I wanna get back into the lifestyle

[cutiepiedanielle]

but I have some problems..I have a girlfriend who probably has no idea I want to do this and I'm not sure if she'd accept me dressing. I thought I was done dressing for good once I moved in with her last year and I purged, but now the urge is back and I want to act on it. Hmm what am I to do?

[Anne2345]

This is a question that many struggle with. Obviously, you are not going to get anywhere by purging. This is a strategy that is doomed to failure from the beginning. So what does that leave? I see only two remaining options - be truthful about this with your SO, or hide it. You have been a member here since 2006, so I am sure you have read many posts on the negative aspects and consequences of hiding this from one's SO. Very little good typically comes from it. On the other hand, one cannot argue the positive virtues of honesty. Since you have been living with your SO for the last year, it sounds like you are serious about your relationship with her. Do you trust her? Does she trust you? Is this a woman that you believe you will one day marry? I told me wife before we married. But I did not tell her until after we were both serious about each other, and that marriage was a future possibility. At that point, I believed I owed her the truth, and I told her. As far as crossdressing goes, it was the best decision I ever made. It was a decision I made based upon trust and love. But when I told her, I was prepared to answer all of her questions and to educate her. If you tell her, she will have questions. Do all that you can in advance to prepare for the questions, and to reassure her that you are still you, and the same person she loves! It is not easy, but if you value your relationship, and trust and love her, and such trust and love is reciprocated, I would strongly encourage you to consider it. Good luck, and I hope this helps! :)

[Eryn]

but I have some problems..I have a girlfriend who probably has no idea I want to do this and I'm not sure if she'd accept me dressing. I thought I was done dressing for good once I moved in with her last year and I purged, but now the urge is back and I want to act on it. Hmm what am I to do?

Welcome to the "living with a woman didn't fix CDing" club. Lots of us here!

The solution is simple, albeit scary. You sit down with her and tell her that something is bothering you. She, being emphathtic, will want to know what it is. Tell her briefly about your past dressing and how you don't want keep it a secret from her any longer.

She'll need time to assimilate this new knowledge. Give it to her. Answer her questions as well as you can. If you don't know something say "I don't know."

Once she knows about you, you can go from there. Take it slow. Young people like you seem to have an easier time of it than older folks, though there are exceptions on both ends.

Best of luck, Eryn

PS: Introduce your GF to the forum, first over the shoulder, and then as a member. She can find a lot of support here and reading our posts puts a more human face on the practice of CDing.

[cutiepiedanielle]

I think she might be accepting, though it may take a while. Not sure if she'd want to break off the seriousness of the relationship and stay friends, that's something I'm afraid of. I know she does have gay friends although they are not dressers(at least that I know of). I'm worried about her parents and if they ever find out because her mother is too involved with her and actually spends nights at our house. That's something that really worries me.

Thanks girls xoxo

[AmyGaleRT]

Dani, I'm in almost the same boat as you. My fiancee doesn't know about me, either. During the time between when my ex-wife left and when my fiancee came to live with me, I was dressing fairly regularly and had acquired a rather substantial wardrobe. I did not purge it--I purged before my ex-wife and I got married, and you see how much good that did--but I did store it away. She has a fairly open mind, but I don't know if she's open-minded enough to accept the whole TG issue.

There are some partly-mitigating factors. For instance, I'm growing my hair out, because she likes it long. I've told her I wanted to get it as long as that of one of my favorite musicians. But then she said, "Well, don't go any longer than that, 'cause then you'd look like a girl!" And, while coming up with a response, I thought to myself, "But what if I want to look like a girl?"

I know she has to know eventually. I know it's best that she know before we tie the knot; at least we have no firm plans of when that will be, so the question is somewhat open-ended. And I know it's best that I tell her, rather than have her stumble across my clothes, or me while dressed...the disaster that would occur if that happened would be truly epic in scope.

Knowing is one thing. Doing is another. That takes courage...something I lack. And there's no Wizard of Oz to hand me courage, or even a big fake medal to attest to same.

I hope you find a good solution for your situation, even if mine just leaves me stymied.

[KrystalA]

I think you should tell her. If there's going to be a problem with it, it's better to get it out in the open as soon as possible, and better yet, it there isn't going to be a problem, just think of all the stress you've saved yourself.

[Cynthia Anne]

WOW! Again the ladies here are full of great advice! Truth = happiness! Hiding = F as in failure! Hugs!

[Karren H]

I'd dress up and pop out of the closet when she comes to visit you... Then you'll know real quick isf she is or isn't accepting. No sense in wasting time trying to figure out if she is or isn't and doing baby steps. Chances are going slowly vs going fast will have the same end result!! Think of it as a big ass baby step!

[Eryn]

Karren also works at that Y teaching children to swim by throwing them into the deep end! :eek:

The outcome is always in question, but I think that you'll very likely lower the chances of a positive outcome by using the "shock and awe" approach.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Sorry to hear that you purged. No matter what the outcome. I can almost hear your pocketbook moaning.

[Karren H]

Karren also works at that Y teaching children to swim by throwing them into the deep end! :eek:

The outcome is always in question, but I think that you'll very likely lower the chances of a positive outcome by using the "shock and awe" approach.

I think we need to collect more data before coming to that conclusion!! Danielle can be our cd.com test case. Lol.