GirlieAmanda
07-09-2011, 12:41 PM
On June 17 2011 I began a fantastic adventure. One that would take me to places that I had never been and some that I had. The new ones were like old friends that somehow seemed fresh and the new ones were a delight and a welcome change to where I am from. I knew this was Amanda's vacation. Since I am Amanda I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted and whenever the hell I wanted to. There was no one to tell me what to do anymore. I was in charge. I was getting to do what I wanted to do.
I was pretty sure I was going to go to the beach after visiting my brother in MD. Just 2 weeks earlier I had told him about my being TG on another trip down there. One of his best points was to not think of myself as two people. Rather, its just ME. I really liked this idea and knew he was right. I am just me. There is no she/me anymore. I have merged. This trip has solidified that. Am I heading toward being a TS? I don't know. I really don't like classifications though because I feel I live my own way. Just walking through the streets of our nations capital looking and living the way I wanted, made me feel so complete and alive. I really wish I could live like this all of the time. While there is a lot of work to be done, including finding a new place to live, getting a new job, and vastly improving my look to be as complete as I can afford, I am planning on building my life with heavy leanings on being and living like the girl I know I am. You might be saying "Wow, what the hell happened on this trip?" Well let me tell you about my little adventure. This may get a little lengthy but so was the trip. 2 and a half weeks total. I think I can really illustrate how it feels to me to be out in the world as a girl and all that goes with it, the good, the bad, the happy and sad.
The trip started with a trip to my brother's house as I said. The last time I was there was 2 weeks before, I had come out to him. I was so relieved that he was accepting that I went and got some clothes at the store and kind of mixed them in of sorts. Well, this caused a stir on the in law side of the family. His wife's side is not too keen on anything that is not "normal". Very Southern Maryland-farmy-conservative. Very disappionting. So I promised that I would tone down for this next trip. So I arrived this time all unshaven and total guyie like. That lasted for about two days when on that Monday morning I decided to go to the salon and get my first ever Mani-Pedi, cut and color, and eyebrow wax. I went nuts. I couldn't stand it. It was so incredible and I will never forget it as long as I live. It is burned in there good. The girls were very understanding especially the one who was taking care of me. She did everything. I freakin' LOVE a pedicure and a manicure. It was like heaven. I had massive chills when she was pampering my feet. I almost could not speak I was so buzzy with pleasure. When she put those pink toe spreaders in between my toes I almost cannot describe the feeling. It was just so amazing. My toes were so girlie looking and a nice lavender color. So perfect.
Then the cut & color. I decided to get highlights. My hair is about 4-5 inches long now. I can't wait for it to be so much longer. I discussed how I wanted to have hair that could be styled but wanted it to grow longer. We decided to just trim and go onto the highlights. When she started to put the tin foil in my hair and start painting the hair dye on, it was such an incredible girlie feeling. I just looked at myself with my head all foiled up and it was just wonderful. I couldn't wait to see how it turned out. I have always had super short boring hair. After a while, I asked her to style it like she would a girl. We opted for volume and a flat iron look. It looked so cute. I just sat there and was just feeling so much pleasure. Like I was getting so close to being how I really am on the inside. It was thrilling beyond words. We decided it was not too bad and that I could go out in the world like that. Kind of a shorter Keith Urban winged out look. Next was the manicure which was like just icing on the cake. The nails looked so perfect. The hand massage was great too. The eyebrow wax was really painless and quick also. It definitely cost a lot. $200+ with tip but I figured WTF, I just had to see what it was like. It was worth every penny.
I decided to leave the salon as is. Toes painted with flip flops, hair flat ironed, and nails an iridescent shiny. I returned to the house and immediately asked my brother's wife if I was "too much". She said to cover the feet and thanked me for asking. God forbid that the kids would see my toes. The kids, 5 and 6 year old girls who adore me, did notice my strange hair. They forgot about it after playing for a bit. Mom, who was visiting too, said it was OK. Mom and I actually spent all day the next day tanning, doing our nails, and sharing a Shape magazine. That was really a good sign although she still has reservations about the whole thing. Like everyone always says, baby steps for family. Although, I see my best friend's family fully embracing his TG life and it makes me a little sad. I guess I could have no tolerance instead of some. I did stay at my brother's house a few more days working on my tan and helping with the fixing up of the house. Then it was time for the main event...the beach. I wanted to take on the beach and see how good I really was.
Day 1 The Real Beginning I arrived at Rehoboth Beach, DE on Monday the 27th of June. Rehoboth Beach boasts a gay beach and seems to be TG friendly but still there are tons regular vacationers there as well. I figured I could always go to the gay beach and cheat a bit. It was about noon and check in wasn't until 3pm so I ventured out in guy mode and tried to get the lay of the land down. I ended up going and getting a guy swimsuit since I only brought bikinis to wear. I just wanted to keep working on my tan and to get the back of my legs some color. I threw on my guy trunks in the parking area on the street and just went onto the beach all guyie. I was not sure where the gay beach was so I just picked anywhere. I stupidly did not spray my legs with sunscreen too well and ended up getting a weird patchy burn on the back of my upper. I was so upset. Girls don't have weird patchy burns on their upper thighs. DAMN! I recovered and went to find The Blue Moon Restaurant and bar which was a gay bar and I believe LGBT friendly too. It said in the review that it was 40 somethings and mostly men. That sounded OK but I hoped to find some other TGs there.
The restaurant had incredible food. It was fine dining for sure since I dropped no less than $60 and up depending on how decadent I wanted to be each nighth. I was feeling pretty decadent too. After din din, I made my way over to the gay bar side. It was very nice and not too intimidating. It was a Monday and that turned out to be a good thing because it was just casual and not pumpin' and heavin'. I wasn't sure what to do really. I am not a bar person. I just tried to do what any girl would do. Just try to look pretty and attract someone. I look pretty cute in guy mode so I just looked around and tried to see who was looking. I was getting looks alright but no one would talk to me at first. Then one man named Norm, bless his heart, came to me and introduced himself. I was so relieved. We talked and I told him my story. He thought I was cute. Later I saw a very dark italian gentleman looking at me like I was a piece of candy. I was really feeling desirable now. He came over and talked to me too. Both men talked a little then had to leave. So I was back to being alone and shy again. I figured it was time to call it a night.
I went back to my room and put on some of my new PJs and just relaxed and pondered what the next day would hold. By the way, the room I got at the Quality Inn right down the road in Dewey Beach is spectacular for the money. It was $110 for the night but it was so huge and had a an actual living room to hang out in. Incredibly clean and fresh there. It felt condo like. I highly recommend it.
Day 2 Getting Comfy The next day I got up and really wanted to go to the beach but still had the weird, patchy burn on my legs. I was worried about it. I ended up getting ready fast with a casual tank, capris and baseball hat. I think I looked pretty cute. I headed for the grocery store and WalMart. I always hear people talk about Walmart as a place they would like to go to mean that they are truly doing a mundane thing and living as a woman no doubt. Well, it was great to make a beeline for the women's section and the intimates and not have one ounce of uncomfortableness touching and inspecting the bras and panties. It was really freeing and I felt a million times more comfortable than in my guy facade. I even interacted with a guy and bought a camera on his recommendation. I kind of played the helpless girl who doesn't know about electronics. It was so fun letting him puff out his chest and impress me about all the features. I just let him roll and I just played amazed and clueless.
