What makes you want to transition???

[Briana90802]

I've been reading alot of posts here and realize that some are just crossdressers and other are wanting to transition and have SRS. But what is that makes you want to go to the next level? Is it that you've always know that you were intersexed? Or were you cding and now something's happened to make you want the SRS? What is it that make you want to(for the lack of a better word) forsake you male life and fully embrass the female within?

All are welcome to answer.

[sometimes_miss]

What makes you want to transition???
Because I have an underlying feeling that won't go away, that I was supposed to be a girl. Yes, it's incongruent with everything else, so I know it's not true; but I think it's a consequence of growing up instilled with that belief, so to some degree, the feelings remain, and so are connected to the desire to dress and feel as if I were female. For those of you who would like more info about how this worked, read my bio, links below. So sure, the desire to transition is fueled by false beliefs, but that doesn't make that desire go away. It just makes me know why it's there.

[VioletJourney]

I don't really want to transition. As far as gender is concerned i feel that men and women are really similar enough that I don't need to physically change my body to match my inner self. I just want to present like a woman would because I just like the style, the clothes, the makeup, etc.

[lynn_lynn]

my professional attitude and outlook on life is better when Im a lynn..

[Rianna Humble]

I'm finding it difficult to give a straight response here. In a lot of ways I didn't "want" to transition, but I definitely did need to transition, but I guess there was a short time, just before I began my Real Life Experience when I also wanted to. I think though that the wanting part was more being anxious for the RLE to begin so that I could stop pretending to be a man.

I have never been intersexed, but I have always been transsexual. The problem is that for far too long, I tried to suppress the knowledge of my gender and to conform to the sort of behaviour that was expected of people with my anatomy. Outwardly, I succeeded to a greater degree than I had expected, but there were always things where I was only going through the motions because I didn't really understand why someone would want to do that.

Many transsexuals get married and raise families before giving in to the knowledge that their body does not match their gender, some even put their future happiness on hold to honour the duty that they have to their family and they should be respected for this. I could not do that because I could never envisage myself in the role of the husband with all that that entails. The tragedy is that I would dearly have loved to have children and most of my friends who have families say how good I am when looking after their children.

Your last question is probably the easiest for me to answer. I forsook the sham of my male life because I had got to the stage where I could no longer bear the pretence and it was making me both physically ill and suicidally depressed. Since starting my RLE, people use terms like "blooming" or "flourishing" to describe the change in me.

[sarahNZ]

I am not yet sure if I will go ahead or not but when I was about 10(ish) mum and I were watching a current affairs type docco on Transsexuals (Mum was praying for their souls, I was infactuated) and I remember thinking at the time that I was one of them! (the girls on the docco). Thats the only way I can describe it, as if seeing my own species for the first time and knowing that I was supposed to be with them, yet unable to talk to my Mum about it due to her close mindedness.



Since starting my RLE, people use terms like "blooming" or "flourishing" to describe the change in me.


Rianna reading things like that aint helping... or is it? I don't know any more. Perhaps I just aint ready to face my inner demons just yet.

[joanna4]

I didnt grow up thinking i was a girl nor wanted to be one but after going a step further everytime i dress. I just want everything eventually, HRT,FFS,and SRS. I have thought of and looked into all of it. If I could pass as a girl forsure then I would like to go down that path. Idk whats stopping me, the need to start a family and have kids I guess.

[Badtranny]

I think Rianna nailed it.

The choice to transition wasn't much of a choice at all. It wasn't a decision so much as it was a calling.

Just like Ri said, the feeling of NOT pretending to be a guy is so amazing that it becomes impossible to go on with the charade. I think our trans brothers are a great example of this. I've met trans men who look rather feminine, but are total dudes otherwise. They are not acting like men, they're just NOT covering their masculinity with a faux femininity.

I've lived and tried to fit in among men for my whole life and I can say without a doubt that being a guy is not about being masculine. It's just about being a guy, and my clumsy attempts at being macho were so laughable that it's no wonder I got treated like a weirdo.

[Kate Simmons]

Initially, I wasn't sure. Once I searched my deep feelings, however, I realized that what I wanted most in the world was to have a husband and a family. Of course I would have told my potential husband up front about my transitioning and also knowing I could not have my own children we would be in agreement to adopt. As it worked out, I married a good woman and fulfilled the dad role very well. I have no regrets one way or the other. The only thing I feel I was missing was the chance to be a "mom" but being in touch with my true feelings on things is a close second and not half bad at all.:)

[noeleena]

Hi .

