Why have you kept your CD'ing a secret?

[Tamara Croft]

I've decided to ask this in light of what has happened to Karren and something tifftg said in her thread.

So, you're married, or living together and have this secret. As the years go by, it gets harder and harder to tell your wife/partner that you are a crossdresser. Before you know it, 20+ years have gone by and she/he still has no clue what you are secretly doing.

So what drives you to keep this a secret, what do you fear the most happening to you if you ever decide to tell her/him that you crossdress?

Will you ever tell your wife/partner that you are a crossdresser?

This isn't limited to those who have been with their partners a long time, I'd like to hear from anyone who is married or has a partner that has no idea their husband/partner is a CD and the reasons that they don't know.

[MsCorrinne]

I'm sure there are alot of us out there who have not opened up our little pandora's box to our spouses. Mine knows little tidbits..but not the whole story. We just celebrated our 17th year together. So, yes it gets harder and harder to broach this subject with her.
I have a female friend who I've known for many years through work associations. She is the only other person who knows about my alter ego. She is very accepting and supportive. A good friend and nothing more. She has also asked this question. So, are you gonna tell your wife about Corrinne?

Here are my reason's for not telling her, for what it's worth:
First our relationship is turbulent at best. So if our relationship ends, I don't want to provide leverage to her to use in our wonderul justice system.

17 years is a very long time to keep this a secret. So I"m sure there is a boat load of hurt involved. How could I not share "everything" with my life partner? I have not clue how to cover this one..which I'm sure would be a BIGGY! And probably the most painful.

For me, it's only been the last couple of years where I've started purchasing a wardrobe and dressing fully. Previously, I would consider I had a fixation with nylon. Gotta love the internet for opening all of our lives to a new understanding and a host of information. And to some new lovely friendships that probably wouldn't have happened otherwise.

I think there are a host of reasons that we don't share our experiences with our spouses. Embarassment. Shame. Guilt. FEAR of the unknown. Stereotypical reactions. I know I have those feelings at times. I have never purged like some have. I'm very careful about where I put my things. But there's always the chance that someone in the household will stumble upon them...then life will definetly take a turn. Will I ever tell her...probably not. So in the meantime I enjoy my alter ego and share time with my new interesting friends.

So I close this ramble with these parting words...
Clothes do not make the person. Afterall, we are talking about the outside appearance of a person. Not what is truely inside.

MsC

[Wendy me]

wow good question i fit in that 20+ year thingy ...at frist i did not say anything out fear and to tell you the truth i realy did not know who or what i was , haveing been cding for over 40 something years at one time i thought this would pass like it was a scikness or something as the urges grew stronger i did more crazy "him" things to well for not haveing a better way of saying prove to myselfe that i was ok as manly as the next through the boze and drugs i keept it some what hidden oh then the whose are theise ??? your cheating on me ...it almost ruined our marrage ..then more and more i could not hide it she cought on bit by bit she never wanted to deal with it and most likly thought it would go away ...busted so manny times and the pain it caused .. but we are dealing with it now in small steps ...see i wanted so many times to just yell god damit i am a crossdresser but just could not do it out of fear of loseing her or mutch worse hurtting her and thats soo the big one i did not want to hurt her ...if i had realy accpted me for who and what i was in the begining it would have been a lot easyer,,,,i love my wife and altho i am not were i realy want to be with this i know that her feelings need to be watched out for ....after this is not like just something that is all abought me it is also abought our marrage and her....

[urban gypsy]

I kept my cding a secret for a long time. Because I first met my wife while at school and I was what you could call abit of a ring leader and abit of a thug. so I had a tough macho image to maintain, and admitting that I cross dressed then would have caused me a lot of problems, including losing face with my peers.Over the years it just become harder and harder to tell her because I was a night club bouncer, then in the armed forces, pub manager running some of the toughest pubs and bars in the Uk. So again had this very tough image to maintain, also had kids to consider and how they would react about having a fem dad.Then about 8 yrs ago we came out of the pub game and I took up a job that was completely different to anything I had done in the past.And as i was happier with life than I had been in a long time, I started to wear more feminine items more openly but still did not go fully fem in front of my wife.Then one day when I was wear cropped trousers very fem flat shoes and a loose blouse that could be mistaken for a shirt. She asked me if I like wearing womans clothing. And the rest is history.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Tamara
Keeping the secret starts slowly.
I am dressing vey infrequently in underwear only still living at home.
Do I tell her before we get married ( I should have but I thought I was giving up ).
Then when I start dressing again when shes at work I hide it
Its easier when I know I wont be disturbed or likely to get caught.
Then its do I tell her, and how ( so I dont ).
Then the children come along so dressing is reduced and hidden unless its halloween.
I then worry what will happen with the children if she finds out.
I am so scared of the consequences.
Eventually I feel I have to tell her for my sanity and well should she find out by accident and it will be worse if she catches me dressed.
I use a comment about stockings being sexy.
Then I say something about it feeling very sexy when dressed for a fancy dress party
This lead to me confessing my dressing and how it has been since I was around 10

I suppose in the end it all came down to one question
Did I trust my wife.
This sounds very simple but this journey took me eight years.

We are still together after more than 20 years

[Lisa Golightly]

Always* told all my girls the truth before we either hit the sack or visited habitat... Never been a liar, never saw the reason to lie, always respected the people I was with to tell them all about me.

* There was one I didn't tell... she stabbed me when she found out.

[Bonnie D]

I had always thought my crossdressing was quite personal, something that other guys did not do. I was atheletic, into all sports, so had an image to maintain. Very male oriented so had to keep my feminine side totally secret. Started having gay sex in my early 20's and enjoyed it in a passive way. Became more aware that others crossdressed too but without the internet couldn't find out much about it without drawing attention. My male self still wanted the 'normal' life - wife and kids, house, car, etc. So my female self had to stay hidden.

I mentioned to my wife when we were just dating that I had crossdressed when I was younger to see her reaction. She was quite happy that I had told her this deep dark secret but then stated "you don't do this now DO YOU?" "Of course not" was my reply. After we were married I brought up the subject again and admitted that I had a few articles of clothing hidden away. She took a fit and demanded that I throw them out, she didn't even want to see them. I felt degraded and vowed never to bring it up again. I never felt that I was wrong in dressing just that I had to keep it to myself.

If crossdressing is hard enough to tell a spouse how could I tell her that I'm also bisexual.

