CD's that are into men do you expect your wives/SO to be accepting of EVERYTHING?

[WifeofWrenchette]

If you have a wife or SO, do you automatically assume or expect her to be OK with you seeing men on the side just because she accepts your dressing?

[DebsUK]

ABSOLUTELY NOT! Totally unacceptable to expect an SO to go along with that. Why should they tolerate unfaithfulness, irrespective of who with or what you're wearing at the time?

[linda allen]

If you have a wife or SO, do you automatically assume or expect her to be OK with you seeing men on the side just because she accepts your dressing?

No.

If you're married or in a committed relationship, "seeing" anybody, male or female for romantic or sexual reasons is cheating, plain and simple.

[Tina B.]

Only if you have an open relationship, and she gets to see others too! Whats good for the goose, and all that. I have never lived in an open relationship, and don't know anyone that has, that are still together, but some say it works.

[eluuzion]

hiya w,

I am not in a relationship with anyone right now so I guess I am either real lucky or a real loser...:D

But I have been in a few relationships and marriages and if they taught me anything...it was to never automatically assume or expect anything.

Here are the judge's comments after his ruling in an adultery case between two gay male partners...

I happen to agree with his perspective...



"The essence of a committed relationship is exclusivity, physical, emotional and any other kind. Anything that impinges on that exclusivity is harmful and "cheating". It does not specifically imply the act of sexual adultery, but any act that undermines the very essence of a committed relationship."


:love:

[Lorileah]

You looking for permission or absolution from us? See above, it doesn't make any difference as to the gender, you never assume they will be OK with something like that. There are certain things you discuss before you get in a committed relationship and open marriage is one of them IF that is what you are into.

[Karren H]

Cheating is cheating I don't care if its with aliens or ghosts! Lol.

[Alice Torn]

Eluuzion, you hit it out of the park again! Nothing seems certain, in this increasingly uncertain society.

[anda_mouse]

pretty much what everyone above me has said. mostly.

[Darla]

Okay - I pretty much agree on a stable monogamous relationship myself, if only because I couldn't deal with the jealousy. But everyone should check out the article in the NY Times today where the writer examines Dan Savage's advice column and his thoughts on monogamy. I think all of us girls, as we know, feel constricted by society's rules in our dressing. But we should allow others to express their sexuality in whatever form it might take. Some people in commuted marriages find that allowing the other partner freedoms (crossdressing anyone?) a
Makes for a stronger relationship.

Now me - I love my wife till I'm dead, she holds the keys to all that's good in my life. If I could only get her to see me as attractive in lingerie!

[Sophie86]

CD's that are into men do you expect your wives/SO to be accepting of EVERYTHING?

I wonder how many of the people who have replied so far are actually married and into men.

I'm married, and I'm approximately 80% heterosexual. I'm going to use that 20% as an excuse to jump in. :heehee:

My answer: I don't expect my wife to let me do whatever I want to do regardless of how it impinges on her, whether that's sex with another person (male or female), or anything else.

There are people out there who have open relationships, and they seem to make it work. It's not for everyone though. To me, it looks like it would be far more trouble than it's worth. If your husband is proposing that you allow him to do this, and you really don't like the idea, that's pretty much all you have to say. Bisexuals don't get a special pass on the whole fidelity thing.

[AnnaCalliope]

Only if you have an open relationship, and she gets to see others too! Whats good for the goose, and all that. I have never lived in an open relationship, and don't know anyone that has, that are still together, but some say it works.

I've been in an open relationship with my SO (female) for several years now, and while it has been a very happy and successful relationship, it does have its ups and downs like any other. The success of an open relationship lies on how much both partners are devoted to each other and how well they follow the rules of the relationship itself. If I want to have intimate relations with another man, he must first meet with my SO, be given the ground rules of the relationship and be approved by her. If he gets through all that okay, then I am free to see him 1-2 nights a week, as long as it does not interfere with any plans my SO might have. Also, unless she specifically okays it, I am not allowed to be intimate with him anyplace she might hear or see us. The same exact rules apply to her as well.

Now she's actually married (with my complete approval) to one of her longer lasting outside partners, who is actually an old friend and roommate of ours. I saw no problem with this, considering she was 100% okay with my decision to transition, and with me as female, she would now need someone else to act as a husband and future father for her children. We still have a very deep emotional relationship, and even though there are now three of us, the same rules still apply.

[L'eggs n' heels]

If you have a wife or SO, do you automatically assume or expect her to be OK with you seeing men on the side just because she accepts your dressing?

