CD but enjoy being a man?

[Inna]

I am so intrigued by this statement.

"I love to CD but I enjoy all my manly things and being a man".

I am trying to understand and analyze to the core, the essence of this statement, it feels misguided and misinterpreted but then again, it may just feel that way.

First, if I am a true masculine man I would never intentionally put an article of opposite sex anywhere on my body. Not to mention that such act would make me feel any different other that stupid.
TRUE or FALSE

I enjoy being a man, well what is exactly being a male? Is it wearing drab clothes, playing with tools, getting awfully dirty? Some girls do just that but they don't turn into a MAN but remain who they originally were, girls.

Is having body hair manly, well some girls do have it and as far as I can tell they work to correct that, but given the chance that nobody would find out wouldn't you shave it all in an instant?

What else is manly, getting bold, Oh well I think I know the answer to this one my self without any help :)

Wearing manly clothes is manly, isn't it, but once more I think I have an answer to this one.

So really, REALLY, do CDers really like to be a man or just do not allow the freedom and/or some are still for now not aware of impending doom of emotional reveal later on. I know my self, as a fact, this process is gradual, takes years, lifetimes, but seems the more we embrace our inner feelings, the less we care what others might think, dismiss societal and religious pressures, we grow and more and more see her appear from within.

Am I right or am I correct?

[Karren H]

Actually I'm not a crossdresser who likes to do male things... I'm a male who is driven to crossdress and has accepted and embraced it and enjoys different things that society has identified as male or female pastimes. Playing ice hockey.. Working on cars... Drag races. Watching some sports. Collecting jewelry. Shopping. Makeup and dressing like a girl...

[Cynthia Anne]

I do not enjoy being a man! BUT I'm glad for the knowledge I have of so many things considered of being manly!

[sissystephanie]

I guess my answer would be similar to that of Karren. I am a man who is a crossdresser! I like to do pretty much all the manly things, but I also like to sometimes do some feminine things. And I definitely like to wear pretty feminine things. My late wife knew all that , and really encouraged me to be both a man and feminine!!

[Farrah]

Actually, society made a label for all of us, whether we're male, female, bi, gay, cd. What are manly acitivities? What are women activities? CDing, i think is more of an expression opposed to a label. We should stop confining ourselves with labels.

[Vanessa Storrs]

At my most feminine I am still a guy in a dress. I have the same emotions and feelings in drab as in drag, but I love dressing and it is an important part of my life.

[carhill2mn]

I feel much the same as Karen and sissystephanie.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Some girls do just that but they don't turn into a MAN but remain who they originally were, girls.


Here's the line that I think sums up the issue with your argument here. Why can't men do girly things but remain happily men, since you seem ok with women doing the opposite?

The person you quoted said they enjoyed all their manly activities, but they didn't say they only or exclusively enjoyed their manly things.

[VioletJourney]

I don't like the idea of a hobby/pastime/activity being considered masculine or feminine. They're just things I like to do, and clothes I prefer to wear...

[suchacutie]

Men grow up from being boys. Women grow up from being girls. The socialization process that happens in that roughly 20-year period affects emotions, psychology, life expectation, etc. On top of that, the biology of the brains of the two genders is not identical. Many studies have shown that those of us who identify with both genders can have brain functions that are mixtures of the two genders.

Thus, it is very possible to identify and have a life in both genders, regardless of the outward biology. My life presenting as a male has certain characteristics, as does my life presenting as a female. Many of these characteristics are different, and mirror the results of the socialization of the two genders.

I know this is not everyone's experience here, but I have found myself increasingly separating my two gendered selves, and I very much enjoy both of us!

[Alexiz]

Actually, society made a label for all of us, whether we're male, female, bi, gay, cd. What are manly acitivities? What are women activities? CDing, i think is more of an expression opposed to a label. We should stop confining ourselves with labels.

I'd have to say I agree with Farrah.

I guess this might sound juvenile, but we should just do what we want to do. Of course there are society's rules to an extent, but we shouldn't let what others think about what's considered male or female limit our actions.

[kendra_gurl]

If your really honest and think about it being Manly could mean being a selfish ******* with an uncontrolable desire to do whatever makes you feel good. That could be chasing women, bulling others, lying to and cheating everyone, taking all your vices to the point of excess, drinking, gambling, drugs, porn, or simply cross dressing.

Most men,( not all) when givin the oppertunity to do something that will make them feel good and if they think they won't get caught will do it. That is just the stereotypical male. Come on guys, we all do things we are not proud of so lets take off our panties for one day and MAN UP and admit it

[ReineD]

Am I right or am I correct?

You are right AND you are correct when it comes to describing yourself ... but not others. :)

There is a wide spectrum of gender identification, not just male or female. For example, my SO identifies as dual gender. He enjoys being a guy sometimes, and she enjoys being a girl at other times. I don't look at it as having a switch that toggles on and off, but rather my SO has his/her very own gender that is a combination of feminine and masculine attributes that are always there. Sometimes the more masculine feelings come to the forefront and at other times the more feminine feelings prevail. But fundamentally my SO is always the same person. Each CDer in this forum has his/her own unique combination of gender and personality that simply doesn't fit neatly into one box.

