If you do, why do you hide your CDing? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

mourningdove

07-05-2011, 03:42 PM

I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?

Nikki A.

07-05-2011, 03:58 PM

Strictly society's views. I need my job. When I retire all bets are off.
Otherwise I would be more of a mix and matcher, with a lot of skirts mixed in.

Kaz

07-05-2011, 04:02 PM

There is no thrill about being caught... when it happens it is very painful and the ramifications are awesome. The answer to your question is simply that I do not know. I would love to live this 24/7, but I have no desire to be a bald guy with a beard in a dress... and so it gets complicated.

I have often thought that if someone waved a magic wand and I was female would I want to go back? Such is the dilemma...

danielletorresani

07-05-2011, 04:03 PM

I wouldn't care that much about strangers knowing that I dress up, but friends and family are totally different. It might be different for me if I felt like a woman trapped in a man's body, but since it's purely sexual for me, it's something I prefer to keep private anyway. Kinda like my dirty little secret... keeping it taboo and secret enhances the excitement for me.

VioletJourney

07-05-2011, 04:12 PM

I hide my CDing from my immediate family because they've expressed very transphobic sentiments over the years. I think they're both closet homosexuals and hate themselves for it so they're hostile to anything they can remotely declare gay, even my music taste. Every time there's a CD in the news, or on TV, or whatever... the comment is always "that's just wrong".

RADER

07-05-2011, 04:16 PM

A BIG IF is that society just does not see a CD as a normal person. With that
thought in mind, I will stay in the "Closet". Today, being BI, or Gay, or lesbian, is
somewhat accepted in society. But the poor cross dresses, trans gender, or
a mixture of both is seen as a freak. It is not a dreaded disease, or something
contagious, It is just an other way of life.
Yes, I wish I could mix and match my life, I am retired now, and have more time
to enjoy dressing. But going out of the friendly confides of my abode, NO WAY.
Maybe the world might change, but I do not think it will be soon.:2c:
Rader

sally silverfox

07-05-2011, 04:16 PM

There would be a price to pay if I came out.I'm not willing to pay that price even though I think there is nothing wrong with cding.There are many issues in any society that have these penalties attached,Taboo is the operative word I believe.

Eryn

07-05-2011, 04:19 PM

Like most, I think my chief fear is my employment. While I am legally protected, there are plenty of ways that people could make my life miserable if they found out. I'm also concerned about the reaction of my non-CD friends. My CDing has nothing to do with the things I do with them, but discussing it would likely make it a major distraction.

If I could CD openly without repercussions, I would probably find a happy medium. As I said elsewhere, if I could just wear a pretty top, nice jeans or tights, and a bit of lipstick in public, just as a GG would, I would feel that I was expressing myself in a way I want. As it is, I feel forced into an "all or nothing" situation.

Kathryn Philips

07-05-2011, 04:36 PM

I hide my crossdressing because I NEED to express my inner womanhood but have a GLBTphobic wife who does not accept, allow or tolerate what I am...

Michaela42

07-05-2011, 04:41 PM

I work for the state and as such it would be illegal for me to lose my job over my 'gender identity". But just because something is illegal does not mean it does not happen.

But in all seriousness, I find that I am a little more open with the public than my family. I have only ever shopped in drab and on the few times I have been asked if the items I am purchasing are for me I have answered truthfully, with no serious repercussions. But only a select few of my family actually know about my dressing. Some may suspect, but the fear of hurting or loosing the support of my family will keep me in the proverbial closet for the foreseeable future.

Morford

07-05-2011, 05:20 PM

A large part of it for me is that I was raised in a very conservative Catholic family, and so it'd be a huge hassle trying to explain the situation to them. I'm rather certain they wouldn't go so far as to disown me or anything, but it would make things quite uncomfortable any time I went home to visit.

Even though I currently live in an area that's much more LGBT-friendly, I find it difficult because of exactly where I land in that spectrum. The impression I've had is that most people assume the T to be just as polarized as the other letters; either you are or you aren't. That is, anyone who would put themselves in the T group is presumed to have the "trapped in the wrong body" attitude, wanting to take hormones and get on the path to SRS. And that's what keeps me in the closet, because it's absolutely not the case. Among strangers—on vacation, for example, or even going to an out-of-town mall—it's not so much an issue, but there would be serious confusion among people I know well and see regularly.

Ideally, I'd be able to get up in the morning, decide whether it's going to be a "guy day" or "girl day" depending on my mood and plans for the day, dress accordingly, and go about my business. I could flip-flop from day to day as I saw fit, without anyone questioning why I showed up to work or school in a jeans-and-t-shirt getup with a flat chest one day, then a halter top and skirt with C cups the next. Since that's not likely to be a reality any time soon, and I don't see myself sliding to the whole-9-yards end of the T scale, I'll be keeping it hidden from all but a handful of people I really trust.