Since it was late and I didn't end up going to the beach, I got dressed in my nice girlie white button shirt with the rolled sleeves and my snug jean capris. I did my hair in a semi pull back fashion which turned out nice. I felt very fresh and beachy. I drove out into the early evening heading to dinner and sporting my girlie sunglasses for only the second time in my life out in the world. I have learned to wear them lower on my nose like the teens do and to hide my schnoz. It seemed so cool to be going to dinner after the beach like I did a tom of times with my ex. Only this time I was discovering it from the girl side. I only wished that I had someone there to go with me. I was having fun though. I parked and knew I was going to have to walk to get change then back to the car and then to the restaurant. I was feeling very confident and I felt I looked great. I got out of the car and passed many people on the way to the restaurant. Only a couple of looks and an interested Hi from a creepy guy. Now, Rehoboth Beach is know for its gay population and beach, so I wasn't sure if people were just more tolerant there or I was passing like Big Ben in a 4th quarter comeback. Oh shoot, now I am remembering the Super Bowl. Ugh what a fiasco. Could have had our 7th title. Damn Aaron Rodgers! I digress.
I stepped confidently into the Blue Moon as I had the previous night and saw the same hostess who seated me at the same table for 1. I wondered if she remembered me from last night. I looked for signs of recognition and she did have a smile but nothing obvious. It was OK if she did remember but I just wanted to see. Besides this is a very TG place so who cares. I ordered even more extravagantly this night. I was treating myself. Total decadence for me. I watched the people in groups have fun a talk and there I sat, all pretty and no one to eat with. I was a little sad about that but no matter...I was having fun. After din din, I again went over to the gay bar side and watched a really weird show with a raunchy, crossdressing puppeteer. It was a little over the top but fun. I really didn't get much attention this night. Looking back, I think that guys in gay bars want gay guys and don't really know what to do with TGs. So I drank my drink and just tried to have a good time. I then headed to the shopping district at night and the boardwalk. It was so much fun looking at, touching and holding up clothes to myself. I always had to just look at it shopping in guy clothes. It feels so right and so real. I don't have to be uncomfortable shopping because I am a girl and I am allowed to shop for girl's clothes. It was extremely satisfying. As the evening grew late, I headed back to the hotel and prepared for the next big day.
Day 3. Wednesday. The Weird Day I was worried about my money situation. I was waiting for a deposit and growing nervous that it was not going to happen. I needed that money to continue my adventure. I really did not want to go back to guy clothes but I had to. I would be banking and that could involve IDs and such. Not wanting to explain things, I got into guy clothes and went to straighten out finances. After squaring that away I got back to the hotel and ended up watching a Sex in the City marathon and trying on different outfits for a more dressy evening. I really like Sex in the City. I never saw it before. Very fem.
I guess it was time. I had fooled around long enough. I was going to the beach TODAY! It was getting later but I got ready, did my super tuck. I was thinking, "If there is any day that this is crucial, it is today. This must be a good tuck." There would be nothing between me and the world but 4 tiny panels of triangular cloth. There would be no hiding. This was it. I had bought a cute, sexy white coverup at Walmart and wore that and my flip flops. I tell ya, that was a really hard step across the threshhold of that hotel room. That magical line between in and out. Its almost feels like a Stargate or something every time I step through. It's still a thrill but it needs to get easier for me. I need it to get easier.
As I walked through the hall I came across a handsome man. He said Hi and I quietly said Hi as well. I think I uttered "Wow" too. I wanted to fall into his arms and seduce him in my sexy little bikini. No time for that nonsense though, there was fun to be had! I walked out my "go to" side entrance that did not go through the lobby. Again it was like slow motion when I stepped through the threshhold. Like a slick music video where they all of a sudden go slo-mo to increase dramatic effect. I found myself walking down a busy highway sidewalk to get to the side street that leads to the beach. My little coverup was blowing and exposing my legs almost to my bottoms. It felt so soft on my legs and I felt a little sexy in my super short coverup. I got some looks definitely. This made me feel great. I never walked that far being tucked either. That was an experience. That sweet air blowing up and through my coverup and caressing my bare legs and body felt exhilarating.
I found it quite difficult to walk sexy on the sand. I just tried to walk slow and not fall on my face. A nice slow, saunter. I was on the freakin' beach. Wow. I made it. I was doing it. No alarms were going off. No one stared, no one cared. The beach patrol didn't roll up on me with sirens wailing while ordering "Alright you, drop the pretty beach bag and eat sand...NOW!" I settled down my beach chair and sat down. I was just going to have a sitting session since the backs of my legs legs were embarrassing looking. Again, with the dramatic music video slo-mo as I took off my coverup. My heart was pumping and I was hyper-aware. Everything was so vivid and clear. A moment burned into the brain forever. I had just lived a dream and was going to enjoy it to the fullest. It took me a few minutes to just take it all in. The air was so sweet, the waves crashed and the gulls cried. My God, I was sitting on the beach in a freakin' bikini. Can you believe this?, I asked. At that moment, I thought about all of the girls on this site who would love to be able to be there like I was. I thought of the courage and the sense of adventure it took to do this. Wild stuff! This was the wildest thing I had ever done but yet it felt natural. That is the difference in me. This trip was solidifying who I am. In that moment, I believe I went beyond being a crossdresser, which I don't think I ever was, and onto being a transgendered woman. It was a very monumental moment.
I looked around to see if anyone noticed me. No one seemed to even bat an eyelash my way. Only a few guys walking along the water looked my way and lingered. I just smirked and thought "What are youuuu lookin' at boy?" Tee Hee. This was getting fun now. I just tried to sit there and look pretty as I read my Cosmopolitan magazine and drank my fancy water. I couldn't wait to see if I got tan lines. I was pretty dark though from tanning already so I didn't expect much. I stayed there until about 5pm or so. I really wanted to get all dressed up and go to dinner at the Blue Moon again. So I trudged through the sand again un-sexily and again walked down the sidewalk. I noticed that my makeup was not doing too well and I was worried I was bleaching my wig. I was a little hot and wanted to get fresh
I ended up wasting a lot of time and it was time to go to dinner. I got all dressed up in a nice floral and black dress with the only shoes I could match with it which were my brown heeled sandals. There was a little brown in the dress flowers so it was cool. It was incredibly late. I stupidly wasted so much time getting ready. I ended up getting to the restaurant at 9:55 pm. I walked up to the restaurant door past the throngs of gay men standing outside and pulled on the door. It was locked. This was unexpected. I was thrown. I felt embarrassed. I dumbly turned to the bouncer near the bar entrance and in a guyie voice said "Are they closed?" Dammit! I cringed. I was thrown for a loop and I forgot to speak girlie. Shit! Oh well, so the bouncer knows I am a guy. I can't do that though if I want to pass. I have to learn to be calm and think. Well, I was mad and I just ended up driving around a bit and went home. I was dissapointed. I went to bed.
Day 4. Redemption This day was going to be great so help me God. This was going to be the day it was all balanced. I decided to go back to the beach. This time I was going to not just sit and I really wanted to get into the water. I put on my second bikini which I think I like better. It is a black and white hibiscus print string bikini. I couldn't believe I was wearing a string bikini out into the world. So awesome. I hemmed and hawed over my hair and makeup. I really did not like wearing a wig to the beach or makeup. The GGs at the beach do not wear makeup or very little, and they have their hair up in buns or pony tails or just short. I am a firm believer in doing what real girls do whenever possible. Since my hair is about 4-5 inches long I decided it was time to unveil my real hair to the world mostly due to necessity. I tried to go light on the makeup too. I just wish I did not have this damn beard. I could wear just powder or nothing. I am determined to get my skin resurfaced in a couple of areas AND to laser this blue nightmare off my face. Someday with my hair at least shoulder length and no beard or very near gone, I can be more natural and stop with the wigs and heavy foundation in the beard areas.
