Expanding my comfort zone - SHOPPING!!!

[Anne2345]

With some small amount of envy :daydreaming:, I have enjoyed reading posts on the forum about the shopping adventures of members. I am in the closet by necessity, and can not risk shopping openly for makeup and clothes in my community. And truth be told, based upon my own paranoia, even if I could, I have not had the courage to do so.

As a result, I have acquired my wardrobe and makeup primarily from two sources - the internet and my wife shopping on my behalf.

Until now, that is! I have spent the last week several hundred miles away from home with my family. A few days ago, my wife and I spent an afternoon together shopping. I was determined to be involved in the process this time. When my wife goes shopping, it is intense! She really gets into it, and becomes incredibly focused. In several stores, we sorted through dresses, tops, skirts, etc. together. She occassionally held a dress up against my body to eyeball the size! Of course, there were others around, and I can not help but think they had to have noticed, but after reading the stories here, I was determined to do it.

I know my face turned red several times, which my wife thoroughly enjoyed and good-naturedly had fun with at my expense. LOL! But I did it! For the first time, I actually did it!

Having gone that far (an easy thing for many of you, I know, but not me), I visited another clothing store yesterday - by myself! Granted, I was several hundred miles away from home with no chance of being recognized, but my heart was still pounding hard - I was quite nervous! The store was far from empty, but I figured if I did not just jump in and start shopping, I would not do it at all. So I did just that! I started with dresses, going through them all, and pulling out the ones that interested me, and moved on from there with other clothes. I did received a few odd looks from a couple of female shoppers, but I just quickly (and nervously) smiled and continued on. When I purchased my new treasures at the cash register, the SA did not blink an eye.

I must admit, it was a fantastic experience! It was also an experience that was made possible by reading the stories here about shopping. Rationally, I have always recognized that it is silly to be fearful of doing such things in public when there is no risk of being discovered in my community. Be that as it may, until now, I simply have been unable to get past my own fear and discomfort. So to those that have posted such stories and offered advice as to how to shop in public - thank you! I am already looking forward to the next time I leave town! :)

[Karren H]

Yeah!! Congratulations!! The first time I was the same way. You just have to keep doing it till it becomes mater-of-fact. Not as exciting but still a lot of fun!

[Kathi Lake]

Anne, how wonderful for you!!

Now you know the secret - shopping is the most fun you can have with your clothes on, and then off, and then others on, and then off, . . .

:)

The biggest secret, of course, is that you now realize that it isn't as catastrophic as you thought it might be. Yes, there are odd looks. Yes, there might be a wagging tongue or two. Who cares? You had fun, and didn't hurt anyone. Life is good.

Here's to many more adventures!

Kathi

[Stephenie S]

Congratulations.

You have discovered what, as you say yourself, was there all along. Nobody really cares what you buy.

As a matter of fact, stores WANT you to buy stuff. That's what they are all about, after all. Go into ANY store, buy stuff, and they love you.

You may find that the smaller specialty stores may be the best bet for you. You can meet the SA, they can learn your size and what looks good on you. And you may learn why most women enjoy shopping. It's FUN! Really. Honest.

When I visit my favorite local dress shop the manager always greets me by name. She always has some ideas about what new stock I may be interested in. She may have even saved something for me. She knows I love "Very Vineyard" skirts and if one is on sale she often puts it away for me.

Get over your fear that someone will laugh or poke fun. It's just a fantasy in your mind. When you realize it's a normal thing to shop for what you want, shopping becomes the enjoyable pastime it should be.

You have a good start. Keep up the good work.

Stephie

[kimdl93]

Glad to hear it. I got over being a guy shopping for women's stuff some time ago, but not without going through the same range of emotions that you describe. Sometimes the SAs know its for me, sometimes not. But in either case, I find the debit card breaks down most barriers.

[Eryn]

I know my face turned red several times, which my wife thoroughly enjoyed and good-naturedly had fun with at my expense. LOL! But I did it! For the first time, I actually did it!