Princess Chantal

07-05-2011, 05:25 PM

Yes, I do hide my crossdressing from many of the important people in my life. However, I have and would continue exposing some of my crossdressing interests to the public with no worries of those important people and acquaintances finding out. I have been on television as a part of the Pride Parade news coverage and as a subject on a 1/2 hour crossdressing documentary. The reason for not straight up and telling is cause I'm lazy, they can come to me if they are interested in my crossdressing.

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you?
I go crossdressed where and when I desire to do so, without any stress weighing on my mind. If I bump into someone that I haven't came out to or if they caught a glimpse of my crossdressing somewhere, so be it.

Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?
I'd prefer entirely en femme, but if a mix-n-match looks awesome.... then I'd have no issues in doing it too.

Meredy

07-05-2011, 05:27 PM

Fear, totally fear of society.
I would love to be able to dress for 24/7, if only just for a week.
My wife knows, but she is not comfortable.

Lauren CD

07-05-2011, 05:48 PM

For me, it is what others has said. Society attaches a stigma to cross-dressing. I have come out to only to one person in real life, and that went very well. She thought I was going to confess something totally weird. It was a relief when she said "That's it?"

joanna marie

07-05-2011, 05:54 PM

ricci

07-05-2011, 06:01 PM

I really don't want to jeopardize my relationships with my kids. It's just not important enough to me to have to share with everybody. the only people who know are my wife, mother and sister. Also I am very self-conscious on how I will look for I have never CDed completely. I am currently on a diet and waiting for the winter clothes to come out so I will look better. I also need a wig and make-up.

sherib

07-05-2011, 07:34 PM

All of the reason that everybody have already stated. Ther are to many complication if caught.

ilana

07-05-2011, 07:39 PM

I hide it because I don't want to be seen as a curiosity, and it really isn't worth the stress of telling a lot of people. I have told my girlfriend though, because she has a right to know, and she's been fairly accepting so far.

If society accepted crossdressing, I would still dress like a guy most of the time but I would occasionally wear some makeup and a feminine outfit. I haven't gone out fully dressed, but if I did I'd have to wear a wig, talk in a higher pitched voice, carefully shave noticeable body hair etc to pass and not feel really awkward. I still do some of that stuff in private because it's fun to see myself as a girl sometimes lol but I don't think I'd go through all that trouble if a guy in a skirt and makeup was socially acceptable.

Alexiz

07-05-2011, 07:41 PM

It's going to get old fast, but yes... there are a lot of complications that would occur if I hadn't been hiding my dressing habits up until now. I currently don't work so that's not one of my fears, but what my family thinks of me is still somewhat important to me. I can't go and jeopardize anything as of right now.

If I had the option, I would be dressed en femme, all the time. That's just who I am, and I hate the fact that I have to hide it just to be accepted by society (for now, anyway).

Pattie O

07-05-2011, 07:57 PM

I have been hiding my CD'ing all my life and I now need to stop doing that because it is driving me crazy to the point of not doing it (which is worse for me because then it is just on my mind 24/7)....So coming out seems to be the solution however difficult that may be.I just want to emerge slowly but become the most beautiful butterfly I can be! Mixing and matching is kind of ok but I would prefer to be FTime.

leannejames2011

07-05-2011, 08:18 PM

I hide my dressing to most. I have no problem with most of the public knowing about my CDing especailly out of the area public. Like most of yiou, I have to be concerned with my job. If it wasn't for that, I'd wear heels and makeup everyday. Alas, I can't so I can only dream that society's opinions will change eventually.

ReineD

07-05-2011, 08:22 PM

Sallee

07-05-2011, 08:23 PM

real interesting thread. I think there is a certain thrill in hiding it It may have to do with the mores of our society but I am not really sure.
Part 2 I would switch back and forth as I feel like It would never be 24/7 fem

sissystephanie

07-05-2011, 08:35 PM

jaqueline1

07-05-2011, 08:44 PM

I hide my CDing mostly due to family views my family is hugely anti gay, lesbian TG and CDing i almost came out to them but a show about CD's came on and i was shocked on some of the comments my parents made. this is the man reason i hide my CDing but i would gladly open CD to people and i would mix-n-match

docrobbysherry

07-05-2011, 08:53 PM

I have NEVER gotten a "thrill" when thinking about getting "caught"!

I can think of VERY MANY bad things that could happen to me and my family if I were outed. And, ZERO good things!

