detransition

[Felicity71]

Now ive been on anti depressants for about a month and a half and im feeling quite different and far less negative.

So ive been considering going back to being male, after nearly 2 years on hrt. Well anyway ive experimented with wearing my old male name badge at work, its been funny as people keep asking why its changed, lol, as if it affects them, dumb customers. Wow, even my co workers wont stop calling me she and Allana. Ive never pushed it very hard.

Anyway, if it doesnt work out I can always go back.

[Melody Moore]

Wow, are you really sure that you want to de-transition?

Everyone that I know has had more problems than ever & ended up back on HRT.

If you have GID, it never gets any better, it will only get worse.

But good luck in what ever you decide, but I urge you to rethink your decision.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Allana its always your call about transition
I hope you can figure stuff out..

I don't know what your job is but changing name tags sounds like a self destructive move.... That's how you lose people's support and ifi was your boss I would be in your face..dumb customers? Work is not the place to be working this stuff out..

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Allana I have been on anti-depressants on and off since 1993 and on them all the time since 2005, along with anti-anxiety meds thanks too a medical screw-up. All the time the desires to be female has always been there, sometimes quite for months then overwhelming. Now I can't keep the urges quite any longer it was quiet deafening and stressful. Fighting all that has been pounded into me that men don't behave in any way feminine. I let her out to my counselor them my wife and some of her family. I want to totally transition and my wife right now is only letting me have long finger nails, painted toes, and longer hair. Regardless of what you choose you need to know your true feelings about your direction. The drugs maybe just quieting your feelings for now. Take it slow and give yourself time and the meds time. Never look to the past when you should be looking to the future. Regardless what happens I look forward to reading about your journey.

Hugs

[CharleneT]

It's always best to get your head as clear as possible before transition. I agree completely with what Kaitlyn said. It is your choice to go forward or go back.

[Sophora]

I don't know what your job is but changing name tags sounds like a self destructive move.... That's how you lose people's support and ifi was your boss I would be in your face..dumb customers? Work is not the place to be working this stuff out..

I actually agree with this. If you are calling your customers names and having issues with your coworkers calling you a "she" and Allana(something that they have done for over 2 years now), I think you need your therapists as you are on the wrong stuff. Anti-depressants are supposed to balance the emotions out so you don't have the very low and should not make you aggressive at all. It could also be that the hormones are interacting with the anti-depressant. You should contact your therapist and discuss this with them immediately. If you wait any longer, you may do irrevocable damage to your life(such as losing your job).

[sandra-leigh]

Allana, one of the things you can do as an experiment is to stop your HRT drugs, wait a while, and see how you feel.

I read on the net an item posted by a MTF who became a gender therapist, that indicated that for some people, HRT can reduce gender anxiety to the point where the person might think that HRT is not needed or desired, and indeed that they might want to "go back to male". The item said that it is precisely those people who usually most need to continue HRT: that when such people go off of HRT then they very often rebound in to gender anxiety even harder than before.

If you happen to fall in to that category (as I appear to), then keep in mind that one can continue HRT at a lower dose, a maintenance dose rather than a a "developmental" dose. Just enough to keep the anxiety away and keep you comfortable with whatever gender mix you end up as.

[Rianna Humble]

Allana, it is entirely your decision whether you continue transition or not, but I would like to add my voice to those counselling caution - especially with the workplace.

Most employers have enough difficulties understanding the need to transition but will make the effort, some might be brave enough to try to understand de-transition. It would take an exceptional employer to accept if you then decided that you do need to transition after all (or as you put it "go back").

I would also like to join those who urge you to seek professional advice before making a definitive decision, whether you talk to your therapist, your doctor or both, do please explore all the options as well as the question of whether this might be a transient side effect of the combination of medications.

When all that is done, whatever you choose will be your decision and you alone have the right to take it. I like to hope that whether we understand or not, we will still be there for you.