The fact that your wife had a good sense of humor about it is the best part of your post! Our wives are often the conduit through which we become more comfortable with ourselves and if they are having a good time then we will too.

Before I came out to my wife I really didn't understand my CDing, so it was pushed way to the background. I'd go shopping with her and the time would come when she'd want to try something on. This of course involved the "Holding of the Purse." Most men hold their wife's purse in the same way they would hold a week-dead fish, desperately demonstrating to all observing that it Was Not Theirs!

I, OTOH, rather enjoyed that experience, slinging her bag over my shoulder and browsing through the nearby racks to see if I could find something else my wife would like. Oddly enough, the Shopping Police didn't descend and arrest me for possession of both purse and testicles in the misses' department! In fact, other shoppers and SAs were pleasant to me, likely thinking that my wife was lucky she had a husband who liked to shop with her.

Now that my wife (and I) know more about Eryn this experience makes our shopping less stressful. I don't shop en femme (too tall and recognizable), but I do shop for clothes, shoes, and makeup locally. If I am seen, the assumption is that I'm buying the items for my wife, a very positive thing in most people's eyes! :)

So, the message is that you don't have to go far afield to shop. With a little discretion you can safely shop locally. Of course, there are times when distance is your friend, but if you just need eyeliner or some-such you don't have to go to another state!

[Meredy]

I bought a few things from a store, but always said I wanted a gift reciept.
The other day I got a store coupon from the auto checkout when I bought my first nail polish. The coupon was for $10 off a $25 purchase, and being cheap, I can't throw it away.
the coupon is for a large womens store (national and I'm size 18), and I keep thinking of stopping in and picking up a nice skirt that I would really like. I keep thinking about when the clerk asks, "Is this for your wife?", I would say "No, for me.".
Maybe someday...

[Eryn]

Maybe someday...

"Someday" may come sooner than you expect! :)

[larry]

How well I remember. Now-just imagine being a not very good looking guy going into Womens stores and shopping for myself. "What will they say to me ?" Will they sell me something ?"
"Will they embarrass me ?" Skip forward less than 6 months--"What do I want " "What is on sale ?" "What store will I be close to? " Oh and the killer is I shop locally and do not even have the fear I probably should about being seen.

[Meredy]

How well I remember. Now-just imagine being a not very good looking guy going into Womens stores and shopping for myself. "What will they say to me ?" Will they sell me something ?"
"Will they embarrass me ?" Skip forward less than 6 months--"What do I want " "What is on sale ?" "What store will I be close to? " Oh and the killer is I shop locally and do not even have the fear I probably should about being seen.

Guess I need to get out more.

[sara.s]

So to those that have posted such stories and offered advice as to how to shop in public - thank you! I am already looking forward to the next time I leave town! :)

You will receive a "Thank you" soon from me!

[VioletJourney]

There aren't too many things more fun than shopping with an SA who enjoys the experience!

[sandcastle]

Everything gets easier with practice.

I dashed into Reading's branch of Mark & Spencers the other morning - I wanted a pair of wedge sandals.

I got some sandwiches and a three pack of underpants for myself in a food basket.

Went upstairs, saw a likely style, stood my ground when another customer appeared.

Put a pair of eights in my basket and went off to pay.

The guy on the till (older than me) said 'you've quite a mixture today', to which I replied 'yes' and walked out of the store as happy as a lark.

The sandals are really great too (shame my feet aren't a size smaller).

[Dawn cd]

Yaaay, Anne! It's great that you had that experience! Shopping is the next best thing to wearing.