If society was TRULY ACCEPTING, I would go out as Sherry! NOT as me out in drag! I expect to see pigs overhead WAY before either of those r acceptable to the vanilla public!

girlygirly

07-05-2011, 09:35 PM

I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.
The thrill isn't from the possiblitity of being caught, the thrill comes from the possibility of getting away with it.

ZosKiaCultusC7

07-05-2011, 09:38 PM

I definitely blame society and society is the reason why I am forced to be in the closet when it comes to my CDing. There is nothing I would love more than to be able to go out in public wearing a skirt and flip-flops, with painted nails. Well, that is without being looked at negatively.

anda_mouse

07-05-2011, 09:42 PM

I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?

i hide it because of the fear of losing many of my close friends. i have alot of supposibly openminded lefty friends but they do say quite a few homophobic things. my family would be hit or miss. no thrill added in the chance of being caught.

if i could dress openly sans and problems i would totally do it! i wouldnt say id mix and match but i would some days be in male mode and others in gina mode for sure.

Tara D. Rose

07-05-2011, 10:00 PM

[QUOTE=mourningdove;2536813]I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.

Hi morningdove, I respectfully disagree that there is a deception that surrounds crossdressing, and it being a byproduct of society's treatment of people like some of us on here. All I want to say here is that your word of deception should really be, "misconception", do you not think? Your word used here is like saying that a crossdresser is "decieving" society because of a byproduct of society's mistreatment.
I'm just saying that there is a misconception by our society, but there is no deception coming from us, crossdressers.
...love & respect................Tara

GingerLeigh

07-05-2011, 10:46 PM

If I could do what I wanted without any consequences I'd rob a bank in drag, then get really drunk.

Tara D. Rose

07-05-2011, 10:47 PM

And the second part to your question, if I could go out in public and be a woman without "any" reprecussions? Oh yes definatley. Although this day will never come in my lifetime. But if it magically came true tomorrow, I would go down to the local mall and shop, go to the park, pump my gas and go visit freinds and family. Oh it would be such a thrill to visit them and they say well hey what a pleasant surprise, Tara come on in. Hey everyone, Tara is here, and then to be met with hugs and all. Or to go to the local convenient store and have gentlemen hold the door for me that got there first. Or to go to work and and be seen like any other girl. Oh in my vivid in depth imagination, it would be the thrill of a lifetime if such a day was upon us. And yes, I think sub-conciously we all want to be caught, maybe not for the thrill, or maybe so the thrill ,,or a thrill, but if we all came out to the world at one time, maybe we could send the message, maybe we could change the world's views, maybe we could,,,,,,,,,,,,,?,,,maybe we could,,,,,,,," well we may be able to,,,,,?,no not anytime soon I'm sorry to say. But I'm telling you , that you can find more "so called" ..."open minded" people that can preach what would be right, but those same one's make society be what it is. To prove it, just talk to your brother, sister , co worker, or anyone, under 50. Ask them, hey ,my company and I are taking a survey, would you answer some questions for us? They say, ok. You then ask them, if your son, brother, father, was a cd, how would you feel about it? Most would go with the political correctness side of it all and would probably say, "oh I'd have no problem with it at all". Then go and have thier brother, son and father dress up like to the nines like Sophia Loren, and brother like Cher, and their son like Britney, and so on. Tell them that thier father, brother and son are at the local crossdresser, TS,TG event. And take them in, I bet most , not all, but most, would go in and jump all over thier family for doing just what they had earlier condoned in the survey. PC is all over the TV and work, but society, well, that's a whole different color and style of panties......................................Love & respect.................Tara
oh and PS: I love panties

Natalie D

07-06-2011, 01:28 AM

I hide my crossdressing because it's just so much easier that way. The thought of what my family would say. What my Son would think and what his mates would say to him about me. I also have step daughters and the same thing with their reaction and their friends. I would probably lose some of my friends too. I cant imagine all the questions! This is why its just easier to keep it to myself. I have no intention nor do I ever want to do the weekly shop dressed up. Anyway I don't have the body for it.

It could also be dangerous! I live in a working class area on a large estate on the outskirts of a large city. Rumours and gossip spread like wildfire. I'm now single and live alone. What starts as me being a CD could quite easy turn in to me being a pervert or pedophile. It's a possibility and I could beaten and hounded out of my home. I've heard of these things happening. It doesn't take long to brand some one and its very hard to prove yourself innocent. Mud sticks. I'm not saying this would happen but walking around dressed as a woman wouldn't be the best idea I've ever had.

