Making frinds

[Kate Simmons]

It's hard to make really good friends sometimes, especially on this Forum. I think perhaps it's due to the fact that although there is anonimity through the internet, there is also the hesitation to confide in others or get close to them, even though they may extend of themselves and have nothing but good intentions. We are all into this (CDing) together. By extending myself I have made many good friends here, but at the same time there are many others who seem to have high initial enthusiasm but taper off if more personal communication such as instant messaging or talking on the phone is offered. I realize there are many out there who do not have our best interests at heart and even deride us because of who we are. However, I have learned to take most at face value until proven otherwise and if that happens just do not communicate with them. We do have to trust our instincts and gut feelings sometimes with respect to others but I have found for the most part, many here are genuine albeit sometimes hesitant to pursue friendships. I was wondering what your experiences were with regard to this.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

I can relate to what your saying! I will always welcome more and true friends! I think too many people have either forgotten or don't know what true friendship is! Hugs!

[Karren H]

Personally I've made a ton of awesome friends here and on other forums.... But I am and always will be suspicious of people's ulterior motives or hidden adgendas.... Based on past experiences.

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

[Alice Torn]

Abigail, I admit, that I am becoming a recluse, and, I am extremely cautious about being close to another human being. I am about to lose both parents, and my only living aunt. My income is low. I do goto a very small 12 step group for dysfunctional adult children. I have been burned by many friends, the last few decades, so, i am very cautious now. Sadly, this is not unfounded, Even Jesus said, that in the last times, "the love of the many, would wax cold." I can be more friendly. I also fear hurting others, as I can be quite opinionated, and eccentric. I agree with Karren and that idea!

[carhill2mn]

My experience has been similar to yours.

[Barbara Jo]

I can relate to some of what's been said. I'm afraid I'm slowly becoming a bit of a recluse myself and I don't like it.
I would just add to that at my age ( 65) it seems that just about all my friends have either moved out of the area or died.

[SometimesDiana]

This is a great forum with a wealth of information, but I have better luck making friends through social networking sites, like Facebook. Many of my internet friends come and go, but a handful have turned into real-world friends.

[Jilmac]

I joined this forum after my wife died and have no regrets. I have made new friends on and off the forum and many of them embrace Jill as if she was a lifelong friend and confidant. I will always heve this forum to thank for my ability to be myself and not worry what the rest of the world thinks. As true friends go, they are the ones who accept you unconditionally.

[Alice Torn]

To be honest, on dating sites, I have had MANY male admirers want to meet me, but almost never a GG who does.

[KarenS]

Personally I've made a ton of awesome friends here and on other forums.... But I am and always will be suspicious of people's ulterior motives or hidden adgendas.... Based on past experiences.

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

Send me the forms to complete my dear. I'll return them right away.

Abigail;,

I find it difficult to have any meaningful friendship without actually meeting face-to-face. Making friends in forums is nice, I enjoy it, but it simply isn't a substitute for face-to-face friendships.

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

[sissystephanie]

Abigail, I must agree with most of what you have said in this Thread. However, for virtually all my life I have been blessed with the ability to make friends easily. I do have a number of friends on this forum, but do not hear from them as often as I would like. Most of them have my email address, and can write to me anytime they want. I live alone so no one else is ever looking at my email, nor could they! If you would like to correspond with me send me a PM and I will send you my email address!! You are the kind of person I would value as a friend!!

BTW, I also have long had the ability to detirmine if a person is telling the truth or not just by listening to them, or by reading what they have written. I am seldom wrong!

[Daintre]

Abigail, nothing would please me more than making some friends here. I have tried in the past and had friendships self destruct. I have a core of good friends here and for that I am grateful. that said however, I would certainly enjoy more. :daydreaming:

[Nicole Erin]

making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

[Barbara Jo]

making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

I agree
While it's nice to have some online "friends". they are not friends in the traditional sense....... someone you interact with while they are in the same physical space as you, not via cyberspace.