I did not transsition. nor am i transesxual or even a dresser tho that would have saved a lot of issue's if i had been a dresser, ,

Being intersexed was is who i have allways been i dont think as male or female in the sence of different people think as a male or female thinks or being seperate. how im wired is just different .

Dont confuse those of us who are intersexed there are some details that are the same just not how we think , we are very different, & wired very differently & even then with in our intersexed group's we are different again. in many ways, just the way it is,

Because some of us did not have a womb does not allter the fact we are woman / female or that mix of male / female .

Some of us do have surgery because of defects to our bodys & some of us can not function properly till we do,

As to the last part of your ? does not apply to me because im just male / female, & quite frankly i find it hard to be one or the other.

& i know for many that is hard to comprehend,, so im just accepted as a woman in my own right, & those who know me ,well , just accept my male side so no probs there,

...noeleena...

[Danni Renee]

I don't know. Just a feeling. I have always felt funny as a guy but I repressed what was causing the funny feelings my whole life. I still feel awkward in guy mode. There was a post over the weekend about one of us not liking to see themselves in pictures in guy mode and it really resonated with me. When I look at myself in guy mode I do not like what I see - it is like I am looking at someone else. When I see myself enfemme, I may not like that I am not as feminine as want to be, but I feel more natural, more complete. It is like my true self is shining through. I do not know how far I will go towards transitioning - I am taking things one day at a time but I know in my heart that I am starting to awaken something deep inside and I really like the feeling.

[Karen__Starr]

For me is was from an early age feelings inside of me that I was born in the wrong body/sex although at that time I would say I was totally confused in the head and did not understand why I was more like the girls in the neighborhood than like the boys.

[AnnaCalliope]

Its not a "want", but rather a "need" to transition. Eventually the torment of being trapped in a body that does not match the mind (and spirit) becomes too much to bear. I've known since age 4 that something was off, and realized at age 12 with the same kind of show Sarah mentions, that I could do more than just wear the clothes and make-up, I could feasibly make the outside match the in, and finally find peace within myself. I'm hoping to start HRT soon and find that happy place.

[Inna]

For major part of my life I knew I was sick, an incurable disease which made me the way I was. I dressed and then avalanche of regrets would follow and occasional purging occurred.

Then I embraced this crossdressing simply because I gave in, I could no longer think that perhaps it will go away, but still remained fixed on my manly ways.

Next came The End, I stood there in the hotel room with fist full of pills and was ready, I was ready! but the thought of my beautiful son kept on bringing me back to center.

I did not swallow this white angel of sorrow but decided that there is no other way out, if I am to live, but to be ME, whoever that is.

Since I embraced the female in me and was astonished how she penetrated every cell of my body and possessed my soul.

After therapy, I went for HRT, I revealed my secret to everyone and let go the false pretense of masculinity.

I am now on the 5th month of hormones, I now know unequivocally who I am and always was. A girl with boys body, I see the proof everyday and discover how much of a woman I truly am and always was. Through my son, ex-wife and loved ones who are still here, I am learning that now after I shared this pain and told them of my truth, everything makes sense to them, where before they were jumping to conclusions confused and puzzled.

So this is my road map of crossdressers quest to transsexuality, I believe that it is one road and the same, but we find our selves in the different stages, aether wanting to proceed or content on where we are.

[Stephenie S]

"What Makes you want to transition?"

Those who actually DO transition rather than just fantasizing about it, transition not because they WANT to, but because they HAVE to.

Transition is not something to do because you think you might want to be a girl (doesn't EVERYONE?). It's something to do because you have NO OTHER CHOICE. Transition is painful, expensive, time consuming, and you are likely to lose all that you hold dear.

S

[Melody Moore]

"What Makes you want to transition?"

After all the struggle of trying to figure out who I am where & how I am suppose to fit into this world, I finally
found the most peace & happiness I could find was when I could finally embrace the female side of who I really am.

Being a male was very difficult for me but I managed for awhile, but wasn't happy. My life was a huge lie, I know that
I wasn't being true to myself, I led a dishonest existence & kept my real identity hidden from the world. The male side
of me was something I never cared for but had to tolerate. I was strong so my body did a job, but mostly disappointed
me & left me feeling unfulfilled & frustrated. A lot like the penis I guess, I didn't exactly hate it, because it was all I had
to pee with, it frustrated me, but had a purpose so I tolerated it. But I know I don't have to put up with feeling un-happy
& feeling ashamed about my body, because things are starting to shape up how things should be. Now I get to express
my true self & live my life as the real me & that has given me a huge amount of freedom. This is why I transitioned.

