Transvestic Fetishism - do i belong here?

[AmandaJ]

I have been CDing since I was a young child and it wasn't until earlier this year that I confided in someone that secret that I've had for 25 yaers. Since coming out, I've explored my CDing more than ever. Before, I was ashamed and never understood my own behavior. Now after researching, I'm beginning to discover that my CDing is absolutely for sexual gratification.

What's confusing me now is that even though I feel like Transvestic fetishism is what defines my behavior, I still have thoughts that make me believe otherwise possibly. I fantasize about things that I think may go beyond the fetish, but almost always as soon as I've reached sexual gradification, I want no part of it anymore until the next urge to dress.

Basically I guess I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in.

[Sedona]

Oooooo, don't worry a bit. You fit in just fine, I assure you. We're a diverse group, there are ladies here who get zero "turn on" from getting breast implants, wearing girly clothes 24/7 and transitioning completely. Being for all intents and purposes female is nothing about sex, if that makes sense.

And, there are also PLENTY of CDers on this site who um, take a lot of "pleasure" from just putting on a simple pair of undies or some lipstick, or heck, even imagining doing those things.

Most of us fall in between the two.

What this site is not however, is a "fetish" site where people go into tons of graphic detail about their kinky selves (at least in the main parts of the forum). Basically, we're PG or maybe PG-13 rated around here.

[Danni Renee]

Amanda,
If you are still trying to figure out where you fit in (or even if you already know) I believe you have found the right place. I am still trying to figure out where I fit in as well and I think you will find a lot of others in the same situations.

I used to think my dressing was for only for sexual gratification too until I finally figured out that the feeling afterward of wanting to have no part in my feminine side was really an expression of guilt because what I thought I was doing was wrong. Once I go past the guilt I found there was a lot more going on inside my head than I realized. I am still exploring it all.

Good luck on your discoveries and I look forward to hearing more from you on the forum.

[Karren H]

No matter the reason, if you like to or have to wear clothing of the opposite sex, you belong here? Imho.

[Inna]

Hi Amanda, what is so great about this family, is that even though we are a representation of infinite number of expressions, our basic femininity runs through our blood, and yes, or blood is pink!
Have you ever undergone a therapy? If not it is always a good idea. Also even though a last result tool, therapist use initial, limited hormonal therapy to separate sexual tendencies from gender variant in oneself.

But you definitely belong here, and it is so great to have you with us :)

[AmandaBlack]

Very well put. I think you'll find you fit in here just fine. From this site I've learned that I need not feel "guilty" over my desire to dress and that is refreshing.

I too feel I dress for sexual gratification only. I have no desire to go out in public en femme and rarely if ever dress beyond sexy things, lingerie and the like. "Transvestic fetisism", hmmmm, I like that. I'm happy with keeping it my own taboo.

[sissystephanie]

As others have already said, you do belong here. However, I sincerely doubt that you have "Tranvestic Fetishism!" The reason I say that is; a Transvestite is one who wears the clothing of the opposite sex for the purpose of having sex with a partner of their own sex! In plain english, a man who dresses as a woman so he can have sex with another man! That description accurately describes the difference between a normal crossdresser and a Transvestite!! They are both crossdressers, but totally different!! I am, and have been for almost 70 years, a normal crossdresser!!

[Gillian Gigs]

So, what is sexual gratification, anyway? It will wary from person to person. A lot of us start out that way and over the years there is a shift to something abit different. I wear nylon panties 24/7 and still get that turned on feeling every now and then. Isn't that a part of the enjoyment of life, to get turned on sexually every now and then! As for fetishes, I think that we all have one or two of them, they just vary in there intensity and classifications. So read and enjoy this site for what it is, a community of CD'ers.

[juno]

... Transvestite is one who wears the clothing of the opposite sex for the purpose of having sex with a partner of their own sex! In plain english, a man who dresses as a woman so he can have sex with another man!

That is not exactly true. Transvestite in sexology is "A person with a compulsion to dress as a member of the other sex, which may be essential to maintaining an erection and achieving orgasm." It does not define the gender of the partner, and the sexual gratification is only a "maybe". Transvestitic fetishism means that sexual gratification comes directly from cross dressing, and need not include a sex partner. The term "crossdresser" just defines the act itself with no reference to sexual preference or gratification, so it can be applied to a transvestitic fetishist as well. However, the meaning of many terms are heavily influenced by popular social usage that varies significantly.

As for fitting in here, you are welcome if you just crossdress for fun or are transexual living full time as a female, or even just a partner or parent of a crossdresser.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda Aways remember when you are here you are amoung friends.