If I lived in a world where CDing was totally accepted then I guess I'd dress according to the way I feel and what I was doing. Yes I'd wear a lot of feminine clothes but I'd also go for the Jeans/shorts and t shirt look. It would be a cool world :)

Rachel Mari

07-06-2011, 01:43 AM

I find no thrill in the possiblility of being caught. I don't think I want my family to see me because I'm still working on acceptance of myself. I'm getting better. What once was unthinkable is reaching desirable (sometimes in a pink fog kind of way).

I'd mix-n-match, dress entirely en femme or dress however I felt at that particular time. My therapist and I talked about this very thing today and I think I would be very fluid.

I underdress (cami) everyday for the last 4 months and it seems to satisfy a need during the long time spans between dressing up.

Noortje

07-06-2011, 02:04 AM

There definitely is the fantasy of being out and about and passing for a woman, which I guess is made more powerful by the subterfuge. Still, I would not keep it a secret if it was accepted. It's not that I am scared to lose my job or friends, because I'm pretty sure that would not happen. It's just that right now, what I need least in my life is a quest to combat society's ignorance. I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime, already. Before I even started CD'ing.

Gaby2

07-06-2011, 03:37 AM

Good morning, Mourning Dove!
I would love to CD when, where and how I please.
That has taken about thirty years for me to discover - better late than never though.
As a closeter, I can't know whether I would like to dress full-time, or not.
If it worked well, and it were accepted in my environment, then I'm sure I would do it a lot.
It's that feel-good feeling!
Wishful thinking? I dunno. Who knows?:daydreaming:

... or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.
I had always wondered, whether I was only doing this for the thrill you mention.
Now that I can dress at will, I can answer a definite no!
When I think of all the needless emotional trauma I put myself (and especially my Ex) through,
I just feel like giving me a good :kickbutt:

I will probably really get "flamed" for saying this, but I will say it anyway. One of the major reasons that a lot of CD's hide their crossdressing is simply because they HAVE NOT ACCEPTED the fact that they are crossdressers!! Of course, they usually will not admit that and will give any number of other answers. But the fact remains, it really is a question of self acceptance!!...
Well, I suppose that sort of says it all. That's how I feel.
But having lived in denial for so long, one needs time to "re-adjust" - so don't be too hard on us, Stephanie.
The excuses, which you call answers, are a way of coming to terms with our past while looking for a new foothold in daily life.
A major reason why I separated from my family is that I realised deep down,
that I had too many of my own issues to sort out, especially CDing.
I've managed to walk with my youngest to school almost everyday since separating, by the way.
And I support my Ex in every way I can, for which she is grateful.
I admire you so much for your balanced approach and I'm delighted for you as a CDer.
No flaming from me, Stephanie
:rose:Gaby

eluuzion

07-06-2011, 04:28 AM

My initial and instinctive response is always to say that committing "social suicide" just never sounds like that much fun to me...:) Losing it all would pretty much sum up the consequences in my mind. Potential for losing a job. Potential for losing my child or horribly embarrassing her in her social network.

I vividly recall that look on her face one time at soccer practice when she was about 7-8 years old...when a friend asked her if it was "weird" to have divorced parents...Not a memory I would like to experience again or make my daughter relive again.

But now she is off to college next month in another state. My critically abusive father is dead. I can't get fired because I am self-employed. I rarely see my lifelong friends (living in other states) much anymore. None of us have much interest in flying and airports anymore. So pop-in visits are a rarity. I already "lost" everything after my last divorce, so I can't really say I have that excuse anymore...

hmmmm. I just realized that for me...maybe there are not as many valid reasons left for "hiding" as I thought there was...

I will have to get back to you on this one...:doh:

:love:

joanna4

07-06-2011, 04:32 AM

I currently am hiding it but I'm getting closer and closer to being completely out. I don't want to hide anymore, I want to be the real me, I will live and enjoy with whatever society thinks. I can imagine family and friends, things will be a bit different and some friends will be lost forever, where my family will see me differently. That's how it will be pretty soon.

Kerigirl2009

07-06-2011, 04:41 AM

I hide simply because I am afraid of the unknown. (NOT sure my family could live with the comments)

Now if I could dress without reprecussion or fear of anything. I would dress as Keri fulltime, Nothing over the top just ordinary everyday wear as any woman would dress on a normal day. The bonus would be the makeup and hair to go along with it. I am a much happier person even just underdressing and feeling like I am suppose to be dressed as Keri

erickka

07-06-2011, 05:34 AM

I don't really "hide" but I err on the side of extreme caution. There is too much ignorance, intolerance, and hatred scattered about in today's society for me to totally feel comfortable everywhere.Even some of my own family falls into this category. Enough said, I know y'all get my drift.