I walked to the beach again this time going a different way. I kind of got lost a little and ended up walking further. It wasn't bad. I was enjoying my little breezy bikini walks. It was a little worrysome going out with my real hair. I wore a black girlie cap to kind of hide it after fluffing and curling it in the back. I just did it. I went for it. I felt so much better all natural. I even took my cap off for a while while at the beach. I set my chair up and towel. I unleashed the floral bikini and laid face down to tan those still unsightly backs of my legs. I wanted them even. It was a thrill to let my bum show to all the world. I even made sure the back was in the right place by pulling at it and snapping it into place like I see girls doing. I really wondered what I looked like from above. I really couldn't take pictures on the beach though. I really didn't want to set up even a small tripod. It just seemed weird. I tried to snap a few but I am all squinty and sweaty. Its all about the body on the beach not the face I found out. Get your tan body and throw on some cool shades, put your hair up and let that bikini body talk. I learned.
When I turned over it was a thrill because I would be exposing my tuck fully. I think it looked good. It remained pretty flat as I looked down at it. So thrilling to do that. Again, I wondered how looked from above. Probably not as good as I felt. I flipped and tossed like a burger at McDonalds. Trying to even my tan and enjoying every movement and that huggy, flat tuck just holding so tight hidden under that small triangle. My boobage was pretty good because the suit was a push up hidden inside and I added some batting on the inside of the cup for added oomph. I struck some girlie poses like the lean back with the arms back pose which was fun and the lay on back with elbows down and supporting and knees bent and together pose. I got some looks from guys passing buy with those poses.
I stayed on the beach for a long time hoping that I could get into the water. I was just concerned that my legs were patchy and I didn't have my long hair to break up my shoulders from the back. I just kept waiting for people to clear out. It ended up getting breezy and I did not have much on. I started to get cold since it was almost sand blowing breezy. Even the lifeguards were chilly. So I ended up calling it and I thought that I could maybe get down here super early tomorrow before check out. I made what would be my final bikini walk back and enjoyed every second. I got ready nice and early for dinner this time. I was looking good again. I wore my white shirt again but paired it with my black cotton mini with a zip slit I found at Goodwill and my sandals with white design on top of the foot. My makeup was a little "nightlife" I think I was too overdressed the previous night anyway. I still got looks as I walked. Again, its hard to tell what people are thinking. Good, bad, ugly? No problems though. This time I requested another table and I am so glad I did. I sat in a nice private area with two gay gentleman very close to me. One was sharing the same bench seat with the tables divided slightly. I was determined to start conversations. I had to do this. I was tired of not interacting with people. The meal went great and I had an incredible tender fish and reeeeeally good drinks. I was feeling great! I talked to the two men and we shared our time at dinner together. I was so glad I spoke up. They enjoyed me. I wondered if they knew. I think gay guys just know but I wasn't sure because they were so cool. That's the whole thing with passing. You never really know if you are, you only know when you are aren't. Gee that's kind of profound. I like that.
After a dinner I never wanted to end, I went into the packed bar. There was a drag queen hosting Karaoki. I really wanted to get up there and sing something but it was all full with singers for the night. Next time I guess. I was entranced by the drag queen, my first. I was looking at her makeup and wondering about her foundation and what she uses. Most likely theater makeup. She was so funny and made fun of the singers when they were bad but still encouraged them. It was a lot of fun. I ended up talking to two older lesbians next to me. The one kept asking if every guy was my boyfriend. She was wasted. I really enjoyed watching two guys dance together very well with hips a-flyin and arms a-grabbin. I just watched them dance and totally enjoyed the unique experience. I still did not get much attention except one guy who exclaimed "Wooooow... beautifuuuul. Where did YOUUU come from?" To which I stupidly and lamely answered. "I don't know". What the hell kind of an answer is that? He asked "I don't knoooow?" And I shyly smiled. I am so friggin' shy. I am not really a bar person. I am trying. I am assuming that he knew I was a TG but again...you just don't know for sure. I was in the crowd and loving it. I thought I saw another TG girl with REALLY long hair. I wasn't sure. I mean how do you ask that? I guess I should have just went up to her and introduced myself and said "That's some incredible hair" No, that would have been smart. No, I am stupidly shy. I have to get over that. Its really hard to in a strange place and a strange world where you are STILL kind of the odd girl out. Sometimes its a really hard road being TG. But, no matter...I was having fun. I ended up singing all night to the songs and putting a dollar in the Diva's boobs. Time to call the day a pretty good success.
After I got back to the hotel. I became overcome with loneliness and sadness. The great day was over and I was back but I felt very alone and that wasn't helped by the fact that no one really interacted with me much at the bar. I just kind of enjoyed myself...with myself mostly. It just all kind of came in on me and was even noticeably down in my video I made. My voice even reflected it too. I was very surprised to watch it and see my face at one point. There was some real pain on my face for a few seconds. Its hard for me to watch because I knew what I was feeling inside. I am trying to show my TG life warts and all though. Its not always a party even on vacation. I figured out though that I had not taken my anti depressant for that day and I am sure that did not help. I just wanted to get all comfy and go to sleep.
Day 5 Leaving Rehoboth Because of the holiday weekend the rates for my room were going to increase by 250%. I said screw that and I planned to go to the beach one more time in the early morning to get some pics and get in the water. However, When I woke up at 7 am, the temperature outside was 59 degrees. WOAH! No frickin' way am I going to get into a bikini and get into the water in 59 degrees!! Oh well I went back to sleep and just relaxed till checkout. All good things must come to an end. Besides, I was blowing through so much money.
I decided to keep the fun rolling because it was such a beautiful day. I was sad that I couldn't go to the beach. I decided to visit Ocean City MD. I have been there many times but not since the early 2000s. The day was spectacular and the views were so refreshing. I was on the open road doing whatever the hell I wanted. I can't tell you how good that freedom feels. I rolled into Ocean City. It was even better than I remember but maybe I am just seeing it with new eyes. I ended up walking the boardwalk, eating famous Dumsers ice cream and buying an Amanda name plate souvenir. It looked so spectacular there. I hung out with the different musicians on the boardwalk listening to their songs and talking with them. Kinda missed being all girlie at that time. I had been full time practically the whole time at the beach.
As I said goodbye to OC, I traveled back toward home. As I crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge which is an incredible, extremely long bridge joining the two sides of Maryland spanning the Chesapeake Bay, I had a thought that I did not want to get stuck in the traffic on the Washington DC beltway. The last time it took me 2 hours to go 60 miles. On a whim, and because I could, I detoured to Annapolis MD. I had always heard about it but had never been there. It was so beautiful. The water with the boats is magical. Tons of sailboats. The naval academy is there and the whole town is old but vibrant and quaint. Fully restored and modern at the same time. Its so clean and fresh there. It would make a good place to live I thought. Still in boy mode, I went on a boat ride and had yet another fancy dinner. I was really living it up in a big way. Later I walked along all of the shops and just meandered in and out of the cool places. Later on, I tried to go into a big bar that had lots of people carousing and laughing. It was a long outside bar along the docks. I went in thinking, "Who knows, I may meet someone." Well...it was worse than the gay bar. I just walked through the crowd with my little beer and just started to feel more and more awful. A couple of girls looked at me but that was it. I felt no connection with anyone. I was feeling very upset by the whole thing. I left after putting my half finished beer on the bar and ended up sitting in pier with tears streaming down my face. That was just so traumatic and crappy. I don't know what to do in there. I finally gathered myself and slumped my way back to the car. I called my friend Danielle and we started talking about girlie stuff and I felt better. Thank God for her. My friend Sara told me that its really tough to go into a bar alone. Why do people shun someone who is alone? I just hated how it made me feel inside. I decided at that moment that I needed one final great thing on this trip. I didn't want the fun to end despite the sadness at times. I drove to Washington DC and to my favorite end of the Red Line of the Metro area. I checked in at a Red Roof at 1:30 am.
