Failing Confidence

[TxKimberly]

After years of just jumping on to airplanes and traveling all over the country "dressed", I have recently begun to suffer from a fairly significant lack of confidence. I have absolutely no idea why, but the last month or two, my self confidence has been plummeting.

The last three or four times in a row that I've tried to make any of my wigs look presentable, I just can't seem to do it. No matter what I do, they look like hell.

Every outfit I try on, even those that I just wore a short time ago look awful or dont seem to fit right.

I'm taking a trip to Richmond VA next week and would normally have gone pretty, but i'm thinking about going boy mode because the very thought of going dressed fills me with anxiety.

What the hell, over? How can I go from feeling like it is an everyday thing that caused me little or no worry, to suddenly being a nervous wreck about it? To the best of my memory, nothing bad happened and yet my confidence seems to have flown without me. . .

[KrystalA]

I fail to see how a girl as cute as you could possibly have a confidence problem.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim, Maybe your hobby has turned into a job.

That's what happened with my model railroad I just had to walk away for a while
I was ready to sell or give everything away luckly that didn't happen.

Maybe you just need to let your girl batteries recharge for a while
but don't do anything radical like purging.

Orchid

[suchacutie]

wow...it must be in the water!!!

Last night my wife asked if Tina wanted to visit, and I actually said, "no". It was 4pm so there was plenty of time to transform and have a complete evening as girlfriends, and yet I didn't jump at it! I've been trying to figure out why since.

It does make me wonder if we actually have subtle hormonal balances that affect us more than we realize, especially for those of us who live in both genders rather regularly. After all, maintaining both genders is not exactly easy! We not only have to want to do all that is necessary, but as time goes on isn't it true that we have ever higher expectations for our feminine selves? Life is never linear, and our transgendered selves are likely a magnification of that fact.

Kimberly, I've always tremendously enjoyed reading of your exploits. I'm sure that all of us have been incredibly impressed with the mature manner in which you've been able to weave your masculine and feminine selves into your life. Since I'm struggling with a similar crisis at the moment I'm not sure I'm in much of a position to "waive the flag", so my only suggestion is to fly drab but bring Kimberly with you. You never know when she may want to go shopping!!!

Tina

[Intertwined]

Kim Maybe your hobby has turned into a job

Good Point, the ONLY time I get to dress is when I am doing house work, or out doing chores or shopping. So what most relaxes me and de-stresses me, is direclty tied to things I don't want to do, it's been to years since Marsha has existed for anything but work...

[SweetIonis]

Our minds revolve around our ego. Your ego has a substantial feminine component. Two important things about our minds:

1. They operate extremely fast, sometimes so fast we don't even realize some of the things it is doing are taking place.
2. Some of the content, in terms of perceptions and memories, are there at a level that we do not access on a conscious level.

With regards to item 1, at one time, advertisers would insert frames containing their products into movies. The frame would past so fast that persons could not consciously observe them. The practice was banned.

With regards to item 2, psychologists are well aware that there is a tremendous amount of mental activity that goes on at a level that we don't have presented before us at the conscious level. It has been well observed that we suppress various mental content that may conflict with how we want to view the world and ourselves. This is a defense mechanism, because this type of content has the potential to harm us. People who suffer from depression typically have experienced some sort of event that could not be suppressed and as a result damages their ego. As I said before, our minds revolve around our ego, and when the ego is damaged, the mind therefore operates in a distorted fashion. The point I want to make is that although we suppress these events, they are still there at a subconscious level and can have an effect on our mental processing.

Any rate, I said all of that to say, it is possible that either some sort of event has occurred that falls into one of these categories, or a combination of both, that has had an effect on your state of mind in this regard.

[Tina B.]

Kimberly, would this have anything to do with those ten pounds you where complaining about? Tina, maybe it's just the summer blahs? I've been wanting to dress, and haven't had the time.
Tina B.

[Cynthia Anne]

Perhaps you're exspecting something more! Go out and get a make over may help! Then again maybe you just need to hear from others how nice you look! By your pictures you are a beautiful lady! You should be proud! So keep your head up and keep that beautiful smile! Hugs!