TGMarla

07-06-2011, 08:11 AM

I guess it does come down to a societal value. I'd like to unhide my CDing, but my first obstacle would be my wife. She knows I have clothing, but she doesn't want to see it, be around it, or even deal with it. So out of deference to her, I keep my stuff put away. As for others, they don't go poking around in my things, so that wouldn't matter.

Cary

07-06-2011, 09:43 AM

There are many reasons why I keep my cding a secret. All have been said above. Even If it was ok with the world, I would still keep it inhouse. Part of why I like it is that it's myown little seceret. I think it would lose some of it's alure for me If Everybody just excepted it.

JenniferR771

07-06-2011, 10:29 AM

I hide because of negative vibes from my mother and people around me--and particularly from my wife who disapproves. Neutral or slight acceptance from others who are close when I told them.
Not sure if I would dress a lot if society accepted. It might be fun for a week or two. Shopping, working, manicure, eating out--sounds like fun.

Crissy Kay

07-06-2011, 10:36 AM

[QUOTE=Cary;2537524]There are many reasons why I keep my cding a secret. All have been said above. Even If it was ok with the world, I would still keep it inhouse. Part of why I like it is that it's myown little seceret. I think it would lose some of it's alure for me If Everybody just excepted it.[/QUOTE I pretty much agree with what Cary said. I just think its really no ones elses business what I do.

Debra Russell

07-06-2011, 11:49 AM

For me the fear of being caught is based entirely on who it is that is catching me! -- John Q public having made me while being dressed, I don't think so - thats his problem; anyone thats close, friend, or anyone uncomfortable with how I present being femm is a problem for me, not only their feelings of whatever, but my value of that persons relationship to me! If there were no repercussions there would be no problem - as it is I only dress as best I can and want to look totally femm..........Debra

christina s

07-06-2011, 12:49 PM

I still live at home while i'm going to school and my family is very conservative. So if they found out about my "other" side , they would probably disown me .

Marjorie Anne

07-06-2011, 01:09 PM

Ultimately, right now, and it can and will change, I hide it from many because it is a much needed source of self-nurturing and i fear that if i was rejected or ridiculed for it I would lose my most effective tool for healing and strength.

lynn_lynn

07-06-2011, 01:19 PM

Im sexy and proud of what I can do.. If other people dont like my costumes. < Yes I refer them as costumes > It kills ignorance when I say costumes. That it is no different than the work Ronald Mcdonald does... He wears a wig and a colorful clothes... Get over it.. :D What my sexual orientation is, isnt anybody's business but my lovers..

kendra_gurl

07-06-2011, 02:49 PM

Another possibility is a CDer's inner gender conflict? The guy side (for some CDers) might not want selected people (spouse, friends) to see the girl side that wants to come out? I remember a thread here a while back where some of the CDers actually preferred to dress privately, even if they thought their wives might be accepting. Some CDers just don't want to be a girl with their wives, I guess.

Exatly Reine. I have no doubt that my my family and close friends would still love me the same way my wife still does after knowing about my cross dressing. The problem is in their eyes I am on a pedestal. Even my 20 year old grandaughter idolizes her grandpa. My desire to openly dress is just not important enough to me to allow it to even slightly knock me down even a knotch on that pedestal in her eyes.
I really believe that is why so many still continue to hide it from even our wives or are uncomfortable being dressed around them even when they know and accept

As for mix it up..I don't wear a suit and tie all the time as a male so why would I only dress ultra feminine while en-femme

Genivieve

07-06-2011, 03:15 PM

i hide it because of the fear of losing many of my close friends. i have alot of supposibly openminded lefty friends but they do say quite a few homophobic things. my family would be hit or miss. no thrill added in the chance of being caught.

if i could dress openly sans and problems i would totally do it! i wouldnt say id mix and match but i would some days be in male mode and others in gina mode for sure.

I completely agree. I had a gay best friend for 20 years. I was always supportive even decided to go to his favorite gay dives where there were often aggressive grabby dudes. However, one night two trans girls came in. The were beautiful, on hormones since 19. The only real thing that gave one of them away was her hight. The other one was openly stating her gender identity. Needless to say, they were harassed more often than welcomed.

When my friend saw me spend the entire night with one of them discussing my gender issues he got very very creeped out. I wont even begin to describe the debauchery he'd engaged in at that place yet what made him disgusted was 2 beautiful women who were born male and the possibility of me being like them....

More importantly, my family would lose it if I became to open. They used to get very very angry and violent about my dressing as a kid. Every time in life when they'd find something or snoop through my room there was such a look of utter shame and disappointment. Now its an unspoken topic. I have lefty friends as well and a recently ex'ed girlfriend who see it as freakish. Oh well.