Orchid

[Crissy Kay]

No matter the reason, if you like to or have to wear clothing of the opposite sex, you belong here? Imho.

Hi Amanda, You have the same question that I did when I first joined. What Karren said, is what was said to me when I joined too. As long as you enjoy wearing fem stuff, this is a good place for you to visit on the net to get info and have fun!!!

[AmandaJ]

I used that term as how its defined fits me pretty closely. Not just wearing womens clothing arouses me; just thinking about it or looking at clothes turns me on. At the same time, I get much more aroused by the thought of being totally en femme. That's pretty straight forward, but then ill occassionally fantasize about living as a woman amongst other things that don't seem to fit the "transvestic fetishism" definition. Its strange that I wouldn't consider ever living as a woman or transitioning, but I find pleasure in fantasizing about the same things. I don't identify as or feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body.

[Kendra Sue]

I have been doing it for years and sometimes it is for gratification. The rest of the time I just do it because I feel I have a feminine side that envys women and all the choices they have

[Cait]

You are entirely welcome here and should also feel free to identify yourself however you wish.x

[Eryn]

Hi Amanda!

Remember that wherever you "are" now is not where you will be in the future. Your motivations and relationship with dressing will change with time. Right now you may be getting quite a "charge" from it, and that is very common. Later you may find that you have reasons to dress other than sexual gratification.

It's a journey, enjoy your trip! :)

[Olivia2]

I used that term as how its defined fits me pretty closely. Not just wearing womens clothing arouses me; just thinking about it or looking at clothes turns me on. At the same time, I get much more aroused by the thought of being totally en femme. That's pretty straight forward, but then ill occassionally fantasize about living as a woman amongst other things that don't seem to fit the "transvestic fetishism" definition. Its strange that I wouldn't consider ever living as a woman or transitioning, but I find pleasure in fantasizing about the same things. I don't identify as or feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body.

Amanda,

You fit in just fine around here. I and others have very similar thoughts, feelings, and fantasies like yours and don't necessarily feel like men trapped in women's bodies. I still haven't figured out what it all means for me and what part it plays in my life (its a day by day process for me right now and I've been with this for almost 40 years.) I believe many here are in the process of figuring out how it plays out in their lives and it is ongoing for some and others have pretty well found a balance and level of acceptance with no more need to be introspective about it. Welcome.

[pinto]

but almost always as soon as I've reached sexual gradification, I want no part of it anymore until the next urge to dress.


I have this feeling too and it makes me unsure about what I really want. Is it a kind of regret or shame? Something that I should'nt do? or should I nevetheless?

[Laurie A]

I understand how you feel. When I first starting looking at this board, I was a bit intimidated about participating. So many people here have committed themselves to alternative lifestyles or have taken the path towards SRS. I just occasionally dabble to satisfy my fetish... I have found this community to be mostly open and accepting, so relax and enjoy!

[Sue101]

Amanda

First of all crossdressing for sexual pleasure is not actually a fetish. That is just the term used to place our behavior into a convenient box that approximates what happens. Crossdressing is not a fixation on a particular item of clothing rather it is a sexual fantasy exploring gender roles - specifically the female sexual gender role in which you occupy both the male and female roles simultaneously.

As for being turned off after gratification this is a normal reaction in males and is part of the orgasm cycle called the refratory period. In order to preserve sperm the male brain switches off the stimulus that is responsible for the arousal and returns blood pressure and heart beats back to normal levels.. In crossdresers that means immediately after orgasm you are left wearing clothes that no longer create sexual arousal. You may feel silly even dirty as your conditioned guilt kicks in and you want to immediately remove all the clothes. However if you force yourself to keep the clothes on then after X minutes those negative feelings will subside.

The majority of crosdressers use/have used their behavior for sexual pleasure so be reassured you are very typical.

[ChanDelle]

Very well said, Sue. I've often had the same vague thoughts but this really says it clearly. Thanks.

ChanDelle

[joanna4]

That's exactly how my crossdressing started out so don't worry one bit.

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW
No mater what the so-called "experts" may say GGs often have positive/negitive feelings about their clothes also.
How many time has a GG told you that this or that article of clothing makes them feel this or that way or more feiminine and sexy, etc?
Some days GGs feel like dressing sexy for the thrill of it and other days they do not..... just like most of us.

So, don't worry about it. :)

[NicoleScott]

AmandaJ, yes, you belong here. No reason for crossdressing should be considered more legitimate than any other. Also, do you own research if you think you need to find a label for yourself. Don't let others define you, as some folks use definitions with an obvious personal bias. I use "crossdresser" for myself, or "pleasure dresser" for further description, as I don't dress because of an internal feminine identity.