[Sheren Kelly]

Phases are just a part of the bargain when we accept our transgender selves. I can't speak for out TS friends, but most CD/TG will have some cycling as we try to sort it out (a lifelong process for me!).

The best advise is to accept it and ride it out. I'll bet thet you will be back flying pretty in short order.

[JustWendy]

Kimberly, I'm with Tina. These feelings may have snowballed from the 10 pounds and not enjoying the way you looked in some of your favorite outfits. And sometimes, it's just not fun wearing a wig, pantyhose, and makeup in 100 degree temperatures. I don't know if Richmond will be any better, but if you travel drab, definitely pack some fun clothes.

Wendy

[suzy1]

I could be totally off the mark Kimberly. This is just a suggestion.
But what you describe is one symptom of depression. No, not necessarily serious depression. But if you are a little low for what ever reason then it does affect how you see yourself.

All the best, SUZY

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Kimberly

I believe this is just another hurdle we have to overcome. Like you I get out and about to different places, but I know if I go too long between outings I also lose confidence.

I am not sure whats causing your crisis of confidence but I do know you will get over it. :hugs:

[Cassidy]

It was mentioned in a comment about the weight gain you reported. I'll agree with that comment. It could be playing on you. As I recall in one of your posts you reported you had an in-law staying with you. You mentioned this person wasn't pleased with Kimberly. Having this person around could be causing a negative effect. In some circles it could be called a subtle mind f-ck. a comment here, a comment there may not amount to much however the cumulative effect could be devistating. Perhaps it is as one poster mentioned dressing to travel for work may have become a chore which would one to believe there may be a problem at work. who knows it may be as simple as not wanting to go to Virginia because the client is a pain or the flight is pain or perhaps you are tired of living out of suitcases and in motel rooms.

As the commenter who mentioned the train set I too grew tired of one aspect of my life. My motorcycles have been a constant in my life for the past 35 years. Up until recently it became a battle to ride them or even go into the garage to look at them. One day something clicked so now I'm back to servicing them and riding them. Your situation will pass just as mine and others have. Go slow with it and things may fall into place sooner than you may think

[Paula Siemen]

Kim.
You are probably the most outgoing and passable of all of us girls. You inspire us all with your adventures. Please don't let this little depression get you down. Just relax about being fem and give it some time. You will be back to your normal self when you feel its the right time. This can be caused by any number of the issues mentioned in these post. CD'ing, I think is less fun when the temps are in the 100 deg range. It just becomes so much trouble getting ready and dealing with the heat, sweat and stickyness. There could be some business or family issues that are diverting your attention (subconciously) that you feel are more important at the moment. And yes, I do totally believe in male hormonal cycles, and that the more we identify and immulate females that these cycles may also effect us as they do real females. After all, aren't those a large part of the female way of life? You are actually sounding very much like my wife!!!! (joking). So just sit back, relax, and enjoy a cool maragrita or mojito.

[JenniferR771]

Wear a hat--the heat is getting to you. I think you need some retail therepy. Go shopping in Richmond. It is obvious you need some new shoes. And then perhaps a dress to go with the shoes. You need a summery outfit. And don't be afraid to shop for a new hairdo. If hair is the problem, a professional wig fitting may be just the ticket. I love to read your accounts of your travels. I think much of your acceptance is the result of your warm "Oh shucks" down home super friendly attitude.

[sherri]

Looking from the outside, your self-doubt is unfounded, but ten + years of this has taught me it's all cyclical. And too, don't discount your intuitions -- sometimes they protect us even when they don't make any sense. That's what I've learned anyway.