The one person who would have accepted me (my sister) recently has become distant. That's a whole other topic though.

Aynthem

07-06-2011, 06:02 PM

I will probably really get "flamed" for saying this, but I will say it anyway. One of the major reasons that a lot of CD's hide their crossdressing is simply because they HAVE NOT ACCEPTED the fact that they are crossdressers!! Of course, they usually will not admit that and will give any number of other answers. But the fact remains, it really is a question of self acceptance!! I fully accepted the fact that I was a CD about 60 years ago, and have never had a problem with that! I now switch back and forth between drab and enfemme clothing almost every day. I have no desire to actually be a woman, so will not be enfemme 24/7! But I do love to wear feminine clothing, so will continue to do so whenever I can!!

I know what you mean and I agree because thatnwas me up until a short time ago. I'm getting more comfortable with Ayn and she is less fetishistic than before. Now I want to be more social as Ayn. Buti have to admit my job, my conservative family and my wife would all disapprove. My wife knows but disapproves. She sees it as a slight against her.

Stacey Summer

07-06-2011, 07:52 PM

There are many factors involved in why I hide my CDing from most people. With my friends, at least the ones I haven't told already, it's because if they chose to they could make my life hell. As for the general public, if I'm going to go out en femme for more than a midnight jaunt I want to pas and I don't have the skills yet. There's also the fact that I live in the UK and we have the whole chav culture. Ignorant, largely uneducated, binge drinking yobs of BOTH sexes who wouldn't hesitate to attack me if I was rumbled. While I'm trained in martial arts and can, depending on the number, take on a group of assailants I wouldn't be abel to do so in a skirt and heels.

If I could dress how I liked with no repercussions I would dress to suit my mood but it would either be drab or full en femme. I've no interest in looking like a bloke in a dress and I'd feel ridiculous.

JiveTurkeyOnRye

07-06-2011, 09:02 PM

I will probably really get "flamed" for saying this, but I will say it anyway. One of the major reasons that a lot of CD's hide their crossdressing is simply because they HAVE NOT ACCEPTED the fact that they are crossdressers!! Of course, they usually will not admit that and will give any number of other answers. But the fact remains, it really is a question of self acceptance!!

You may get the flames, but there's so truth to it. The year I came out publicly as a crossdresser, it was because of a new year resolution. But the resolution was not "Come out this year" it was "this year, I have to get "ok" with this." And once I did, it didn't seem like such a bad idea to come out because even if people shunned me, they'd be shunning the real me and not my facade I'd been putting out. Luckily I seem to have been accepted for the most part.

FeliciaGurrl

07-06-2011, 09:28 PM

Good question and lots of great responses here. For the most part I will continue to hide it to a degree.

I told my best friend this year and he and his wife are totally accepting. My other friends....well, I'd rather not attempt that right now, and maybe never. I'm ok with that.

I'll probably never share this with my family, I've heard comments from them over the years about gender/sexuality issues and I'm not sure that if they'd be totally supportive, perhaps over time they would and one could say it would be an apportunity for me to help them "grow and accept" differences etc, fair enough, but I'm not ready to take on that role.

I feel lucky to be involved in a local group of CDs and GGs where we can meet, dress and share stories (good and bad) and enjoy this part of ourselves in a nice environment. For now that is fine for me, although there is a goal, oddly enough being pushed by several of the GGs in the group, to get us gurls out for a nite. I'd like to participate in that if the destination is more "CD Friendly", ie: specific night clubs etc. (If I could only get my make up chops together!!)

I don't have any desire at this point to 'go out in public'. Probably because I'd feel insecure because I'm far from passing and I would be concerned about other's comments etc. However, some in our group do in fact go out despite these issues and I admire their courage and self confidence.

I will keep it private with my CD friends, maybe share with select 'straight' friends and keep my familiy out of it for now. I'm content with that.

Jamie001

07-06-2011, 09:55 PM

Jamie001

07-06-2011, 09:58 PM

You may get the flames, but there's so truth to it. The year I came out publicly as a crossdresser, it was because of a new year resolution. But the resolution was not "Come out this year" it was "this year, I have to get "ok" with this." And once I did, it didn't seem like such a bad idea to come out because even if people shunned me, they'd be shunning the real me and not my facade I'd been putting out. Luckily I seem to have been accepted for the most part.

Congratulations on coming-out as a crossdresser. I wish that I had the courage and am hoping that it will happen this year. The only place I am not out is at work. I am in a high-lever position in a software development company so it's not quite as bad as being in a super macho job. I have been secretly hoping that I will be discovered by running into one of my coworkers when I am shopping or out on the town since it would force my hand.

