much prettier than cis-women.

Except that isn't what I wrote. Go ahead and go back and re-read the post - it is there for everyone to see.

Yes indeed it is. I will concede, when you write

I think that a LOT of women are threatened by us. Think about it. We do a LOT of work to be pretty and passable.

That is not what you are saying, and when you write

we are able to be prettier than the women who just roll out of bed and pull on the jeans and t-shirt that the cat puked on.
You are not saying that we can be prettier than cis-women.

Just tell me one thing: how are we supposed to interpret words which - according to you - do not mean what they say?

[Melody Moore]

There is no doubt that there are some women who are very jealous of male to female
transsexuals & I even encountered this one day while I was still with my ex-girlfriend.

This is a true story... a friend of ours complimented me right in front of my ex-girlfriend on how good
my facial skin was looking & about how smooth & soft it is. Well the sh!t hit the fan in a big way after
that didn't it? And the reason why is because my ex-girlfriend had bad acne as a teenager & has been
left with some pitting & scarring on the face which she can see better than anyone else because she
knows that it is there, but it is barely noticeable. So when she heard another lady pay me compliment me
about how looked, my ex girlfriend decided to take all her insecurities about how she looks out on me &
the other woman. First of all my ex-gf exploded verbally telling the other woman that she had to leave.

After the other woman left her house then she got stuck into me, she abused me because another woman
paid me a compliment. I was like "WTF? what did I do to deserve this type of abuse? except just be me?".

The way my ex-girlfriend behaved that day was very childish & very cattish. Needless to say it was also
another reason why our relationship ended. My ex-girlfriend was always insecure about other women because
of her how insecurities about her looks, but the worst part is she tended to take that out on other people,
especially her partners. Even if I was not looking at another woman, it was a common occurrence for me to
be accused of perving on another women by my ex-gf with the intention to be unfaithful.

I talked about this incident with my ex-girlfriend & the reason why she got upset was because she couldn't
understand why I could have much more nicer skin when she spends a fortune on her skin to look good &
when I turned around & transitioned & didn't have any of the issues she had, she got pissed off about it.
She even said at one point "How can a man have better looking skin than a woman?", I told her it must be
because of the hormones I was taking & it made my skin a lot more softer & nicer.

My ex-gf was also teased a lot as a teenager about her looks, being called nasty names like 'crater-face' &
'pimple-face' & this is why she got upset over her looks. She always assumed that her partners wanted to be
with someone else that didn't have her type skin problems which was a load of crap. In the end I gave up &
had decided that my ex-gf simply wasn't worth all of the dramas. She was very attractive, but the only problem
was through, she couldn't see that & would not believe other people even if they did paid her a compliment. I
also use to tell my ex-gf that I was jealous & envious about her looks & her body but she still didn't believe me.

So the bottom-line is that some very insecure natal women do get very jealous about trans-women!

[Pink Person]

Some of the comments in this thread are way harsh (from all sides). Ouch. Where is the Wisconsin love? I will offer some regional respect for Hope.


There are gender hierarchies that are frequently enforced on this site and in the real world. Some TS people frequently lord themselves over TG people. Some TG people like to push CDs to the back of the bus. Some of the queens of feminine royalty, cisgender FABs, rule over the TS, TG, and CD communities with an iron fist. They won’t tolerate any unflattering comparison with anyone outside of their self-defined group. We all love putting other people in their place from time to time. FABs are not immune to this temptation.

Transgender people are often seen as a threat to cisgender rank and status. They aren’t, but good luck getting much agreement on this subject. Some of the superior potatoes in this world will never let an inferior tomato rise to their station.

[Teri Jean]

I have not talked with my brother and sister for a year and half plus my mother in two years. It is part of the transition for some.

[AKAMichelle]

I wouldn't do anything. Let things work out by themselves. She apparently sees you as her brother, but realizes that you look like her. She may think that others will think she is TS.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Wow. This is a tough one. Keep the lines of communication open, and do not push. Prayer works.
PS.: Your avatar is very attractive. A compliment to you, and your sister.

[Simply_Vanessa]

Some of the comments in this thread are way harsh (from all sides). Ouch. Where is the Wisconsin love? I will offer some regional respect for Hope.