It must be difficult to navigate an internal gender mix, since most of us grow up seeing nothing other than the binary male/emale, so I imagine it is easier for some TGs to just keep a switch they can turn on and off. This is likely why you read these descriptions and also why it is difficult for you to understand since I'm guessing you fit in the binary as identifying primarily female? Are you TS?

[Miranda09]

I don't really relate to the term "manly" or "manliness." I do relate to the term "male" since that is what I am. Nothing will change that, short of surgery. But I also relate to my feminine self, which I like to express in my CDing activity, or hobby, if you will. So yes, I do enjoy being a man, since I've done that my whole life, AND I do enjoy exploring my fem self through CDing....AND it's lots of fun, as all hobbies should be!! :)

[Gillian Gigs]

Alexia, I hear what you are saying. Football season is coming and I do all of the guy things that come with it. Play it, watch it, and talk nonstop about it. Whether it be a hobby, pastime, or activity, Cding is enjoyable, if it wasn't most of us would have stopped doing it long ago. The why's of why we enjoy doing it are as many as their of us that do it. Karren talks about hockey and cars, while I played hockey for years and was a referee for many more. Why, I enjoyed doing it. Someone said, "to your own self to true", well be true to you and do no harm to others. Put that pressure on the religious types, but they might not like it!!

[Inna]

You are right AND you are correct when it comes to describing yourself ... but not others. :)

There is a wide spectrum of gender identification, not just male or female. For example, my SO identifies as dual gender. He enjoys being a guy sometimes, and she enjoys being a girl at other times. I don't look at it as having a switch that toggles on and off, but rather my SO has his/her very own gender that is a combination of feminine and masculine attributes that are always there. Sometimes the more masculine feelings come to the forefront and at other times the more feminine feelings prevail. But fundamentally my SO is always the same person. Each CDer in this forum has his/her own unique combination of gender and personality that simply doesn't fit neatly into one box.

It must be difficult to navigate an internal gender mix, since most of us grow up seeing nothing other than the binary male/emale, so I imagine it is easier for some TGs to just keep a switch they can turn on and off. This is likely why you read these descriptions and also why it is difficult for you to understand since I'm guessing you fit in the binary as identifying primarily female? Are you TS?

Yes Reine, I am very aware of duality of gender aspect as too combination of both, in fact in every human on this planet. Our trans issue becomes obvious only when brain imprint becomes opposite to that of our body sexual characteristic and therefore creating Dysphoria. I do not state my intent to finalize any group or label any one in any particular way. However I propose a discussion on truism of the statement or rather explanation, or explanations of what it means to be male and female or perhaps there aren't any?

I am a transsexual woman, I experienced crossdressing from age of 7 and was confused, discriminated for my girly looks and fought with my gender dysphoria for entire life. Only recently I gave in to the inner truth and allowed it to blossom. In fact when I wrote this thread I did not base it on my own like of crossdressing, all the points were simply an out-loud interpretations of what I heard of over and over here on the forum.

I do not care to wear this or that, in fact right now all I truly care about is to become me, This body to become as close to genetic female as possible, weather I wear dress or jeans and Tshirt it doesn't matter. I don't get hi on clothing, I don't care for high heels, I just want to be me, the girl I always knew I was but had to discard to the deepest crevasse of my soul.

Am I a CDer, I guess by the current definition I am not because I do not crossdress, and even if I would wear an item from the woman's rack, I would be wearing just an item of clothing.
But the same if someone puts on dress and feels feminine and embraces the soft side of them selves aren't they, even for just that moment becoming a girl and just the girl. Or are they a male in dress? I think as I remember from my experiences I was my self, a girl, wearing of woman's clothing was giving me that extra edge, a visual clue to fulfill the whole aspect of femininity which was always running through my vain. I was a girl then and not a boy, until I took it all off and had to become this boy everyone wanted me to be, but was I a boy even though I looked like one?

Anyway enough about me, questions are still the same, by dressing and presenting as female, is the individual becoming a representation of female spirit (even if in his mind) or is he only a man wearing a skirt?

[Vickie_CDTV]

First, if I am a true masculine man I would never intentionally put an article of opposite sex anywhere on my body. Not to mention that such act would make me feel any different other that stupid.
TRUE or FALSE
Am I right or am I correct?

This certainly does not apply to everyone (please don't tear my head off), but...

If one is a manly man, but gets a tremendous rush of pleasure some kind (sexual or otherwise), yes they will wear whatever female attire they fancy, even if only briefly, even if they feel stupid and shameful about it. After all, there is not much more male than the desire for gratification. Why they fancy women's clothing is another matter, but the act of dressing for gratification is not inconstant with being male.


In a broader scope, not every dresser is a TS waiting to happen. Transvestism is not a stepping stone to inevitable transsexualism, and there are plenty who dress for a lifetime without any desire to be a transsexual, and there are a number of older folks here who can testify to that.

[TGMarla]

There's a whole lot more to being a woman than just dressing up and doing your nails. In fact, these days very few women indulge in such things on a regular basis. Well, they get their nails done, but most don't bother dressing up all the time. It's low on the priority list. But dressing up and putting on makeup, et al, is really what crossdressing is all about for me. I'm not going to transition, so I have stopped pursuing many "feminine" goals that I otherwise might be chasing. I'm glad to be my wife's husband. So while I think I'd have enjoyed living my life as a woman, it's not going to happen. So I've accepted my male-ness, and I enjoy my female-ness as a pleasant diversion.