Many definition sources of "transvestite" include dressing for emotional (as well as sexual) pleasure. How broad is that?!

Juno's post (#9) hit the mark on describing transvestic fetishism. (or could that be fetishistic transvestism?)

I agree with Sedona (post #2) that it's OK to be a pleasure dresser, but we don't need to go into detail about our activities. On the forum. Private messages or e-mail exchanges are different. I have done that with other pleasure dressers in the interest of helping each other understand what makes us tick.

I agree with Sue (post #19) that crossdressing for pleasure is not a fetish. But for some who have a fetish for certain items, crossdressing can be a way to "feed the fetish".

People are sexual creatures. We are aroused by different things. It could be big boobs, long legs, panties, pantyhose, blonde hair, high heels, lipstick....... the list is endless and in all combinations. Nothing wrong with any of it, as long as it doesn't interfere with a "normal" life.

[darla_g]

I totally agree with Karren. I wouldn't worry about it. When i first joined here i spent a lot of time figuring out why I do what i do. After a time I quite trying to worry about why i did it. I just liked it and it was part of who I am. I would be lying if I didn't admit to having some sexual gratification from it too sometimes. I think I've grown beyond that over the years from appreciating it for the craft it is (it is hard for a guy to look like a convincing girl!) and for the appreciative feelings I think i feel for the opposite sex as a result of it.

I know i don't have feelings that I believe I am the opposite sex or want to be. That's not for me and also not for me to judge anyone else either. I think your first post came off like this was some big revelation and you were sort of ashamed about it and I just don't think you have to be like that. So whether you want to call it a fetish or not, it shouldn't be a big deal and rest assured there are plenty of guys just like you.

[LisaAlexander]

You dress? Then yeah, this is the place for you ;) I think I'm half and half, I like the whole feminine aspect as well, I like trying to reach the complete illusion but if I'm being honest somethings kinda turn me on :$ although it's funny cuz it happens just as it would happen when I see a lot sexy ladies out there (CD or not). What I'm curious about you is that you mention that you have been CDing since you were little so I doubt that was purely for sexual gratification and the way you say you have recently begun to understood it, I think you have also gone without SEEKING sexual gratification. So I think your dressing as a fetish is not totally exclusive of dressing for the sake of dressing... anywho, that's the vibe that I got.

[Noortje]

Funny, usually the sexual gratification does not come up on the forum. I guess it's still taboo. Anyway, now that we're discussing it: it is definitely a factor for me, too. But not the only one! Don't think that your feelings are wrong, just because you do not understand them. Enjoy them, and learn from them! The fact that your sexual feelings are the most urgent, and the most easily adressed, does not necessarily mean they run the deepest.

And even if they did, that's cool too.

[Tina B.]

Look up, the title above the page says crossdressers.com. not hetero dressers, gay dressers, or fetishist dressers, it just says crossdressers, so yes you belong here, and you are one of us. Besides if you keep looking, you find you are not the only one here that feels that way about their dressing. Welcome to the club!
Tina B.

[boardpuppy]

Amanda,
I agree with all the girls, you belong here. I started a lot farther back (not understanding) what this thing (still a long way to go)was all about but this journy is a long road and the girls give wonderful help along the way.

Alicce

[autumnrenee]

I find it huge turn on to be dressed, but that's not the end all be all of it, maybe the supposedly taboo is the turn on, who knows?

[danielletorresani]

Same boat over here. Definitely pure sexual gratification for me as well.

[NatalieBliss]

You fit in here just fine. It does not matter to me why a person crossdresses, or to what extent they take their dressing. I am happy you are here and I wish you nothing but the best on your journey!

[Jennifer Cox]

... Its strange that I wouldn't consider ever living as a woman or transitioning, but I find pleasure in fantasizing about the same things. I don't identify as or feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body.

Welcome to the club Amanda - there's all types here.

Don't worry about it just being a fetish, it was for me, for many years. Life would be so much simpler now, if it still was.

[ricci]

I get seriously aroused when I dress! Its a part of it for a lot of us and a big part for me. I can't stand when sexual arousal is referred as cheap, selfish or insignificant. As long as its harmless to yourself or others, there are no reasons why a person can't find joy in doing something they love. For me I also get a tremendous non-sexual feeling I can't quite explain when I dress or fantasize about being a woman.