Day 6 The Final Fury I realized when I got up that I would have to check out girlie if I wanted to get dressed in the hotel. Checkout was at 11. I really was not keen on checking out girlie so I decided to get all ready except dressing and makeup. I actually went to the counter with my little enhancer pads on under my boy shorts. They weren't even noticeable but it felt weird. Here begins the first step in a series of things that would lead to an incident later on. It does suck trying to get ready in the car. Its cramped, there is weird lighting, you have to keep looking around until you at least have your shirt on and your wig. Then its just makeup and that could just be some girl doing her makeup in the car. Its always a little iffy till that point.
After a trip into 7-11 for some batteries and a snack for later, I drove to the Metro station. This was gong to be big. A real dream. Riding the Metro into the big city, our nation's capital no less. It was so cool to sit there with the other people and just ride along. A lady even sat right next to me. I felt so cosmopolitan and carefree. I was going to get off at DuPont Circle, a very big LGBT area so I heard. I must have missed that stop so I just continued to Metro Station and got off in mid town. This was my first trip to the big city while girlie. I had dreamed of this for a long time. My outfit consisted of my new cool girlie sandals with white design on top, greenish camo capris, A really nice T shirt with flowers that surprisingly went with the pants, and then THE HAT. It was a pink and white camo hat. I was not sure about it but because I got ready in the car, I couldn't see the whole outfit at once. I couldn't tell if I looked OK or not form all angles. The Hat was actually too tall and square. Now that I have looked back I see this. The whole outfit was great and cute but I think it was just not very curvy and fem. The colors and the styles were, but overall it needed more femmy curves. Plus, I decided to pull my hair back thinking it would be hot. I did like my little purse/bag that I had. It too matched my outfit perfectly. I was really getting used to going into a purse for things and was working out my techniques. It was a little rough on my outing in April. I am learning how to be a girl in the real world. Purses are a necessity. They can be great and be a PITA too.
I walked along the streets and passed thousands of people. I was specifically looking at the teenage girls eyes as I passed them. I know they are the hardest crowd to be passable to. I seemed to be golden. The men were so easy. I was laughing at how easy they were. I didn't even look that sexy but they were sure lookin'. The foreign dudes especially. They are so short and they were probably in awe of the tall, cute American girl. I am 5'10" and I was so glad there were so many way taller girls walking around. I don't know what they are feeding these women but I was so glad. Just walking to the White House was so great. I felt so legit and thought that if there were any place I could have the right to do as I please, it was right here. The epicenter of freedom. I was free to be transgendered and free to walk around confident and proud. I passed some new buildings that I had never seen and admired the architecture. I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time though. I was seeing through my girl eyes. Everything seemed new and fresh. The day was, again, spectacular and everything was so vibrant and crisp. The highlight was a trip to the Jefferson Memorial. It is kind of a hike to get to it and I remembered my ex never wanted to go to it. Well, this is MY trip and I am going to go wherever the hell I please. It was so worth it. The monument is so serene and grand. There was even a wedding party taking pics inside. I tried to take many photos and was starting to get a little silly with some.
I walked forever. It had to have been many miles. My little shoes did really well though. Very comfortable but my feet got dirty. That's a new experience. I ended up washing my feet in the ladies room. I really love using the ladies room. I feel so natural in there. Fixing my makeup, primping all is fun stuff. Heck, I even love shimmying down my pants and undies and doing my business. It just feels right. I feel perfectly natural in there. I especially enjoyed the bathroom at the Museum of American History. Very wide open and has full length mirrors. It was such an experience going to museums. I love them and love to take my time. No one there to rush me now. I started to get a little fresh with the mannequins in some silly pics. I was really enjoying myself. Of course, I had to get lunch at one of the street vendors which I love. The problem was I got an egg roll which was incredible and huge but was very messy and the insides kept slopping on my made up chin. Note to self, do not get egg rolls or other sloppy food when trying to maintain makeup.
After some more sightseeing, I decided to go back to DuPont Circle. As I said this was supposed to be LGBT central in Washington DC. I figured I could walk around than go get some din din. Well, I did the walking around but really did not see what the big "LGBT friendly" was all about. Besides a few gay guys, it seemed pretty straightforward. Maybe I just don't know where things are. No matter...I was having fun. I finally decided on a fancy French restaurant called Cafe DuPont. The menu looked a little frenchy but hell, I had never been to a French Restaurant. Why not continue my Tour De Force of decadence and end this trip with one more deliciously fine meal. Again, I was at a table for one. Silly ole' me sitting buy myself in Dupont Circle having a French meal. The waiters were super attentive. There was like 3 of them handling different phases of the meal. The main one was extra nice to me. I loved the attentiveness. It made me feel like a queen. Fetch me my some more bread! More wine please! Yes coffee would be to my liking! Being a queen would be cool. The French onion soup was spectacular but...every time I took a bite the cheese would stick to the spoon and drag on my chin. Jeeez! Does everything have to be sloppy! My makeup was taking a beating. I must have looked not so fresh. Of course the TGs sensitive area is around the mouth with the beard cover. Oh well, this was the end. I was calling it a trip now. I thanked the waiter for the fine service and gave him a big tip. It was back to the Metro at Dupont Circle.
Now here is where the incident I mentioned happened. It almost ruined the day and it still has me thinking and angry to this day. Mind you, I was tired, my face was slopped on and probably shiny from hoofing it all day, I had the stupid hat on still, AND I passed a teenage girl in my uncurvy outfit. After I passed her, I heard her shout TIIIIIINA!! Across the tracks in the underground DuPont Circle station was apparently, Tina. This little b---- had found me so compelling and so freakish apparently, that she decided that she just had to shriek loudly across the cavernous station to get the attention of her probably equally bubble-brained cohort. I settled into a spot waiting for the train and noticed a group of people on the other side of the tracks looking at or for me. I thought to myself "Yeah go ahead and look, you can't even find me you fu----- d---s." "Keep trying Tiiiiina" I thought. Then I saw a kid peek around an obstruction and look toward me as others on the non-Tina side looked. Boy, I must be a real sideshow to them, I thought. I started to get angry and uncomfortable. I just wanted the train to come. I was letting them get the best of me. I was picturing the whole cavernous station erupting with laughter as all turned to look at me. But, that did not happen. Life went on and Tina and her friend went back to their vacuous, superficial world and I got on my train. I steamed about it all the way back to the station. I was feeling very unconfident and just wanted to get to my car. As soon as I got off I got into my car and made a video. I think you will see my emotions if you watch it. I then took that damn hat off and let my hair down and made it all fluffy and sexy. "FU b----, I am a proud TG girl. I am more woman than you hope to be." I said. I appreciate being who I am. It still bothers me a little. Of course, after passing hundreds if not thousands of teenagers and young girls, the friggin' last one is the one that gave me problems. Don't it figure. No matter...I had my fun.
Overall it was an incredible journey that I took. 2 and a half weeks of adventure. It was quite a ride. I never wanted it to end. I look back at it at a trip of multiple firsts that will never happen again. First girlie vacation for me. First gay bar and drag queen. First lesbians and gay hits for me. First time on beach with a bikini and first summer girlieness in public in general. First vacation myself, and first long, multiple city road trip. First trip to the salon and Mani-Pedis and highlights. The list goes on and on. I doubt I will ever have that kind of trip again. This is a unique time in my life and I am trying to take full advantage of it with out feeling guilty. These are life experiences that will live on as long as I live. I was living like I wanted to. Just being ME!