[Samantha43]

If your really honest and think about it being Manly could mean being a selfish ******* with an uncontrolable desire to do whatever makes you feel good. That could be chasing women, bulling others, lying to and cheating everyone, taking all your vices to the point of excess, drinking, gambling, drugs, porn, or simply cross dressing.

Most men,( not all) when givin the oppertunity to do something that will make them feel good and if they think they won't get caught will do it. That is just the stereotypical male. Come on guys, we all do things we are not proud of so lets take off our panties for one day and MAN UP and admit it

WOW! Where do I start here? That is a pretty harsh statement to blanket men with. You certainly have a low opinion of men. I am a man. I was born male, I live my life as a male and I enjoy being a man. Most people would say I am manly and yes, I'm a crossdresser.

I don't believe I am selfish, I have never chased women, I don't bully, I don't lie, I don't cheat, I drink only socially, I don't gamble, I have never used an illegal drug and I have never really cared much for porn.

I have always volunteered my time for my children's activities and for my community. I have been married for 23 years to a wonderful woman. I do my best to live my life in an honest manner and be a gentleman.

I don't believe most men behave the way you accuse us of. At least the ones I associate myself with. Maybe you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, learn a little self control and get better friends. You and I have vasty different definitions of the "stereotypical male".

[Nikki A.]

I was born a male, and I enjoy doing some stereotypical male things. However I do have a female side that needs attention also. I like both sides and rather than repress one or the other I would rather have them co-exist and work together.

[NicoleScott]

Thanks, Vickie (Post #17), for (after 16 previous posts) finally getting to a very obvious reason a manly man can crossdress: pleasure (sexual or other). We're not all girly girl inside, nor dual gender. It continues to amaze me that people who have been here for years don't know that we dress for different reasons.
I agree with Karren (Post #2), except with different "male" activities.

[ninapuella]

If I am going to describe me to someone I will have problems, because what is actually me? Its like trying to describe a box of chocolat with just one piece of the chocolat. So the only thing I do is doing what I am driven to do at the very moment. If i watch a football-game I dont think about it as manly and if i crossdress i dont see it as feminine. I just do it because I want to do it at that moment.

[ReineD]

Anyway enough about me, questions are still the same, by dressing and presenting as female, is the individual becoming a representation of female spirit (even if in his mind) or is he only a man wearing a skirt?

I was trying to explain earlier that for some people it is not either/or. My SO is a man sometimes with feminine undertones, and when she is her feminine self, even though she may have masculine undertones, she is not a man in a skirt. Nor is she a representation of a female spirit. She is female in all aspects except her chromosomes and genitalia.

This may be a difficult concept to understand for people who identify purely as either men or women, namely GGs, GMs, and TSs. I often detect a tendency to classify a CDer either as a man in a skirt, or a TS in denial.

[suchacutie]

Wow...Kenda, I would definitely NOT put crossdressing in the same sentence as chasing women.....excessive drinking......porn.

I don't consider Tina a vice. She is a part of my existence and is not at all related to that incredible list of vices you enumerated. My wife and I nuture her life, care for her, are considerate of her, and protect her. Transforming to Tina is not frivolous and is not a joke.

Being a man is, genetically, the hunter and the protector. He is genetically disposed to solving problems and providing for his family. The psychology of being male is well studied, as is the psychology of being female, and all this is available at your local library :)

I could go on, but I imagine my point is already clear.

[lil red]

Actually I'm not a crossdresser who likes to do male things... I'm a male who is driven to crossdress and has accepted and embraced it and enjoys different things that society has identified as male or female pastimes. Playing ice hockey.. Working on cars... Drag races. Watching some sports. Collecting jewelry. Shopping. Makeup and dressing like a girl...



I couldn't have said it better!

[Engendered]

Drag races.

:lol2:
The image of this I just got in my head has brightened my day.

[Iskandra]

Personally I enjoy being human, it has many facets, most bright and shiny, some dreary, dark and hurtful.. But all must be experienced to know what it is to be human!
So I am a man that likes to wear a skirt.. Do I see myself as a man or a woman when wearing it?! Does it matter? I know I'll never be a woman, nor do I desire to be..
I could potentially look more of a woman than most gg's on this planet, but I'll still be a man in a skirt!
Is being a man better than being a woman? Or vv.. Frankly I will never know and I don't care to know.. But being human (accepting duality, striiving for non-duality) with its ups and downs bloody rocks!!
I am... Yod Hey Vod Hey..

[Debglam]

I have really been struggling to understand all of this gender stuff and I think I am starting to become a member of the "Smash The Gender Binary" club.


There is a wide spectrum of gender identification, not just male or female. For example, my SO identifies as dual gender. He enjoys being a guy sometimes, and she enjoys being a girl at other times. I don't look at it as having a switch that toggles on and off, but rather my SO has his/her very own gender that is a combination of feminine and masculine attributes that are always there. Sometimes the more masculine feelings come to the forefront and at other times the more feminine feelings prevail. But fundamentally my SO is always the same person. Each CDer in this forum has his/her own unique combination of gender and personality that simply doesn't fit neatly into one box.