Bonnie

[Nlenro-nu]

I was afraid of what others would think or say. I was afraid I would wind up in the Mental Psychriatric Ward. I was afraid my sisters wouldn't understand. I also work for the Canadian Mental Health Association which is another reason. Recently A CMHA worker said to be BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF! DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY! Also Dr. Wayne Dyer says" LIFE IS LIKE A ROSE
BUT IT HAS THORNS! Does The ROSE WORRY ABOUT THE THORNS? I think NOT" Just live life and don't let the thorns control you. So I stopped letting the thorns control me. Thanks to this forum I noticed some people on a city transit going to Vernon that have pictures on this forum. I wouldn't have guessed they were crossdressers if I hadn't seen the pictures. Actually there was one that had way too much makeup and was kind of sloppy looking. It was obvious that one was a crossdresser. Probably the 1st for that person. Question: I'm Medically a male that dresses as
female some of the time! Should I call myself male or female? Sorry if I went off topic a bit. I'm 55 and I decided to Live My Life, if some people don't understand or
don't like it so what? I usually end with life is like a Rose
but it has it's thorns. When I seen Dr. Wayne Dyers comments. I did forget about that until Dr. Phil
reminded me! Yes i'm referring to the Dr.Phil that's been on
Oprah! I don't recall exactly what I said. But he did say
something like don't let others be a thorn in your side!
Amon-laylee-Awkqwa Nlenro-nu

[Sarahgurl371]

Been married 14 years now. Told her two years ago about everything. About eight ears ago about just undergarments. Reasons I kept it secret:

1. I know now that I was afraid of the truth myself. I classified it a fetish.
2. I was and am still afraid of rejection by her, my best friend. I've always said i don't care what anyone thinks of me, truth is, I need her acceptance.
3. She was raised very conservatively, I was not. I figured this would be A huge hurdle for us to overcome, but like our marraige conselor stated " neither one of lives with our parents anymore and you are both adults".
4. Scared to death that I will be alone for the rest of my life because I'm a CD.

[Katiegirl]

Hi Tamara,

I kept my Cding secret from my first wife for many years, but of course she found out and after that my marriage gradually broke up. In my divorce, her lawyers put that forward as the main reason for the break up. My wife made sure all my friends knew as well, so I lost most of them, however it proved a 2 edge sword as those friends did not want to get involved with either of us so she lost out as well.

I did marry again but that was a big mistake and it broke up even before I restarted Cding

I now regularly dress as I live alone and do go out to TG meetings, but I have not come out to any of my friends or neighbours so in that respect I'm still in the closit.

I see no reason to come out to them as I dress in private and in my own home and it does not effect them, I also remember what happened when I divorced.

If I ever meet someone again who I wished to live with, I would tell her first.

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[Daintre]

I have been crossdressing since grade 5, so fairly young. I had always felt that there was something wrong with me to harbor the feelings I had. I tried very hard to stop dressing and told myself that it was time to grow up and be a man, I married the first girl I dated, I was so inexperienced, and I had purged my female clothes. We had a great first year, but the feelings came crashing back, I told my wife and she did try to handle the situation and give support. The problem was that by me dressing I was causing her to lose her self worth and eventually it broke up our marriage. During the divorce, my crossdressing was made public and I was outed to my family and friends. I still punish myself today for not being up-front with my ex before we were married. To this day neither her or I have remarried, and I always wonder and feel guilty that I am the cause of her being single. My advice, be up-front and tell the person you love that you do crossdress, if you do, you both have an important decision to make, lets face it most women will turn and run because they are uneducated in what crossdressing is and who we are.

[TGMarla]

I am secretive of it for simple reasons. First, my wife, who I love very much, doesn't accept it for some reason. Second, my friends wouldn't accept it easily, either, and I don't want the relationship I have with my friends to change. Our neo-religious society looks upon it as an abonination, and shuns those who do not conform. I'm a decent person, but I would be blackballed by a lot of people if all this were to come out.

We who do this live in a microcosm of society where it is accepted. That's why there are so many girls who love this site. Here we are accepted. But I hear all the time from various girls here that we should tell our wives, go shopping, get out, not be so secretive.....it's all crap to some extent. There is a lot to lose by being so open. And all this just to prance around in pantyhose and high heels?

[Stephenie]

I hid all from my wife for almost 24 yrs. I then told her about my CDing and for how long i had been donig it. At first she seemed to take it better than I had though but then she became more and more upset. Though I did not dress in front of her she felt more and more that I was wrong and that it was hurting her.

For all the yrs that I kept it a secret I was never sure that she would accept it and until this yr I wasn't sure how I could accept her knowing. I questioned my self and who and what I was. I took me till I was over 46yrs old to come to terms with it myself. I always felt that others would not be able to understand how a regular guy would like to dress as a woman and that there was a part of me that liked to by pretty and nice. I know all the things I thought about myself and it is easy to see what others would think.

I can fully understand why someone would hide this and why it is so hard to tell after yrs have gone by. All the things that I thought people would think were asked of me by my wife . She has known me for 24yrs and still she asked. To loss the respect that she had for me was very painful, and to loss the trust that I never deserved was also painful.

By tell your SO you put everything on the line. Your betting everything you own, everthing that people think of you and everthing you think of yourself that the person you love the most, the person you what to spend your life with will be able to accept something that you yourself found so hard to accept. It's like playing russain rollet with 5 bullets and one empty chamber.

I don't know how anyone who hasn't had to hid something form the world can understand the fear, the lonilness that goes with this. To live a life that at anytime, just one little slip can cost you eveything, SO, family, friends, job, neighbors, home, future...everything. So why do we hid it from our SO? A better quetion might be how do we ever get the courge to tell and why would we risk so much?

[tifftg]

I don't know how anyone who hasn't had to hid something form the world can understand the fear, the lonilness that goes with this. To live a life that at anytime, just one little slip can cost you eveything, SO, family, friends, job, neighbors, home, future...everything. So why do we hid it from our SO? A better quetion might be how do we ever get the courge to tell and why would we risk so much?


These words really hit a cord. It is that always being so careful of every word you say, how closely you look, how much you know about certain subjects. LOL, my wife told me a month ago about her new MAC mascarra purchase-Zoom Lashes. I had been using them for months, I had to feign disinterest.

I am so thankful for this group, there is at least a little space to share. I am over 50, the years before Prodigy, were awful, so alone, so careful

[GypsyKaren]

Well, I kept my secret for over 40 years before breaking down and telling my wife everything. I guess I didn't think anyone would understand since I really didn't either. I always thought there was no one else out there like me. I was afraid I'd be regarded as a pervert or freak of nature.