Frédérique

07-06-2011, 10:55 PM

I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.

It goes in waves, and right now it’s not a good time to be an alternative, perverted, deviant, MtF crossdressing purveyor of so-called “wrongness.” Some of us embrace clandestine activity out of necessity, while others simply enjoy keeping secrets. Personally, anything wrong is attractive to me, and therefore COOL and fun, within reason, of course. Crossdressing is rather innocuous, IMHO. I cannot deny that the public’s misunderstanding and lack of acceptance for MtF crossdressing makes me smile – I like doing something a male is not supposed to be doing, and dressing as a woman (and enjoying it) tops the list, I feel. Perhaps only those who embrace thrill-seeking would entertain CD’ing as a reasonable male activity, but, since most thrill-seekers dance with stupidity, I’ll sit this one out. I take crossdressing very seriously and manage my own thrills via purposeful secrecy…
:straightface:

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?

Yes, I would dress all the time if the situation presented itself, as long as something remained to be at odds with. If everyone crossdressed, or accepted crossdressing, I would no doubt crank it up a few notches to once again live at the fringe of society. I like it here. Of course, it takes enormous effort to dress entirely en femme, especially when you’re male and swimming against the tide of masculinity. Dressed as a woman head-to-toe, or “mix-n-match,” as you say, really doesn’t matter as long as I’m NOT dressed like the unimaginative individual next to me…
:battingeyelashes:

Cari

07-06-2011, 11:23 PM

It seems I open up more each year for me I have three main reasons for keeping privacy and hiding.

I have people I care about who would be hurt by the info
and

I feel there are people who I need to tell face to face before I really open up.
I would feel bad if they learned the news "on the street" before I told them.

and lastly

I'm still a bit scared of what would happen If I completely came out.
Its just an unknown factor each person Ive told has reacted differently.

The initial decision to open up was absolutely healthy for me and the right one for me.
The pace at which I actually stop hiding from people does change with time and is influenced by so many factors.
At first it was easier I had many people who I knew would be accepting; as it goes on I am getting down to people who may not accept it as well.

Crysten

07-07-2011, 12:46 AM

Jamie001

07-07-2011, 01:15 AM

Any of you folks watch family guy? The episode where glen quagmires father gets a sex change is just about accurate. The truth is most people cant be bothered with labels or figuring out what is what. They take one look at a crossdresser and think "fag" or "homo" and thats it. Very few people will care to see beyond that to discover who we are as people. Instant judgement, instant dismissal. This really basic fact has kept me in the closet ... I hate being judged and i hate being dismissed.

It is really important to remember that Family Guy is a Hollywood TV Show and we have all seen how Hollywood portrays crossdressers as "Drag Queens". Don't jump to conclusions from a TV show! Talk to real people on this forum like Jive Turkey on Rye and get some real information.

Melody Phillips

07-07-2011, 02:48 AM

The main reason is my 7 year old (adopted) son. He has had few rough years (1 to 3 years old) from his mother and My wife and I agreed that for his best interest, I don't come out. (yet) We don't want to traumatise him. He has had a traumatic childhood and I don't want to be the cause of further problems. Maybe when he is older,there will be a time when I can be myself.

Marabelle

07-07-2011, 04:26 AM

I have a fear of people knowing I think its because of what they will think.Im sure my x wife has told my sons but we have never talked about it.I dont feel that way about other areas of my life.
I like to dress femine when I do femine things & dress masculine when I do masculine things.

Edwina

07-07-2011, 05:02 AM

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?

I am not sure if everybody read this part of your question but my answer is Yes for sure, both full and mix and match.:)

kilted68

07-08-2011, 09:33 AM

I hide my dressing because I could never pass, and I think I'd lose a lot of friends if I tried. Even before I had a beard, the image I presented when full dressed was somewhat like a pregnant grandma. In fact, my exes sister had a Halloween party once with "come as the opposite gender theme, and that is how I dressed. I wore one of my wife's old maternity skirts and top along with a grey haired grannie wig.

If I could dress with no repercussions from family, friends, or anyone else, I'd never wear anything but feminine clothing.

Chickhe

07-08-2011, 09:51 AM

I don't exactly hide... more like I don't advertise. The main reason though is I want my kid to be accepted by others for who she is not for what I do... however, on the flip side, I do dress up mostly for halloween and it is all done in the spirit of fun... I don't label myself, I just do it and I'll admit it if the person asking has the fortitude to listen.