I was trying to explain earlier that for some people it is not either/or. My SO is a man sometimes with feminine undertones, and when she is her feminine self, even though she may have masculine undertones, she is not a man in a skirt. Nor is she a representation of a female spirit. She is female in all aspects except her chromosomes and genitalia.

This may be a difficult concept to understand for people who identify purely as either men or women, namely GGs, GMs, and TSs. I often detect a tendency to classify a CDer either as a man in a skirt, or a TS in denial.

Well said! Reine is right, at least in my experience. I like having the ability, and the lack of shame for that matter, to be able to move between traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine feelings and traits. Sometimes one, sometimes the other, and sometimes both.

To me, it is like having a whole new set of tools in my toolbox that I can pull out as I feel or as the situation requires. Nothing wrong with that! :)

[Sarasometimes]

[QUOTE=Karren Hutton;2532711]Actually I'm not a crossdresser who likes to do male things... I'm a male who is driven to crossdress and has accepted and embraced it and enjoys different things that society has identified as male or female pastimes. Playing ice hockey.. Working on cars... Drag races. Watching some sports. Collecting jewelry. Shopping. Makeup and dressing like a girl...[/QUOTE/]
Well put, once again Karren. My societally manly interests are different but my female ones are identical. The last two are societally female activities. As the thread starter mentioned a few times that females can behave rather masculinely and be accepted and often times even praised but the opposite doesn't apply to males.
I have no problem agreeing with the statement "I CD, but enjoy being a man." If I crossdressed and didn't want to remain a man, I would probably be refferred to as a pre-op transexual. I do not feel that I was born in the wrong body. I just like to dress this body in feminine finery and get its toes and fingers painted and its eyes made up beautifully...

[Sheila11]

I wanted to add to this discussion but after reading all the posts I am sooooo confused.

I don't enjoy being a man, but I would continue to do all the things I currently do if I was given the opportunity to be a woman.

I work - with men and women.
I ride motorcycles - with men and women.
I go to the ball game - with men and women.
I even hear rumors that some girls can pee standing up!!!!

What are the manly things that some want to do so badly. Burp and fart?

[Inna]

I wanted to add to this discussion but after reading all the posts I am sooooo confused.

I don't enjoy being a man, but I would continue to do all the things I currently do if I was given the opportunity to be a woman.

I work - with men and women.
I ride motorcycles - with men and women.
I go to the ball game - with men and women.
I even hear rumors that some girls can pee standing up!!!!

What are the manly things that some want to do so badly. Burp and fart?

On the lighter side, Hon, I gotta news for you......I know of a girl who does those two as well as any men can do!



Now back to discussion! :)

So, I am still searching for the feeling someone has while crossdressing. I fail to understand that there is no such for even some. When guy crossdresses, there is a fundamental reason he does so. Pleasure, trip-out, sexual charge, imagining of being a woman. Then if any of these feelings are present aren't they gender specific?
I can not use my own experience as a explanation because for all my life I knew who I was but couldn't express my femininity until now and I just can't wait to get there. But I think that the feeling of being happy by looking like a girl tells me that this individual wants to BE a girl if just for a moment. I will give in to the fact that perhaps right after he returns to him self and embraces male again but then he is a shifter inter-gender traveler.

I am sorry if I am stirring too much emotions but I am one of those individuals who loves to know and believes that such knowledge can help us in the future.

[docrobbysherry]

They all went out of their way to kick my ass for no reason and date the sexiest, prettiest, and hottest girls! Then, always DUMPED THEM!:thumbsdn:

After high school the, "who's a real manly man", got VERY CONFUSING! :brolleyes:

And, that was WAY before it occurred to me to try on ladies togs!:straightface:

[NathalieX66]

There's another term for dual-gender or bi-gender, it's called gender fluid.
I think I fit that description pretty well.
In my concept of gender, I see myself as non-binary. I can play both roles well, and comfortably, and happily. I am not comfortable being in the gender binary where you are either male or female, period.....like the old binary computer code of 0 or 1....011101010010.
I seek flexibility, in terms of personal expression.

Gender is a spectrum, you find that place on the spectrum, and there's no rule that says you have to stay in one place on that spectrum......unless you're a hardcore old-school southern baptist who follows every single word of the King James version of the bible down to every last word, comma, and period.

[Debb]

Adding another voice to echo Karren, and to fall in line with NathalieX66 above. I too have begun to feel "in-between", and it's where I like to be.

In other words, I've wavered between desperately WANTING to be a woman (notice, I didn't say NEEDING), and not caring so much. I'd make a poor prospect for transition, truth be told ... I just don't need it enough. If that makes me a man, so be it, but I really don't see myself wearing any labels. They just don't fit, either singly, or in combinations.... just like most of my skirts :-)

[ReineD]

So, I am still searching for the feeling someone has while crossdressing.

It's different for everybody, and this is why you just can't get one answer and also why so many CDers hate the labels. Some people CD to express their innate genders, whatever male/female mix they might be, while others do it for fetish. Some do it for both. Some have clothing and shoe compulsions as you suggest, but the shopping compulsions are separate from their gender IDs. While for others it is all about the clothes. Some CDers chase an ideal of feminine beauty, while others don't. And I dare say for some it is about exploring relationships with men. Add to all of this the different phases that people go through, the fluctuations, the ebb and flow based on other things going on in their lives, and it complicates the definitions even more. :p

About the feelings: some CDers will tell you it relaxes them. Others will say it is exciting. Still others will say it makes them feel complete. I could go on, but there are just too many possible permutations.

