Reality, fantasy or otherwise?

[Kate Simmons]

Okay so we take the time to get all dolled up and go out, we interact with people, our friends and others. We are totally en femme with makeup, talking and walking and generally acting like a female. Do we consider it reality, fantasy or something else? Just what exactly are we doing when we do all of that stuff and does it have a point and purpose or do we JDI (just do it)? :battingeyelashes::)

[VioletJourney]

I try not to read too much into it... it's fun so I do it. Simple enough.

[Inna]

I on the other hand want to, dissect it with a scalpel :eek: :doh: :D

Good question Abigail!

[ricci]

A fantasy that is becoming a reality.
For me the purpose is being true to yourself and sometimes fulfilling a fantasy.

[Leslie Langford]

In some ways, I would compare being out in public en femme to an "out of body" experience.

I am still my male self inside and continue to see and react to things that way, and yet - here I find myself walking among people as "Leslie". They typically only see her as such, and don't give her a second glance. And if they do, all they see is through their eyes is "Leslie" as opposed to the person underneath all that female clothing, wig, and make up, and they react to her accordingly. It's as if I were in disguise or an unseen ghost roaming amongst them, and I'm the only one in the know.

A powerful, and at the same time - unnerving - experience...

[joanna4]

seems like I'm enjoying and living in the moment when I do

[sissystephanie]

I wear the feminine clothes simply because I like to. There is no other reason!! And because I am not good at it I don't wear a wig or makeup!! Simply put I am a man in womens clothes, and I like it!!

[ReineD]

They typically only see her as such, and don't give her a second glance. And if they do, all they see is through their eyes is "Leslie" as opposed to the person underneath all that female clothing, wig, and make up, and they react to her accordingly.

Leslie, first let me say that judging by your avatar, you are gorgeous and I would never know you are anyone other than Leslie.

Next, my SO also goes out frequently in the mainstream and like you, she is not given a second glance. In other words, she does not "stand out" as being a guy in a dress. Even so, my SO has often said that people do know when they interact with her directly, or when they take the time to study her at close range. There are several gender cues, some subtle and some not so subtle: her voice, her facial width, her brow, her shoulder width, among others, even though she is not inordinately tall, she is blessed with small hands and feet, and she also has natural, long, curly hair. She often has told me that she would love nothing more than be a fly on the wall after she leaves a place, to see whether or not most people have read her. She told me at one point, when she began interacting more and more with people while out, that she was coming to terms with having people know and respect that she is a transperson presenting as a woman, rather than being taken as a genetic woman.

I don't know how tall you are or if you have no male gender cues when you're engaged in conversations with people, but I also wonder if you've at all tested your notion that the majority of people you interact with take you purely as Leslie. And if you haven't, would it make a difference in your feelings about your experiences while out as Leslie?

Hope you don't mind me singling out your answer, but I'd love to know. :hugs:

[Nikki A.]

I think I'm more in the the last category (JDI). Don't care if I pass or not, I just try to do my best. Abigail you know me from the very first steps and I know I've gone through a lot of changes.

[danielle40I]

Some very interesting and thought provoking questions Reine. The few times I've "out" have been, for the most part less than positive. I too have the inherent male attributes...brow bone, shoulders, hands and feet, 5'11" and 165-170#. Yet there are girls like me that go out without a thought and have a marvelous time. The only thing that I can think of in my case is Attitude. I still have yet to develop what every GG has been able to nurture all their lives...the ability to accept themselves for what the Creator gave them and move on. I still have to work on the fact that, even though I'm a genetic male, I can and do deserve the respect of anyone around me no matter how I present myself. Just a thought.

[Phoebe Reece]

I don't think there needs to be a point and purpose to public crossdressing. Is there a point and purpose to going to an amusement park and riding a roller coaster? Some things are done just for the thrill and fun of doing it.

[Joanne f]

The doing is a reality, the expectations can be a fantasy and the point and purpose is to turn the fantasy in to a reality .

[Gypsy Sam]

Reine,

How interesting to have you contribute to the topic at hand. Being the SO of a participant brings a suprize to the conversation. The observation of your spouse being a transperson presenting as a woman was clarity on the subject matter like no other. Referring to your spouse as she , was an "aha " moment for me as well. Knowing of you from the mental health moderator position, I do find your commentary insightfull, while providing a reality check to perceived anxiety perceptions. For Abigails original question, the fantasy would most enjoyable even from deep in the back of the closet.

[Inna]

The doing is a reality, the expectations can be a fantasy and the point and purpose is to turn the fantasy in to a reality .

I do like that :)............

[Cynthia Anne]

For me I do believe it's reality to live this wonderful fantasy! Or otherwise who would I be!:doh:

[StephanieC]

I have only been out once, for about eight hours, at the Be-All and dining out at Fudrukkers. I thought I would be nervous but was not. I actually felt "natural", just with a different skin. Normally, I over-analyze but this time I did not.

[Samantha43]

I only go out to accepting places, so I may not be the best person to answer this.