[Faith_G]

I didn't want to, that's why it took me more than 20 years from the time I found out it was possible. I transitioned because I ran out of distractions and excuses. It was a need more than a want. If you have that same irresistible drive, you know it already somewhere deep inside.

[Chloe84]

I'm sorry to hear that some of you are willing to transition because it makes you feel better about yourself or because when your in the moment it would be better to have everything. To transition is something not to be taken lightly. those of us that Know we MUST do it have only two choices, either progress and transition or live our old life of depression and wishing what we could have done. transition should a process for only transgender people.

Now if your not sure if your transgender, that takes time and a lot of self discovery. But never is it just a love for wearing the opposite genders clothing.

[Frances]

"What Makes you want to transition?"

Those who actually DO transition rather than just fantasizing about it, transition not because they WANT to, but because they HAVE to.

Transition is not something to do because you think you might want to be a girl (doesn't EVERYONE?). It's something to do because you have NO OTHER CHOICE. Transition is painful, expensive, time consuming, and you are likely to lose all that you hold dear.

S

Same for me. I would not wish transsexualism on my worst ennemy. I fought it against it until I could no longer avoid it. I may have been born in different era, but gender transgression was cause for serious punishment when I was young. I am always surprised by this question. Maybe some people do live in a pink fog.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Over recent years Frances, I used those words quite often... "I would not wish transsexualism on my worst enemy"...

I fought it my whole life...i refused to admit to myself that I was in fact a woman..and even today i often whisper (but only in my mind)..my self esteem as a woman feels permanently impaired..

There were "pink fog" moments for sure for me...I did fantasize about things..

but i also intuitively knew that i would just be another 50 year lady, that i would marginalize myself in our society, and that I would never have the social upbringing of other girls..
the entire benefit of transition (which came at a huge cost of money, physical pain, emotional suffering of my family, and my time) was to eliminate the feeling that i did not have any worthwhile life...

no matter how hard i tried..i felt like nothing...i didn't care about anything else other than being a woman...i still fought it,...i tried to work, i was raising my kids..but i was becoming more and more unhappy, lost and miserable..

only when i started thinking about my future, how i would lie on my death bed REGRETTING MY ENTIRE LIFE (btw...this was the single most powerful thought i ever had...i KNEW THIS WAS MY FATE if i didn't transition) did i decide to transition..

interesting point...

once i decided..i can almost remember how good i felt that i had suddenly had a purpose in life...
i remember talking to dr christine mcginn about this and she said.."for the first time in your life YOU actually made a decision that feels like you are making it for YOU"...i thought that a cool comment

once i decided, i didn't reconsider or doubt my "choice--which was not really a choice" even once...i just put my head down, and got it done..step by step...

[Simply_Vanessa]

If only it was a 'choice' for me, I would be able to tell you what makes me want to transition.

Happiness is all I could ever want or hope for.

[Frances]

If only it was a 'choice' for me, I would be able to tell you what makes me want to transition.

Happiness is all I could ever want or hope for.

I don't know about the hapiness part. It's kind of like that Bob Dylan quote for me: Hapiness may be for the next life; in this one I write songs.

For me, transition was about no longer being unhappy or no longer being miserable. It gives me a better chance at being happy, but I am not counting on it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

again frances i just want to hug you!!! LOL, exactly what i was thinking.........a better chance at being happy...that's it...full stop

[Andrea85]

It isn't a "want", unless you consider the "want" to live, the "want" for true happiness with one's self. I never wanted this life, but for me to be happy and actually continue to live, I have to want it.


But never is it just a love for wearing the opposite genders clothing.

That's for sure. For myself, to look and feel good about myself, it takes quite a bit of making myself "uncomfortable".

[Rianna Humble]

To transition is something not to be taken lightly. those of us that Know we MUST do it have only two choices, either progress and transition or live our old life of depression and wishing what we could have done.

Not wishing to pick nits, but those were not the choices that I faced, I woul dexpress my choices as:

Transition and live
OR
Don't transition and don't live

[Kelsy]

To transition is something not to be taken lightly. those of us that Know we MUST do it have only two choices, either progress and transition or live our old life of depression

old life of depression
And self destruction. To live or not to live! Transition is not fun and games but a life saving need!

[arbon]

Desperation drove me to transition, and it continues to propel me forward.