After years and years of hiding, it got easy to do. I had built in safeties that kept me from accidently spilling everything. The more time I spent in the closet, the deeper I regressed into it. The whole thing got to be a routine, dressing and covering up.

I also have to say that during most of that time I felt comfortable in the closet. It became my fantasy world, a place where I could be who and whatever I wanted to be. it also was the only place where I felt safe and secure. It was a shelter for me, something I could trust and always rely on.

I feel so much better now that I'm out. It's to bad it took me so long to get where I'm at now, but I'm not looking back because it serves no purpose and does no good. i've replaced it all with the love and trust of my wife.

GypsyKaren

[Katrina]

I never told my ex. She and I discussed it once when I dressed as Britney Spears for Halloween. She said that it bothered her that I enjoyed dressing up as BS so much and told me flat out if I was crossdressed, she would divorce me. That right there told me she would not be cool with it. We divorced for unrelated reasons but I still have not told her. I have told my GF though pretty early on.

[Sophia Rearen]

But I hear all the time from various girls here that we should tell our wives, go shopping, get out, not be so secretive.....it's all crap to some extent.

Marla,
A little elaboration, please.

[Ava Mouse]

My wife now knows, but here's why I kept it a secret for so long.

1) My marriage & family are way more important. Having come from a broken family, divorce was not something I ever wanted to risk. I feared losing my wife & kids. Keeping it a secret ensured family stability.

2) Fear I'd have to stop.

3) Fear that I'd loose friends, who'd reject me.

4) It's my private time, my escape from reality & stress. Having the wife around inhibits the relaxing part.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Loaded question

Im married 14 yrs 2 kids..

finally told my wife and now we are heading down a very bad path i fear.. she is not taking it well..says i betrayed her i lied to her and she cant trust me.. i told her in MARCH!! by the way..we are now talking about separation..

she says i have been "neglecting " her for yrs..i havent been but we've had some issues..now she says crossdressing revolts her and she doesnt love me and the only reason she isnt kicking me out is because she knows i'm a good guy and she doesnt want to hurt our kids (neither do i!!)

i agree with the the girl who said you are betting it all!!.

here's the thing...i have been very very sad for months..last nite i went out on a "business trip" and spent the nite dressing and going out...i have to say all my problems went away. I felt very whole and decided F*&# it...i'm going home and telling my wife to either come around or i'm out of here!!!

that didnt happen..we had a nice dinner and are watching tv hanging out..
but i am thinking more and more (and then some more) about x-dressing...i shaved my chest..i want to shave my legs..i've spent $1000 in the last 3 months on clothes and jewelry..i'm getting bolder and bolder in my dressing as well..(Read my story in another post!)..

its so hard because i was born this way..didnt tell her because i loved her and wanted her to love me..now i have 2 wonderful kids...if i told her, i wonder if we wouldnt have married....

anyway..its very tough to be a crossdresser

-michele

[Laurie Ann]

Tamara,
This is an interestering question I have been married almost thirty years. I have tried to broach this subject (in general nothing specific) over the years with my wife and her response has always been one of disapproval and all the usual questions about why would I ever consider doing something like that was I gay, perverted. I tried to put dressing out of my mind for many years however as I have gotten older the urge has become stronger. I have stepped up my dressing to include my own makeup, bras, panties, forms and several items of clothing including a wig. I know that I should tell her I want to tell her but am very afraid of her reaction. I love my wife and she is my best friend but if she had a very negative reaction I would be devestated, Laurie Ann is out of the bottle and I do not wish for her to be put back and if an ultimatum was given the choice would be to do anything to keep her. If that were to happen I would feel that a part of me had died. I hide my dressing out of fear, basically of rejection and fear of losing the best thing I have in my life. I wish a genie would appear and make everything all right. I have a great life but the only grief I have is this perplexing question and it does cause sleepless nights from time to time and always end up just as confused as when I began.

[Sophia Rearen]

I'm pissed! This is sad. People shouldn't have to feel this way. I believe perception is our biggest problem. Ignorance about CD's keeps the closet closed. Where is the education? The gay community has made great strides toward acceptance, while we haven't even thought about crawling.
Unfortunately, until things change many of us will suffer as evident in these posts.
As for the risk of losing it all, if you are not whole, how much do you lose?
Tamara, good question. Wish it wasn't needed.

[emmicd]

Tamara,

The truth is the secrecy is a form of protecting yourself and in a sense your spouse or girlfriend as well. For me keeping a secret was not intentional it was however necessary. When the secret was discovered it made things a little bit easier. Now that the cats out of the bag it's not really a secret anymore with my wife. She sees my dresses and womens pants in the closet and is not phased by it but does not want me to wear it in front of her or anyone. So I am still and will always be a closet crossdresser.

My secret is still maintained with other family who do not know and friends and work. Only 2 of my closest friends know I crossdress secretly and they are not phased by it as long as I don't go outside in a dress in their company.

The truth is I will never go outside in a dress because I just don't feel comfortable doing so.

Girls jeans is a different story though.

Emmi

[arula]

How bad do you have it? a little? its in a box most of the time. A lot? Its out of the box more than in. I'm a $%#$ girl!! your looking for someone to accept you for who you are. What the hell is this between my legs? Your off to the sex change clinic. Keeping it a secret for most of us keeps peace in the neighborhood. But we have just enough that when we do it, it sends us right to the moon and back! OH Yea!! everytime I do it!! XO Arula

[Michelle Jo]

Been dressing all my life it seams (started when I was 3 or 4) .. been married all my adult life .. out for only the last 10 .. but they have been the happiest and the saddest 10 years all at the same time ...

I came out to the wife and my family because of an very stressful medical condition (totally not related). My theraphist and counsoler both said living this secret (which I told both of them about it right up front) only was adding to the depression and hopeless feelings that living in pain 24/7 and being disabled at the young age of 40 was putting me through.

The wife wasn't happy (infact she HATES it) she said "I married a MAN and that is who I want to live with ... she has zero lesbian tendencies and plans to stay that way!!!" So I guess one could say she accepted it but is not willing to be involved or see Michelle Jo in any way .. we compramised under a "Don't Tell, Don't Ever want to See, Never Bring it Up Again" policy .. she knows I dress when she is not around and says as long as she never has to deal with it she can continue to live with me as my wife .. I do all the laundry so she never has to deal with my feminine clothing and I never flaunt it when she is around (although I do wear many feminine items .. jeans, shorts, and panties 24/7 .. but nothing close to the ultra feminine items I would love to wear ... skirts, dresses, stocking & heels).

