What's in a Name?

[steph1964]

I just attended my second counseling session yesterday and I am very happy with the counselor. She appears to be well informed and asks questions that really get me to open up. Yesterday she asked me if I had a feminine name and I told her that I hadn’t had one until April when I joined this forum. I told her that I don’t know why I chose Stephanie but now that I have picked the name, I really like it. She asked me if I thought having a female name helped me give an identity to my female side. I hadn’t thought about it before but I feel that it has. We are working on me accepting myself as a crossdresser, as I have spent over 40 years piling on the guilt and shame. She said my “terrible” secret isn’t terrible and that giving my feminine side an identity would help me accept who I am. When I dress I become Stephanie, I’m not doing anything that should cause guilt or shame.
Everyone on the forum has been very supportive and I hope to one day be as comfortable as Stephanie as many of you are with your female selves. BTW my homework is to not use negative words when discussing my crossdressing.

[suzy1]

The dreaded guilt and shame. A crossdressers worst enemy!
If I was into councillors I would have to say you have a good one there Steph.
I hope you get a lot of happiness from being Steph without the dreaded guilt as soon as possible.

SUZY

[Cynthia Anne]

Hooray for Stephanie!! She's off to a great start! Hugs!

[suchacutie]

I agree entirely that my feminine side needed a name. My wife and I recognized this almost immediately and it made such a difference, including getting Tina an e-mail address right away to lessen the confusion about who my wife was speaking to in an e-mail. That separation early on helped so much to solidify the masculine/feminine differences.

My wife and I identified Tina only 6 years ago, and since we did it together, and after many years of marriage, there was never that guilt or shame issue. To use, Tina is just a natural extension of who I am, the girlfriend part of my personality. It's also helped so much in letting us understand each other, so to us it's nothing but positive! Let that shame and guilt go...we have a gift, not a curse! :)

[Adriennegrl]

Glad to hear your working on shedding the guilt, sounds like a wonderful counselor. I mentioned in the name thread that I haven't picked an official one yet. My male birth name is used for both sexes, and some girls use my spelling. I'll probably pick the more feminine spelling though. Haven't decided yet...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steph, Once you get the guilt monkey off your back life is much better.

Orchid

[Barbra P]

Hi Steph

Nice to see you back on the forum. I think you have come a long way in the short time you have been on the forum, of course a lot of the credit has to go to that wonderful wife of yours :battingeyelashes:

But your Therapist is absolutely right and as you begin to accept yourself and get rid of several decades of guilt you are going to feel so much better and you are really going to enjoy being Stephanie without all that guilt. You have an ace-in-the-hole that many of us don't enjoy, a wife who is willing to work with you, so be sure and show her how much you appreciate her.

[Fab Karen]

Keep seeing the therapist, there's no shame in being what you are.

[steph1964]

Hi Steph

Nice to see you back on the forum. I think you have come a long way in the short time you have been on the forum, of course a lot of the credit has to go to that wonderful wife of yours :battingeyelashes:

But your Therapist is absolutely right and as you begin to accept yourself and get rid of several decades of guilt you are going to feel so much better and you are really going to enjoy being Stephanie without all that guilt. You have an ace-in-the-hole that many of us don't enjoy, a wife who is willing to work with you, so be sure and show her how much you appreciate her.

Yes I do have a wonderful wife and she is really helping me to accept this, not that it has been easy for either of us and there is still a long way to go. She would obviously rather that I not be a CD, but it is very clear that she loves me and she has been very supportive when we have talked about it.