[Aprilrain]

this scares me, it is a fear I have, that I will go to all this trouble and then be like "OK im over it" there are times when Im out and about perfectly content as a female and think why am I doing this. I just go back in the memory banks and pull up being male and go "OH yeah I forgot cause that sucked" Today I was a my apartment buildings pool with my kids. I was feeling really self conscious because my 5 year old calls me dad really loudly were ever we go I was wearing a bikini and though I figure I don't pass I really don't like having it confirmed by my kid. So I thought why am I doing this why can't i just be "normal" it sent me into a pretty major depression for the rest of the afternoon.

[Bree-asaurus]

Be careful. Just because you are calm and comfortable for a short period doesn't mean anything has really changed.

You need to do what makes you happy. But I wouldn't start going back and forth with the people you are already out to. Like someone else mentioned, if you feel like this (like you can go back to being a man) for more than a couple days or weeks, THEN try going off HRT. See if you feel the same way once the hormones aren't pumping through your body anymore.

Maybe you don't need to fully transition, and that's fine. Just don't make any huge decisions without knowing for sure (that goes for transitioning and de-transitioning).

[Aprilrain]

So since no one has asked i will. WHY? why do you want to detransition? are you just not comfortable in your female role? do you think you would be more comfortable in a male role again? and if so why weren't you comfortable in it before but now you will be. these are the sorts of questions I'd be asking myself. I can totally understand being stressed out about transitioning and GID by its very definition is not pleasant. It is also easy to understand not wanting to have to deal with it, I wish i didn't! But I think it is also unrealistic to think that it has gone away too. I had times in my life as a male when i didn't think about the whole "wana be a girl" thing that much but as the years progressed those times became less and less. Anyway Remember how annoying it was carrying everything around in your pockets! Guys DON"T carry purses!

[Inna]

Non of our decisions or needs are set in stone, to start transitioning is to want to abandon what felt like bondage and start living life full of joy and truth. But some of us may have started such transition not being able to get a clear answer as to what is that they truly want or need. Do not hold this against your self, nor feel regret for the time in transition, every moment and every day of your life is meaningful and valuable.

I wish you life in peace, wherever and however that is. And hope you will find what makes our time here joyful and true. Love, Inna.

[Jorja]

Allana,
I don't know what I could possibly add to what has already been said. I do urge you to talk with your therapist and doctor about this before you make any big decisions. If you do chose to go back to being male, at least you will know you followed your heart. Either way, know we still are here for you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

One of the situations many face is that there is not a pot of gold given to us for transition..

It simply is what it is... Just being yourself is a huge reward.. But it isn't what most of us think prior to starting out .

Getting rid of the gid is what can save your life, everything else needs to be considered gravy because there are no guarantees except that everything in your life tends to become more difficult.

[Kelsy]

Allana,

You have to do what is right for you! And if someday you find that you need to retransition
We will support you then aswell ! It's your life!

[TerryTerri]

I read on the net an item posted by a MTF who became a gender therapist, that indicated that for some people, HRT can reduce gender anxiety to the point where the person might think that HRT is not needed or desired, and indeed that they might want to "go back to male". The item said that it is precisely those people who usually most need to continue HRT: that when such people go off of HRT then they very often rebound in to gender anxiety even harder than before.

This is my experience exactly! I've been on and off my HRT a couple of times in the last 2 years. Each time when I came off, the internal conflicts, fractured feelings and anxiety would return. Took a bit for me to accept and digest that the reason my anxiety was basically gone, was BECAUSE the HRT was working, not that I no longer needed it! Your experience, of course, may be different.

I also seperated being on HRT and transitioning as 2 seperate issues, as I think they are and as the WPATH supports. If all you (or I) end up doing is taking HRT to relieve the gender anxiety, then that is fine. I finally pretty much decided that I am going to transition. But, having children, ex-wives, work, etc. it is not something I chose to do in a vacuum. Therefore, much of my timeline is heavily influenced by others and situations. I could forge ahead like a mule. But, I think it wisest to have faith and trust in my transition and let it evolve as it probably should.

Best of luck to you!