My family all said "They never knew and see nothing feminine about me.." and all say this is just a phase and it will pass with time (not sure where they get that after all it has been 40+ years now and the feelings are stronger then ever) but they all just ignor the subject completely.

I wish I had told them all (especially the wife) ealier but I do believe the out come would have been the same (if not worse .. infact the wife most likely would have just left if we had not been married for 18 yrs already).

I know she loves me and I truely LOVE her it is just something she can not deal with on an "Out of the closet" way ... My therapist says I should listen to what she said .. she said "I Can't!!! not I Won't or Don't Want To" and that is a big big difference ... Crossdressing is just something many people (women mostly) just CAN'T deal with because there just ins't enough shared knowledge about it and there is way too many old ideas and opinions to over come ...

Although it may not be the accepted advice but my suggestion would be ... "If you can keep your CDing in check ... and things are going along in a way you can live with it ... and you have any indication she will not be accepting or open to even discuss it ... Then Keep It To YOURSELF if at all possible ... and if it does come out deal with it at that time the best way you can ... " I know this isn't the popular stand and many will say I am wrong ... and it is only my opinion .. but from the majority of what I have read and the stories I have been told ... the out come will probably be the same when and if you do have to tell her ... some one once told me "It is usually easier to say "I am Sorry" than it is to get permission if what you want to do is an unpopular idea" Not the best approach I know but many times the most workable one.

Sorry if this offends or upsets anyone .. please believe that was not my intention.

A Friend & Sister-Cder,
Michelle Jo

[Fiona K]

I'm not sure I qualify as many of you know I told my wife almost a year ago after neary 20 years of marriage.

The reasons I kept the secret so long have already been outlined by many here, I'm not sure I have anything to add form the usual list of fear of not getting married in the first place, the marriage ending, the (vain) hope that by marrying you mght find yourself cured (remember this is over 20 years ago, no internet, almost nowhere to find support, the Gay movement in it's infancy outside major cities like London or New York).

What I found was that I had to "come out" to myself first, the web helped, this place and the people here helped tremendously. I surfed till my fingers ached learning and talking to others and last September I finally sorted out in my head who and what I am. Once that was understood my entire outlook on life changed and, though I was not dressing more than before, I found a greater feeling of contentment. This resulted in a noticible change in my demeanour such that my wife noticed.

I ws feeling my way to trying to figure out how to tell her, how to explain that I had been deciteful and hidden from her. Part of the sheild to throw her off the scent had been an overly masculine attitude- full "walking wallet syndrome" when shopping for clothes for her for example. Anyway, she saw this begin to change and, I found out later, she was terrified I was having an affair.

Unknown to both of us we were both trying to figure out how to raise the subjects that were worring us. Eventually she simply cem out and asked what was wrong with me and then the whole story came out.

She still has moments where she wonders if the affair might not have been easier to take but we have managed to keep together though talking. The issue now is that there are two of us in the closet, our girls don't know (17 and 20) and she wants it to stay that way, at this time her main emotion is acute embarrasment- what will others think of her if the found out.

We have our ups and downs, but I asked her to talk to her best friend about it and she finally did after 2 months, she's had great support from her. This has been very important in keeping us together- so far. I still come online here and at a coupl of other forums and I also occasionally go out and meet other girls face to face whish has been very reassuring though scary the first time.

All I can say is that we've made it though almost a whole year now, we shop together, i am not the arsehole I used to be and she has even picked out clothes or outfits for me, but has met Fiona only once.

It takes time girls, it takes being open to letting other help you and your other half and to those of you who are wondering what it is that scares a GG about trannies I would reccomend reading My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd. No one I've met online keeps her feet on the ground like this lady and is perfectly willing to tell us (Trans People) what effect we have on our friends and family- while 110% supporting us at the same time!! Don't let your wife read it straight away though, you must read it first, it is the only hope you will have of really getting an insight into how a GG partner feels. It isn't easy reading at times.

Sorry for the long epistle girls, I won't advise any one to any particular course of action all I can do is tell my story and say where I found support.

Fiona
xx

[pedebra]

Tamara,
I think for many of us, the reasons for the secrecy change as the relationship evolves. At the beginning, many of us think that this is a ual perversion that we don't want our SO's to know about. Later when the ual excitement wears off and we know that this is not about , we find that the relationship has matured and that it would have been easier to divulge our true selves in the beginning.
We find different reasons for different times: fear of rejection; I don't want the kids to know; a divorce would be too expensive; she has been a loving and loyal mate for so long, I don't want to hurt her; I am afraid that she will leave and I don't want to be alone.
After 23 years my wife doesn't know. I would like her to know and share this part of me. For many of us, it is not that we want to keep secrets; it is that we don't want to lose the love and respect of the most important person in our lives.
Debra

[Tamara Croft]

I want to thank you all for posting to this thread, it really opens ones eyes to what I think is the main fear. The fear of rejection and losing everything seems to be consistant in all the posts that I've read :( A few months ago, Tam went on live radio to talk about a secret she had kept from me for a few months. Listening to the reasons she gave regarding finally coming out to me and what the outcome could of been, was frightening and made me realise how hard coming out to your wife/partner actually is.

This thread has just added to what I already partially knew and it saddens me. The fear of not knowing if your life is about to be turned upside down at the click of a finger must be so dreadful to live with. I used to be one of those girls that said 'yeah tell her, it will be ok', but after listening to Tam on the radio saying what she could have lost if it had all back fired, changed my opinion of CD's coming out. I hope one day this will all change and you will all be accepted as a normal part of society.

[mand]

Hello Tamara:) this is an excellent thread love and the respones to it are fantastic as well;)
I'm just trying to think of how to answer it myself, but I'm kinda short on time at the moment so I'll try later.


Welldone ...............love mand xxx:)

[gennee]

I started cd'ing a few months ago. I have admitted that I was a Cd to myself and the group I have become involved with at the community center. I am closeted with my wife, but I believe that, some day, I will tell her. I am content to remain closeted with everybody else. It would be a total shock to them plus my livelihood would be affected. I am at peace with myself and my decision.


Gennee:)

[Sarahgurl371]

Sorry ladies, I'm beginning to ask myself a question. If this stuff is OK, why in the hell have I hid it all of my life? My answer: IT IS OK, while I'm not gonna stand on the street corner and tell the world (and so what if I did), I feel that why should I hide it from my wife. The person who knows me better than anyone else on the planet. The person I vowed to love, who vowed to love me. I wouldn't leave her if she got diabetes, or cancer. She will probably leave me for catching that damn crossdressing bug though.

