How long did it take?

[Sarahgurl371]

To those CDs and GGs here.

How long did it take for your SO to accept your CDing if you told her after marraige, or were caught by them? To the GGs, what would you say was the most difficult part of learning about your husbands CDing? How about the best part of it after acceptance?

Its been 2 years for me and my wife, still nowhere near acceptance.

[Susancd]

I told my wife after we had been married for about 12 months and fortunately she accepted it straight away. She said that I was still the same person that she had fallen in love with and married. Although she prefers me to dress when she is not around (and definitely not in front of our young daughter) she does buy me clothes and make up.

[TGMarla]

Ditto, T. My wife has suspected and known for a while now, but she'll never accept it as mainstream. Too bad. I don't want to stuff it in her face, but hiding all the time is a drag, too. Pun intended. :)

[Jenny Beth]

How long an SO takes to accept a CD is only part of the process. In my case there was a willingness to understand what it was all about even though at the time I didn't have all the answers. I think one of the big things for us was meeting other couples and socializing, it gave my wife an opportunity to see we were just people and there was nothing sinister about it. But even if someone was to do all the "right" things there is no guarantee a woman can accept it. Again and again you will hear the word "communication" here, both parties have to want to be open about it and not sweep it under the rug and pretend it isn't there. I hope this eventually works out for you.

[Donna Delite]

I was lucky, a few months after I was married my wife actually wanted to make me up. I let her, after some convincing on her part, of course I had to make it look good.:rolleyes:

[GypsyKaren]

After I told my wife I was tg, she taught me how to do my make-up right. When she saw the look in my eyes when I saw myself, she knew I was for real. I'm sure she still has questions about it, but everyday we learn a little bit more about each other.

GypsyKaren

[LaceLuvr's GG]

My SO told me upfront before things got serious between us. My hardest part about it was how it made me feel. I kept thinking that if I liked a man in girls lingerie, did that make me a lesbian??? It was a confusing time for me, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I was attracted to the "man" in the lingerie. I took baby steps with him, so I got used to it easier.

Now, the best part is the sex.. LOL No it really is. I enjoy very much being intimate with him when he is in his lingerie. I also like shopping with him. I was never into lingerie before I got with him... now I love to shop for it.. more for him than myself, but he's got me into a few pieces. ;)

[Marla GG]

Well, I knew Angel was a CD from the beginning, but before we met I was in another long-term relationship with a CD which was my introduction to all of this.

My initial reaction was shock and dismay, but also a desire to understand. I guess I treated the news the same way I would treat the diagnosis of a medical condition: a sort of "let's learn all we can about this and find out how to cope with it" approach. I set about educating myself immediately, and it took probably a month before I was convinced that crossdressing was harmless and actually a lot more common than I had thought.

I really think education has so much to do with how quickly SOs begin to make peace with this. The ones who have the most trouble are the ones who don't want to understand. They think that if they refuse to accept their partner's dressing, it will somehow go away. Progress can only happen after when they realize that there is no "cure" and that witholding their acceptance won't make their man stop doing this.

Anyway, educating myself brought me to the point of "intellectual acceptance," but it still took a good six months before I was completely comfortable with everything. I was honest about the things that I did and didn't like, and my SO respected my boundaries. Then finally there came a time when I realized that I actually enjoyed his CDing......a lot! But that's a story for another day. :D

[Sarahgurl371]

It seems as though education is key. I know that it has been very helpful for my own acceptance of me. That is also I think important for her acceptance eventually. She just will not attempt to learn anything about this stuff, and doesn't seem to want to take my word for it.

I think the key in my relationship is like I asked her last night... Is it that you CAN'T accept this, or that you WON'T accept this?

I can understand if its something that she just can't accept. I can even wish her all the best, some of us may just not be meant to be, ya know?

However, if its that she WON'T accept it, or try to, then I have a real problem with that. Am I wrong to want and need, even feel that I deserve to be accepted by my spouse? The more time that goes by, the worse we slip downward, and pretty soon we have become just two people sharing a house. That isn't my idea of marraige. I know it sounds like I'm being very selfish, its just that during the last couple of years I have thought alot about who I am, and who she is. I just don't know if its going to work out.

As I said, its been 8 years since she new about the undergarments and stuff, 2 years since I told her everything. Am I just prolonging the inevitable?

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi tammy,

The most difficult part for me was when I saw my husband sitting on the edge of the bed, trying on a pair of 4" high heels. I wanted to run away and cry. I knew nothing about crossdressing. Through education, love, understanding and committment, I now support him in helping him explore his feminine side. It probably took me about three months to achieve the level of comfort I now have about CDing.

The best part after acceptance is that he is a great fashion consultant. He has taught me so many new things about fashion and women's clothes. He is always my shopping partner whenever I'm looking for something new to buy (of course, we always buy something for him, too!)

I hope things work out well for you and your wife.

Missy Anne's GG

[kathy gg]

HI tammy

I knew from day one with Amanda, I met him via his femme website. BUT...I had already been hard at work learing all I could about crossdressing and the whole transgender community for sevearl years. I was always attracted to guys who wore make up (like musicians) and knew I liked androgenous or effiminate men. Crossdressing seemed like a natural next step to finding someone who was open to that or already possessing their traits.

I think the most difficult part for me when I was learning about this community was finding a cd wore 'fit' what boundaries I had. I was very specific about things I knew I could accept right from the get go and things which I knew would be too challening. I dated alot of nice cd guys, but in the end the only one who fit everything I wanted was Amanda.