[Tara D. Rose]

I haven't read the other posters here in their response to this. And the reason for this is because I didn;t want to read them for fear of it altering my point of view on this. But the moment I read your post, I thought to myself, but I thought that when cd's, ts,tg's go through this and to get to the first base of transition, that they had to got a phyciatirst first and to be "OK'd" by doctors before HRT can be allowed, administered, etc. And that part of that phyciatrist's job is to ensure to himself or herself, that without a shadow of a doubt that the patient in question should move onto transition for their own well being and happiness. Aren't they suppossed to be 100% certain, that for all of their patients well being, this certainty from the therapists is suppossed to have it to where no transitioned person would want to go back?? And so I ask, if there are those that want to go back, wouldn't this kind of case send a message to others that want to transition, that even though the patient and the dr are sure that moving forward with full transition is the best and right thing for the patient, that cases of wanting to come back, can be depermental and compromising to future patients that want to move forward with full transitioning?

[Felicity71]

My job is just a dumb gas station attendant, for a large company. Since I never legally changed my name, it was easy enough to go back to the male name badge. My boss doesnt really care, so I can do as I please, I could wear a badge with the name "Princess" and they probably wouldnt care.
Dont worry people. Im not suicidal, Im a procrastinator and lazy. I just cant be bothered at the moment to continue.
My problem also has been Ive not had a serious relationship and im now 40. The hormones have made me feel that longing feeling of missing a soulmate. Its so anoying, I need to find love soon.

Allana its always your call about transition
I hope you can figure stuff out..

I don't know what your job is but changing name tags sounds like a self destructive move.... That's how you lose people's support and ifi was your boss I would be in your face..dumb customers? Work is not the place to be working this stuff out..

[Melody Moore]

I thought that when cd's, ts,tg's go through this and to get to the first base of transition, that they had to got a phyciatirst first and to be "OK'd" by doctors before HRT can be allowed, administered, etc. And that part of that phyciatrist's job is to ensure to himself or herself, that without a shadow of a doubt that the patient in question should move onto transition for their own well being and happiness. Aren't they suppossed to be 100% certain, that for all of their patients well being, this certainty from the therapists is suppossed to have it to where no transitioned person would want to go back??

Tara, HRT is as much of a tool that is used by doctors to help diagnose GID. There is no requirement to assess a person's suitability for HRT & be 100% sure before starting treatment. The requirements for seeing doctors & therapists is to help ensure that the person is of a stable & sound mind, are fully aware of their decision to transition. Doctors don't decide if you are transsexual, you do, but they are there to ensure that you do it as safely as possible with as fewer risks as possible. De-transition is one of those risks & it is not at all uncommon.


HRT can reduce gender anxiety to the point where the person might think that HRT is not needed or desired, and indeed that they might want to "go back to male". The item said that it is precisely those people who usually most need to continue HRT: that when such people go off of HRT then they very often rebound in to gender anxiety even harder than before.

This is very true, I have been supporting a local trans-girl who started on hormones 13 years ago,
then after a few years she de-transitioned. Her GID did not go away it got much worse then she
got suicidal & ended up in the local mental health ward. But then she was put onto the local gender
clinic where I also go. I also know another post-op TS woman who also de-transitioned & went through
hell but came back to the realisation about who she really was. So it seems that its quite a common
phenomena where MtF transsexuals feel at peace & sometimes feel that it would be alright to go back
to being a male & feel that it is OK to just stop HRT. But I can see how this is a very bad idea. When
the testosterone level start to rise again & all that anxiety, agitation, aggression, shame & guilt which
we are were so happy to finally free ourselves from comes flooding back. Because I can also see how
if you become complacent & developed a false sense of security then it could catch you off-guard & be
even more difficult to deal with your emotions, because you will be reacting to them in a way where you
will even feel more uncomfortable & will feel more guilty for how you are reacting. This seems to have
also been the case for a couple of the girls I spoke to who de-transitioned then re-transitioned.


The hormones have made me feel that longing feeling of missing a soulmate. Its so anoying, I need to find love soon.

Allana, this is no reason to de-transition, in fact I could almost guarantee you would regret your decision if you did.