[Stephanie-L]

Kimberly, Many of the previous posts have brought up good points. The weight gain thing may be a trigger or symptom. The thing about dealing with your MIL probably added some issues. Then the fact that you have recently gone through some very emotional times (I read your blog, it was very moving), and you have a young child in the house. Plus, it is an unusually hot summer here in Texas. All of these, and probably some other stuff we don't even know about are contributing to your feelings. Have you been having issues at work? Your crossdressing is rather connected to your work, so that may be a factor. Others have posted a lot of good ideas about what to do to deal with it. If you need to take a break, do so, just please, please, do not purge. And remember, as you have posted several times, every time you gave in to the urge NOT to fly pretty, you kicked yourself the whole trip. What I do when faced with issues like this is sit down in a quiet spot, usually on the back patio at dusk, with an adult beverage or two, and just let my mind wander for a while. Then I get a good nights sleep and usually at least feel better in the morning, I may not have an answer, but I do feel better. YMMV. Maybe you need to get out your guitar and spend some time with it? These are just a few things that come to my mind, whatever works for you. One thing I can tell you, whether it is Kim or Matt, a bunch of us here do care about you, and anything we can do to help, just let us know..........Stephanie

[Robin Lee]

Ola Kim,
Just one quick quote. Ain't no cure for the summer time blues!
Best Wishes
Robin Lee

[Wendy_Marie]

Kim,
I think it has to do with your reporting of your recent weight gain and letting yourself go...get those few extra pounds off and you will be back on track to your old self again.

[Leasa Wells]

I heard a saying when the going gets tough ---- just go shopping.

[ronni white]

Is it possible that just a change in stlye will ease your concern?
Maybe try a casual dress travel appearance. Slacks, a bright color top and lower heels.

[TGMarla]

Ebbs and flows, my dear friend. Whether it's weight gain, or simple "guy in a dress" syndrome, we all go through this to one extent or another. Play some music, read a book, do some retail therapy (new perfume is nice), play some golf, or just set it aside for a while. This ain't no crisis. You are who you are, and maybe Matt wants to fly for a while. In any case, you have lots of shoulders here to cry on, and lots of supporters who still think you rock. Maybe you don't need to get up on that horse and ride again. Maybe the horse just wants to rest for a while. We all get tired of the same old thing, and you've been at this "travelling en femme" thing for quite some time now. Don't burden yourself with it. You can't force it. It has to run its own course. And one day soon, you'll feel like getting pretty, and want it so bad, you'll feel great no matter what wig you try on. Heck, when that happens, you'll feel pretty in an old floor mop. So don't sweat it. You're fine, and it's no big deal.

And toss in some diet and exercize, will ya? :D

:cheer:

[TxKimberly]

Thank you ALL for the advice and support. :hugs:


Kimberly, would this have anything to do with those ten pounds you where complaining about? Tina, maybe it's just the summer blahs? I've been wanting to dress, and haven't had the time.
Tina B.

I'm pretty sure that the 10 pounds is not the cause of my problem, but my obsession with it is probably a symptom of it.



Perhaps you're exspecting something more! Go out and get a make over may help! Then again maybe you just need to hear from others how nice you look! By your pictures you are a beautiful lady! You should be proud! So keep your head up and keep that beautiful smile! Hugs!

I like the makeover idea! lol
No Cynthia, I do not need to hear people tell me how nice I look. At the risk of sounding vain, I get plenty of that from my Flickr page, so I am certainly not suffering from a lack of kind compliments.

I think that part of what bothers me about all of this is that I cant identify a root cause for my sudden lack of confidence. If I had been laughed at, glared at, or any significant negative reaction recently, at least I would have something to point to and say "Ah hah! THAT'S what started this!", but there has been no such event. Go figure . . .



I could be totally off the mark Kimberly. This is just a suggestion.
But what you describe is one symptom of depression. No, not necessarily serious depression. But if you are a little low for what ever reason then it does affect how you see yourself.

All the best, SUZY

Suzy, there is no question at all that I do enjoy periodic visits from depression, and yeah, I'd have to admit that it's here at the moment. I suppose its a gift from my mother. LOL




. . . What I do when faced with issues like this is sit down in a quiet spot, usually on the back patio at dusk, with an adult beverage or two, and just let my mind wander for a while.. . .

That sounds like a great idea, but if I sit on my porch at dusk, it will be followed by a visit to the emergency room for a blood transfusion to replace the gallons of blood the mosquitos will drain from me. They don't touch my wife standing next to me, but will bite me so many times that I swell up and sit there shaking and shivering. Don't ya just love Texas in the summer time?



