Andrea85
07-03-2011, 02:43 AM
...and I didn't screw up horribly! Lol. Still was a flop though.
First off, let me get this out. For the past couple years, I had been on the fence about whether or not I liked women or men. Figured I'd be lazy and say I was bi. Easy enough, right? That's what I thought. I've always had an extremely strong attraction to men, and dated several. But I still dated women. I ended up engaged to a woman for 5 years. Here's my permanent mark from that.
http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6015/5895893489_79e1a836fa_z.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tubes2transistors/5895893489/)
My mark (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tubes2transistors/5895893489/) by Tubes2Transistors (http://www.flickr.com/people/tubes2transistors/), on Flickr
But I'll never get rid of it. Just a mark to show a part of my life to me. Anyway, my sexuality has always been under question. I've never known what I really wanted. When I was single, I'd want to be with a woman. But if I was with a woman, I wanted to be with a man. But then if I left the woman for a man, I'd start questioning things. It was guaranteed every single time. Fast forward, met my ex fiance, but the desire to leave her for a man was the least it ever had been. I thought that that's what it was I was going to be. A straight male/gay female. But since our split, things changed. When we split, I ended up staying with a female friend, and fell for her. I had feelings for her for years, but I never let them out. After her, it was a woman I met off Craigslist that was in an open relationship with her husband. Her husband had a gf on the side, and she got me. Still does actually. With her,thought it was women.
Then I met a guy from an ad on Craigslist. He was a dj for several years at a few LBGT clubs around here, and I was able to verify a lot of info on him. First time I met him, I started falling for him. (Is it obvious I get emotionally attached really easy yet?) He and I hit it off, even as male, he saw me as female. He truly saw who I was, not what I was. I still can't get over there are people like that in the world, being surrounded by ignorant, inbred, white trash redneck bigots here. But he just disappeared one day. Didn't hear from him for a month. During that month, I came to accept my single life, got the ball rolling for for college, and made a lot of really good friends.
A friend introduced me to a lesbian that she said was interested in me. I was like ok, whatever. I'll talk to her. We talked for a couple days. Then yesterday, the guy I mentioned a minute ago emailed me. I'll talk about that in a minute. Well, the lesbian and I went on a date tonight. Nothing special really. Just rode around for a while, and wandered around Walmart. Had a good time and got to know each other. It was nice. Been forever since I'd done that and enjoyed myself. Then, when I was taking her home, she tried putting her hand on my thigh. I saw her going in to do that, and didn't really mind, so I didn't stop her. But once her hand touched my thigh, I had an instant feeling of disgust. Not of her, but the action.
THe more I've thought about it, the only thing I can deduce is it was for the fact it was a female doing it. The guy I mentioned earlier, when he and I met, we hugged before we parted ways that night. That form of contact had me feeling safe and secure, not disgusted.
I've come to realize that as a woman now, I'm heterosexual. The female form is beautiful and sexy, but only in looking. The guy I mentioned earlier now. His email explained what had happened, and a super long apology hoping I could forgive him. Well, I did forgive him since he's such a nice guy and cause I really do like him. I mean really like him. For the first time, it's taken me close to two months to start having feelings towards someone, which is a huge record for me. That's why I think most, if not all, of my past relationships failed. Just because I got attached too fast and was still unsure about what I wanted in someone. But now I know, and I know for sure. His most recent email was in more words than needed, pretty much asking me to be his girlfriend. :)
Well, I better finish my reply email before I get sleepy and goofy, lol. Later!
First off, let me get this out. For the past couple years, I had been on the fence about whether or not I liked women or men. Figured I'd be lazy and say I was bi. Easy enough, right? That's what I thought. I've always had an extremely strong attraction to men, and dated several. But I still dated women. I ended up engaged to a woman for 5 years. Here's my permanent mark from that.
http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6015/5895893489_79e1a836fa_z.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tubes2transistors/5895893489/)
My mark (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tubes2transistors/5895893489/) by Tubes2Transistors (http://www.flickr.com/people/tubes2transistors/), on Flickr
But I'll never get rid of it. Just a mark to show a part of my life to me. Anyway, my sexuality has always been under question. I've never known what I really wanted. When I was single, I'd want to be with a woman. But if I was with a woman, I wanted to be with a man. But then if I left the woman for a man, I'd start questioning things. It was guaranteed every single time. Fast forward, met my ex fiance, but the desire to leave her for a man was the least it ever had been. I thought that that's what it was I was going to be. A straight male/gay female. But since our split, things changed. When we split, I ended up staying with a female friend, and fell for her. I had feelings for her for years, but I never let them out. After her, it was a woman I met off Craigslist that was in an open relationship with her husband. Her husband had a gf on the side, and she got me. Still does actually. With her,thought it was women.
Then I met a guy from an ad on Craigslist. He was a dj for several years at a few LBGT clubs around here, and I was able to verify a lot of info on him. First time I met him, I started falling for him. (Is it obvious I get emotionally attached really easy yet?) He and I hit it off, even as male, he saw me as female. He truly saw who I was, not what I was. I still can't get over there are people like that in the world, being surrounded by ignorant, inbred, white trash redneck bigots here. But he just disappeared one day. Didn't hear from him for a month. During that month, I came to accept my single life, got the ball rolling for for college, and made a lot of really good friends.
A friend introduced me to a lesbian that she said was interested in me. I was like ok, whatever. I'll talk to her. We talked for a couple days. Then yesterday, the guy I mentioned a minute ago emailed me. I'll talk about that in a minute. Well, the lesbian and I went on a date tonight. Nothing special really. Just rode around for a while, and wandered around Walmart. Had a good time and got to know each other. It was nice. Been forever since I'd done that and enjoyed myself. Then, when I was taking her home, she tried putting her hand on my thigh. I saw her going in to do that, and didn't really mind, so I didn't stop her. But once her hand touched my thigh, I had an instant feeling of disgust. Not of her, but the action.
THe more I've thought about it, the only thing I can deduce is it was for the fact it was a female doing it. The guy I mentioned earlier, when he and I met, we hugged before we parted ways that night. That form of contact had me feeling safe and secure, not disgusted.
I've come to realize that as a woman now, I'm heterosexual. The female form is beautiful and sexy, but only in looking. The guy I mentioned earlier now. His email explained what had happened, and a super long apology hoping I could forgive him. Well, I did forgive him since he's such a nice guy and cause I really do like him. I mean really like him. For the first time, it's taken me close to two months to start having feelings towards someone, which is a huge record for me. That's why I think most, if not all, of my past relationships failed. Just because I got attached too fast and was still unsure about what I wanted in someone. But now I know, and I know for sure. His most recent email was in more words than needed, pretty much asking me to be his girlfriend. :)
Well, I better finish my reply email before I get sleepy and goofy, lol. Later!