Tess

07-08-2011, 11:52 AM

Exatly Reine. I have no doubt that my my family and close friends would still love me the same way my wife still does after knowing about my cross dressing. The problem is in their eyes I am on a pedestal. Even my 20 year old grandaughter idolizes her grandpa. My desire to openly dress is just not important enough to me to allow it to even slightly knock me down even a knotch on that pedestal in her eyes.
I really believe that is why so many still continue to hide it from even our wives or are uncomfortable being dressed around them even when they know and accept

I can't articulate the reasons that I still hide my crossdressing. Kendra comes pretty close. I don't want the people that I value the most to think less of me. This resistance to opening up on CD'ing is buried deep in my bones and goes all the way back to the very first time I put on my mother's cloths when I was 12. I felt very deeply that it was so different from what I had learned was normal that I must never let the cat out of the bag. Many many years later I push my limits in public around strangers but am much more circumspect with friends and family. I don't think that would change even if society in general was more accepting. Given more opportunity I would dress more, probably not full time but very often.

Jocelyn Quivers

07-08-2011, 12:20 PM

I'm wondereding if the majority of the deception that surrounds crossdressing is a byproduct of society's treatment of transgendered individuals, or if the secrecy is directly connected to the thrill associated with the possibility of being caught.

If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?

My "deception" is based on the fact that it is not accepted by the majority of my friends and family, and I'm not at the point where I wish to loose everything, so the "girl" has to be locked in doors under lock and key. Also for me there is no thrill of being caught, it's more like I just tolerate living in the closet and accept that living a male life that does not allow for being transgender in any way at all as being one of the cards I was dealt with in life.

For now I would not, until I reach that point where I am happy with my appearance, mannerisms and everything else. I would still choose to be in the closet. When that day does arrive where I would feel comfortable going outside there would not be a blend. If I present as female it's 100% female as possible and no exceptions to that rule.

girlygirly

07-08-2011, 12:33 PM

It is important to remember that real friends are "friends" always and they will always be there for you through thick and thin. If you tell a friend that you are a crossdresser and then shun you for that reason, then they were never really a friend and you really don't want to have them as a friend. It is a good method of determining who is really your friend and who is just an acquaintance posing as a friend. It is also important to remember that most of the fear consists of the demons that we concoct in our own mind and most of the time they are not real.
I'm not worried about being shunned by my friends at all, but at the same time I prefer to just be normal to them, it makes the friendship easier and crossdressing will never be "normal" to all in my lifetime. I do have a friend who knows because I told her, and I'm sure there are a few others who suspect, but I would rather keep my private feelings to myself, when it comes to most of my friends and all of my family. I just feel like it would be a general distraction to the overall relationship I have with many people, and I also don't want to make it the first thing people notice when they see me.

kimdl93

07-08-2011, 12:42 PM

Another possibility is a CDer's inner gender conflict? The guy side (for some CDers) might not want selected people (spouse, friends) to see the girl side that wants to come out? I remember a thread here a while back where some of the CDers actually preferred to dress privately, even if they thought their wives might be accepting. Some CDers just don't want to be a girl with their wives, I guess.

I live in several different contexts- most of my life is spent in accepting place with a supportive SO and a few close friends. But sometimes I have to be in another environment with male world brothers and sons who really would rather this part of me didn't exist, and then there's work place where it doesn't seem appropriate. These worlds evolved around me as my awareness of myself evolved. There was a time when I didn't really understand what was wrong with me. Later, I came to understand a bit more...and over time I've learned to accept. I've just chosen not to impose this self awareness on individuals and situations where it would create problems.

kendra_gurl

07-08-2011, 01:27 PM

girlygirly

07-08-2011, 02:40 PM

Ya know he's really a nice guy. a great husband to his wife, faithful to her, a good golfing and hunting buddy, beats me a poker most of the time, is a great listener when I have a problem I need to talk out with a friend, I know he will always be there if I really need him. I just for the life of me can't understand what his thing is about wearing womens panties and a bra under his work clothes. .

Even very close accepting friends and family will still say things such as this to their other friends about you. That is just life so you accept it as consequence or your keep it hidden
Yes, this is the way I feel as well. It takes away from the rest of me much more than I'm willing to accept, and isn't a pivotal part of my relationship with anyone but myself. I wouldn't mind building on a relationship where someone noticed and accepted it, but if people choose not to say anything, that's fine as well. I really don't want my wardrobe or my sometimes masculine-leaning, sometimes feminine-leaning gender identity to become the focal point of conversations with and about me.

It's like people who say "black" friend, or "gay" friend, or "elderly" friend. I don't want a prefix added, and prefer to be referred to as "a" friend.