. . . Maybe you don't need to get up on that horse and ride again. Maybe the horse just wants to rest for a while. . . . And toss in some diet and exercize, will ya? . . .

:hugs:



Speaking of that damned 10 pounds, I think I'm gonna go work in my back yard. In the process of digging out the darned swimming pool I made a hell of a mess back there. Tools scattered everywhere, cut up PVC pipes, torn down fence and gates. It really DOES look like a slob lives here. Doing that in the heat ought to help knock out a pound or two!

[docrobbysherry]

I have no idea, Kim! But, I've NEVER been good at reading women's minds! And, u r certainly one of the more "girlie" men I've ever met!

Which is why I'm sure what ever is bothering u, will PASS! Just like u usually do!

[Wendy_Marie]

Ms. Kimberly,
I am sure not trying to second guess you regarding the weight issue...It just seemed to me that you were obsessing over the few extra pounds you gained and depressed over cleaning out and selling all those wonderful clothes you had procurred that didn't fit anymore?

I have always been a believer that when things go wrong that it is a good idea to get back to the basics so try reading through some of your own older Threads and remember all the good times and experiences you have had out as Kimberly...and remember..."This too Shall Pass." as Docrobbysherry said above.

[WendyH]

Kim, I can't add much that hasn't already been said. I can only say that I go through similar bouts from time to time, and that depression is usually lurking behind it. When in depression's clutches, I see every extra pound, every line and wrinkle, every flaw, every sign of maleness peeping through, and I feel like a fraud and want to hide away from the world. Sometimes I do. Once I manage to overcome the depression, I am able to see myself in a positive light again and the desire to be Wendy and to go out into the world comes back. Whether or not that is what's happening in your case, I hope you're able to find a better mental/emotional space. Maybe you need to get out the old guitar and immerse yourself in music for while--that always helps me!

[Stephanie47]

It must be a summer funk that's going around. I usually endure my summer break (mid June to Labor Day) with a little anxiety as I truly miss being en-femme. This summer? No, I am enduring fine. I haven't even perused eBay for slips and dresses, although I've been on eBay looking for toys, books and other stuff. I have the opportunity to dress today for several hours and I cannot get motivated. Maybe, it's climate change!!!!

[Nikki A.]

Kim, maybe you just need to get away from dressing for a bit. When it becomes expected, it's no fun anymore. I'm sure you'll bounce back.

[Debra Russell]

With me Kim it's just life and worries that make me think WtF am I doing? Who am I kidding? After getting a few problems solved and a little mind diversion my femm side will re-emerge and want out.......to which I embrace .......Debra

[Karren H]

I feel the same way lately. Like age is taking its toll and I can't look as good as I used to. We set too high a standards for ourselves and get discouraged when it doesn't click. I'm not clicking more and more these days. Maybe time to retire. Sigh.

[Victoria StJohn]

I could be totally off the mark Kimberly. This is just a suggestion.
But what you describe is one symptom of depression. No, not necessarily serious depression. But if you are a little low for what ever reason then it does affect how you see yourself. All the best, SUZY

Kimberly, I tend to agree with Suzy on this one. I'm sure it's a temporary situation. I would just take it easy for awhile, in drab mode if necessary, and let things ride out, one day at a time. Keep smiling and those feminine feelings will return. Cheers, VSJ.

[dilane]

It just may be time to go ... SHOPPING!!

When I hate my hair, I buy a new do :)

[Leslie Langford]

...I have absolutely no idea why, but the last month or two, my self confidence has been plummeting.

The last three or four times in a row that I've tried to make any of my wigs look presentable, I just can't seem to do it. No matter what I do, they look like hell.

Every outfit I try on, even those that I just wore a short time ago look awful or dont seem to fit right....

Hmmm, Kim - maybe you're becoming more of a girl than you realize, along with the corresponding mood swings and feeling "fat" and "ugly" from time to time...

Can't do a thing with your hair, every outfit you try on looks awful or doesn't seem to feel right, don't have a thing to wear etc, etc,...doesn't that sound awfully familiar, and don't we all hear that from our wives and SO's from time to time?