I will include some links to photos and a video that I made as I went along on my adventures.
http://www.youtube.com/user/GirlieAmandaANF#p/u/0/Nc3WPn06tDg
http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlieamanda/sets/72157627153807698/
I was pretty sure I was going to go to the beach after visiting my brother in MD. Just 2 weeks earlier I had told him about my being TG on another trip down there. One of his best points was to not think of myself as two people. Rather, its just ME. I really liked this idea and knew he was right. I am just me. There is no she/me anymore. I have merged. This trip has solidified that. Am I heading toward being a TS? I don't know. I really don't like classifications though because I feel I live my own way. Just walking through the streets of our nations capital looking and living the way I wanted, made me feel so complete and alive. I really wish I could live like this all of the time. While there is a lot of work to be done, including finding a new place to live, getting a new job, and vastly improving my look to be as complete as I can afford, I am planning on building my life with heavy leanings on being and living like the girl I know I am. You might be saying "Wow, what the hell happened on this trip?" Well let me tell you about my little adventure. This may get a little lengthy but so was the trip. 2 and a half weeks total. I think I can really illustrate how it feels to me to be out in the world as a girl and all that goes with it, the good, the bad, the happy and sad.
The trip started with a trip to my brother's house as I said. The last time I was there was 2 weeks before, I had come out to him. I was so relieved that he was accepting that I went and got some clothes at the store and kind of mixed them in of sorts. Well, this caused a stir on the in law side of the family. His wife's side is not too keen on anything that is not "normal". Very Southern Maryland-farmy-conservative. Very disappionting. So I promised that I would tone down for this next trip. So I arrived this time all unshaven and total guyie like. That lasted for about two days when on that Monday morning I decided to go to the salon and get my first ever Mani-Pedi, cut and color, and eyebrow wax. I went nuts. I couldn't stand it. It was so incredible and I will never forget it as long as I live. It is burned in there good. The girls were very understanding especially the one who was taking care of me. She did everything. I freakin' LOVE a pedicure and a manicure. It was like heaven. I had massive chills when she was pampering my feet. I almost could not speak I was so buzzy with pleasure. When she put those pink toe spreaders in between my toes I almost cannot describe the feeling. It was just so amazing. My toes were so girlie looking and a nice lavender color. So perfect.
Then the cut & color. I decided to get highlights. My hair is about 4-5 inches long now. I can't wait for it to be so much longer. I discussed how I wanted to have hair that could be styled but wanted it to grow longer. We decided to just trim and go onto the highlights. When she started to put the tin foil in my hair and start painting the hair dye on, it was such an incredible girlie feeling. I just looked at myself with my head all foiled up and it was just wonderful. I couldn't wait to see how it turned out. I have always had super short boring hair. After a while, I asked her to style it like she would a girl. We opted for volume and a flat iron look. It looked so cute. I just sat there and was just feeling so much pleasure. Like I was getting so close to being how I really am on the inside. It was thrilling beyond words. We decided it was not too bad and that I could go out in the world like that. Kind of a shorter Keith Urban winged out look. Next was the manicure which was like just icing on the cake. The nails looked so perfect. The hand massage was great too. The eyebrow wax was really painless and quick also. It definitely cost a lot. $200+ with tip but I figured WTF, I just had to see what it was like. It was worth every penny.
I decided to leave the salon as is. Toes painted with flip flops, hair flat ironed, and nails an iridescent shiny. I returned to the house and immediately asked my brother's wife if I was "too much". She said to cover the feet and thanked me for asking. God forbid that the kids would see my toes. The kids, 5 and 6 year old girls who adore me, did notice my strange hair. They forgot about it after playing for a bit. Mom, who was visiting too, said it was OK. Mom and I actually spent all day the next day tanning, doing our nails, and sharing a Shape magazine. That was really a good sign although she still has reservations about the whole thing. Like everyone always says, baby steps for family. Although, I see my best friend's family fully embracing his TG life and it makes me a little sad. I guess I could have no tolerance instead of some. I did stay at my brother's house a few more days working on my tan and helping with the fixing up of the house. Then it was time for the main event...the beach. I wanted to take on the beach and see how good I really was.
Day 1 The Real Beginning I arrived at Rehoboth Beach, DE on Monday the 27th of June. Rehoboth Beach boasts a gay beach and seems to be TG friendly but still there are tons regular vacationers there as well. I figured I could always go to the gay beach and cheat a bit. It was about noon and check in wasn't until 3pm so I ventured out in guy mode and tried to get the lay of the land down. I ended up going and getting a guy swimsuit since I only brought bikinis to wear. I just wanted to keep working on my tan and to get the back of my legs some color. I threw on my guy trunks in the parking area on the street and just went onto the beach all guyie. I was not sure where the gay beach was so I just picked anywhere. I stupidly did not spray my legs with sunscreen too well and ended up getting a weird patchy burn on the back of my upper. I was so upset. Girls don't have weird patchy burns on their upper thighs. DAMN! I recovered and went to find The Blue Moon Restaurant and bar which was a gay bar and I believe LGBT friendly too. It said in the review that it was 40 somethings and mostly men. That sounded OK but I hoped to find some other TGs there.
The restaurant had incredible food. It was fine dining for sure since I dropped no less than $60 and up depending on how decadent I wanted to be each nighth. I was feeling pretty decadent too. After din din, I made my way over to the gay bar side. It was very nice and not too intimidating. It was a Monday and that turned out to be a good thing because it was just casual and not pumpin' and heavin'. I wasn't sure what to do really. I am not a bar person. I just tried to do what any girl would do. Just try to look pretty and attract someone. I look pretty cute in guy mode so I just looked around and tried to see who was looking. I was getting looks alright but no one would talk to me at first. Then one man named Norm, bless his heart, came to me and introduced himself. I was so relieved. We talked and I told him my story. He thought I was cute. Later I saw a very dark italian gentleman looking at me like I was a piece of candy. I was really feeling desirable now. He came over and talked to me too. Both men talked a little then had to leave. So I was back to being alone and shy again. I figured it was time to call it a night.
I went back to my room and put on some of my new PJs and just relaxed and pondered what the next day would hold. By the way, the room I got at the Quality Inn right down the road in Dewey Beach is spectacular for the money. It was $110 for the night but it was so huge and had a an actual living room to hang out in. Incredibly clean and fresh there. It felt condo like. I highly recommend it.
Day 2 Getting Comfy The next day I got up and really wanted to go to the beach but still had the weird, patchy burn on my legs. I was worried about it. I ended up getting ready fast with a casual tank, capris and baseball hat. I think I looked pretty cute. I headed for the grocery store and WalMart. I always hear people talk about Walmart as a place they would like to go to mean that they are truly doing a mundane thing and living as a woman no doubt. Well, it was great to make a beeline for the women's section and the intimates and not have one ounce of uncomfortableness touching and inspecting the bras and panties. It was really freeing and I felt a million times more comfortable than in my guy facade. I even interacted with a guy and bought a camera on his recommendation. I kind of played the helpless girl who doesn't know about electronics. It was so fun letting him puff out his chest and impress me about all the features. I just let him roll and I just played amazed and clueless.