I am 6' tall, 190 pounds and have very strong male features. There is no way I will pass. The places I go to are accepting and the people I meet know I am a crossdresser so it's all reality to me. I just do it for for the enjoyment. Sometimes when I'm out having fun, I actually forget I'm crossdressed.

[Leslie Langford]

Leslie, first let me say that judging by your avatar, you are gorgeous and I would never know you are anyone other than Leslie.

Next, my SO also goes out frequently in the mainstream and like you, she is not given a second glance. In other words, she does not "stand out" as being a guy in a dress. Even so, my SO has often said that people do know when they interact with her directly, or when they take the time to study her at close range. There are several gender cues, some subtle and some not so subtle: her voice, her facial width, her brow, her shoulder width, among others, even though she is not inordinately tall, she is blessed with small hands and feet, and she also has natural, long, curly hair. She often has told me that she would love nothing more than be a fly on the wall after she leaves a place, to see whether or not most people have read her. She told me at one point, when she began interacting more and more with people while out, that she was coming to terms with having people know and respect that she is a transperson presenting as a woman, rather than being taken as a genetic woman.

I don't know how tall you are or if you have no male gender cues when you're engaged in conversations with people, but I also wonder if you've at all tested your notion that the majority of people you interact with take you purely as Leslie. And if you haven't, would it make a difference in your feelings about your experiences while out as Leslie?

Hope you don't mind me singling out your answer, but I'd love to know. :hugs:

Hi Reine - no, I don't feel singled out ;) - in fact, I'm flattered by the attention, and am happy to reply. I'm also blushing at your compliments, so thank you for those as well...

As for your question, I can very much relate to what your SO is saying in this regard as I, too, am evolving in terms of how I see my crossdressing when out and about en femme - not to mention my increasing comfort level with it. That said, I am not so naive as to think that I "pass" all the time, and like many others here will happily settle for blending in and I think that I do a pretty good job of it at this point. I also tried out a different, more age-appropriate look recently which I highlighted in a recent post that can be accessed via the link below:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?154969-New-look-for-Leslie&highlight=

and it is one which I think really works for me based on the number of positive comments that it has generated - and especially from GG's in my general age bracket.

Like your SO, I'm relatively tall for a GG (5'10"), but then again, not tall enough to attract any undue attention. I'm also just under 172 lbs., am small-boned and have relatively small hands and feet (women's glove size 7 1/2, shoe size 9-91/2), all of which work to my advantage. So yes, unless I am scrutinized closely, I can usually "pass" undetected. Besides, who pays any attention to an elderly woman these days unless her name happens to be Betty White, Queen Elizabeth II or the like ;). But actually interacting with people is always a challenge, and no doubt I still drop some of the same unintended gender clues that you allude to, although I am getting better with time and practice.

But again like your SO, I am confident enough now in the way I look and conduct myself in public that I really don't care anymore if I am "read". And on some subconscious level, I almost welcome that because I have yet to encounter a negative reaction when out en femme. If anything, GG's seem to appreciate the trouble I go to to look as authentic as possible and I usually dress more stylishly than they do, so what's to criticize?

And frankly, there is a much greater "Wow!" factor at play when they read me under those conditions, as they are so used to dealing with the stereotypical doofus male that they are literally blown away by the fact that here is a man (and a heterosexual one at that) who can present so well as a female along with all the associated bells and whistles (hair, make up, coordinated outfit, shoes and accessories etc.)

So yes, I really enjoy going out in public as "Leslie", and some of the unexpected yet delightful interactions that I have experienced with GG's in fitting rooms, ladies' washrooms, lingerie and make up stores etc. (and which I have reported on here in previous posts) make this all the more rewarding and fulfilling...

B.T.W. - as an ex-pat Canadian yourself - Happy (belated) Canada Day. Betcha you miss those ketchup-flavored potato chips, Tim-bits, and beer that actually tastes like beer ;)...

[docrobbysherry]

For ME, it's a very exciting, unbelievably surreal, experience!

Unfortunately for Sherry, that's probably the ONLY reality she'll ever know!

[Kate Simmons]

My own take on my answer to my own question is that we run the show. We bend the "rules" and create our own reality when we do this and it is just as "real" as anything else.:)

[~*AnnMarie*~]

It's the real me shining through.

[noeleena]

Hi.

I have a ? that does come up now & again , okay what makes the difference between a male talking & a woman talking ( not the voice here ) for get that detail . or the body size or body shape ,
& may be im missing some thing ,

Is it about interacting ,body manerisims ,body stance ,genarel demeaner , what else oh facial expresson's

Im not talking about clothes make up shoes hair just the person oh yes personality, ,
& then the difference between men & woman ,
What's the defineing factor here, okay that'll do ,

...noeleena...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Abigail, Sometimes I ask myself what am I doing and the more I try to figure it out
the more my head hurts so I stop thinking about it.