[RADER]

I was born a male some 64+ years ago; Kind of got used to being a male now, so no SRS for me.
I have done many amazing things in my line of work that society probably would not allow me to
achieve as a female. It is not that girls can not do things, it just the manor things were done long
time ago; and to a little bit, still today.
I Love to wear womans clothing; dresses, bras, corsets, skirts, nylons, tights.......the list goes on.
Am I less a man??? or less a person for liking to wear the clothes of the opposite sex. I think not.
My wife says I am a better husband for it, she says that it makes me more broad minded to think
out of the box as it where, to be more respectable to women than some men are. I try to give 100%
to a marriage, and she gives me 1000% in return by allowing me to be a closet CDer.
So now you have my .02 cents worth, for what it is worth.
Rader

[kathie225]

At the moment of my conception , nature provided me with an "x-chromosome" and a "y-chromosome". I can't deny the influence of either in my life. So I'm just being me.

[Rachel Mari]

He enjoys being a guy sometimes, and she enjoys being a girl at other times. I don't look at it as having a switch that toggles on and off, but rather my SO has his/her very own gender that is a combination of feminine and masculine attributes that are always there. Sometimes the more masculine feelings come to the forefront and at other times the more feminine feelings prevail. But fundamentally my SO is always the same person.

This seems to sum up how I tend to feel except I haven't been able to accept/express the feminine side as much I think I want to.

[Iskandra]

So, I am still searching for the feeling someone has while crossdressing.

What feeling do you have when eating unshelled peanuts? The whole ritual of sitting down and shelling peanuts and eating them while watching a good (or bad actually) movie?!
See to me that act is part of my most treasured memories, a teen eating peanuts with my grandfather watching tv.. Male bonding with the man I respect and loved the most.. But to you a peanut may just be a peanut..
Same applies to crossdressing, what you feel is different to every other crossdresser on the planet.. Love how it makes you feel, or anything makes you feel, how others feel is irrelevant!

Discard the centuries of brainwashing by society, male things, female things.. The GGs on this planet that embrace footie, cars, all things considered male domains are our biggest allies, they are breaking down gender stereotypes, and in the end when women do womens stuff as well as mens stuff, and men can do womens stuff without a second glance, 'real' men will have half as much fun as them..

I think your question is the wrong one.. You can't search for a feeling, they are just there, no-one can tell you how it should feel, it just does.. If you like the feeling you want more, if you don't then you stop..

But to me, I feel at ease dressed, the worries of bringing home the bacon, the shite that involves. Having to be the strong dont show your emotions male imposed bull vanishes, and I feel I can just be me! The caring, sharing, yes I'll protect you and comfort you, but I need that too.. I WILL cry watching a soppy movie, and I will not be thought of any less..
I feel!! In a society that thinks men should have no feelings..

Then sometimes I dress in lingerie and just feel horny as hell.. :tongueout

How do you feel girl?

[Miranda09]

So, I am still searching for the feeling someone has while crossdressing. I fail to understand that there is no such for even some. When guy crossdresses, there is a fundamental reason he does so. Pleasure, trip-out, sexual charge, imagining of being a woman. Then if any of these feelings are present aren't they gender specific?
I can not use my own experience as a explanation because for all my life I knew who I was but couldn't express my femininity until now and I just can't wait to get there. But I think that the feeling of being happy by looking like a girl tells me that this individual wants to BE a girl if just for a moment. I will give in to the fact that perhaps right after he returns to him self and embraces male again but then he is a shifter inter-gender traveler.

I am sorry if I am stirring too much emotions but I am one of those individuals who loves to know and believes that such knowledge can help us in the future.


Alexia, I think you're analyzing this whole concept waaaaaaay tooooooo much. Everyone has their own reason for CDing, as many have said here. True, some may dress because they want to be a girl, for maybe that period only, then get back to his male persona, for others it's, of course, a stronger drive. As for the "shifter inter-gender traveler" label, too many words!!!!! ;) Why not just say an individual has gender duality and be done with it. It's not always a black and white world. I will say tho, this has sparked an interesting conversation. :)

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I can not use my own experience as a explanation because for all my life I knew who I was but couldn't express my femininity until now and I just can't wait to get there. But I think that the feeling of being happy by looking like a girl tells me that this individual wants to BE a girl if just for a moment. I will give in to the fact that perhaps right after he returns to him self and embraces male again but then he is a shifter inter-gender traveler.

Well, I think in general people tend to have different approaches to how they compartmentalize themselves when it comes to desires and behaviors. For example, my roommate loves to drink martinis and go out partying. He also is very dedicated to his career as an Art Director and can spend hours, even days at a time, entirely focused on a design project or otherwise taking his work very seriously. He's able to flip the switch in his head of being a laid back partier to being a serious worker when it suits his needs and desires. I also know a comedian friend of mine for whom taking comedy seriously and putting back several drinks are one and the same, he treats his comedy shows, which are very serious business to him, like a party, doing shots with the audience and then hanging out afterwards and maybe even trying to go home with a member of the audience or waitstaff after the show.