Since it was late and I didn't end up going to the beach, I got dressed in my nice girlie white button shirt with the rolled sleeves and my snug jean capris. I did my hair in a semi pull back fashion which turned out nice. I felt very fresh and beachy. I drove out into the early evening heading to dinner and sporting my girlie sunglasses for only the second time in my life out in the world. I have learned to wear them lower on my nose like the teens do and to hide my schnoz. It seemed so cool to be going to dinner after the beach like I did a tom of times with my ex. Only this time I was discovering it from the girl side. I only wished that I had someone there to go with me. I was having fun though. I parked and knew I was going to have to walk to get change then back to the car and then to the restaurant. I was feeling very confident and I felt I looked great. I got out of the car and passed many people on the way to the restaurant. Only a couple of looks and an interested Hi from a creepy guy. Now, Rehoboth Beach is know for its gay population and beach, so I wasn't sure if people were just more tolerant there or I was passing like Big Ben in a 4th quarter comeback. Oh shoot, now I am remembering the Super Bowl. Ugh what a fiasco. Could have had our 7th title. Damn Aaron Rodgers! I digress.
I stepped confidently into the Blue Moon as I had the previous night and saw the same hostess who seated me at the same table for 1. I wondered if she remembered me from last night. I looked for signs of recognition and she did have a smile but nothing obvious. It was OK if she did remember but I just wanted to see. Besides this is a very TG place so who cares. I ordered even more extravagantly this night. I was treating myself. Total decadence for me. I watched the people in groups have fun a talk and there I sat, all pretty and no one to eat with. I was a little sad about that but no matter...I was having fun. After din din, I again went over to the gay bar side and watched a really weird show with a raunchy, crossdressing puppeteer. It was a little over the top but fun. I really didn't get much attention this night. Looking back, I think that guys in gay bars want gay guys and don't really know what to do with TGs. So I drank my drink and just tried to have a good time. I then headed to the shopping district at night and the boardwalk. It was so much fun looking at, touching and holding up clothes to myself. I always had to just look at it shopping in guy clothes. It feels so right and so real. I don't have to be uncomfortable shopping because I am a girl and I am allowed to shop for girl's clothes. It was extremely satisfying. As the evening grew late, I headed back to the hotel and prepared for the next big day.
Day 3. Wednesday. The Weird Day I was worried about my money situation. I was waiting for a deposit and growing nervous that it was not going to happen. I needed that money to continue my adventure. I really did not want to go back to guy clothes but I had to. I would be banking and that could involve IDs and such. Not wanting to explain things, I got into guy clothes and went to straighten out finances. After squaring that away I got back to the hotel and ended up watching a Sex in the City marathon and trying on different outfits for a more dressy evening. I really like Sex in the City. I never saw it before. Very fem.
I guess it was time. I had fooled around long enough. I was going to the beach TODAY! It was getting later but I got ready, did my super tuck. I was thinking, "If there is any day that this is crucial, it is today. This must be a good tuck." There would be nothing between me and the world but 4 tiny panels of triangular cloth. There would be no hiding. This was it. I had bought a cute, sexy white coverup at Walmart and wore that and my flip flops. I tell ya, that was a really hard step across the threshhold of that hotel room. That magical line between in and out. Its almost feels like a Stargate or something every time I step through. It's still a thrill but it needs to get easier for me. I need it to get easier.
As I walked through the hall I came across a handsome man. He said Hi and I quietly said Hi as well. I think I uttered "Wow" too. I wanted to fall into his arms and seduce him in my sexy little bikini. No time for that nonsense though, there was fun to be had! I walked out my "go to" side entrance that did not go through the lobby. Again it was like slow motion when I stepped through the threshhold. Like a slick music video where they all of a sudden go slo-mo to increase dramatic effect. I found myself walking down a busy highway sidewalk to get to the side street that leads to the beach. My little coverup was blowing and exposing my legs almost to my bottoms. It felt so soft on my legs and I felt a little sexy in my super short coverup. I got some looks definitely. This made me feel great. I never walked that far being tucked either. That was an experience. That sweet air blowing up and through my coverup and caressing my bare legs and body felt exhilarating.
I found it quite difficult to walk sexy on the sand. I just tried to walk slow and not fall on my face. A nice slow, saunter. I was on the freakin' beach. Wow. I made it. I was doing it. No alarms were going off. No one stared, no one cared. The beach patrol didn't roll up on me with sirens wailing while ordering "Alright you, drop the pretty beach bag and eat sand...NOW!" I settled down my beach chair and sat down. I was just going to have a sitting session since the backs of my legs legs were embarrassing looking. Again, with the dramatic music video slo-mo as I took off my coverup. My heart was pumping and I was hyper-aware. Everything was so vivid and clear. A moment burned into the brain forever. I had just lived a dream and was going to enjoy it to the fullest. It took me a few minutes to just take it all in. The air was so sweet, the waves crashed and the gulls cried. My God, I was sitting on the beach in a freakin' bikini. Can you believe this?, I asked. At that moment, I thought about all of the girls on this site who would love to be able to be there like I was. I thought of the courage and the sense of adventure it took to do this. Wild stuff! This was the wildest thing I had ever done but yet it felt natural. That is the difference in me. This trip was solidifying who I am. In that moment, I believe I went beyond being a crossdresser, which I don't think I ever was, and onto being a transgendered woman. It was a very monumental moment.
I looked around to see if anyone noticed me. No one seemed to even bat an eyelash my way. Only a few guys walking along the water looked my way and lingered. I just smirked and thought "What are youuuu lookin' at boy?" Tee Hee. This was getting fun now. I just tried to sit there and look pretty as I read my Cosmopolitan magazine and drank my fancy water. I couldn't wait to see if I got tan lines. I was pretty dark though from tanning already so I didn't expect much. I stayed there until about 5pm or so. I really wanted to get all dressed up and go to dinner at the Blue Moon again. So I trudged through the sand again un-sexily and again walked down the sidewalk. I noticed that my makeup was not doing too well and I was worried I was bleaching my wig. I was a little hot and wanted to get fresh
I ended up wasting a lot of time and it was time to go to dinner. I got all dressed up in a nice floral and black dress with the only shoes I could match with it which were my brown heeled sandals. There was a little brown in the dress flowers so it was cool. It was incredibly late. I stupidly wasted so much time getting ready. I ended up getting to the restaurant at 9:55 pm. I walked up to the restaurant door past the throngs of gay men standing outside and pulled on the door. It was locked. This was unexpected. I was thrown. I felt embarrassed. I dumbly turned to the bouncer near the bar entrance and in a guyie voice said "Are they closed?" Dammit! I cringed. I was thrown for a loop and I forgot to speak girlie. Shit! Oh well, so the bouncer knows I am a guy. I can't do that though if I want to pass. I have to learn to be calm and think. Well, I was mad and I just ended up driving around a bit and went home. I was dissapointed. I went to bed.
Day 4. Redemption This day was going to be great so help me God. This was going to be the day it was all balanced. I decided to go back to the beach. This time I was going to not just sit and I really wanted to get into the water. I put on my second bikini which I think I like better. It is a black and white hibiscus print string bikini. I couldn't believe I was wearing a string bikini out into the world. So awesome. I hemmed and hawed over my hair and makeup. I really did not like wearing a wig to the beach or makeup. The GGs at the beach do not wear makeup or very little, and they have their hair up in buns or pony tails or just short. I am a firm believer in doing what real girls do whenever possible. Since my hair is about 4-5 inches long I decided it was time to unveil my real hair to the world mostly due to necessity. I tried to go light on the makeup too. I just wish I did not have this damn beard. I could wear just powder or nothing. I am determined to get my skin resurfaced in a couple of areas AND to laser this blue nightmare off my face. Someday with my hair at least shoulder length and no beard or very near gone, I can be more natural and stop with the wigs and heavy foundation in the beard areas.