[Debutante]

Amanda

First of all crossdressing for sexual pleasure is not actually a fetish. That is just the term used to place our behavior into a convenient box that approximates what happens. Crossdressing is not a fixation on a particular item of clothing rather it is a sexual fantasy exploring gender roles - specifically the female sexual gender role in which you occupy both the male and female roles simultaneously.

As for being turned off after gratification this is a normal reaction in males and is part of the orgasm cycle called the refratory period. In order to preserve sperm the male brain switches off the stimulus that is responsible for the arousal and returns blood pressure and heart beats back to normal levels.. In crossdresers that means immediately after orgasm you are left wearing clothes that no longer create sexual arousal. You may feel silly even dirty as your conditioned guilt kicks in and you want to immediately remove all the clothes. However if you force yourself to keep the clothes on then after X minutes those negative feelings will subside.

The majority of crosdressers use/have used their behavior for sexual pleasure so be reassured you are very typical.

Sue,
I think this explains our feelings very well after sexual gratification.... we lose the interest. it is very normal.
But the interest in female clothes returns... this has been my very experience, and it is typical.......

[sissystephanie]

Juno, your reply to my previous post does not meet the medical standards that were established a long time ago. According to those standards, a Transvestite is one who wears the clothing of the opposite sex for the purpose of having sex. That would carry forth into being a Transvestic Fetisher, unless I am greatly mistaken! Maybe I am, at my age I certainly could be!!

[docrobbysherry]

If u studied the members here statistically, Amanda, I believe this is what you'd find:

Thousands of members around the globe. Of which the number that DO NOT NOW, nor EVER HAVE, become aroused by their dressing, is QUITE SMALL!

Oh my gosh! I JUST REALIZED, I finally belong to a MAJORITY GROUP! (And, so do U!)
Wahoo! This may be a FIRST for me?

[NathalieX66]

Docrobbysherry wrote:
Thousands of members around the globe. Of which the number that DO NOT NOW, nor EVER HAVE, become aroused by their dressing, is QUITE SMALL!

That's probably true. your mind takes in and records information, and it finds the most extreme example for the record, and it is probably quite exhilarating. Example: 7 inch high heel stiletto pumps.........not exactly a pair of oxfords, or sneakers. When i was a teen, that may have been the case. Crossing into the forbidden zone: i.e., crossdressing made it seem more risqué and exciting.

I'm bored of mens fashion, been that way since age 8, and I'm tired of the socially fascistic attitude of gender expression within the status quo. Women's clothing, feminine fashion has an entirely different language than men's clothing & fashion. Women engage in all sorts of things on their own without the need to impress men, many of them all at once: grow hair long, get highlights or coloring, shave legs, wear high heels, get pierced ears, wear all sorts of accessories, wear dresses & skirts, etc........where's mine?! I want to participate too! I don't want sexual gratification.
I like what I like. Period. End of story. Guys fashion is too unintersting to me.

[anda_mouse]

amanda you prettu much read my mind here. i feel and do the same things you feel and do. and trying to figure it out. i think here we can.

[AmyGaleRT]

Amanda, I think I know where you're coming from. With me it kind of depends on, not just being dressed, but what I'm wearing. I can get really turned on wearing a silky nightie, but, when just wearing a regular dress, I don't tend to feel "sexual" at all...just calm, happy, and satisfied. (It can make me feel like dancing, but that's something else again! :heehee: ) So that makes me, what, half-fetishistic? Does CDing work like Starbucks? :D

- Amy

[VtVicky]

Stephanie. Your recollection of the medical position: "According to those standards, a Transvestite is one who wears the clothing of the opposite sex for the purpose of having sex." may, or may not, have been accurate at one time. But, I think the more recent, and accurate, definition is that transvestic fetishists are the ones who wear the clothing of the opposite sex for the purpose of sexual arousal.

In your defense, in the early years there were a lot of supposedly "medical" professionals who wrote about things they knew very little about. This, of course, is one of the reasons there is so much confusion and misinformation about crossdressing today.

[Natalie D]

Amanda,

I used to feel the same as you and years ago I would only dress for sexual gratification. But over the years that has changed and these days I don't dress that often because of sexual urges.

But some times I just can't wait to put on some sexy lingerie which makes me feel very sexy and of course turns me on. Then its solely for sexual gratification :)

[NicoleScott]

Juno, your reply to my previous post does not meet the medical standards that were established a long time ago.

Yeah, Juno. Medical standards established long ago, like blood letting.

[Erika_bagels]

So far, for me, it's all about the erotic. I don't care about passing so much (I mean, I don't intend any time soon to go out to some bar or a store en femme... maybe later once I'm more comfortable), but maybe that comes with experience and acceptance?