There is only one foolproof cure for those types of blues - some serious retail therapy! Luckily for you, all the summer clearance sales are in full swing right now. Go get 'em, girlfriend! ;)

[Frédérique]

How can I go from feeling like it is an everyday thing that caused me little or no worry, to suddenly being a nervous wreck about it? To the best of my memory, nothing bad happened and yet my confidence seems to have flown without me. . .

This has happened to me many times – anxiety comes and goes like waves, and you just have to ride it out. There will be better days, I promise…:)

Years ago, before I became part of a “community,” I was an innocent crossdressing boy living in Massachusetts, taking my artwork to exhibitions in Connecticut. I recall one day I was driving through Rhode Island, dressed to the nines, trying to make a routine trip into something special. That usually happens, but on this occasion I suddenly felt very vulnerable and anxious for no reason at all. Would the R.I. State Police detect my shiny, dangling earrings? My fears were completely irrational, but, at the earliest opportunity, I pulled over and changed back into my drab male “uniform,” feeling like I was cheating myself in the process. My trip once again became commonplace, and I felt terrible the rest of the day. I had briefly lost the courage to dress, along with the courage of my convictions. Thankfully, on the way home I regained my resolve, and, the very next day, I was dressed and feeling confident again, heading somewhere in a dress and feeling wonderful…

To lose confidence is human, I suppose, especially when you’re dealing with intangibles…:doh:

[Nicole Erin]

Sometimes confidence does take a plummet for no apparent reason. It will come back though.
I don't know, maybe you are contemplating something bad happening?
But yeah just hang it up for a while as you need and roll back in later when you feel it more.

Or, maybe it IS becoming a chore. As any TS can tell you, after a while, trying to pretty up and do all the effort just becomes a pain in the butt.

[kimdl93]

kimberly...we all have our moments. But seriously. Look at yourself. You have no objective reason to lack confidence. You are...in every sense of the word... a doll. relax and push those nasty guy tings aside!

[SweetIonis]

I feel the same way lately. Like age is taking its toll and I can't look as good as I used to. We set too high a standards for ourselves and get discouraged when it doesn't click. I'm not clicking more and more these days. Maybe time to retire. Sigh.

Very interesting. Although I said it in another thread, concerning another topic, it's interesting to see the application here. Time has it's way of exposing things. Those were some cute nails tho, and that picture in the black dress was stunning.

[eluuzion]

hiya TxK,

Human emotions are like riding a rollercoaster...lots of ups and downs. :):sad:
When we start a new activity we have endless energy and enthusiasm. It feels like a constant mental and physical adrenaline rush. We feel nothing can stop us. Unfortunately, it does not last forever.

At some point we pay a price for expending all of that mental and physical activity. We have exhausted ourselves with excitement. We not only emptied our fuel tank...we drained our reserve tank as well.

We suddenly find ourselves as low as we were high. Our motivation drops off, then our optimism, then our self-confidence. It can happen overnight. Just ask any artist, writer, commission salesperson or entrepreneur. Some kill themselves, some give up/quit and hopefully many survive it by understanding it is just a normal part of the emotional cycle and creative process. Peaks and Valleys, welcome to the human race.

Being self-employed most of my life taught me some valuable survival strategies early on. Understanding this is a repetitive cycle, not the end of the world, was one of the most valuable lessons I learned. I simply accept it is part of the emotional process and have a plan ready for surviving that down part of the cycle when it hits.

I use that time to "regroup", brainstorm, do creative projects, and rest up mentally and physically. The only damage control technique required is to resist the tendency to fall into negative thinking, which can produce disastrous outcomes.

The good news is that the down stage is typically short...and the cycle begins again with that rush of the next adventure. :D

Just don’t expect anybody that has not experienced this to understand it. They will all view that “down” cycle as your transition into depression, checking out or becoming a “loser”, lol.:heehee:

just my thoughts...:hugs:

:love:

[renee k]

I agree with what everyone has said. With me, I have my ups and downs. Even with being on HRT. I look in the mirror every once in awhile and say what the "H" are you doing. But then it's who I am deep down inside. One thing I've learned I cannot change these feeling I have about my fem side. So hang in there Kim, your not alone.