Being a male is not going to help you find your soul-mate any sooner. And jumping from one gender to the other is
just going to confuse the crap out of everyone. If you want to find your soul-mate, then you need to really find
yourself first. How can you expect your soul-mate to find you when you don't even know who you are? I don't think
you haven't done that yet. Maybe this is something you need to address & work much hard at doing right now.
Get back to your psychologist & talk to them about these issues. By the way Allana who is your support services
down there in Brisvegas?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Thnx allana ..I hope you are ok..pls consider that your best chance to find a true and real relationship is with your true and real self...

Read what Terri and others are saying...you are not alone in feeling the way you do..

Mara I can't quite figure what you arit saying..in any case, i wish things could be a hundred percent certain...it would be so much easier for all of us. I don't think that any therapist or care giver should do anything more than guide people and inform people about their options...keep them on an even keel, etc...

[Badtranny]

Wow Allana,

I can't even imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is the HRT was a god send for me. The other girls are right, the peace of mind that you are feeling, might be because of the meds and quitting them might put you in a bad place, so you should definitely talk to a professional.

This de-transition thing is quite interesting though. I wonder how common it is.

[arbon]

Do what you feel like you need to. Like you said you can always go back if it is not working out, especially since your job is not really impacted by it. The experience of detransition will probably bring some real clarity about which way you really need to be going and if you do find you need to go back to female you'll be much more positive that you are doing the best thing for yourself. Just don't hesitate about going back if it starts getting bad because right now what your are doing does seem to be working your just lonely.

I'm not as far along as you ( I am at about 11 months hrt and still present part time as male for work, sorta kinda) but it does confuse me sometimes because I am not as troubled by the GID as i used to be. It is not even comparable really. There are still moments when it hits hard and it can screw me up for a bit, but it is not the constant weight and obsession that it used to be and so I start thinking that maybe I don't really need to be doing all this. That driving urgency is not what it used to be even if i think of myself as a woman and can't think of myself as a man. It gets confusing! Its just weird sometimes. But when I think about why am not suffering the way I used to it is because of the things I have done, so why stop doing those things and risk falling back into that hellish depression? Just some of my thoughts on my own situation that I am still working out right now. Reading some of the other experiences is very interesting.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Wow Allana,

I can't even imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is the HRT was a god send for me. The other girls are right, the peace of mind that you are feeling, might be because of the meds and quitting them might put you in a bad place, so you should definitely talk to a professional.

This de-transition thing is quite interesting though. I wonder how common it is.

I personally know three people that tried it... They did not go well..the girl I am closest to cut her hair, was almost immediately let go from her job and is very unhappy and bitter about it... she said one minute after cutting her hair off, she regretted it..

The other two I knew less well, however I know that one girl tried to kill herself, and realized she had to do this

This is so obvious that it's silly, but if you find you can live a high quality of life without transition, then you shouldn't transition..

[Stephenie S]

NOTHING about transition is set in stone. You can change your mind right up to the moment the surgeon picks up his scalpel. And actually even after according to a transitioner on another forum I read.

Do and be whatever you want. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You have one chance at this. Live the life YOU want.

Stephie

[Frances]

Nobody has to finish the process once started. I too have heard of people getting off the surgical table. And I have known people who planned on going back and then changed their minds. The point of transition is to find out if changing your appearance and social role is congruent with your true identity. Simply put, if growing breasts and losing the ability to have erections is a deal braker, or if being perceived as woman feels strange and unwanted, you may not be a woman.

Transition can be used as a diagnostic tool as much as a way to bring confort. I firmly believe in a slow process with plenty of therapy. This maximizes the chances of success and minimizes the possibility of regret. One thing though, I do not recommend playing with gender if a full transition is possible. If you are gender-queer and that's your thing, I understand. But if you want to be either a boy or a girl, I recommend being one or the other, not going back and forth.

Good luck with everything.

[CharleneT]

Nobody has to finish the process once started. I too have heard of people getting off the surgical table. And I have known people who planned on going back and then changed their minds. The point of transition is to find out if changing your appearance and social role is congruent with your true identity. Simply put, if growing breasts and losing the ability to have erections is a deal braker, or if being perceived as woman feels strange and unwanted, you may not be a woman.