Like yourself, my own identity isn't exactly in sync with a lot of the CDs on this site. Except for rare occasions when external factors influence it, when I crossdress I still present as and identify as a man. However I have dabbled in and can still recognize and understand the desire to create a female persona for one's self, and I think that stems mostly from the societal disapproval of a man behaving "like a woman."

Going back to the compartmentalizing aspect, my own personal theory on why there are so many more MtF Crossdressers than there are FtMs (who tend to be more TS), is that while many of the things we know of as "manly" activities are still considered ok for girls to do, where as there's a huge outcry when guys do things considered "girly." In simple terms, my theory is that as small children, first discovering the gender differences, little boys who identify as boys but want to do "girlish things" and are mostly forbidden to do so, fantasize about being girls so that they can do them. Over time, this fantasy, pushed into the developing child's subconscious, eventually becomes the female persona that a typical crossdressing man assumes.

My point in saying this, is that I believe this is why many of the crossdressers on this site can be very happy with their male and female sides, and yet draw a distinct line between them. There are some who make a point of treating their girl side like a totally different person, and then others who take an "in between" approach.

[Babeba]

Interesting thread!

I think that the only way we can understand and interact with cultural concepts such as gender roles is within our own constructed selves; that is, what I perceive as being male or a masculine behaviour is going to be different than you, if for no other reason than because I'm the only one inside my head, thinking thoughts, using my definitions built up over a lifetime of experiences and memories. So if a person gets satisfaction from completing a task or an activity which they see as 'feminine', as well as one which they see as 'masculine' - or that makes them feel like THEY are being more one or the other, I definitely can see where they are coming from. It may so happen that performing either task doesn't affect someone elses' feelings of gender any which way, or that other people can think of certain tasks or actions as being of a different gender than I do. Different tasks may make them feel more or less comfortable based on their own perceptions of themselves.

Case in point: One of the volunteers where I work is an older gentleman who is excellent at handicrafts such as woodworking and woodburning - and also crochet. He's an excellent cook, as well - his late wife never really enjoyed it so he cooked for the family. He learned to crochet when his late wife's hands became too twisted with arthritis to handle it, because she taught him how in order to do a few projects for her. He still has a strong identity as nothing but male, because those skills came about as being a masculine protector and provider for his family. He became (fortunately humourously) uncomfortable when I used him as a mannequin today to check the 'fit' of a 'one size fits all' costume I was making for work that unfortunately ended up looking entirely feminine and ridiculous on him! Whoops! (It's trickier than you would think to make flashy costumes all day!)

[Natalie D]

On Saturday night I'm going out with my mates for something to eat and then to watch the big fight on TV. All night I will be with friends that I've known for years and have no idea about my CDing. All night we will be talking about boxing, football (soccer), girls or anything else that comes up. I'll be drinking loads of beer shouting at the TV when the boxing is on and behaving just like the men I'm with. I will enjoy being a man

On Sunday I'll wake up with a hangover and dress up and become Natalie for the day. Sure I'll have memories of the night before but I will be in fem mode. Now once the hangover has worn off I'll enjoy being a woman or at least dressing like one.

The best of both Worlds. A man that also enjoys dressing like a woman. :)

[Pythos]

I have issues with the whole "I feel like a man" "I feel like a woman" kinda notions. I just feel like me, in whatever I am wearing. I am just me. I neither boast of being male or liking being male. I was born male and because of that can never know what it is like to be truly female. Just like I can never truly know how it feels to be a cat. There are things related with being female I can experience, but I can never ever really know how it feels to be a woman.

The things you named off, for me are not inhearently masculine. Getting dirty, working on cars, admiring cars, or planes, and so on are only thought of a masculine, for a while it was thought that only a male mind could understand them....which has been proven to be the sexist nonsense it truly is.

Unfortunately too many girls are still brought up thinking they can't learn these things merely because they are girls.

[Samantha43]

Alexia,

My rant from earlier aside, I'll try to answer your question from my perspective. I have no idea why I crossdress. I am very manly in every way. I enjoy stereotypically male activities and dislike stereotypically female activities.

The feeling I get when crossdressed is a feeling of calmness and contentment. All of life's problems seem to melt away and I can fully relax. It's "me" time and I get precious little of that. I prefer the way I look when crossdressed. I don't have to look at the ugly guy in the mirror.:D It's not something I want to do all the time, just on special occasions that are planned well in advance.

I don't want to be a girl. I know that when I'm crossdressed, I'm just a clumsy dude in a skirt and makeup. My personal traits don't change. I crossdress for periods of one day to ten days at a time and I'm happy to go back to being a manly man when I'm done.

I do know one thing for sure. If I could take the red pill and my desire to crossdress would be gone, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

[t-girlxsophie]

Still unsure about what constitutes manliness,my wifes exes included a serial cheater and the other a wife beating bully,and here comes along comes me a crossdresser,does the fact I dress up make me less of a man than those arseholes? I would hope not,when I'm Dressed or drab I treat her with love and respect I consider those my attributes in either mode,though as a bloke my attributes dont include having a clue about what goes on under a car and my DIY skills suck

Sophie

[Erika_bagels]

I agree. I compartmentalize. Derek is a manly man who is mr. dad, mr. fixit, mr. beer, and mr. nerdy roleplaying games.
Erika is a persona. She is Mrs. committed wife, mrs. girly girl, mrs. puts on makeup, etc etc etc.

