Need to vent and get some advice on telling my girlfriend

[sportsfan56]

Ok I started to date my girlfriend about a month ago now. This is my first ever girlfriend so I can't relate this to other experiences so keep this in mind as I continue on also she is 19 and I am 21.

I really really like this girl and can see myself dating her for a very long time as of right now since the chemistry is awesome and we have the same interests on religion, politics, social issues, sense of humor etc. We are very good about dealing with issues when they come up by talking about it in a mature way and settling the small issues that have come up like her telling me about her past relationship me telling her I am a virgin and never dated anyone etc Pretty much we are solid on everything outside of sex since it hasn't happened yet, but more on that later.

She has been cheated on before so she has been through the emotional gambit. I am the first guy she has dated since that happened a year ago. She is very blunt and is a very guarded person, but she is starting to finally open up to me. Now I feel guilty since she is finally opening up to me and I have to selectively tell the truth on my past. The hardest part was telling her why I didn't have any girlfriends since 99% of it was coming to terms with my self being a person who enjoyed panties, bras, forced femme stories. I just hate doing this since I am not a liar and I feel terrible doing this to her. I know the truth will set me free of this, but I don't want to break up with this girl, but misleading her isn't the way to treat this girl either.

I am worried that I will need stimuli (panties, bras, forced femme stories) to orgasm. Now this has finally reached to be a problem since I am ready to start to have sex with my girlfriend and she is waiting on me. Last week I thought I was ready to go and just as I was about to start nerves came over me and I lost my erection. My girlfriend being the smart girl she is starts to ( I don't know the rules on the forums regarding this) I got to 2nd base. But I had to fantasize to get there.

Now this is my predicament.
1. I finally have sex and everything goes well I can perform no problem.
2. I have sex can't perform and she is left wondering why so I go out to her
3. I hold off on sex and go out to her

After a lot of thought those are the 3 options I have. I have worked with a therapist so I am prepared to tell her.

So my questions are
Do you need stimulus to orgasm with your significant others during sex?
What do you think is the best choice of action for me to take regarding my situation?

My input on this so far is that I want to try sex and see how it goes. If 1 happens I know I will have to tell her, but I could put that off for a little while longer. If 2 happens I will tell her.

Thank you for being here for me at a tough decision in my life

Lacy

Sidenote I would kill just to be a virgin since I would trade a lot just to be in that situation and not the dual problem of this, but we play the hand we are dealt.

[Danni Renee]

This is a tough situation because it sounds to me like part of the issue is talking to your girlfriend and part of the issue is your continued self discovery. As it is early in the relationship, I advocate telling the truth. It could be your performance issues are the result fo guilt versus a need for fantasy.

To answer your other question though: I do not need external stimulus when I am with my SO. I did have issues being intimate with her at first that held us back but the more honest I was with her, the better things got until I reached the point I was able to perform.

Everyone fantasizes during intimacy but not a lot of people admit it. That is not much of an issue with me and my SO anymore because our relationship is so open that as long as it is just us two together there is not much we can fantasize about that we won't try.

But I will caution you, she may not be accepting and you could lose her. You know her so only you can decide how you think she will take it but I believe it would be better to tell her early on in the relationship and letting her decide on where to go versus waiting until later just to find out she cannot handle it. Plus, as I have read from many GGs on this site, it was never the dressing that was an issue when their SO came out, it was the dishonesty that was the issue.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Danielle

[Cynthia Anne]

Just remember honesty is the best thing you can do! I agree with Danni Renee on this! I would rather lose her for being honest than lose her because she found out the hard way! Also telling her could releave much stress and could enhance performing! The sooner, the better! Hugs!

[Briana90802]

First off stimuli?? Usually the stimuli is right in front of you:). I wouldn't worry about that too much. Just relax and let things happen. The loss of erection comes from over worrying.
As far as telling her about xdressing I say do it now. It's easier to tell her early on then to wait. Something many girls here I'm sure will testify to.

Or just wear panties and next time she's down in that region she'll find out for herself. Problem solved ;)

[tall sam]

Lacy

I think you are trying to hard to make options and predict outcomes. There are way more than 3 options and each has 101 variations.
Simply - you are a guy who finds fem clothes etc sexually exciting. Well so many of us on this site have the same feelings, hence the main reason for starting to CD. Sometimes the sexual side fades and the reason for CDing changes.

So, first, when it comes to the sexual relationship with your girlfriend, i think you first need to put your fem fettish out of your head and deal with whats infront of you. It might not work first time, or 2nd etc dont give up. She should be desirable and sexual without you needing something to help.
I too was not sexually active till your age and got my stimulation through dressing, and it was great. My first time with a girl was a disasted - it usually worked great, but didnt when I needed it that night! Anyway, the realtionship was shortlived and thanks for that. Second time around was fantastic.
Since then I have got married etc and my SO knows of my CD side. We make love most times normally - ie no fem clothes for me, but sometimes I am fully enfem and we will be like lesbians, othertimes I might wear panties and she will even on occasion take hers off and make we ware them.
So, there is hope in the long term, jsut dont force it on from the start.

As for telling her and how?? If the relationship is based on honesty, you just have to find the right quiet safe moment to talk about it. And do it sooner rather than later. I think I broke the ice by asking her what she thought of guys we like to wear womans clothes. Or we might have been taking about fetish's and what some of here wild ideas were.

Hope this helps.
Sammy