Renee

[SweetIonis]

Human emotions are like riding a rollercoaster...lots of ups and downs.


You say these are human emotions. As such EVERYONE should experience them.

Then you say:



Just don’t expect anybody that has not experienced this to understand it.


As a part of the "human" experience, everyone should go through this. So anyone who has engaged in this activity for a period of time should experience this. Unless you are referring to someone who is TOTALLY new.


Being self-employed most of my life taught me some valuable survival strategies early on. Understanding this is a repetitive cycle, not the end of the world, was one of the most valuable lessons I learned.

One of the most valuable skills that a person who has to run a business MUST have is learning when to abandon a strategy that is not working. Looking at something that you have tried, that is not working, for what it is, doesn't have to be negative. It could be part of a healthy process of reevaluation that can yield a better result.

Cycles are cycles. Each individual should examine for themselves the nature of the cycles they are experiencing and decide what the appropriate move should be to go forward. If your cycle is due to an elliptical trajectory where the path to the short side of one of the focal points defines an up, whereas the path on the long side of that focal point is a down, I would suggest that whatever it is you are doing to cause that is a "product line" that you should consider abandoning. It should not be viewed in a negative light, rather it should make you feel happy that you are intelligent enough to know when "enough is enough".

[Annie D]

I'm not going to disagree with you and tell you how "great" you look but I deal with those same thoughts and feelings everyday. Not about myself but from any one of the high school girls that I coach daily. Self doubt and setting the standard at such a high level causes an immense amount of anxiety and fear with them and recognizing that one cannot be at their best 100% of the time is the key to overcoming the doubts that you have. Kimberly, you have set a standard for all of us; you have been someone each of us would love to become. Whether you want to admit it, deep down you know what your adventures, your pictorial show of what you wear, where you go and your complete ability to blend in and be accepted is an inspiration to us all. When you look in the mirror and don't see the mental picture and standard you have set for yourself, you become completely disillusioned with what you are trying to accomplish. My advice is simple, the same that I tell all my girls: Set your standards high, shoot for high goals, be demanding of yourself, but understand that no one except for your mother will be more critical of your appearance, your behavior and your own performance than yourself. Be comfortable with who you are at the present time. We can't relive the past but learn from it. Be the best you can be today and have confidence that you are the best and be content with yourself.

[Jilmac]

OMG Kimberly! Sounds like a classic case of PMS and if that's the case, you're more of a girl than you think.

[Patricia Johnson]

Hello Kimberly, I have been following you for years and I don't have really any advice to offer. I haven't been traveling in your heels, only observing from the sidelines(but loving each and every moment) I have learned so much about myself from your experiences. I can not offer advice only give you my support. I know that what ever you're going through, and how you're handling it will enrich those who read about. It is your ability to illustrate so clearly to us that helps others, so what you're going through and how you handle it will make a difference in helping others. I am as always here reading and sending out all of the positive energy you can receive and know that I am there and thank you for just being you and a friend to us all whether you're fab or drab.

[Pythos]

Every now and then I will take a break, and just wear jeans and t-shirts for a week or so, let my facial hair grow out, and be an average bloke. For a bit I don't miss the "struggle" of squeezing into a pair of Spandex jeans, or wriggling into a pair of pantyhose without putting in a run. I don't miss the soft brush of a skirt. I never miss the feeling of a fake chest, or makeup, and would much more like having my natural hair long and dyed.

But after a while I say "to hell with this" and it is like a mini re-birth to shave, get really cleaned up and moisturized, and slipping into a pair of leggings, pantyhose, or squeezing into my favorite style jeans, and revell in the feelings of those things again, and realize I indeed missed them. Lol.

It is often very therapeutic to step away for a bit, as with all things.

[erickka]

I kinda feel like that at this time too, Kimberly. I think that the summer heat and humidity is a big factor in it. I know a lot of GG's (my S/O included) who have said "I look like Hell" when it comes to prettying themselves up in the summer. Maybe if you do let those girly batteries recharge for a while, you'll fully get your mo-jo back when it cools down a bit.