There are several people who know of Tammy. The ones who oppose say that I'm too good of a person for that kind of stuff. What? And that i need to quit. Hey I admit it, I am a smoker, and I ride motorcycles. Two things that I CHOOSE to do, which could quite possibly result in health issues or death. Those who oppose Tammy, haven't said a friggin word about that. Apparently I'm to good a person to CD but not to smoke and ride motorcycles.

[tifftg]

I want to thank you all for posting to this thread, it really opens ones eyes to what I think is the main fear. The fear of rejection and losing everything seems to be consistant in all the posts that I've read :( A few months ago,
This thread has just added to what I already partially knew and it saddens me. The fear of not knowing if your life is about to be turned upside down at the click of a finger must be so dreadful to live with. I used to be one of those girls that said 'yeah tell her, it will be ok', but after listening to Tam on the radio saying what she could have lost if it had all back fired, changed my opinion of CD's coming out. I hope one day this will all change and you will all be accepted as a normal part of society.

Thanks so much for being part of this group and your understanding and support. As I have been working with my thereapist, who happens to be very well versed in gender issues, we are splitting all the issues to be dealt with in pieces. 1) I have to be comfortable with who I am, much better today than 6 months ago and that is after nearly 40 years of dressing, 2) it is not irrational to keep this somewhat discrete, it can affect jobs, income, community status and while it should be acceptable-let's face it, it isn't and we always have to deal with the world as it really is. We can try and make changes but denying gravity's existence doesn't help if you jump off a 10 story building. 3) keeping secrets from my wife impacts my sense of sharing and intimacy. this last one is a real catch-22---no good answers yet but at least I am wrestling with the questions.


My therapist and this forum are big, big helps with that. Bless you all.

Tiffany

[Jerry]

Hi, girls.

It took me 14 years and a bottle of wine to say "You don't know all of me," one evening. My wife wouldn't let that comment pass without some explanation and without a back up comment or inhibition due to the wine, I let it out. It was a tough time for a while. She still doesn't like it or understand it, but will let me have some time to myself. I still can't bring it up or joke about it without increasing tension in the room a thousand fold. So I try not to.

But the situation we have and are trying to live through is an example of why I was afraid to tell from the beginning. I'm living on a tightrope. A walk next to a very high cliff. I feel like everything could come crashing down at any minute.

For now, I enjoy the thrill of the heights, and use caution not to fall.

Hog hugs. Jerry

[susiej]

Girls,

To answer Tamara's question, let me describe a game to you. You can decide to play, or not. Here are the rules:

1) Assume for the moment that your financial situation is at least "all right" -- you're not desperate for money, but could easily use some extra if it came your way.

2) Eccentric Millionaire John Beresford Titpon (if you know who he was, you're *old*) withdraws $250,000 from his bank account, in the form of a stack of $50 notes, and puts them on the table.

3) You sit in the electric chair at Sing Sing. The guards strap the electrodes on to your head and legs.

4) You are given a pair of dice, and must roll them once. If the dice come up snake eyes (1+1), the warden closes the big switch on the wall, and you die. If they come up boxcars (6+6), you're free, and you get the $250,000.

5) If the dice come up anything else, you don't exactly know what will happen -- it will be somewhere between death and the money, but the outcome is unknown.

Do you play?

Hugs,
Susie

[susiej]

Ladies, there is some more conversation about this general dilemma in:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12342

Hugs,
Susie

[Rachel E]

My story is about the same as every body else's. I started CD'ing at the young age of about 14 yrs after the death of my father. I have been told that my mother dressed me as a little girl when i was very young. I was married for the second time in 1955and i never did bring the subject up to my wife. I jest burried it deeper in the back of the closet. My wife on several occasions told me that i needed a bra and like stupid me i never reacted on her comment. I did have some small extra breast flesh. I should have at least tried one on for her, but i didn't. She passed away just a short time prior to our 47th aniversery and with about 4 month later i did come out for the first time. I now dress as i please and do belong to a local group and after our meeting we do go to a dinner for more companion ship and eats.
We get together on Thurs night for an extra nite out at one of the local haunts. Well thats about it and it's my story and i am sticking to it...:) l

[vanessa48]

probably fear of rejection, and I think having a secret makes it sexier to dress

[mand]

Hello Tamara :) Why did I keep it all a secret for 37 years ?


Well to be honest, fear.
Fear of the consquences and rejection that I would have to face.

I was bought up in an enviroment in which I was born a male so I had to be male. My parents were to say the least very narrow minded and anything that didn't fit in with their veiws was not normal, was wrong, and totally unacceptable.

I did the man act very well indeed, I worked in all male enviroments, coal mines, army, builder. I did all that was expected of me to please others and to fit in as an all round red blooded male.
I worked hard, drank hard, fought hard, and womanised, no one on this earth had the slightest suspicion of how I really felt.
All my life I knew that I was in the wrong body, It was totally at odds with my mind and soul.
I was on the verge of ending this life as I simply couldn't keep acting, it was killing me.
I had a choice..............end this life or face my greatest fear and tell others how I really felt.
Well I'm still here so you can guess which one I chose, at first I told Jane, then the kids, and since then it has snowballed so that everyone one knows and I am now living basiclly as a fulltime woman.
The body is still male, but the mind is free to be true.
This has not been easy, there have been arguements, rejections, tears, emotions and riddicule.

So it was fear that held me from being myself and living in a way that is more closer to my real nature.

love mand xxx:)

[katie36]

i kept my dressing a secret for many years, i met my now fiancee and felt i could tell her anything.it was 2 weeks into our relationship and it was make or break time. i plucked up the courage and let it all out ! her reaction was amazing. she said lets see what all the fuss is about. so off i went and half an hour later i came out the bedroom all dressed, make up,wig,heels the works, never felt so nervous in my life ! the one thing i remember was her saying my clothes were better than hers ! since that day which was about 8 months ago she now has helped me with make up which needing toning down. she has been amazing. i think i kept it a secret because it was more of a buzz for me as i am one on the lads and no one would suspect me having a feminine side.

[Sophia Rearen]

Everything is a choice. I think we choose wether or not to tell our wives / SO for us. We cannot be truthful to ourselves. We cannot be us if we are living a lie. However, sometimes its just easier being in the closet. My wife knows and she is going through all the trials of being the wife of a CD. We have had several conversations regarding cding, some good, some bad.