[Badtranny]

I can't really add anything to this thread because I only cross dressed for a short time and to this day I don't like wearing bras, but I have to say this discussion is riveting.

To be perfectly honest, I don't understand the motives of the average cross dresser, but I am absolutely fascinated by them. I used to believe that all CD's were like me, they just haven't figured out they were TS yet, but I've met so many CDrs in the last couple of years that I've found that it's actually rare to find one that wants to go all the way. I know a CD'r who I totally adore and she is always out and about organizing CD events and she always looks incredible, but she is perfectly okay with her otherwise male self. She is not full time, so CDing could be considered a kind of escape, but I would swear this gal is TS because she is just so feminine and lovely in her demeanor and personality. She has assured me that she is not a TS and she's happy the way things are. Truth be told, I'm envious of her. I can't for the life of me understand her, but I wish I could be happy as a man somehow because it seems like my life would be so much easier than the life I find myself living. We only hang out once or twice a year, but I always have fun with her and the next day, I have the same struggles and anxiety that transitioning brings, while she, just takes off her makeup and goes to work. That's amazing.

I often think about why any of us are compelled to do anything, but being a TS makes sense to me. I understand that because it just feels so normal to me. What compels a man to cross dress and adopt a feminine persona for a short time is endlessly interesting. The variety of CDrs is also amazing. In the beginning I was very dismissive of any display of testosterone from a CDr but I realize now how unfair that was. The average CD is a man after all. They're men all the way through except they have something else that separates them from the tribe. This inner desire to celebrate their femininity in one form or another.

I think the biggest weakness most of them have is their apparent inability to accept themselves. For that I blame society's rigid construct of gender roles and expectations, but I think the manly man who likes to play dress up, is a worthwhile creature indeed.

[ReineD]

Badtranny, I think that's one of the nicest things I've ever read on this board from a TS describing a CD. As the SO of a CDer, I thank you! :)

[DianeDeBris]

The manly man who likes to play dress up, is a worthwhile creature indeed.

What a beautiful, succinct insight - God bless!!
Diane

[GaleWarning]

I am androgynous. I am me, regardless of what I am wearing.

[Sarah Jayne]

Actually, society made a label for all of us, whether we're male, female, bi, gay, cd. What are manly acitivities? What are women activities? CDing, i think is more of an expression opposed to a label. We should stop confining ourselves with labels.

I work in business transformation (whatever that means) my stock quote in workshops is about how organisations like to put people in boxes. I remind people to be freethinkers and the only box I ever want to be in is my coffin. After a heavy pregnant pause, tension eases and people think and act freely. I wish I could take my own medicine when it comes to CDing

[Inna]

Thank you ladies and Ladies, and man in woman's clothing :)

Your wisdom and sens of self is apparent.
I just can't live without philosophical fulfillment and therefore all those questions do arise and I feel the need to decipher the core meaning of whole slew of emotions. As with such close to heart subject, I am in awe of the possibilities of flux but yet I feel I am missing a key ingredient of the basis of this condition. As to any multi-level complex equation or an organism or structure there is a fundamental ingredient a subatomic particle from which such structure had its beginning. I feel even though our interpretations of who we are are all over the board, the subconscious underlying theme is much more coherent and simple.

I do not dwell on these to provoke any anger nor do I want to drive any boxes or statements against any ones feelings but simply I want to understand. I have devoted my life to transgender cause since my near end, and ever since I knew from then on I will live my life full of meaning and devotion. I may from time to time seem controversial and misguided but believe me, my intentions are so that one day the world will look upon us as viable, normal, significant, sensible people with a twist of pixie dust on top :)

[DonnaT]

One can be the most manly man ever, and yet still have a desire to cross dress. It is that desire which many consider to be an indication of being transgender, while others believe it to be a fetish.

The ratio of male:female gender in being transgender isn't set in stone, but is variable.

No one is 100% male or female, since we are a product of male and female bonding and thus acquire the genes of both parents.

We are, therefore, partially male and partially female.I don't see being able to enjoy some male privilege or being one of the boys as being at the expense of the female portion. First, the female portion is way below half for me. Second, when the need to express the female portion arises, I can either dress fully enfemme, or dress partially, such as in a skirt, depending on the need I feel at the time.

[Billie Jean]

I guess my answer would be similar to that of Karren. I am a man who is a crossdresser! I like to do pretty much all the manly things, but I also like to sometimes do some feminine things. And I definitely like to wear pretty feminine things. My late wife knew all that , and really encouraged me to be both a man and feminine!!I'm with both of you on this one. There are man things I like and still I want to wear a dress and heels. I guess in that sense I'm bisexual. I am very heterosexual and only want to have sex with women. One day I'm dressed in my drab biker attire (which to me isn't drab), and the next I'm dressed to the nines in my feme clothes. At work I' always androgynous in my scrubs. Billie Jean

[Ria]

I love being a man, father, husband... and I love the freedom to express a deeply rooted feminine side. I feel very lucky that my sensibilities cover such a broad spectrum. In doing so it can't help but make me more of an interesting human being.

