some advice needed

[Katie1991]

well, about 3 or 4 months ago i came out to my girlfriend about me crossdressing. she said she was ok with it and didnt think any less of me. she moved in with me about 2 weeks ago and sense then i have dressed infront of her. mabey more than i should. i just had my wisdom teeth pulled the other day so i spend all day yesterday dressed up. we had a discussion about the whole thing. my girlfrind says that i have been dressing to what seems like every day..... i have been dressing alot here latly because it is so new to be able to share it with someone. what im asking is, is what should i do. we made a compramise last nite saying i wouldnt dress infront of her until she was ready to see me again. but i made it clear that i wouldnt stop dressing not because i dont want to, but because i know that i cant.

i have tried to stop before. it never really works. i wont dress for a couple months then i'l start wearing my panties under my guy cloths.. then back to dressing like i used to. Pretty much to sum all this up, any ideas on if im doing the right thing here? or any other opinions on what i should do? im lost and i defanitly dont want my dressing to get in the way of our relationship, we have ben together for a very long time and i would like to keep her around.....

[Karren H]

If you want to stay in a relationship with her you did. Chances are her initial acceptance has changed to a mild repulsion and after seeing it happen time and time again here... she will end up hating it in the end.... Imho.

[Stacey Summer]

It sounds as though your SO feels like she's losing the man she fell in love with and doesn't really want Katie as a replacement. I think you need to sit down with her and explain why you've been dressing so much recently. You've definitely taken steps in the right direction by shelving the dressing while around her.

Good luck.
Stacey.

[elizabeth_28]

It sounds as though your SO feels like she's losing the man she fell in love with and doesn't really want Katie as a replacement. I think you need to sit down with her and explain why you've been dressing so much recently. You've definitely taken steps in the right direction by shelving the dressing while around her.

Good luck.
Stacey.
x2. Clear, open and concise communication is essential to her understanding your feelings that you can dress more freely and what is bothering her. I won't try to guess.

[Tara D. Rose]

To me and in my personal experiences, what your girl friend is doing is very common place. So many stories I have read where this is usually the next thing that happens within a few months after disclosure and demonstrating your womanly look for her to see. AT first, their ok with it, then you do more by way of crossdressing, then they start pulling back. Sometimes couples can reach compromises and some couples cannot. Don't give in to ultimatums as described in other threads. Talk of compromise with her, both should agree on boundaries. If such agreements can be met, then by all means stick to those boundaries no matter what. For if you break those boudaries agreed upon, then she can be wide open never to agree to anything by way of your crossdressing in the future. She would always bring it up that you broke the boundaries if you ever do. Talk to her about how much you may need to dress, how much you can live with, ie; once a week, or twice a week, or wheather the two of you will be intimate while you're dressed as Katie, what you can wear to bed, going out in public, etc. And maybe even put it all down in writing, for they can/will change their minds if no more problems arrise pertaining to you crossdressing once boundaries have been set. I have several such documents signed by my wife to that effect, (silly? maybe) but it's neccessary. It's like a pre-nup, and I have one of those too. Plus the other documents to protect me from my wife using my cd'ing against me in the event of divorce. It was dated a long time ago, so the longer we are married the more it looks like she has been supportive of my crossdressing all this while. So get your crossdressing boundaries typed up and both signed, so that if she ever starts in again on it, show her the document, for without it, you may reacall to her what she agreed upon, and she'll say, "I never said that". Wish I had a dollar for everytime I heard that. Protect yourself now, before your realtionship goes any further.
love & respect...Tara

[Sandra]

I can totally understand you wanting to dress more now because it is new and you have someone to share it with but......you have had a long time with this and she has had 3 to 4 months, and then she moves in and you are dressing more. She needs more time to get used to the idea and sorry but you need to slow down a bit. Sit and talk to her set a few ground rules and a time when these should be reviewed, becasue if you don't it could turn nasty for both of you.