There are gender hierarchies that are frequently enforced on this site and in the real world. Some TS people frequently lord themselves over TG people. Some TG people like to push CDs to the back of the bus. Some of the queens of feminine royalty, cisgender FABs, rule over the TS, TG, and CD communities with an iron fist. They won’t tolerate any unflattering comparison with anyone outside of their self-defined group. We all love putting other people in their place from time to time. FABs are not immune to this temptation.

Transgender people are often seen as a threat to cisgender rank and status. They aren’t, but good luck getting much agreement on this subject. Some of the superior potatoes in this world will never let an inferior tomato rise to their station.

paranoia isnt pretty...

people who have paranoia/schizo/supposed clairvoyance....you really need to get out of here. both of you are just angering the real TS/TG and the women too with your offbase statements...or is it just a wisconsin thing? haha GTFO

[Christine1954]

I looked at the picture of me in my profile the other day and it suddenly hit me that my sister who is two years younger, looks just like me. people have always said that they can tell we are related and that we could be twins. i never realised until this time how right they were. I am still in the closet to everyone except my wife and my friends on this forum so there is no similar problem. I can however relate to you and possibly your sisters reaction as I did not speak to my elder brother for nearly ten years over a silly matter that grew out of all proportion. I do hope that you can resolve the problem sooner rather than later.
Christine

[Nicole Erin]

With your sister acting like this, it isn't about magic mirrors, Wisconsin love, cat-puke stained shirts, or even about TS who try not to look like their mom.
What it is -
Prejudice hatred. I mean if her prejudice is SO strong that she actually started crying when she saw you in person, and you were not even femme'd up, she has serious prejudice issues. Sadly, it is time to cut the relationship in the clear and move on.
We have no need to deal with haters. This type of mentality gets people in trouble. There are laws protecting against discrimination. Prejudice and hate are no longer en vogue. The haters are now the hated.
You now have one less relative. It sucks but maybe just cut the loss and move on.


There's a lot to be said for rolling out of bed and putting on jeans and a t-shirt that the cat puked on, I do it all the time.

Karen, as living full time, we do get to be comfy in our jeans and tee. The need for wearing a ball gown quickly vanishes, however, clothing DOES need to at least pass the sniff-test. This is a minimum standard. Hmm, my clothes smell a bit funky, time to change them...

[KrazyKat]

If I could share something I've learned in the last 10 years of my maturing life,

Real people, women and men, are beautiful from the inside first...

and IMHO, it takes real women and men to recognize this.

Makeup and lycra are tricks of the trade...

They don't hide inner beauty that is captured by your eyes smiling.

I can wear makeup anytime I want, but I choose not to...

I feel beautiful and strong on the inside now, so I don't need it.

I hope you can all find that inner peace someday. HUGS.

[Stephanie Miller]

O.K., I've been reading all these posts. I am going to reply from behind my bunker. And I'm ONLY going to reply about the first post. ( So please, all others, hold your fire :uzi: )

Vanessa, I Don't have a clue about you or your sister other than your original post, but I would have to guess she has seen the very close resembalance between the two of you since you were wee little ones. So, maybe it's not the looks? She would no doubt hang up on you if you called, but have you thought about writting a heartfelt letter ( go figure... there is still such a thing as paper and pen :eek:) to her on how and why this is important to you and not anything about her? Maybe let her know that with her knowledge and experience from living as a Gg all her life, she has much to offer you in help through this very trying time?
At the least, you may get a reply that has some reasoning to it. At the most, you two can mend the broken fence and be sisters.
Prayers are with you.

O.K. I'm finished... you gals can start shooting again! :notlistening:

[joanna4]

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this thread has brought a question to mind, is it common for transwomen to look like thier GG sisters? if that's thecase it would help give those of us with sisters some idea how we'd look like...

its quite possible. In my case, I look just like my sister. There isn't much of a height difference either.

[aussie24tg]

I know how that feels.. My sister and me look like twins.. we both are tall, both brunette's, both have blue eyes, both slim, we also both have same bra size and fast metabolisms..
Though she is 4 yrs younger then me..
When I first came out..well no one believed me..so I should say when I came out the 2nd time.. My family argued and cried allot..
I came out to my brothers and sisters individually and my sister really hated it..we didn't speak for more then 5 months..more like 4 yrs.
Even when I moved back to live with my parents she didn't speak or look at me, its not till the 5th "2011" that she started speaking to me and is more friendly..

My sister still gets upset with somethings I do..but not much, that also goes to all my family, apart from my dad..Though they still call me my born name even though I changed my name legally 3 years ago.