[SweetIonis]

This is a good topic. I think we all have various situations and come from varied backgrounds. There are couple of points too consider, one of which that has already been mentioned is that there are those that do not have our bests interests at heart. When combined with the fact that a malicious person, with either some knowledge of how communication technology works and/or with access to a substantial amount of money, could potentially wreck your life by understanding who, what or when you were communicating. Phone records, email, etc. are all files stored on a computer that someone could have access to. Related to that is the other point that some may find themselves in the situation where close family and friends are people that are extremely conservative with regards to this issue. Such persons would never understand or be accommodating of this behavior. Therefore it is wise to take one's time, and give time to think through the ramifications of coming forward so freely. The other thing is that people may initially be friendly but can sometimes turn hostile. When hostile they could use information they know about you to harm you.

Just saying some things that should be taken into consideration.

[docrobbysherry]

U can, however, MEET folks who MAY become friends later! Well said, Barb Jo!:thumbsup:
My daughter claims to have 750 "friends". I know, in fact, she has NO real friends!:sad:


I agree
While it's nice to have some online "friends". they are not friends in the traditional sense....... someone you interact with while they are in the same physical space as you, not via cyberspace.

I have met a few of the girls from here and other sites at the SCC's and DLV! Altho, we don't correspond all that often, HECK! We're GUYS after all!:brolleyes:
We KNEW when we met in person, that we hit it off and there was a SPECIAL connection! U girls/guys KNOW who u r!:battingeyelashes:

[Karren H]

Send me the forms to complete my dear. I'll return them right away.

Abigail;,

I find it difficult to have any meaningful friendship without actually meeting face-to-face. Making friends in forums is nice, I enjoy it, but it simply isn't a substitute for face-to-face friendships.

My manager of friendship relations is on vacation this week but as soon as she returns!! :D

[Alexiz]

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

I kind of feel like I can relate to you on this. I always have trouble fitting in social settings, I can only imagine how much worse this can get if I ever decide to dress out and the sort. I don't know how things will turn out, but let's both try our best to make things work! c:


making friends is hard cause people's idea of a "friend" these days is another name on their facebook page.
What a way to define something like friendship.

I also feel strongly about what a "friend" is these days.. The whole thing with myspace, facebook, twitter.. whichever it is- I feel like the word "friend" had lost its true meaning. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I just don't approve of how the term shares common lines with a simple "acquaintance" now..

[Alice Torn]

I have to say, that i used to be a lot more friendly, and i am far more cautious, too. I still try to 'go the extra mile" for strangers in trouble, but, i don't have any close friends right now, except a few 2000 miles away. There just seems to be something in the air these days, that makes it a colder world.

[Sheila11]

Now a lot of that suspicions can be made to go away if they fill out the 30 page pre-friendship application , signed and nopterized and send a $100 to Karren's retirement fund!! That will get you moved to the front of the friendship waiting list!!:D.

Karen,
Will you take a check?

[PretzelGirl]

It can be a little tough. If I get into an on-line discussion, a lot of the time I almost need the other person to start a topic or I feel awkward. I just have trouble coming up with something to say without feeling like I am being nosey or heading into personal space. Now put me face to face and the dynamic changes and it gets easier. I guess I use too many visual clues when talking and you get none of that in on-line communications.

[busker]

Personally, I find that my shy nature makes it difficult for me to gain friends, both inside and outside the realm of CDing communities. I have trouble initiating relations with others and have a tendency to wait for relationships to "fall in my lap". No wonder why I am single....

Don't be too hard on yourself about being shy. There is a very interesting article in the NYTimes about shyness as an evolutionary tactic. shy people are generally smarter than extroverts among other things. If you're interested, here's the link:
http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/contributors/index.html?scp=2&sq=shyness&st=cse

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Touche! I like your idea Karen. A friend to me is someone who accepts me for me (faults and all) and is someone I can loan money to and not worry about getting it back because I know they will either pay it back when they can or they will pay it forward.