Yesterday was a tough one. We were having a "loud conversation" about something unrelated. In the midst she said, "I am not happy". She crushed me. I have been working so hard to make life better. Yet, I knew the conversation was going to be about cding. And then, it was. To paraphrase what Dana said in the Brintney posts, the cding will always come back at you, she will use it against you. So the conversation turned to cding. She feels it affects the family and I really don't want to be a part of it. When I asked her to give me an example, she couldn't. She feels I spend too much time here and not talking to her. I told her I've replaced the TV with being a TV (LOL) and by me being here is good for me. When she wants to talk, I politely put the screen down and look at her and talk. Try that with the TV and I'm not listening to her. I am trying to not let this come between us. Family first.

Our topics included why I dress, why I don't want to go buy mens clothes, concerns with telling people especially business relations that I CD, public perception of CD's, britney and her wifes reaction, the bedroom, I'm not the man she married, keeping it a private matter, safety and going public and the biggest question, "I don't know how far you are going to go with this"?

I tried to best convey the way dressing makes me feel. Stress relief, calm, feeling of euphoria, and it just feels right. I don't like buying mens clothes, it's not fun. I have to tell some people I CD or else I feel I'm lying to them. The publics perception of us is we're pervs or deviants and I'm mad as hell about that. Britney's situation infuriates me. She can talk about what she wants and doesn't in the bedroom without upsetting me. I am the man she married, most of the time. I told her that I occasionally need to be out in public but I know there are limits. I could be a victim of a hate crime. And "how far am I going with this?" my reply, "I don't know". That was the hardest part. As I looked into her eyes, hers and mine teary. Fear of the unknown on both our faces. We love each other and as I told her, "I am blessed and thankful to have a wife like you who is trying to understand". She did say, "I will be with you until you cross the line". I wanted to ask what that line was but was too affraid and I don't think that line can really be seen anyway, so why go there.

So why would any man, husband, or boyfriend want to tell his wife or SO? Why would we want to put ourselves through a lifetime of CDing conversations when they tend to be so emotionally painful? Sometimes it's just easier to hide and not tell her. So why did I? It was my choice. I needed to. I was not whole. I was not being me. I was lying.

I am now whole. I am now me, I am now telling the truth, I am now crying, I am still in pain.

Yours Truly,

[susiej]

Girls,

Back a million years ago before the internet, and before the current relatively-liberated world began, some of us were young guys on the way up in the corporate world. I worked for a very conservative bank, and poured a lot of time and sweat into my career. With all humility, I am pretty good at what I do, and I was rewarded with advancement and a few honors.

One well-placed secretly-shot photograph could have taken all that away, and probably would have made me permanently unemployable in my chosen profession. Fear of losing our jobs has been mentioned here before as one of the reasons we stay in the closet, but here's one that I haven't seen yet: the potential of being blackmailed.

I spent a good part of my 20s and 30s being *extremely* careful about my little CD practice. Not only was I convinced that my girlfriend-later-wife wouldn't be understanding or compassionate, but I was also concerned that some store clerk with a tricky little camera could make my life seriously miserable. Imagine the combination of the two -- sleazy clerk threatens to show embarassing photo to wife with young kids -- and you have a true, *never-ending* nightmare scenario. You can quit dressing if you really absolutely have to, but a photograph is the gift that keeps on giving!

As a result, I made strict rules for myself regarding buying clothes, being seen out, and so on, which, despite severe temptation, I never broke. It was very, very frustrating. I was probably being paranoid, but I think it was Kissinger who said, even paranoids sometimes have real enemies!

Thank heavens, the world has changed since then. Transpose my career forward 25 years and I'd now easily risk exposure; a sense of humor and the protection of gender equality laws would get me through. If I had my marriage to do over, I'd tell her on the third date, and if she couldn't handle it, I'd sigh, and grumble, then find somebody else who could. But, it's too late for such as me now -- as mentioned elsewhere, I am now burdened with decades of "keeping the secret".

I truly hope and fervently believe that we over-40 CD/TV's are the last "closet generation". To get back to the blackmail theme, having a secret makes you a potential victim -- but it's no longer necessary to keep your gender identity a secret.

So, my advice to younger girls is simply, don't do as I did, because you no longer have to. Be yourself. Don't be the last one left in the closet; be one of the first out there on the street! It's time!

Hugs,
Susie

[PinkDressLover]

I've kept mine a secret for so long because it seems like no one I have been with would be accepting of it. I was dating a girl for 2 years I thought would be ok with it, infact she told me she would be..but freaked out about it and we aren't together anymore..and now I have to worry about her going psycho and telling people...drives me crazy.

[Faye Emmette]

I keep my secret as I've been doing it for so long in secrecy, it's become the norm.
But also, my adult children would be shocked and my very social life would be severely rattled. Have had two (separately) girlfriends since divorce who knew and fostered my femininity but that's over now and I am home alone with my cat. I am happy though.

[Krissi]

I'm someone that told my wife early on in our relationship before we were even engaged. I did so willingly, but I didn't volunteer the info. We would have all kinds of long telephone chats and even IM/Email convos about our lives, our likes, our dislikes. Eventually these lil chats led to the bedroom, and went from I like that position to her saying, every now and then I like spanking. Well we traded a few fetishes and as things went further along I mentioned that I liked to roleplay, she said she had never tried that, but it sounded like fun. A little more talking and I said sometimes I like to play as a girl, and bam the questions came flying. She seemed open to the idea, we set some rules and limits and things went from there.

I know you're saying, "Krissi, what does this have to do with the topic." I say a lot. I would never have told her if not for those series of chats we had early on. My mother worked for a lawyer at that time. I heard stories all the time about how the littlest things would get blown up in divorces. This is sad to say, but we all know that relationships are a compromise, well they are also a dogfight. Part of the marriage vows need to read like the Miranda rights, anything you say can and will be used against you at a later date. Having read several "My wife found out...help me" threads on here, I've drawn a conclusion that most of the time, CDing is used as an excuse for a disgruntled SO to leave, or force control of the situation (which I think puts off the break up).

I'm from a small country town from a well known family. At that time, thinking of even one person knowing, how gossip travels, totally frightened me. My wife didn't see me dressed until I had moved away from there. That fear of wearing the Scarlet A can be very strong.

I now live in a Metro area, if I was to be outed, only a couple of neighbors would really know me enough to know. My biggest fear is her using my dressing against me if we ever divorce. Something tells me that if that comes out in court and I counter with yeah, well she likes to spank people I'm gonna come out on the losing end. It's never come out in an argument between us, but she can watch Jerry Springer, or some Discovery Channel show I always have to hear, you better not ever tell me you want to be a woman.