Orchid

[ReineD]

B.T.W. - as an ex-pat Canadian yourself - Happy (belated) Canada Day. Betcha you miss those ketchup-flavored potato chips, Tim-bits, and beer that actually tastes like beer ;)...

Thank you! :) I never was too keen on the ketchup chips and I don't know what Tim-bits are. (I celebrated la Saint-Jean Baptiste more than Dominion Day :D). But, I do remember real beer (no offense to the beers from other countries .. I guess we just like what we're used to). :)

[Pythos]

Well let's see.

Why does someone feel compelled to wear a suit and tie when they go to work, opposed to easy going casual styles? There really is no call for it. They could probably perform exactly the same in those casual styles as they could in the suit and tie, I would even hazard to say that they would do BETTER without the starched shirt and useless tie. But that is my own twisted view on the whole suit thing.

That being said. When I dress up, I dress up to look exotic for the most part. I blend usual female styles with a male body, when going out to parties or clubs. The full fem look is to see just how close I can get to looking like those that I admire (Abby being a grand example). My full fem look exists soley because I as a male cannot go out in the kinds of clothing styles I prefer (skirts, long hair, makeup) without drawing ridicule, laughter, and a possible trip to the house of pain.

Is it Reality, Fantasy, or otherwise.

For me, it is a mix of all three. But the most important reason of all

IT'S FUN, as well as challenging.

Challenging because it is a fine line between awesomly exotic, to horribly clownish.

[ReineD]

Pythos, the suit and tie was de rigeur a generation ago, just as wearing hats was during the 40s and perhaps 50s, and perhaps suits are still worn in select circles: private clubs and boardrooms or maybe some office environments, but more as a symbol of power and opulence and perhaps even convention in an old-fashioned way, I suppose for the people who like to show off their Armani suits. I don't think men who wear suits are engaging in a fantasy.

For the most part the business dress code has relaxed considerably over the last 20-30 years though. Men no longer wear suits on the street, just as women seldom wear dresses, however both sexes do dress up when the situation calls for it.

[kymberlyjean]

I just do it, and feel very much along the same lines as Leslie put it. For me it is reality and I've never felt like I was "pretending" to be a woman- I am a PERSON who is out having a good time and I just happen to be dressed fabulous! I myself have broad shoulders, male brow, wide face, and gigantenormous "man hands" - (My ring finger is size 13, same as my feet). Not to mention my hands and forearms carry all the scars that a lifetime of working on vehicles and machinery and having a motorcycle wrecks will get you.
Yeah, most people passing by don't give me a second glance, but I'm no fool not to think that just about everyone I interact with can tell that there is a whole lotta male still inside that person. I too would love to be a fly on the wall after I leave, and a couple times I've left a little ahead of a friend and the "worst" thing they've heard is someone asking "was that a dude?", and usually followed by "wow!"
Re: Samantha: "I only go out to accepting places, so I may not be the best person to answer this.

I am 6' tall, 190 pounds and have very strong male features. There is no way I will pass. The places I go to are accepting and the people I meet know I am a crossdresser so it's all reality to me. I just do it for for the enjoyment. Sometimes when I'm out having fun, I actually forget I'm crossdressed."
In addition to the features I listed above, I'm 6' tall and 205 pounds and I only go to "accepting" places- places accepting Visa and Mastercard!!! Judging from your pictures you shouldn't have any problems enjoying yourself anywhere you please.
As far as "forgetting I'm crossdressed", I hardly ever feel like I'm crossdressed anymore, just dressed prettier than normal:)
Kim

[PrettyFlowingGown]

For me its fantasy and reality rolled into one. I just love it, and there is a purpose, cause I enjoy doing it and i look forward to everytime i go out dressed. i dont just dress in normal ladies clothes either, i dress very pretty and feminine. i love attracting attention, especially off cute guys and i love other women noticing me and sitting with me and treating me like another girl. its the best feeling ever.

[Pythos]

ReineD,

Just have to ask. Why did you pick apart my post.

I simply answered the op with a question about why other people do things. There was Reality, fantasy, or otherwise. I don't think I said men wearing suits was them living a fantasy, and as far as them not wearing suits....please, hang out at the flight termininal at my airport, where lots of high business muckety mucks fly in with their business jets. Nearly every last one of them is in a fancy suit and tie combination....it is booring. LOL. Even the women are in pant suits, I very rarely if ever see a nice skirt suit worn.

But my original point was that as far as I am concerned it is a mixture of all.

[Kristy_K]

I haven't never really been out and about as Kristy before. But after reading all these wonderful posts it sure does give me a lot more courage to go out and be myself. I think I will be starting my new adventures soon. Thanks everyone.

[Farrah]

Like some one said earlier, Its a fantasy thats becomes reality.

I know for me, years went by and I wondered, why do I dress. Know one will ever see me. I'm all dolled up to prance and sache around the house. Going out wasnt always the ultimate goal for me, but it became something that I really obsessed with for years, until I finally did it. The day didnt go as I expected, because i went before I think i was ready. However, the next time it happens, it will be carefully planned.