I walked to the beach again this time going a different way. I kind of got lost a little and ended up walking further. It wasn't bad. I was enjoying my little breezy bikini walks. It was a little worrysome going out with my real hair. I wore a black girlie cap to kind of hide it after fluffing and curling it in the back. I just did it. I went for it. I felt so much better all natural. I even took my cap off for a while while at the beach. I set my chair up and towel. I unleashed the floral bikini and laid face down to tan those still unsightly backs of my legs. I wanted them even. It was a thrill to let my bum show to all the world. I even made sure the back was in the right place by pulling at it and snapping it into place like I see girls doing. I really wondered what I looked like from above. I really couldn't take pictures on the beach though. I really didn't want to set up even a small tripod. It just seemed weird. I tried to snap a few but I am all squinty and sweaty. Its all about the body on the beach not the face I found out. Get your tan body and throw on some cool shades, put your hair up and let that bikini body talk. I learned.
When I turned over it was a thrill because I would be exposing my tuck fully. I think it looked good. It remained pretty flat as I looked down at it. So thrilling to do that. Again, I wondered how looked from above. Probably not as good as I felt. I flipped and tossed like a burger at McDonalds. Trying to even my tan and enjoying every movement and that huggy, flat tuck just holding so tight hidden under that small triangle. My boobage was pretty good because the suit was a push up hidden inside and I added some batting on the inside of the cup for added oomph. I struck some girlie poses like the lean back with the arms back pose which was fun and the lay on back with elbows down and supporting and knees bent and together pose. I got some looks from guys passing buy with those poses.
I stayed on the beach for a long time hoping that I could get into the water. I was just concerned that my legs were patchy and I didn't have my long hair to break up my shoulders from the back. I just kept waiting for people to clear out. It ended up getting breezy and I did not have much on. I started to get cold since it was almost sand blowing breezy. Even the lifeguards were chilly. So I ended up calling it and I thought that I could maybe get down here super early tomorrow before check out. I made what would be my final bikini walk back and enjoyed every second. I got ready nice and early for dinner this time. I was looking good again. I wore my white shirt again but paired it with my black cotton mini with a zip slit I found at Goodwill and my sandals with white design on top of the foot. My makeup was a little "nightlife" I think I was too overdressed the previous night anyway. I still got looks as I walked. Again, its hard to tell what people are thinking. Good, bad, ugly? No problems though. This time I requested another table and I am so glad I did. I sat in a nice private area with two gay gentleman very close to me. One was sharing the same bench seat with the tables divided slightly. I was determined to start conversations. I had to do this. I was tired of not interacting with people. The meal went great and I had an incredible tender fish and reeeeeally good drinks. I was feeling great! I talked to the two men and we shared our time at dinner together. I was so glad I spoke up. They enjoyed me. I wondered if they knew. I think gay guys just know but I wasn't sure because they were so cool. That's the whole thing with passing. You never really know if you are, you only know when you are aren't. Gee that's kind of profound. I like that.
After a dinner I never wanted to end, I went into the packed bar. There was a drag queen hosting Karaoki. I really wanted to get up there and sing something but it was all full with singers for the night. Next time I guess. I was entranced by the drag queen, my first. I was looking at her makeup and wondering about her foundation and what she uses. Most likely theater makeup. She was so funny and made fun of the singers when they were bad but still encouraged them. It was a lot of fun. I ended up talking to two older lesbians next to me. The one kept asking if every guy was my boyfriend. She was wasted. I really enjoyed watching two guys dance together very well with hips a-flyin and arms a-grabbin. I just watched them dance and totally enjoyed the unique experience. I still did not get much attention except one guy who exclaimed "Wooooow... beautifuuuul. Where did YOUUU come from?" To which I stupidly and lamely answered. "I don't know". What the hell kind of an answer is that? He asked "I don't knoooow?" And I shyly smiled. I am so friggin' shy. I am not really a bar person. I am trying. I am assuming that he knew I was a TG but again...you just don't know for sure. I was in the crowd and loving it. I thought I saw another TG girl with REALLY long hair. I wasn't sure. I mean how do you ask that? I guess I should have just went up to her and introduced myself and said "That's some incredible hair" No, that would have been smart. No, I am stupidly shy. I have to get over that. Its really hard to in a strange place and a strange world where you are STILL kind of the odd girl out. Sometimes its a really hard road being TG. But, no matter...I was having fun. I ended up singing all night to the songs and putting a dollar in the Diva's boobs. Time to call the day a pretty good success.
After I got back to the hotel. I became overcome with loneliness and sadness. The great day was over and I was back but I felt very alone and that wasn't helped by the fact that no one really interacted with me much at the bar. I just kind of enjoyed myself...with myself mostly. It just all kind of came in on me and was even noticeably down in my video I made. My voice even reflected it too. I was very surprised to watch it and see my face at one point. There was some real pain on my face for a few seconds. Its hard for me to watch because I knew what I was feeling inside. I am trying to show my TG life warts and all though. Its not always a party even on vacation. I figured out though that I had not taken my anti depressant for that day and I am sure that did not help. I just wanted to get all comfy and go to sleep.
Day 5 Leaving Rehoboth Because of the holiday weekend the rates for my room were going to increase by 250%. I said screw that and I planned to go to the beach one more time in the early morning to get some pics and get in the water. However, When I woke up at 7 am, the temperature outside was 59 degrees. WOAH! No frickin' way am I going to get into a bikini and get into the water in 59 degrees!! Oh well I went back to sleep and just relaxed till checkout. All good things must come to an end. Besides, I was blowing through so much money.
I decided to keep the fun rolling because it was such a beautiful day. I was sad that I couldn't go to the beach. I decided to visit Ocean City MD. I have been there many times but not since the early 2000s. The day was spectacular and the views were so refreshing. I was on the open road doing whatever the hell I wanted. I can't tell you how good that freedom feels. I rolled into Ocean City. It was even better than I remember but maybe I am just seeing it with new eyes. I ended up walking the boardwalk, eating famous Dumsers ice cream and buying an Amanda name plate souvenir. It looked so spectacular there. I hung out with the different musicians on the boardwalk listening to their songs and talking with them. Kinda missed being all girlie at that time. I had been full time practically the whole time at the beach.
As I said goodbye to OC, I traveled back toward home. As I crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge which is an incredible, extremely long bridge joining the two sides of Maryland spanning the Chesapeake Bay, I had a thought that I did not want to get stuck in the traffic on the Washington DC beltway. The last time it took me 2 hours to go 60 miles. On a whim, and because I could, I detoured to Annapolis MD. I had always heard about it but had never been there. It was so beautiful. The water with the boats is magical. Tons of sailboats. The naval academy is there and the whole town is old but vibrant and quaint. Fully restored and modern at the same time. Its so clean and fresh there. It would make a good place to live I thought. Still in boy mode, I went on a boat ride and had yet another fancy dinner. I was really living it up in a big way. Later I walked along all of the shops and just meandered in and out of the cool places. Later on, I tried to go into a big bar that had lots of people carousing and laughing. It was a long outside bar along the docks. I went in thinking, "Who knows, I may meet someone." Well...it was worse than the gay bar. I just walked through the crowd with my little beer and just started to feel more and more awful. A couple of girls looked at me but that was it. I felt no connection with anyone. I was feeling very upset by the whole thing. I left after putting my half finished beer on the bar and ended up sitting in pier with tears streaming down my face. That was just so traumatic and crappy. I don't know what to do in there. I finally gathered myself and slumped my way back to the car. I called my friend Danielle and we started talking about girlie stuff and I felt better. Thank God for her. My friend Sara told me that its really tough to go into a bar alone. Why do people shun someone who is alone? I just hated how it made me feel inside. I decided at that moment that I needed one final great thing on this trip. I didn't want the fun to end despite the sadness at times. I drove to Washington DC and to my favorite end of the Red Line of the Metro area. I checked in at a Red Roof at 1:30 am.