Referring to something Meredy said, I must tell you of the time recently when I bought a new Rago waist-cincher with attached garters. The absolute best NYC store for foundation garments is a tiny rats-nest of a store near Orchard Street--a mostly Jewish retail area of lower Manhattan. I had checked out the cincher online and determined, based on the sizing chart, that I needed a 3X. I went into the store with trepidation. Dusty boxes lined the shelves on both sides of the narrow shop. To the very large proprietor wearing a beard and a yarmulke, I explained I wanted a waist-cincher model number, size 3X. He starts to get it, then stops and looks at me. "Who is this for?" he asks. In my littlest voice, I say, "It's for me." "You're not a 3X," he bellows, pointing to his girth: "I'M a 3X. You're an extra large." He calls an older woman from the back of the store to look at me. She confirms that I'm an extra large. With no more ado, he gets the garment, puts it in a brown paper bag, tales my money and I'm outta there.

BTW, the cincher fit perfectly.

[docrobbysherry]

1. If u shop retail 100's of miles from where u live, u must drive 100's of miles to RETURN something!:doh:

2. Shop at thrift stores.:) Nearby, or 1000's of miles away! Don't like it? Just toss it! I give them BACK on my next thrift store visit!:D

3. Shop online. All reputable sellers take returns!:thumbsup:

However:
Shopping retail away from home.- NOT good dollars and cents!:sad:

Anne's experience? -PRICELESS!:heehee:

[Meredy]

To Dawn cd:
I bought a cincher online, an XL, nice quality and more than what I was looking for...only to find it was a size(maybe two) two big when I tried it on.
Huge disappointment! thinking of buying a size smaller, without returning the original(Weight fluctuates).

[sara.s]

However: Shopping retail away from home.- NOT good dollars and cents!:sad:



Anne's point on this thread is not about shopping "cheap" for clothes (she seems clever enough to understand how to do that). It is about her quest to find her inner courage

[Andrea's Lynne]

Good for you Anne!! So glad you did it :)

[Cynthia Anne]

Anne I am so proud of you! Forget the hug! HERE'S A BIG OH KISS FOR YOU!!

[Eryn]

3. Shop online. All reputable sellers take returns!

Beware, though, that sometimes the shipping and other hassles make on-line returns worthless:

Case in point: I bought two Victoria Secret bras in a $35 each, two for $60 deal. One was for me, one for my wife. My wife's fit, mine didn't, so I returned mine to exchange for a smaller size. Shipping cost me $8 for the return and another $8 to send the exchange bra to me. On top of that, they split the "2 for" deal, charging me $35 for my wife's bra and $35 for mine. All in all, exchanging one bra increased a bill of $60 to a bill of $86. If I had simply thrown the missized bra in the trash and bought another the bill would have been about the same!

Now, I did email VS and dispute the increase in price, since this was an exchange. They changed it back to the "2 for" price, but it still cost me $16 and about two weeks of time (exchanges are sloooooow) to get the proper bra! If I had not been paying attention VS would have slipped the additional charge right past me as they did nothing to bring it to my attention.

One tip: if you order on-line, see if you can do exchanges at a brick-and-morter store. Kohl's and Dress Barn accept returns at their stores, VS most assuredly does not.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Anne, Be careful it $ gets real $ easy Real $ quick $.

Orchid

[Jillian Faith]

Congratulations on your shopping experience. Like several girls have said it gets easier with time. The next step is to go shopping in femme mode. Believe me the first time I did this I was a nervous wreck but luckily I had my wife with me to guide me. By the time we got to the third store I was still nervous, but still found the courage to go in the fitting room to try on a pair of Capri pants....oh what a joy.

Now I go shopping by myself, try on clothes at select stores, typically larger dept stores. The whole experience is very liberating and just wait for the first time a SA says "Can I start a dressing room for you?" or "May I help you ma'am?". It's fun to be a girl!

Hugs
Jill

[deebra]

Once you get comfortable with this; the next big(anxiety filled) step is to pick something female off the rack and go to the dressing room to try it on.

[Eryn]

Now I go shopping by myself, try on clothes at select stores, typically larger dept stores. The whole experience is very liberating and just wait for the first time a SA says "Can I start a dressing room for you?" or "May I help you ma'am?". It's fun to be a girl!