[insearchofme]

Why? I wish I could tell my wife of 35 years, however I am a realist and I know her so well that I know she'd react poorly. She's said before that she thought all CDs were gay. I wear panties now and she knows it, I convinced her they were more comfortable and wearing them kind of excites me, made me think of her. A few dayys later when she said she was going ..."to get some panties for herself and did I really want some? I said something like, " yes you can get me some bras too ." Well she flipped out said that if that ever happened that would be it. Well, I fell all over myself trying to convince her that I was just kidding. She mentioned that she was beginning to worry about me. I might have waited longer to ask that but felt I had to know for sure and the sooner the better.

I also believe that she never signed on for 'this". We married right out of college and at that time my CDing was a "thing of the past", something I did when I was younger and was no part of my 20 something life. So for me to now tell her would be unfair to her. She fell in love with a 100% male (so she thinks) and is still married to him after 35 years.

I am also in the most male profession in the country. To my knowledge there are no women in my profession and if anyone ever found out that would ruin me. I know there are CDs in this profession but like me they are deep in the closet.

That's why I don't tell my wife, I've come close many times up always back off.

Dana

[MarinaTwelve200]

I am also in the most male profession in the country. To my knowledge there are no women in my profession and if anyone ever found out that would ruin me. I know there are CDs in this profession but like me they are deep in the closet.

That's why I don't tell my wife, I've come close many times up always back off.

Dana

From what I understand, such "macho" professions DO have a lot of CDers in their ranks. Most guys can take only so much "male pressure", and many, especially in very steriotypical male jobs and (males who wear work uniforms too) comprise a significant percentage of the CD ranks. Usually the escapist type of CD, who needs to take a mini-vacation from his male psyche, if only for a few hours, to release the "tension" and feelings of responsibility they must endure.

[Katie Ashe]

So what drives you to keep this a secret, what do you fear the most happening to you if you ever decide to tell her/him that you crossdress?

I think the biggest reason was, I was different and ashamed of what I was. Dawn was not so open minded 15 years ago, as she is today. I was afraid to loose everything I worked so hard for. After comming out the closet this year. I have come to find 98% of my fears were BS. My life is so much better now for it, and I can be free to be myself for the first time in my life.

Take my advice, being a CD is more accepted than you think. I'm mostly proud to be myself now, which for me is a change.

It is harder to be yourself than whom your not... Come join us :)

Hugs to Tamara/Marla

[Helen MC]

I started with panties and that was easy to conceal. Remember that this was in 1965 and attitudes to CDs and TVs were hostile to say the least! Conscription into the Armed Forces (usually the Army) had only ended in the UK 2 years previously and there were lots of brutalised and butch men about . My father who had been in the Army during WW2 was a fair man and not brutal but was very masculine and certainly would not have approved of his only son wearing his big sister's knickers instead of Y-Fronts like the other boys far less of my as I got older wearing her bras, skirts and also my Mum's. Although I am Heterosexual remember that Homosexuality was illegal in the UK until 1967 and men were prosecuted for this even if they practiced it in private, a far cry from today when Homosexual and Lesbian marriages will be legalised in November. At school I would have met with similar hostility as we lived in rather a tough Council Estate. that was why on those days that I had to do Pe and Games I wore a pair of Y-Fronts although I hated them as I had to get undressed in front of the other boys in a changing room (locker room) that didn't have individual cubicles and even if I had been wearing a plain pair of my sister's white cotton briefs the absence of the inverted Y shaped fly and the puckering caused by the narrow elastic threded through the waist and leg bands would have indentified my underpants as "Girls' Knickers" indentical to those their sister wore and I would have been given a hard time, perhaps even beaten up. I was glad when I could drop PE when I was 15 for additional subjects and could then wear Girls' Knickers 24/7.

Even 10 years later I was to find that toleration towards Crossdressing, even if only wearing panties, was still not that common when I was accidentally discovered in a pair of floral patterned panties while sitting on the toilet at work by a hostile and nasty male co-worker and got a lot of verbal abuse being accused of being a "poof" (homosexual) etc.

I did tell my ex-wife at the very start of our relationship and she was quite relaxed about it, we even shared our panties as we wore the same size and style. We spilt up and divorced over financial issues not anything to do with my being a CD. I have also told a few trustworthy and decent male friends (but NOT at work) who do not have any problem with this a a couple of female friends who are likewise supportive. One even gave me a lovely black velvet dress "little black dress" which was too big for her after she went on a diet and lost 3 stone. there was also the Manageress at a Charity Shop who guessed I was a CD and kept aside any knickers for me as they were not allowed to sell these but often got them in donated clothes. I also bought skirts and dresses, summer frocks and blouses and bras from her and my best buy was a complete Schoolgirl's Uniform in the brown and yellow colour of a local Catholic Convent School. This consisted of brown pleated knee length skirt, a couple of yellow blouses, a brown tie , brown jumper, born knee socks and best of all 3 pairs of brown cotton Montfort school knickers.

These days I still only dress en femme at home in privacy but wear panties all the time. I can now get changed in front of other men if wearing plain panties or knickers and they do not give me a second glance as men's underpants are very similar to womens' panties these days. I still do not tell others that I cross dress, only about 5 very close friends know. My aged parents do not know and I don't think my Sister does , although she may have guessed and said nothing.

That is why I still keep my CD activities secret. The day that it becomes getnerally accepted in the UK for men to wear real skirts , not Scots Kilts then I may well do the same and go out wearing one, but I think that will be at least 10 years in the future.

[gennee]

I only started crossdressing a few months ago. My spouse doesn't know. I feel that someday I will tell her. My family and friends don't know. I outted to myself in July and to a few people at the community center. With the possible exception of my spouse, I have chosen to remain closeted and I'm at peace with that.

Gennee:)

[andreaboots]

This thread is absolutely incredible!!! I've read with rapt interest all the posts and couldn't help but think, "Oh my dear Lord, these are my experiences, these are my words, these are etc.!" Gals, i've been where most of you are and have been! All the reasons and explanations are completely valid and true. Now, for me after three debilitating marriages and countless relationships, all hetero, I am free! I am currently involved with a wonderful woman who can't get enough of my enfemme self especially when I'm in dominatrix drag and we play our special games! She has made all the past hell worth enduring. I knew I was a CD'er for a very long time and only now do I fully appreciate the concept of adopting another entirely different persona if only for a little while. To share it with a very special SO is icing on the CD cake. The one thing that did take me by total surprise, actually two things, when I recently became a member here are; there are a boatload of us all over the place and the basic average age is around mine-50! What a great and wonderful family we are!!! I'm proud to be one with all of you and this forum has been a BIG and NEEDED eye opener. For those of us who still suffer I'm with you in thought and prayer, yes, I did say prayer 'cause it absolutely works! Hang in there, we are here for each other, that's for sure! And please don't misconstrue my CDing. My SO is the only person in the world who knows this about me. Simply put, nobody else DESERVES to know except my sisters here! Ya'll take care y'hear and continue to do well!!! Love all of ya! XXX

[Star]

Of course it's fear. Managing ones life and the lives of their family is complicated enough. Keeping a secret may be viewed as a lie or it can be a form unselfishness because it's better for everyone else involved in your life not to know. The problem is so many of us progress to where we can't keep it secret and haven't fessed up to it. I think GGs have a lot more freedom with sexuality issues than we do.