Day 6 The Final Fury I realized when I got up that I would have to check out girlie if I wanted to get dressed in the hotel. Checkout was at 11. I really was not keen on checking out girlie so I decided to get all ready except dressing and makeup. I actually went to the counter with my little enhancer pads on under my boy shorts. They weren't even noticeable but it felt weird. Here begins the first step in a series of things that would lead to an incident later on. It does suck trying to get ready in the car. Its cramped, there is weird lighting, you have to keep looking around until you at least have your shirt on and your wig. Then its just makeup and that could just be some girl doing her makeup in the car. Its always a little iffy till that point.
After a trip into 7-11 for some batteries and a snack for later, I drove to the Metro station. This was gong to be big. A real dream. Riding the Metro into the big city, our nation's capital no less. It was so cool to sit there with the other people and just ride along. A lady even sat right next to me. I felt so cosmopolitan and carefree. I was going to get off at DuPont Circle, a very big LGBT area so I heard. I must have missed that stop so I just continued to Metro Station and got off in mid town. This was my first trip to the big city while girlie. I had dreamed of this for a long time. My outfit consisted of my new cool girlie sandals with white design on top, greenish camo capris, A really nice T shirt with flowers that surprisingly went with the pants, and then THE HAT. It was a pink and white camo hat. I was not sure about it but because I got ready in the car, I couldn't see the whole outfit at once. I couldn't tell if I looked OK or not form all angles. The Hat was actually too tall and square. Now that I have looked back I see this. The whole outfit was great and cute but I think it was just not very curvy and fem. The colors and the styles were, but overall it needed more femmy curves. Plus, I decided to pull my hair back thinking it would be hot. I did like my little purse/bag that I had. It too matched my outfit perfectly. I was really getting used to going into a purse for things and was working out my techniques. It was a little rough on my outing in April. I am learning how to be a girl in the real world. Purses are a necessity. They can be great and be a PITA too.
I walked along the streets and passed thousands of people. I was specifically looking at the teenage girls eyes as I passed them. I know they are the hardest crowd to be passable to. I seemed to be golden. The men were so easy. I was laughing at how easy they were. I didn't even look that sexy but they were sure lookin'. The foreign dudes especially. They are so short and they were probably in awe of the tall, cute American girl. I am 5'10" and I was so glad there were so many way taller girls walking around. I don't know what they are feeding these women but I was so glad. Just walking to the White House was so great. I felt so legit and thought that if there were any place I could have the right to do as I please, it was right here. The epicenter of freedom. I was free to be transgendered and free to walk around confident and proud. I passed some new buildings that I had never seen and admired the architecture. I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time though. I was seeing through my girl eyes. Everything seemed new and fresh. The day was, again, spectacular and everything was so vibrant and crisp. The highlight was a trip to the Jefferson Memorial. It is kind of a hike to get to it and I remembered my ex never wanted to go to it. Well, this is MY trip and I am going to go wherever the hell I please. It was so worth it. The monument is so serene and grand. There was even a wedding party taking pics inside. I tried to take many photos and was starting to get a little silly with some.
I walked forever. It had to have been many miles. My little shoes did really well though. Very comfortable but my feet got dirty. That's a new experience. I ended up washing my feet in the ladies room. I really love using the ladies room. I feel so natural in there. Fixing my makeup, primping all is fun stuff. Heck, I even love shimmying down my pants and undies and doing my business. It just feels right. I feel perfectly natural in there. I especially enjoyed the bathroom at the Museum of American History. Very wide open and has full length mirrors. It was such an experience going to museums. I love them and love to take my time. No one there to rush me now. I started to get a little fresh with the mannequins in some silly pics. I was really enjoying myself. Of course, I had to get lunch at one of the street vendors which I love. The problem was I got an egg roll which was incredible and huge but was very messy and the insides kept slopping on my made up chin. Note to self, do not get egg rolls or other sloppy food when trying to maintain makeup.
After some more sightseeing, I decided to go back to DuPont Circle. As I said this was supposed to be LGBT central in Washington DC. I figured I could walk around than go get some din din. Well, I did the walking around but really did not see what the big "LGBT friendly" was all about. Besides a few gay guys, it seemed pretty straightforward. Maybe I just don't know where things are. No matter...I was having fun. I finally decided on a fancy French restaurant called Cafe DuPont. The menu looked a little frenchy but hell, I had never been to a French Restaurant. Why not continue my Tour De Force of decadence and end this trip with one more deliciously fine meal. Again, I was at a table for one. Silly ole' me sitting buy myself in Dupont Circle having a French meal. The waiters were super attentive. There was like 3 of them handling different phases of the meal. The main one was extra nice to me. I loved the attentiveness. It made me feel like a queen. Fetch me my some more bread! More wine please! Yes coffee would be to my liking! Being a queen would be cool. The French onion soup was spectacular but...every time I took a bite the cheese would stick to the spoon and drag on my chin. Jeeez! Does everything have to be sloppy! My makeup was taking a beating. I must have looked not so fresh. Of course the TGs sensitive area is around the mouth with the beard cover. Oh well, this was the end. I was calling it a trip now. I thanked the waiter for the fine service and gave him a big tip. It was back to the Metro at Dupont Circle.
Now here is where the incident I mentioned happened. It almost ruined the day and it still has me thinking and angry to this day. Mind you, I was tired, my face was slopped on and probably shiny from hoofing it all day, I had the stupid hat on still, AND I passed a teenage girl in my uncurvy outfit. After I passed her, I heard her shout TIIIIIINA!! Across the tracks in the underground DuPont Circle station was apparently, Tina. This little b---- had found me so compelling and so freakish apparently, that she decided that she just had to shriek loudly across the cavernous station to get the attention of her probably equally bubble-brained cohort. I settled into a spot waiting for the train and noticed a group of people on the other side of the tracks looking at or for me. I thought to myself "Yeah go ahead and look, you can't even find me you fu----- d---s." "Keep trying Tiiiiina" I thought. Then I saw a kid peek around an obstruction and look toward me as others on the non-Tina side looked. Boy, I must be a real sideshow to them, I thought. I started to get angry and uncomfortable. I just wanted the train to come. I was letting them get the best of me. I was picturing the whole cavernous station erupting with laughter as all turned to look at me. But, that did not happen. Life went on and Tina and her friend went back to their vacuous, superficial world and I got on my train. I steamed about it all the way back to the station. I was feeling very unconfident and just wanted to get to my car. As soon as I got off I got into my car and made a video. I think you will see my emotions if you watch it. I then took that damn hat off and let my hair down and made it all fluffy and sexy. "FU b----, I am a proud TG girl. I am more woman than you hope to be." I said. I appreciate being who I am. It still bothers me a little. Of course, after passing hundreds if not thousands of teenagers and young girls, the friggin' last one is the one that gave me problems. Don't it figure. No matter...I had my fun.
Overall it was an incredible journey that I took. 2 and a half weeks of adventure. It was quite a ride. I never wanted it to end. I look back at it at a trip of multiple firsts that will never happen again. First girlie vacation for me. First gay bar and drag queen. First lesbians and gay hits for me. First time on beach with a bikini and first summer girlieness in public in general. First vacation myself, and first long, multiple city road trip. First trip to the salon and Mani-Pedis and highlights. The list goes on and on. I doubt I will ever have that kind of trip again. This is a unique time in my life and I am trying to take full advantage of it with out feeling guilty. These are life experiences that will live on as long as I live. I was living like I wanted to. Just being ME!
I will include some links to photos and a video that I made as I went along on my adventures.
http://www.youtube.com/user/GirlieAmandaANF#p/u/0/Nc3WPn06tDg
http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlieamanda/sets/72157627153807698/