Transition can be used as a diagnostic tool as much as a way to bring confort. I firmly believe in a slow process with plenty of therapy. This maximizes the chances of success and minimizes the possibility of regret. One thing though, I do not recommend playing with gender if a full transition is possible. If you are gender-queer and that's your thing, I understand. But if you want to be either a boy or a girl, I recommend being one or the other, not going back and forth.

Good luck with everything.

BINGO ! Very well said Frances !!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i wonder if for some people its just a "normal" to o back and forth for a while.. has anyone had personal experience with people that go back and forth succesfully ?

that would be an interesting perspective to share..i admit i am biased by the things i've seen with my own eyes..and what i've seen is that going back and forth causes problems..


Nobody has to finish the process once started. I too have heard of people getting off the surgical table. And I have known people who planned on going back and then changed their minds. The point of transition is to find out if changing your appearance and social role is congruent with your true identity. Simply put, if growing breasts and losing the ability to have erections is a deal braker, or if being perceived as woman feels strange and unwanted, you may not be a woman.

Transition can be used as a diagnostic tool as much as a way to bring confort. I firmly believe in a slow process with plenty of therapy. This maximizes the chances of success and minimizes the possibility of regret. One thing though, I do not recommend playing with gender if a full transition is possible. If you are gender-queer and that's your thing, I understand. But if you want to be either a boy or a girl, I recommend being one or the other, not going back and forth.

Good luck with everything.

[Bree-asaurus]

i wonder if for some people its just a "normal" to o back and forth for a while.. has anyone had personal experience with people that go back and forth succesfully ?

that would be an interesting perspective to share..i admit i am biased by the things i've seen with my own eyes..and what i've seen is that going back and forth causes problems..

It could be what works for some people... I just don't understand it. I would never want to take any step back to having to live the way I used to. For me, it's progress or die trying... but that's just my experience.

[CharleneT]

I can't imagine - for a minute - going backwards. But that is just me, others experiences are unique to their circumstances. Maybe going back and forth helps some folks figure out what they really want ? It would seem to be very confusing. The only thing I know for sure is that doing so is medically un-wise.

[Aprilrain]

I sometimes wonder what the big deal is but when I think about going back i think why. Im not uncomfortable in a female role at all well sometimes self conscious but with where i am physically that has got to be expected. the only thing i miss about my old life was how easy it was to take for granted. There is a lot of comfort in that, however it is the same kind of comfort that one acquires by ignoring a wound, yes the pain subsides for awhile but the wound is festering under the band aid and you need to rip off the band aid and scrub the wound which hurts like hell but its the only way to get it to heal.

[giuseppina]

Now ive been on anti depressants for about a month and a half and im feeling quite different and far less negative.

So ive been considering going back to being male, after nearly 2 years on hrt. Well anyway ive experimented with wearing my old male name badge at work, its been funny as people keep asking why its changed, lol, as if it affects them, dumb customers. Wow, even my co workers wont stop calling me she and Allana. Ive never pushed it very hard.

Anyway, if it doesnt work out I can always go back.

Hello Allana

Now is the wrong time to be making changes in your life. The antidepressants do elevate your mood, but changing your thought patterns takes a lot of work. The MD who prescribed the medication should be able to direct you to a therapist who can help you change the negative thought patterns. This usually isn't something you can do on your own.

Depression is not something that can be taken lightly. I speak from experience.

Good luck.

[Empress Lainie]

Dearest Allana71:
I sincerely hope that you can work things out to be your own true self. I know I am not in any way typical, as I transitioned fully the day of my Epiphany and could never ever imagine going back...I can hardly even remember ever not being Lainie after only 4 years.

[Felicity71]

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist 2 months ago. The visit will be in august. I will probably still go see her, but Its probably a waste of money. As long as im on the anti depressants nothing can go wrong. :)


Hello Allana

Now is the wrong time to be making changes in your life. The antidepressants do elevate your mood, but changing your thought patterns takes a lot of work. The MD who prescribed the medication should be able to direct you to a therapist who can help you change the negative thought patterns. This usually isn't something you can do on your own.

Depression is not something that can be taken lightly. I speak from experience.

Good luck.