NO! That's a whole different ballgame. You wouldn't expect her to be OK with seeing other women would you? Cheating is cheating.

[Babeba]

Okay - I pretty much agree on a stable monogamous relationship myself, if only because I couldn't deal with the jealousy. But everyone should check out the article in the NY Times today where the writer examines Dan Savage's advice column and his thoughts on monogamy. I think all of us girls, as we know, feel constricted by society's rules in our dressing. But we should allow others to express their sexuality in whatever form it might take. Some people in commuted marriages find that allowing the other partner freedoms (crossdressing anyone?) a
Makes for a stronger relationship.

Now me - I love my wife till I'm dead, she holds the keys to all that's good in my life. If I could only get her to see me as attractive in lingerie!

Wrenchette,

I think you pretty much get the idea - any husband who tries to put one over his wife just because she accepts the clothes he wears is an being an asshole.

Darla: I think that the most important part of Dan Savage's idea that monogamy doesn't work for everyone can be found on the last page of this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html?pagewanted=7&_r=3&hp) where he talks about Arnold Schwarzenegger: cheating on a spouse doesn't mean that you're succeeding in a non-monogamous relationship, but that you're failing at a monogamous relationship. Any husband who thinks that he makes all the rules because his wife accepted one thing he possibly didn't expect, pretty much fails at marriage in general!

[Iskandra]

"The essence of a committed relationship is exclusivity, physical, emotional and any other kind. Anything that impinges on that exclusivity is harmful and "cheating". It does not specifically imply the act of sexual adultery, but any act that undermines the very essence of a committed relationship."
:love:

What a load of dickcheese! Guess the Judge got his licked off for saying that!!
So, I must love my partner exclusively?! I have to cease loving my mother, my cat.. I'm cheating because I love my mum?! yikes..
I want to go play golf on saturday (i hate golf btw), and my partner says I'm selfish for wanting to do something on my own..
So now I am cheating the relationship?! Get real judge..
I love my gf, love her to bits, she is all I need and want, I would never bonk another male or female, she is the most important thing in my life, but she sure as hell ain't the only thing in my life!!

[donnatracey]

I think you are taking the judge's words just a tad too literally................:eek::eek::eek::eek:

[Iskandra]

I think you are taking the judge's words just a tad too literally................:eek::eek::eek::eek:

When it comes to the law and words from judges you have to, they set the stage for following generations of law and judges..
Presedence?! (sp?) Big part of the judicial system..
So a husband or a wife flies 3000k's each week for months to see an ill/dying parent, the spouse could claim lack of comitment to their relationship based on time away and financial burden..
I understand his/her intent, but for a judge to open such a door is grossly incompetent..

[sissystephanie]

I am a crossdresser, but I am probably about 95% male. The other 5% is my feminine part! But the way I was raised would not allow me to have relations with a man under any circumstances, and certainly not as a CD. Beside if I had done that when my wife was still alive, I would be dead right now!! No question about that!! That is CHEATING and is totally not acceptable in any marriage or committed relationship!!

[Erika_bagels]

I might be a CD, and bisexual, but when I got married, I chose sides. My wife knows all about my sexuality, and just because she knows doesn't mean she would ever condone cheating.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Thank you all for your responses.

[Kate Simmons]

Unfortunately, many do I'm afraid Hon.:straightface:

[linda allen]

........I'm married, and I'm approximately 80% heterosexual. I'm going to use that 20% as an excuse to jump in. :heehee:

If you're a male, married to a female, and are not cheating on her with another male, aren't you then 100% heterosexual?

[wendy68]

Its never ok to assume this course of action. Cheating is cheating. I recently got divorced and even though she handed me divorce papers , I would of handed them to her after being told about her weekend business trips

[Jocelyn Quivers]

No, the same rules apply. On the day of our vows, I took an oath to be faithful forever. That's means no cheating at all, man or woman, regardless if en-femme or in male mode no acceptions, no loopholes.

[AllieSF]

I agree with the general consensus that it is wrong unless in an open relationship.

Now, where in the hell does someone get taken today to court on the charges of adultry. Sounds like a religious tribunal. If adultry is illegal, then more than half the male population in the USA and probably 80% in parts of Europe would be in jail. I am curious where and when that archaic law was last enforced. The judges words sounded like what my old fourth grade nun teacher said to us when she heard that someone had a mixed boy girl party in grade school over the weekend. Thinking about, or actually kissing a girl or boy, was considered a mortal sin by her. However, the priests were very cool about that.