Forsaking life as a male has been a freaking relief!

[Alexiz]

I don't know. Just a feeling. I have always felt funny as a guy but I repressed what was causing the funny feelings my whole life. I still feel awkward in guy mode. There was a post over the weekend about one of us not liking to see themselves in pictures in guy mode and it really resonated with me. When I look at myself in guy mode I do not like what I see - it is like I am looking at someone else. When I see myself enfemme, I may not like that I am not as feminine as want to be, but I feel more natural, more complete. It is like my true self is shining through. I do not know how far I will go towards transitioning - I am taking things one day at a time but I know in my heart that I am starting to awaken something deep inside and I really like the feeling.

I feel like I can really relate to this; I've been raised as a male all my life.. and in truth, I had experimented crossdressing as a costume joke, but on closer inspection once I actually got around to doing it, I started to feel like something was different, like it was normal for me. I always wondered why it was harder for me to relate to other guys and their interests (to an extent) and never really got along too well with them. I know I haven't been considering it for many years or anything, but I really feel like this is something that might hold greater interest for me in the future. Like you, I don't know how far I will go, but I get a strong feeling this might be the right path for me.

[Sarah Jayne]

This has really touched me. I have battled depression for years and sought treatment for it many times. I have never once talked to anyone about crossdressing as I always believed it to be separate from my depression. Over the past 12 months the need to cross dress and become Sarah Jayne is consuming me and confusing me. I no longer know if I am a crossdresser or beginning to crave transition. I am terrified that as I guy, to come out more openly would destroy my career. Friends I am no so worried about, I now live the other side of the world to where I was born and grew up.

[Aprilrain]

I Wanted to because i needed to, at least that is basically true, its more complicated than that. Now 6 months on hormones i find myself sometimes asking "what's the big deal?" i guess those are those rare moments when the GID is just gone. Most of the time I find my self asking "what's the use?, i'll never pass, I won't be able to find a Job doing what I spent the last 4 years going to school for, I'll never find a man who will love me and accept me for who I am blah blah blah so on and so forth until I'm balled up on the floor crying. So far none of my other fears have come true so i just need to hold on and things will get better. They never turn out the way i think they should but if I do the foot work god shows up and does the rest.

[amielts]

Those who need to transition will eventually transition. Many ts put it off for a while, but the need never goes away.

True CDs tend to be content with gender and do not have that feeling, I guess.

[Rianna Humble]

Since starting my RLE, people use terms like "blooming" or "flourishing" to describe the change in me.

Rianna reading things like that aint helping... or is it? I don't know any more. Perhaps I just aint ready to face my inner demons just yet.

Hi Sarah, I am sorry if my words upset you. That was not my intention. The quote that seems to have hurt you was merely offered as part of my explanation of why I chose transition over death. Those who use the terms knew me before.

[pradaarmani]

Being a woman is something I always wanted to do. But it is not the first priority in life. When I was ready financially (being a woman is costly), I just went full time.

[Kaitlyn26]

For me I think it happened when I was small. I walked talked and acted like a girl. People thought I was a girl often. After being ridiculed for it I mimicked male behavior as best I could for 20 years. Then I got to a point that I was tired of pretending and started acting like myself again. I haven't transitioned yet but I would very much like to. Circumstances of life prevent it for me at this time, sadly.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi!

For me it was to avoid putting a gun in my mouth that I had purchased to do just that.
I'm intersexed and living one more day presenting as something I knew wasn't true was going to kill me.
And now you know.


Julia

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This has really touched me. I have battled depression for years and sought treatment for it many times. I have never once talked to anyone about crossdressing as I always believed it to be separate from my depression. Over the past 12 months the need to cross dress and become Sarah Jayne is consuming me and confusing me. I no longer know if I am a crossdresser or beginning to crave transition. I am terrified that as I guy, to come out more openly would destroy my career. Friends I am no so worried about, I now live the other side of the world to where I was born and grew up.

don't underestimate the trans part of you... you need to try to find some others in your area to talk to... many MANY ts people do not share the "i knew since i was 5" situation (of course many do!! LOL)... crossdressing can be a way for transsexuals to deny it and to cope with it, and try to forge the seemingly much easier male life..

i destroyed my very successful career, i lost my wife, and i transitioned...i felt i had no choice...this is common too, and the comfort i can give you is that if you "not" transsexual this feeling will never come, and you may feel deep need to dress, you can do that and cope with life... if you are transsexual, it is likely this feeling will wash over you in time, and your best strategy is to deal with it sooner than later..