[Sophora]

I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist 2 months ago. The visit will be in august. I will probably still go see her, but Its probably a waste of money. As long as im on the anti depressants nothing can go wrong. :)

As someone that is on anti depressants them self, I will disagree with that last statement. There is plenty that can go wrong with anti-depression especially if you aren't careful. It sounds like you are setting yourself up.

[Andrea85]

As someone that is on anti depressants them self, I will disagree with that last statement. There is plenty that can go wrong with anti-depression especially if you aren't careful. It sounds like you are setting yourself up.

+1 to that. It may not seem like a psychiatrist does much, or even anything, but they are. The combo of my therapist and psychiatrist have helped me make my life worth living. But though, if you don't think your psychiatrist is doing any good, find another. It may be a headache, but a good Dr can work wonders.

[Jay Cee]

I have no experience with transitioning yet, so I can't really offer advice in with your quandry. I do want to thank you, though, for getting me to thinking about where I will (hopefully) be in 2+ years, and whether or not I would want to go back to being a male.

Wishing you success, whichever path you choose.

[linda allen]

Non of our decisions or needs are set in stone, .............
They pretty much are if you have surgery.

I saw a story on television once about a man who had MTF surgery, lived as a female for many years, then decided to become a gay man. He ended up as a man with a vagina.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

gawd linda you are missing the point... spend the time , do the work, and get to surgery with your head in a good solid place...transition is a good way to do that..

that person was ensnared by religious fundamentalists.. i watched that video prior to transition many times...it's a true story, but when i watched it, it looked like a story about a person that didn't make a mistake regarding srs, but a person that made a mistake getting hooked up with the wrong people.

[Princess29]

Have you made any progress with your thoughts, allana?

[Felicity71]

Have you made any progress with your thoughts, allana? progress? No, just need to get male shirts for work, and a short haircut. I havent stopped the pills yet, because I dont wont to get depressed. I even had a customer seem almost angry I had changed my name back, I nearly was going to tell him to go feck himself. Ive changed my facebook details and will start culling friends. :)

I saw the Psychiatrist, she wants me to come back monthly, and she upped my anti depressants to double. Im not sure why she wants me to come back.

[Sophora]

progress? No, just need to get male shirts for work, and a short haircut. I havent stopped the pills yet, because I dont wont to get depressed. I even had a customer seem almost angry I had changed my name back, I nearly was going to tell him to go feck himself. Ive changed my facebook details and will start culling friends. :)

I saw the Psychiatrist, she wants me to come back monthly, and she upped my anti depressants to double. Im not sure why she wants me to come back.

When you say pills do you mean the hormones? if so, stop taking them if you don't want to transition anymore. You are not doing yourself any favors still taking them or anyone else you come in contact with. You need the testosterone to start flowing through you.

and as for the why she want you to come back monthly is simple. There is a change in behavior. She needs to monitor the change and make sure it isn't going to be lethal.

[Melody Moore]

When you say pills do you mean the hormones? if so, stop taking them if you don't want
to transition anymore. You are not doing yourself any favors still taking them or anyone
else you come in contact with. You need the testosterone to start flowing through you.
Sophora, with all due respect it is not our business to be telling Allana what to do about her medications.
I also know there are many transsexuals who de-transition then also re-transition as well, especially when
they do go off the hormones & they experience the feelings of testosterone again. Relapses can also be
more difficult for some to cope with, one local girl tried to hang herself & wound up in the mental ward
before she realised that it was in her best interest to go back on hormones continue with her transition.

If this is what Allana has to do, then she needs to work it out for herself in the best way possible for her.

[Cassandra90]

I once worked at a place where I had a supervisor that was at the end of transition. i originally thought that she was a biological female. Friends told me that she was born actually a guy. I couldn't believe it. Then she showed me pictures of her when she was a guy in the Navy. She was way cool! But, after working at the place for about a year, she took a whole week off. I came back to work and on of the higher ups wanted to introduce me to Nick. Well, I was so astonished! Veronika, as we knew her, had shaved her head and gone back to being a guy. It was a bit sad because we were used to Veronika. The hard part was seeing her as a man and hearing the same voice because as Veronika, she had been on hrt. Apparently, after getting to the point of needing surgery, she decided she missed being a guy. But either way, Nick had alot of character. That's why alot of people there had a lot of respect for him! So, I do understand. All I can say is good luck.