[PretzelGirl]

Kimberly, you do something that is more than most of us do when you travel pretty. It does take the right frame of mind to be able to go through and be confident with the crowds about you. I agree with those that say it is quite possibly a symptom of stress or depression. Sometimes stress manifests itself it the oddest ways so it would be no surprise if this was the cause. Is there anything going on in your life that you are "just dealing with" and maybe it is eating at you a little and you don't know it?

Taking time off is okay. A trip in drab is not a bad thing. Even if you go and then think that you wish you had dressed, that isn't really a big deal. The next opportunity is probably just next week, so if there is a little regret, the fix is right around the corner.

But the big thing may be the source. If there is something eating at your subconscious and you aren't doing anything about it and it is something you can work on, then you might want to dedicate some time to that. If it is something out of your control, then some relax time might be in order if you are pushing it on all fronts. It is just a balancing act of relaxation to offset uncontrollable stress.

Have faith!

:hugs:

[GirlieAmanda]

Kim you are an inspiration to me and were on my recent beach and DC trip I posted yesterday. I did have a minor incident at the end that did shake my confidence and bothered me. I have yet to go back out at home. I understand that even though you may look great, there is always someone lurking out there that will make you feel like s---. You never know when or where you will see them. Its such a thin veil between blending and not sometimes. I can totally ID and understand being overly hellbent on making yourself look as presentable as possible just to not have that one idiot out there say something. It really does play on the mind. I hope you and I can get our confidence back.

[StaceyJane]

Sometimes I feel some anxiety about going out. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to let fear control me.
Of course it is just to hot to go out wearing makeup and pantyhose right now.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Kimberly, I can say from experience that I feel the same way from time to time. It doesn't mean you lack confidence about yourself. I think i've known you long enough to make that observation about you. Perhaps there is something else that is bothering you, something you don't realize, that is trying to surface. Don't second guess yourself. Everything happens for a reason.

[Polly R]

Hi Kimberly

Always admired how you look and love reading about your adventures. Wish I looked as good as you and had your confidence so can't think why you're going through this. To be honest though, I think we all go through some crisis of confidence to a lesser or greater degree from time to time. When did you last have a vacation - have you been working yourself too hard? That's a possible... So I suggest you should take a deep breath, sit down and relax for a while. Try and get a few nights of good, quality sleep and see how it goes.

xx Polly

[RachelB.]

Hi Kimberly

In answer to you question: Damned if I know!! If you figure out the answer that's the book you need to right and market!! I'll be first in line to buy a copy.

I think it is a part of this common challenge we all share. I haven't met many who don't go through this periodically.

Take a break, do something that makes you happy. Keep smiling, mainly because people will wonder what you are up to!!

Rachel

[Shadeauxmarie]

Seems like some GGs would have the same questions. How do I remain beautiful and confident as I age? They just do.

[Loni]

if only i looked one tenth as good as you do, and had just 1/100 of the guts you have to fly around as a girl i would be in heaven.

sounds like you just need a vacation. get some time for you and your wife and take a trip. recharge the batteries.

Loni

[Helen_Highwater]

I hate to break the bad news to you through this public forum but as an M.D. (mildly daft) I can diagnose your problem. You've caught one of the most infectious viruses known; Girlyitus. Symptoms inc Not having a thing to wear, a bum that looks big in everything and knowing that however much you try, your hair just won't do as it's told; and the color's wrong! The only cure is to smash all the mirrors in the house. OK 7 years bad luck but a price worth paying.

[slamddoger]

so what would hapen if you live her home this time just go as your mail side

[TxKimberly]

Well today I leave for Virginia and I'm going as a dude (hopefully not to be confused with a dud). I was gonna go pretty and even had an outfit picked out, but I tried it on and decided I looked like hell, so I put it all away. Today I travel with a tiny suitcase and THAT is gonna feel strange. Usually I travel with a HUGE suitcase to carry enough clothes for a man and a woman for three or more days. LOL

This really kind of sucks . . .