I went through this with my SO, she came out of the Army and could dress a lot more, and she did but she just went to quick for me and my comfort level and I had known about this and been supportive for at least 10 years, we sat down talked and set some rules, for us it worked and we've been together 24 years this year and Nigella is transitioning.

Just don't leave it and make sure she knows that you cannot give it up it is a part of you. Also you might want to suggest that she join here and join the FAB section, where she can chat to other wives/partners in private and get support and advise.

[kimdl93]

I'll offer a contrary opinion. Your gf knew you dressed when she moved in, but maybe a put off because she didn't anticipate that dressing would be a daily thing. The compromise may seem as something of a setback, but doesn't need to be. Be patient, and focus on building & maintaining a strong relationship. That includes having a continuing conversation about your interests and hers. It doesn't all have to be heavy "we need to talk" stuff...but don't put your CD side in a drawer along with your clothes...let it be part your relationship.

[girlygirly]

I agree with anyone who feels you are moving too fast and need to slow down.

This is one of the reasons I no longer plan on entering a relationship while hiding anything, but don't want to overtly announce anything, either. I just don't want to have it hanging in the air like a fart if I bring it up, but at the same time I have no problem answering questions if asked, and don't really plan on changing.

The current girl I'm seeing has never seen me in anything but female attire and panties, but I'm mostly androgynous, and am not too obvious about my crossdressing. She still hasn't said a thing about it. The first time we were together intimately, I was wearing striped, sting bikini undies that are pretty clearly femme, but not lacy or anything. The second time I wore black lace. I don't do skirts, dresses or bras, but I also don't own a stitch of mens clothing that I plan on wearing anytime soon, and even that is limited to a couple suits, a nice sweater, and five pairs of tighty whiteys. I've worn girl's jeans, no mention...gone to see her with pantylines showing, not noticed, or else noticed and not mentioned. I figure she'll have to ask eventually, but until she does I plan to just keep on dressing the way I always do. For all I know, she likes it but is afraid I'll quit if she says something.

[kendra_gurl]

It seems you have already had your talk. made a compromise now be man enough to honor it. I'll bet you find you will appreciate the times you Do dress even more when its not as often and she will love you more for trying to stay within boundries she can be comfortable with

[celeste26]

Katie you did not include whether or not the femme clothes are openly in the closet and the dresser drawers or not. Just having them around for the GF to see and realize they are there will sometimes be enough of a pressure to make them question themselves, especially if you have as much or more than they do. Its not just the dressing its the whole thing that can build up.

Talking about it can dispel the pressure, letting her come to the realization that you are the same no matter how you're dressed is critical. But it is something that cannot be forced, just "be yourself" while dressed and the experience she has of you will begin to seep into her consciousness. Hopefully she will adjust and accept and afterward everything will be fine.

[Briana90802]

It was difficult for my SO to see me dressed at the beginning. I eased us both into comfort levels by partially dressing. First underdressing then wearing a top occasionally and then leggings and so on. Until finally we were both comfortable.

[Eryn]

Talk to her a bit more and explain the "pink fog" to her. You had a new and exhilarating experience dressing in front of someone you love and probably took it too far. Some people have the same problem with ice cream.

It would also be a good idea for her to join the forum. She can find supportive GGs to talk with in FAB and therefore reduce her isolation. She can also read our posts and get some insight into what makes us tick.

[Stephanie47]

Since half of the heterosexual marriages end in divorce, it is not surprising any SO would have a change of heart over cross-dressing or any other facet of a relationship. Being married or just living together for a short period of time does not give any wife or SO adequate time to learn and enjoy all the positive attributes a cross-dresser or any partner may have. In my relationship/marriage (forty years) the stack of proven positive attributes far outweighs that one cross-dressing chip. I respect her wish that she does not see me en-femme, leave garments out, etc. We respect each others boundaries and quirks, whether it is my cross-dressing or her issues. I agree with Karen on this one. If you do not have any foundations in your relationship, this will never work out.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie, Crossdressing is like the Mafia You just can't quit.

Orchid