[Darla]

Okay okay! I agree with the consensus - cheating is cheating! I personally feel that not honoring vows, deceiving oneself into thinking that blurring the boundaries is okay because your SO accepts your dressing and should also accept some damaged fantasy that he/she isn't aware of is wrong. For all the Billy Carterisms that bounce through my head, ultimately I would not demean myself emotionally or morally by lying to someone I have made a promise too.

As to everyone else - let your freak flag fly and live how you like. I don't know your life and we, as people who have travelled a lifetime struggling with acceptance, shouldn't judge. Well - okay - I judge a little bit. I am human.

[kath jones]

I'm bi and living in an open relationship, and have been for over 13 years, my SO is accepting if she has 1st meet the person and they are clean, I have had outside relationships with both men and women. It does make things interesting and can cause some problems but when sat down and talked about honestly can be resolved. But that being said I don't just jump into bed with just anyone. But she knows that I will always come home and where I have been. My Mother has been married and divorced 4 times and my Father twice, so in my short time I can't understand the whole marriage thing, we have talked and neither one of us is planning to get married but it is a revolving question that we reassess almost once a year. If I really connect with someone I can spend time with them too, and it doesn't always have to be a physical relationship. Friends of mine have divorced because he/she had a friend of the opposite sex and there was a lot of jealously associated with that friendship.

[SometimesDiana]

It's interesting to look up the original definition of adultery. It originally refered to a married woman who cheated. Only more recently was the term expanded to the men.

Are bisexuals more likely to cheat on their spouse or partner? I've never cheated and I'd kick my own ass if I even thought about it. However, I'm slightly bisexual and I feel that many woman feel that I'm more likely to cheat because of my sexuality. One woman explained that bisexual men are more likely to cheat because they have more people to potentially cheat with.

Whether straight, gay or bi, we all have countless opportunities to cheat in our life times. Anyone with a phone or computer has all the tools to arrange it. I believe cheating comes down to our own moral values and self control, not our sexuality. Those who want to cheat will cheat. Those who don't want to cheat won't.

[Farrah Rose]

No.

If you're married or in a committed relationship, "seeing" anybody, male or female for romantic or sexual reasons is cheating, plain and simple.

Linda hit the nail on the head. I fully agree

[t-girlxsophie]

not gay or bi,but regardless of sexuality I love my wife too much to do anything that disloyal.There is no excuse for risking yours,and her happiness and your life together for some stupid fling

Sophie

[eluuzion]

What a load of dickcheese! Guess the Judge got his licked off for saying that!!
So, I must love my partner exclusively?! I have to cease loving my mother, my cat.. I'm cheating because I love my mum?! yikes..
I want to go play golf on saturday (i hate golf btw), and my partner says I'm selfish for wanting to do something on my own..
So now I am cheating the relationship?! Get real judge..
I love my gf, love her to bits, she is all I need and want, I would never bonk another male or female, she is the most important thing in my life, but she sure as hell ain't the only thing in my life!!

hiya Is..

Just a clarification note here, as your replies seem to imply that the personal interpretations, examples and analogies you posted represent accurate assumptions and interpretations of the Judge's comments (that I posted). That would be a logical fallacy, as your opinions and interpretations are exactly that, unless you can post each with the Judge's personal confirmation that they have any relevance or accuracy in the correct interpretation of his comments. :doh:

I genuinely respect you and your right to voice your personal opinions, which is what all of the statements you posted, was. But I want to clarify that I do not relate to any of those personal opinions and interpretations myself, or feel they apply to any intent of the Judge's statements. For me, the words in the last sentence ..."any act that undermines" is a key qualifier for proper perspective.

In short, I am simply acknowledging my agreement with the perspective of the Judge's quoted statements. Your opinions seem to invite a debate about some entirely different issues unrelated to the issue I was addressing. I simply do make any of the "connections" you seem to have made between your comments and the topic. :hugs:

I apologize for this thread digression. I felt obligated to clarify a fuzzy picture... all better now... :)

:love:

[busker]

Open relationships were a popular notion (if one can really say that) in the 70's as I remember. Open Marriage was the title of a book popular then too. It does seem a bit of an oxymoron. An open relationship is like having a roomy but the fact that you live together doesn't seem to have any consequence. In a European country I know, people do live together, have children and stay together their entire lives without benefit of clergy, because a marriage license doesn't have much meaning--it's the commitment to each other (and your offspring) that has the meaning.
If you have a committed relationship, it should be to the exclusion of all other partners - a marriage in all but legal fact. If you want to fool around, dressed or not, call yourself Don Juan.
just an opinion