Y'all would have got a kick outta my seven (almost eight) year old daughter trying to "help" me pick out an outfit though. The first outfit I was considering was multiple shades of pink, and I had just one pair of shoes that were exactly the right shade of pink - a pair of pink stilettos with four and a half inch heels! She just kept insisting that those shoes were perfect Daddy! It took me a little while to get it through her head that 4.5 inch stilettos were not ideal for long walks through airports when your trying to keep a low profile.

[JustWendy]

4.5 inch stilettos were not ideal for long walks through airports when your trying to keep a low profile.

Especially if you're going as a dude :D

[TGMarla]

Out of the mouths of babes, we so often find the truth. Of course, your daughter is completely right here. It's as the immortal Fernando (Billy Crystal) said, it's better to LOOK good than to FEEL good." Your own personal comfort and practicality have NOTHING to do with it. Those shoes probably were perfect!

Anyway, don't sweat the male-mode travel, sister! Matt just needs a little face time. He'll let you know when he's done. You can still hit the karioke bars without wearing a skirt and heels. Life waits for no one. It's all good.

[Sally24]

I think we all go thru this. Lately I have just been going to my twice a month group and that's all. I don't practice or check different outfits until minutes before I'm due to be somewhere. Just the stress from other things bleed over and I don't like to do Sally stuff when I'm in a bad mood. This will pass Sis.

[StephanieC]

Are you perhaps trying to find an engineering solution to a non-engineering problem? Sometimes life is complicated.

[Alice Torn]

Dittos to what Loni said. If i had 5% of your nerve, I would go out a lot more. Hoping to go Thursday night concert in the park.

[TxKimberly]

Are you perhaps trying to find an engineering solution to a non-engineering problem? Sometimes life is complicated.

Who me?! Over think things? Never. . . . (cough choke gag on the fib)

[Stefia S]

Sometimes my failing confidence is because I’m not confident I can “see” myself objectively enough anymore. And although I may look for something to fix in how I look or act it may be this internal shift. Here’s how I help myself "recalibrate"- I video myself walking, talking (on the phone or to the camera), eating, taking off a jacket, etc. Viewing these short video clips of myself, particularly with the sound off, imagining I’m watching someone else, helps me see if I’m convincing in a more removed “third person” way and helps me regain a sense of confidence.

[JaytoJillian]

1--I cannot believe you were in my part of the world and you didn't let me know!!!!

2--The feeling will pass--you look great and you are very classy.

3--You are still one of several CDs on this site who are great role models. The way you carry yourself in public has to knock down a whole bunch of stereotypes everytime you go out!

[eluuzion]

... "enough is enough".

With all due respect...You edited my post into a misquote, then tried to sell your misinterpretation as logical fallacy on my part, lol. :heehee:

You then proceeded to take your next gross misinterpretation, turn it into a business lecture telling me what I "should" do about some irrelevant reference to an elementary business concept. None of your interpretation was close to understanding any point I was making anywhere in my post. Next time you might consider asking for clarification instead of editing, misinterpreting, then criticizing based upon misinterpretations. But clarification was not your purpose, or you would have done that to begin with, right, lol. :battingeyelashes:

Nothing further to discuss on this one, you can pm me instead of hijacking this thread, but don't expect a reply. Whatever goal you had worked for you I guess, but it was just irrelevant nonsense to me, which at this point does not require explanation or defense on my part.:hugs:

Regards,

E

**sorry to everybody for digression.**

Kim, you will bounce back soon! :hugs:

[diannecourtney]

Well; I would have to say its the crap that has hit the fan!!! Its bound to move into the mind set and upset the most positive thinkers in this world. Absolutely leaderless in competance is bound to hit the girl at heart.

[Chickhe]

Last week, for some reason, I was really angry inside and feeling frustrated with my wife and daughter... I could not figure out why because it was life as usual, as I look back, I realize it was related to depression...what I did at the time was drag my wife and kid outside cycling, the exercise made me feel better and we all got to do something we enjoy. Sitting around the house thinking about doing all the things I should be doing was killing me! My recommendation is to get back on the horse, do exercise and something you enjoyed in the past and get out of the house.