[MistyCD]

At first it was FEAR . The fear of being caught, criticized, beaten, called a queer, disowned by family and friends....

[jessi girl]

i have kept my CDing a secret due to my popularity amongst friends as a :Pullhair: :wall:(dude) :whistle: :cheers: . ya know the normal guy stuff. we hang out at the drag races, we all go bar hopin together and what not. but yet they all question me on" where i got to the night before" and "who's the babe i saw you sneaking out with". some secrets are only secret to certain people. some secrets are told to the "babes" im sneaking out with!:cheer:

[Gunda]

Hi All,
In a perfect world I'd be as out front about my CDing to the rest of the world as I am to myself. I say I don't really care about what everyone else thinks - and I don't - but I would still be mortified if my nearest and dearest were to find out. I don't beleive they'd go so far as to disassociate themselves from me but I would fear that they'd never really take me seriously as a member of my biological gender ever again - which would be crippling to my self-confidence which has never been steller to begin with.
I sometimes think that "outing" myself would almost be easier if I was gay - as people in this day and age seem to "understand" that, even if somewhat begrudgingly. CDing, on the other hand, is still seen by many as symptiomatic of some horrible underlying homocidal/pedophilic personality when, as we all know, CDing is intrinsically harmless - and in my case very emotionally beneficial.
Thus, I still feel impelled to hide this part of myself. Perhaps there will come a day when we all can (refeshingly) be more open about it. Thanks for all your perspectives.
Best,
Gunda

[RandiCD]

don't think ill ever come out of the closet about Cding, its sad to say :(
i personally believe that we all get infinite chances at life, so we all change sexes from life time to life time, guess ill be a woman next time around;)
for now ill just CD in private , it just seems like the best route , my family wouldent be able to deal with it, if they knew, plus i'd loose all my good friends ( but i guess they arent real friends if they can't accept me for what iam) and that would be hard for me. i don't know, i guess iam just scared of the humiliation bye society in general.

tough being a CDer , but can be very rewarding at the same time:)

[Julie]

Tamara,

I didn't read any of the replys so forgive me if I am being redundant.

While I told my girlfriend, who I eventually married, all I thought I knew, looking back I have to admit if I did some serious soul searching I probably would have realized this wasn't as simple as "I like to wear girls clothes", which is what I told her when I knew we were getting serious.

But what you don't understand is the fear we live with. While it's okay for girls to be called a tomboy it's the kiss of death for a boy to be called a sissy or to do anything that emulates females. Our society demands that boys be masculine and grow up to be big strong men. The worst thing a man or boy can do is be feminine.

I was talking to a couple tonight where the girlfriend encouraged her boyfriend to express his feminine side. In the conversation I told her if all the women in the world demanded that the guy dressed up as a girl, or they have no chance of getting lucky, you would see a stampede of men charging into the women's clothing section!

If you remember when I first came on as moderator, I campaigned to make this forum women friendly specifically for that reason. If the women of the world accepted us we would be accepted by the men, no question.

So I'm going to turn your question around and ask you what is it about crossdressing women have a hard time with?

[psdibe]

There whee two easons why I kept it a secret. First not realy understanding why I dress and two fear of what would happen after 22 years of mariage. My wife cought me a couple fo times over the years and always lied about why. Finaly 3 years ago while dressed I could not hide nay more and wrote a letter to my wife. She did not take it well but over the years it has gotten better. I still do not understand it completely but I am working with a theripost. I except my self now and hope over time will better understand why. I hope that one day my wife will fully except this side of me and I can share my gift.
In short fear and not understanding why.
PD

[Elinor]

There was a time when a woman was found to be dressed as a man would be stoned and NOT that long ago.
Many men much admired were found on death to have been women.
Their achievements were soon forgotten, just because it was a woman.
Now many dressed as men to be accepted as doctors or whatever.

Still a hundred years back a woman in trousers was not acceptable now its normal.

Many years ago in many cultures men wore skirts Scots Greeks and many more. But society is always changing but NOT fast enough for us Janegirls.


A woman can be anything she wishes if she has the ability.
With a man its a little harder especially in just having the freedom to wear what they like.
Not every man is a bodybuilder or boxer some are doctors gardeners etc.

We are all supposed to be strong good at fixing stuff and in touch with our feminine side and if you appear as nice its the kiss of death.

Yeah its unfair world but it always was and always will be.
Once it was okay to be a dandy one day it may be okay to be a cross-dresser but not in our life time.

It would be easier to be gay which I'm not than be a cross-dresser which I'm.
If I could pass as a female and not be read that would be cool. But I look like a guy in a dress which is not. I have no desire to be laughed at by children or anyone else.

I could wear a kilt but its a man's garment I would prefer a pleated pink skirt and suspenders underneath.
Much more fun and sexy.

So in the end the fear of being made a fool of keeps me from reviling my secret. I wear skirts at home.

I have gone out in a skirt and its was thrilling so I will not die wondering but as yet I have still to go out in a dress in public at a TG night. And perhaps I never will.

Still with a site like this I know I'm NOT alone, millions of male crossdress every day some live next door to us, we know people who crossdress we just don't know which do!

[melissacd]

In the beginning it was because I thought that I had cured myself and that i did not need cross dressing anymore. Unlike some of you here I never got deeply into cross dressing enough to get really good at it and I have spent much of my life feeling very guilty about it.

When I was caught 8 years ago, I was so ashamed and so afraid of losing my wife that I backed down when she demanded that I stop. Over the years I realized that it never went away and that the urge to dress has stayed with me. Now I am becoming more accepting of that part of myself, perhaps in large measure because of this forum, but i fear telling my wife again, because I already know how she will react.

So....I wait and ponder when and what the right thing will be to do...

[robinLynn]

i dont have family so thats not a problem. I just havent come out all the way to wife yet, even though she pretty much has it figured out