She also helped me find the courage to try crossdressing when I've purged.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i hope you can work it all out allana..

i am sure there are crossdressing folks that get in too deep, and that there are ts people that find the transition too difficult...these are 2 very different situations..
i think sometimes I react when i see "de " transition..oh no!!!! but i think i'm making the mistake that i'm assuming everyone here is ts and will ultimately realize they need to transition

whichever it is for you allana
i hope you find out and stay safe!

[JenniferZ2009]

Anyway Remember how annoying it was carrying everything around in your pockets! Guys DON"T carry purses!

Hey I carry my cell phone and ipod in my pockets still. Although that's about all that will fit.

[JenniferZ2009]

Ive been having thoughts of de-transitioning as well but then I realize that often it is accompanied by lack of sleep or eating. I go back and forth between being anorexic and eating. This last bout hopefully just ended after a month of not much real food. Also heavy drug use was involved (part of an experiment/vision quest type thing that went a bit overboard).

I was talking with a friend the other day about starting transition and it may not be for everyone. If you are not happy you need to address what is causing it. Hiding in the corners or under the table is not going to help anything.

Maybe you should check and see if the anti-depresents you are on are right for you. They can often have pretty bad side effects. So basically my thoughts is make sure to eat proper meals, cut extra drug use (if applicable), maybe try Vitamin D as an alternative to anti-depressents (speak with doc about this first). I wish you luck with everything.

[Princess29]

Allana, if you want to catch up for coffee one of these days, please let me know. I would sure like to catch up


Mel

[lynn_lynn]

Allana, one of the things you can do as an experiment is to stop your HRT drugs, wait a while, and see how you feel.

I read on the net an item posted by a MTF who became a gender therapist, that indicated that for some people, HRT can reduce gender anxiety to the point where the person might think that HRT is not needed or desired, and indeed that they might want to "go back to male". The item said that it is precisely those people who usually most need to continue HRT: that when such people go off of HRT then they very often rebound in to gender anxiety even harder than before.

If you happen to fall in to that category (as I appear to), then keep in mind that one can continue HRT at a lower dose, a maintenance dose rather than a a "developmental" dose. Just enough to keep the anxiety away and keep you comfortable with whatever gender mix you end up as.

I began my hrt a little while now. Feeling though im less fem than I was before. hard to explain for everyone, Id say Im more balanced now. But I do believe Im more open now being myself and all, that I dont have to pressure myself to be lynn anymore. And there is less anxiety, but still the general craziness from family..
I also have no real desire to transform, the medical benefits of hrt are necessary for my life. enhancing some characteristics for me in the process a plus...

[Felicity71]

When you say pills do you mean the hormones? if so, stop taking them if you don't want to transition anymore. You are not doing yourself any favors still taking them or anyone else you come in contact with. You need the testosterone to start flowing through you.

and as for the why she want you to come back monthly is simple. There is a change in behavior. She needs to monitor the change and make sure it isn't going to be lethal.

Ill go a few more weeks on the higher strength anti-depressants, before i stop the progy and spiro.



i hope you can work it all out allana..

i am sure there are crossdressing folks that get in too deep, and that there are ts people that find the transition too difficult...these are 2 very different situations..
i think sometimes I react when i see "de " transition..oh no!!!! but i think i'm making the mistake that i'm assuming everyone here is ts and will ultimately realize they need to transition

whichever it is for you allana
i hope you find out and stay safe!

Well it maybe correct. Its hard to say, perhaps my freedom to crossdress for over year amongst friends and outdoors pushed my confidence too far. Maybe im an ultra-repressed gay man. Maybe I dont have a clue as to why I feel the way I feel everyday. Anyway no harm done, lol, except Ive probably ostrosized myself from most of my relatives and the sterility and the higher chance of breast cancer, liver damage, and mental changes. :)

[Jamie Nicole]

for me, it was either transition or cease being