[Kate Simmons]

I was feeling a bit lonely when I posted this yesterday. I was having some problems with things around the house and was feeling a bit dejected as it seems to be one thing after the other lately. A good friend to talk to would have made my day, even if doing nothing more than listening to my frustrations. Good friends don't have to do anything other than that--be good friends. Some days it just makes this hum drum thing we call life worth living.:)

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Interesting read! I'm generally accepting of my shyness but at the same time, I often wish I was more of an extrovert so that I would more opportunity to meet new people.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Abigail, You're absolutely right. I myself am often reluctant to try and establish meaningful longterm friendships online. I have a few members that I consider true friends and even a few moderators ( regardless of how many times I've needed to be corrected for not reading the stickys. ) whom also I feel a type of kindship with. I value my friends here.

But friendships online are just that "Friendships online" and while it may share some of the qualities it not a substitute for a more personal offline friendship. Please "Don't get me wrong about this." Online friends are still important but there is just something about being able to share things inperson. Online XXXX's are cute and all but I'd still rather have a real hug once in a while.

[Barbara Jo]

I was thinking just the other day when watching "Seinfeld" that one of the reason of the shows popularity (other than the great comedy) is the interaction between the friends.
Jerry, Elaine, George, and Karmer may argue, get on each other's nerves, etc but no matter what happens they are still friends in the true sense of the word and are always there for each if any one of them need something.

Are we now getting to so reliant on the net for everything now and we no longer have many real friends due to the the net taking ove our social life.... our existance?

[Eryn]

Are we now getting to so reliant on the net for everything now and we no longer have many real friends due to the the net taking ove our social life.... our existance?

For some, this may be true, but in my case it has allowed me to find face-to-face friends who share my interests, both in CDing and other avocations.

[silhouette]

I had someone from my area PM me recently and ask if i would be interested in going out sometime with a couple of other girls.
Sounds interesting to me.. i could use a few cd friends IRL.

Although i am really terrible at makeup and kind of nervous about that aspect.
Every time I've gone in public I had someone else do my makeup :)

[busker]

It's hard to make really good friends sometimes, especially on this Forum. I think perhaps it's due to the fact that although there is anonimity through the internet, there is also the hesitation to confide in others or get close to them, even though they may extend of themselves and have nothing but good intentions. We are all into this (CDing) together. By extending myself I have made many good friends here, but at the same time there are many others who seem to have high initial enthusiasm but taper off if more personal communication such as instant messaging or talking on the phone is offered. I realize there are many out there who do not have our best interests at heart and even deride us because of who we are. However, I have learned to take most at face value until proven otherwise and if that happens just do not communicate with them. We do have to trust our instincts and gut feelings sometimes with respect to others but I have found for the most part, many here are genuine albeit sometimes hesitant to pursue friendships. I was wondering what your experiences were with regard to this.:)

the time set aside for friends. When one has "lots of acquaintances" it doesn't seem to impact time as much as it does when one has true friends. Like a part of the family, if they are really friends, then you are making a time commitment, so one can have only so many friends. Internet friends are time consuming in a different way and the end result is not quite the same, unless at some point everyone gets together for a physical meeting, and decides to be friends in the normal sense.

[Leanne2]

It has always been a struggle for me to make friends. As a trans-gender woman I don't have much in common with the men that I know. They are all into sports, fishing, cars, you know, guy things. I would love to have a female bff but because I'm pretending to be a man, the women that I know aren't interested. The various female hairstylist that I have over the years have come the closest to being friends but only at the salon. Two stylist were special though. Twenty years ago one special lady did my makeup without asking and told me that I was beautiful. I had never heard those words before. Sadely , she has since passed away.
A few years ago another special lady was doing my hair in her shop in her house. I admired her sweater and told her so. When she was done with my hair she said,"wait here." Then she left the shop and went into her bedroom. She came back out wearing a different top and carrying the sweater. She said," You can borrow this now and bring it back later." Now that is a friend! Sadly, she has gone through a messy divorce and doesn't have a shop anymore. But someday she will and I'll be there to give her some of my money and hopefully be a good friend for her. Leanne