for example...can you start hair removal right now? this is a 300hr process over many years...and I fought my nature for many years, and stupidly ignored this..and now i shave every day..ugh... this can also give you relief from depression because you will make progress, there is no harm because no one really need to know, and trust me, a couple hours of laser of electrolysis will "cure" you if this is more a fantasy..

the clue for me when i think back was all the nights i got dressed up in hotels by myself and i started to desperately want to talk to people, to do something..anything..as a woman...and staying up until 5 oclock in the morning dressed, crying myself to one hour of sleep and going to work the next morning...my analytical mind started to realize i was f***ing up my life anyway...and i started to think about how much regret i would feel if i died as a man, and never experienced living as female...that caused me to realize what all this was.....and i never looked back from there..

i hope this helps you a little bit... you do have options...go find out about them so you can make a smart decision.

[Badtranny]

for example...can you start hair removal right now? this is a 300hr process over many years...and I fought my nature for many years, and stupidly ignored this..and now i shave every day..ugh... this can also give you relief from depression because you will make progress, there is no harm because no one really need to know, and trust me, a couple hours of laser of electrolysis will "cure" you if this is more a fantasy..

Damn Kait, another great post!

I love how you're able to relate your honest experience without impregnating it with the needless melodrama that seems to have become de rigueur around here lately. I love your style. (even though you smack me with it sometimes)

The electrolysis quote is perfect because it is sooooo true. I would never question the commitment of a T-girl who goes through that process. I've had lipo and the recovery was brutal, but I didn't really know what I was getting into and we can all say the same things about the recovery from various procedures. It may be awful, but what's done is done, and you don't have much choice now but to grin and bear it. Electrolysis on the other hand is (for me anyway) a weekly 2 hour ass kicking that leaves me shaking my head at the lengths we go through just to live our lives out loud. It's bad for me. It hurts like hell and I basically get drunk before each session. But I go back every week and never once have I thought about quitting.

They say it's a rite of passage and I think they're right. I honestly can't imagine anyone going through that if they aren't serious about their transition.

[Pattie O]

I also feel like I need to transition rather than want to. I suppose transtioning is about aligning the external with the internal.I know that nothing will change the way I feel inside even if I don't transition ( this will be the hardest decision ever in my life but I feel like I will be free on the otherside) If I can go forward and that has to be not only better for me but also all the people who are dear to me because presently I feel like I am a prisoner in my own life.

I just want to feel "Absolutely Fabulous" instead of generally anxious and hollow inside but I know it is going to take a difficult path so I look to others who have gone the same way.
I just want to feel liberated to be me!

Pattie

[Amber99]

I just want the sense of "wrongness" to go away and feel content with myself.

[Jorja]

I was I guess in the true sense of the word, a transexual. I knew from a very young age that I was not in the right body. My parents were not understanding and had the mindset, you were born male, you WILL be a man. Of course I tried to comply and even went as far as joining the Navy. Maybe the military would make me a man. Nope! As soon as my enlistment was up and I was out on my own, I went 24/7 as a woman and did not look back.

[MJ]

What makes you want to transition???
Great question. for me i had no choice from like 5 years old till i was like 43/44 i struggle with my gender a constant battle between him and her so to speak. everyday the same struggle and over time it got worse .. in the end she won, women always win lol. in a way i guess it was my calling

[Starling]

...i feel that men and women are really similar enough that I don't need to physically change my body to match my inner self...I just like the style, the clothes, the makeup, etc.

Interesting, VJ. I've felt that one reason the gender roles are so clearly delimited as to "style, clothes, makeup" is precisely because there can be so little difference. While at the bodily extremes of male and female there is little ambiguity, there is a great deal of overlapping toward the center. Therefore society, which places great store in the gender binary, strives to pile on "removable" gender markers so that nobody will make a "mistake".

But I'd still like to change my body because of how it would feel.

:) Lallie

[Teri Jean]

Briana, that is the the question that has probably the most diverse answers of any. I found my years of control and secrecy finally was exposed or let loose when I lost my wife to an accident. I was left with the time and freedom to persue my inner female side and when it became an obsession I sought out a therapist. Dr. Bockting of the University of Minnesota's Center for Sexual Health helped me understand the whats and whys. I then chose my path and the rest is history. I know that may seem idealistic or maybe even simplistic but like I said before each person's decision is different and thus you will have so many experiences.