We all have strengths unique to only us. Our unique abilities and sensibilities come from somewhere... were I to suppress my true nature, I would not be living to my potential.

Though admittedly I do suppress crossdressing, other than my wife, I'm in the closet. My journey through life will include letting Ria emerge in balance with the life i enjoy.
Holy Crap! that's deep...

After all, CDing chose me, I didn't choose it... it's part of me for a reason.

[ricci]

I used to dream "what if I could snap my fingers and be a girl, would I stay that way longer than snapping back to being a man?" It's a really tough question because I really don't know what its like being a girl. I truly believe we are all androgynous, some lean more to one way or another. For me I needed to express my feminine side after keeping it under lock and key for years. Since I have been pulling my femininity out little by little, I have been experiencing joy that I have never felt before–in all aspects of my life.I have also become more attractive to my wife (not in the clothes but the way I am acting) and I am more attracted to her too. I think its more than just gender its exploring being a complete human.

[k lynn]

I like ReineD toughts and agree more with her but I also like karens way of putting it.

[AllieSF]

Yes, you are over analyzing it and seem not to be able to accept the many and varied answered that you have received. Maybe your innate curiosity is driven by some internal issue that you have not yet resolved or defined. I am me, a man who late in life discovered that he likes to dress up and present as a woman. Starting late in life has its disadvantages of losing so much time in the previous years when body shape, skin and hair would have helped so much to reach or get closer to that female presentation that we strive for. However, there are also many very good advantages. I do not have to have an answer for everything and do not need to resolve every issue. If I did, i would never be happy. So, I treat all this as one of my "hobbies", not male or female. I am happy and satisfied that what I am doing is not wrong or bad for me nor for society. That attitude gets me out of the house and into to the real world for fun and enjoyment with no worries about this side of me. I appreciate your need to know and understand. But for most questions there are thousands of answers. Live with it.

[kymberlyjean]

Actually I'm not a crossdresser who likes to do male things... I'm a male who is driven to crossdress and has accepted and embraced it and enjoys different things that society has identified as male or female pastimes. Playing ice hockey.. Working on cars... Drag races. Watching some sports. Collecting jewelry. Shopping. Makeup and dressing like a girl...

Kim likes this:thumbsup:, and feel the same way!

[danielletorresani]

Overall I prefer being a man. Being a woman is just a fantasy to me, not something I feel like I'm meant to be full time. It is, however, a fantasy I greatly enjoy from time to time....

[Maria Blackwood]

So really, REALLY, do CDers really like to be a man...

Well there's the problem with the question. Every crossdresser is different. CDers don't like anything- individuals like individual things.

I'm a relatively casual cross dresser, but I enjoy most of the things traditionally associated with being a male. I don't have the sports gene, but I have extra helpings of the gadget, tool and car genes. Although I occasionally indulge in "non-mainstream" forms of sexual entertainment and exploration, my main preference is sex with a woman as a man.

You find that misguided, but, well, I don't really care.

[MargaretJ]

I'm a man, and the most manly thing I or any other man can do, is crossdress MtF. Women can't do it, but they can do just about everything else a man can do.:D

[wino_tg_girl]

Actually, society made a label for all of us, whether we're male, female, bi, gay, cd. What are manly acitivities? What are women activities? CDing, i think is more of an expression opposed to a label. We should stop confining ourselves with labels.

This!

Too many threads this weekend not getting this. Isn't it bad enough that Christians put labels on us? We shouldn't play along. You are all my sister (((hug for everyone)))

[StephanieC]

I think this is one of those threads that could go on forever because it can cover so much ground.


I don't really relate to the term "manly" or "manliness." I do relate to the term "male" since that is what I am. :)

<sigh> I think this is a very poignant comment, at least for me. I also don't relate to "pretty" or "feminine" either. Frankly, I don't know "what" I am these days. I've grown to hate body hair and "ill fitting" clothes. I've never been interested in sports or cars, am not good with my hands, don't drink beer, and have never measured up well to male bodytypes (or stereotypes). Being a father, though, is really something that defines me. These days, so does shopping and clothes and makeup and hair. I have no idea if I'm in a pink fog or have lived so long in a blue fog.

So, for me, affixing a label to what/how I am is difficult for me.

[Inna]

I think that we have proven that sexuality and expression of such is so vast and spanning full spectrum of expression that what we see on the daily basis in our society is simply enforcement of 2 choices. Those two "enforced" choices puts us in a clan therefore fulfilling the tribal tendencies. Femininity as well as masculinity are there in all of us and manifest as personality in all the colors of the rainbow and beyond. We are boxed and stifled into political correctness from the very first years of our lives which continuous for the rest of our boxed life. Those who express their inert sexuality or gender continuum are therefore summed up according to this 2 choices and labeled as a freak or misguided personality. And because only few "have balls" :) to show the world whats really going on, society in turn dismisses our small numbers. But this is changing, and more and more people will come out and hopefully bring on yet another sexual revolution.

I am only regretful of our society's inability to accept this fact of gender flux especially given civilizations dating thousands of years ago did not have a problem with the same subject at all, and we still have audacity to call them "Primitive".