The SAs know that the best way to turn browsers into buyers is to get them into the dressing rooms!

[PretzelGirl]

She occassionally held a dress up against my body to eyeball the size! Of course, there were others around, and I can not help but think they had to have noticed, but after reading the stories here, I was determined to do it.


:heehee: That reminds me of when my mother would be shopping for my sisters when my brother or I were with her. She would hold something up against us and we would give the whine, "Mooooooommmmm....".

[Anne2345]

Thank you for all of the wonderful and encouraging responses! You all have given me more to think about and look forward to! To borrow a line from Suzy1's philosophy - this is fun! But even beyond that, though I am still nervous about the prospect (although definitely less so now that I have successfully been out in the wild :), and knowing I have the forum's support), it also feels quite liberating, and very much exciting! To know that I can do this, that I can get past my fear, and that I can really enjoy the experience for what it is without worry. I have no doubt that it will become easier with more experience. In any event, this is a theory a plan to put to the test . . . . :)

[Debglam]

Yay Anne!!!

I almost missed this thread - good for you! Conquering our fears in any aspect of our lives is pretty awesome and pretty liberating. Shopping - even better! :D

[danielle40I]

After tiring of buying jeans that didn't fit, I concluded there was no time like the present. So I just put on my Veronica hip-tush shaper and was off to Wally World. Guess I just looked like a guy with a larger than average set of hips. I picked out two pairs of Lee Riders (Size 12 and 14 average), walked up to the fitting room attendant for "clearance to enter", tried them on and found out I'm a 12. It's then I realized...It just don't matter! I've done the same thing at Kohls without incident.

Bottom line...Just Do It! It's your $ and they want it.

Dani

[GingerLeigh]

Oh yeah, Girl shopping is a real adrenaline rush. I don't have the luxury of buying things online and mailed to my address, and my wife of course does not know so no help there. On the advice of so many here, I go to clothing stores early on Mondays or Tuesdays. For some reason, the stores are empty at this time. I also frequent shops that nobody I know would go to like the thrift shops. SA's never seem to care. There was a female clerk at Zellers who had tattoos and piercings everywhere that wryly smiled at me and cracked a few jokes about my purchase (panties and bras, not something I want to buy secondhand eeeew) but it was harmless and non-offensive. I think she thought it was kinda hot. Other than that, they never even chirp a word. I got over my fears because if the wonderful people I've met here too.

Ginger

[suchacutie]

Hi Anne! My wife did the same thing to me on the very first day we went shopping for Tina. She held a skirt up to my waist without so much as a snicker. Then she drags me into a drug store and started looking for makeup, grabbed a mascara and an eyeliner, turned to me and in a rather loud voice said, "Tina will need these now"!

But suddenly it's clear that the sky didn't fall and the earth didn't swallow me up! The next day we were shopping for my wife, and what was the difference? We were still there in the same women's sections of the store. And what if I had been there alone? Who could know who I'm shopping for?

Of course, when I went to a MAC counter and asked the SA for foundation and powder to match my complexion there was little doubt who I was shopping for but, and this should not be a surprise, they just smiled and thought I was incredibly brave, and then they had a ball getting me everything I wanted!

Exciting...sure! Ever since then I've been ready with all kinds of snappy come-back lines for a nasty SA, but there hasn't been a single one! Everyone's been terrific and has cheated me out of the fun of playing with them if they give me a hard time!

Amazing, huh?

:)

[Renee]

Great Anne!! Glad that you have discovered what many of us have found out also. Shopping is soooo much fun. Especially when you are shopping for yourself. I love to shop alone as well as with my wife. We have a great time with it. Keep it up and as others have said it will become easier the more you do it. Now the next hurdle is to try on some of the clothing in the store. Good luck

[Fab Karen]

Keep it up, and focus on the task: finding stuff you like that fits & at a decent price. Eventually this will be as nerve-wracking as buying men's socks ( but much more enjoyable ). :)