My Dad Is Hurting

[Christy_M]

He has known now for about three weeks and I haven't seen him since the night I told him. This has given him time to think about how our interactions have been and what he fears will change.

Since he knew I was scared to talk to my son, he offered to travel to Fort Bragg and be there in case things went south with my son. Fortunately, I didn't need his shoulder to cry on but he did bring up the concerns he has been having for the past three weeks. He reminded me why he asked me to be the best man at his wedding eighteen years ago was because he thought of me as his best friend. He told me that he has shared more about his life with me than anyone else and the things we have talked about he would never have mentioned to any of my sisters.

He said as is only son he felt a bond that he couldn't have with them because we were just two guys going through guy things in life that women don't understand. He feels now we won't have that connection. He is afraid he might tell me things that are inappropriate to talk about with women.

This broke my heart...I told him I don't want him to feel he can't talk to me about stuff but I doubt that will change his feelings. There isn't anything else I can do to save those conversations. As much as I still feel like a lesbian, I don't think he would want to hear about my future relationship stuff and he will be uncomfortable telling me about the issues he has with his wife or daughters that he thinks only guys can understand.

I want him to have the same relationship but I can see clearly that will be difficult. Anyone have any ideas how to keep him talking to me like he always has? I know the hormones will change the way I feel about those conversations so even if he does keep talking to me, how will I keep from making him feel uncomfortable by making gestures that women make to suggest a line has been crossed? I love my dad and don't want to alienate him.

[Pattie O]

I think the best thing to do is to just be yourself with your dad.So don't treat him any differently and maybe he can follow?

[Leanne2]

Christy, be thankful that you still have a father. Many of us don't have a father on this earth. My father passed away 15 years ago and I miss him very much. I still value the advice that he gave me as I was growing up. Tell your father how much you love and appreciate him. And tell him that no matter what gender you are, that will never change. Good luck, Leanne

[PretzelGirl]

Christy, there is no way to speed up the process. I would do your best to be comfortable around him and talk as you would feel comfortable talking. Be patient and be understanding. Over time his comfort level may change and things can start heading back to how it was. But if it doesn't, I don't see how you can force it in the direction you want. So love him, be comfortable with him, and let the rest take its natural course.

[Inna]

hi Christy, I have lost all the contact with my father after the reveal, he is the only exclusive individual who has done this, turned away. Everyone else, weather loved ones or friends have been so wonderful and actually way closer to me lately. I know the fact my father turned away wasn't because of me but his own demons he is not willing to deal with, at least not yet. You have your father there to listen, it is a wonderful news. Be your self, open up to him with no boundary, truth shall free the bondage of fear, but also give him a chance to absorb and deal with his own burdens. Every one of us has them, not many have the chance or are strong enough to deal with them. Give him love, in fact if there is possibility, show him how much more closeness there could be now having the daughter instead. Let life show both of you the way, and do not be afraid of what might happen if. Such shall happen regardless of our blind belief in our power to change the direction of life, that is our ego. The only change we can bring is to now, embrace the truth, love unconditionally and await the next day with anticipation. Those new days are truly gifts! Love hon :)

[Melody Moore]

Great advice so far from the crew.

Christy, he will work things out in time. I don't believe that you will lose any connections, they will always be there. I just don't think he has had enough time with you to get to know who you are. He fears that everything about you as changed, but nothing has changed - only how you look. The memories you both shared will always be there, the bonds that you will have & the same person he knew will still be there once you take a little more time to show him. So have faith hun.

:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Christy..

I hope you guys can work this all out..
maybe this will help a little bit..

friday night my dad and I went to a baseball game...just like we've been doing for 40 years...we argued over statistics, he made bad predictions about the next pitch, we talked about minor league players..etc..
it was kind of funny because we both got a kick out of two guys next to me that talked about the game with very poor knowledge but they thought they were really smart...it was a totally normal night at the game...it's been less than three years since i went from telling him to fully transitioned...

[Jorja]

Hi Christy,
I think Pattie and the others have it right. Just continue to be yourself with him. Don't treat him any differently than you normally would. Things will work out to where you two have a very good relationship.