The best parts of acceptance, is the fact that I know exactly what my husbands 'kink/inner personality' is. Many women will never know this important side to their guy. I feel so 'in the know' because I am trusted and resepcted enough to know all of him. So many have to hide who they are and how they feel. With us, everything was always on the table. He knew my needs and I knew his and crossdressing is a non-issue with us.

I never really had to learn how to accept my husband because everyhting about him was what I wanted. If anything he had to learn how to deal with a quirky chick like me!





To those CDs and GGs here.

How long did it take for your SO to accept your CDing if you told her after marraige, or were caught by them? To the GGs, what would you say was the most difficult part of learning about your husbands CDing? How about the best part of it after acceptance?

Its been 2 years for me and my wife, still nowhere near acceptance.

[HaleyPink2000]

What if your wife says your sick? Then tells you She won't divorce you because your sick. But She cuts you off from any sex at all. Won't go to or talk about TriEss meetings. Tells you when shopping you can't wear anything in the cart, hair bows etc. Even though your paying for it all and she is buying them for Her to wear. Won't go to your Haloween partys with you? Gets huffy because you did go to a TriEss meeting. Even though you come straight home. Then She won't answer other GG's E-mails. Also will have nothing to do with this forum.

But treats you like nothing is wrong other than that.

Been Married 24 years.
Oh and She has known for 12 years I like to wear womens clothing. But just as of late has She and I came out and used the term Crossdresser. Thats when She said I needed a Doctor or a support group. So I found a TriEss chapter and have been going to their meetings. That is what started her being pissy about the CD thing. I asked Her to go with me to a meeting. She said I was sick etc.

Ok, Ideas please?
Haley:)

[Sarahgurl371]

Haley,
Sorry for your current situation. I wish I could tell you what to do to fix it. I'm not the best one for advice, due to my wifes refusal to accept this (so far). I can tell you that I've been married 14 years, shes known about lingerie and panties and such for about 8 of those years. She was OK with that, even during intamcy, and I didn't abuse the priviledge. When I realized there was a lot more to this, and told her about it, thats when it hit the fan.
We did the marraige conselor thing for a while, basically said I'm OK you're OK, but can you save, or do you want to save this marraige?

I had to decide what I needed, and I'm a CD, I need acceptance by my wife. I went to a psychiatrist for anxiety and self acceptance. He said, You are OK, I don't need to see you anymore. So I'm not sick and that is CERTIFIED. I do have anxiety though and am in treatment for that. So my point is, I have done the professional help thing and it has gotten us nowhere. Until she decides that she can or cannot deal with this, we're in limbo so to speak, and sex is nonexistent as well. Plus she believes masturbation is wrong, so I'm really bound up. I've bent over backwards and compromised on compromise, she keeps changing the rules.

Don't know what to tell ya. Hang in there, and decide whats really important to you. I don't think I'd be happy hiding from her ever again, I need her acceptance or I don't know whats gonna happen.

[Sarahgurl371]

HALEY,
forgot to mention....At least you have thecourage to join a support group. If I did that I think it would be over for us. She freaked because I became a member here, even on the advice of my shrink.

[Tiffy]

We were not married when I told her. But we had been living together for three or four years by then. I would say for her it only took about 45 min. She went to the bed room and went diggin thru her closet and came out with panties and a nightgown. She said she wanted me to make love to her and sleep next to her wearing the clothes she had picked. She said she would tell me in the morning wether she would be able to deal with it or not. Well I am still sleeping next to her and still wearing a nightgown at night.

Thank you my dear.

Love, April

[HaleyPink2000]

Thanks Hun for your posting Big Time.

I so think that it has to get better. It's been 24 years of marriage for us. I won't throw that away. She says that She won't either. Just says that I'm sick. She won't even talk about it. I come in here and get on the forum insted of the Sex thing, because She has cut me off. So I'm in the mode right now, and I told Her " Men that don't get it at Home get it else where". She's not said anything about that statement yet. But you know what? Her Dad had to do that with his wife. Then they got a divorce. My wife knows that Men won't put up with no sex for ever. She knows also Her dad's feelings on that matter. Before He died, He'd tell my Wife, His Daughter, " You Take care of that boy, he's a keeper ". But on an everyday situation my Wife and I getalong fine. No Problems at all. It's just in bed now and she says it caused by the CDing. I don't dress hardly at all now and haven't for about a month and a half. I used to dress all the time here at home. There was never much a problem till She said I was sick one day and needed to seek help. So I did, I found a TriEss Group for a support group and that did piss Her off big time.
Why? It was Her Idea to seek help, HUH? So since I have been going to TriEss Meetings since May She has been like this. I'm sorry but what the Heck is Her problem? I meen, like I'm no mind reader. Ok I'm soap boxing, sorry.... Sorry for the re-play on the posting, But I'm just upset. She won't even answer E-mails from GG's on the forum. What is up with that? Gawd!

I'll back off a little.
Love to you all and to yours.
Haley:)

[Lauren_T]

Haley (and others in that frustrating position), you're really up against it, 'cause a really deep-rooted irrational prejudice can't be given up easily!

As Michael Caine says, "Not many people know this," but GGs who reject and absolutely refuse to discuss their objections to CDing only seem to be behaving irrationally.

Really, though, they actually do realize that they possibly / probably are wrong - that's the exact reason why they won't discuss the matter - they cannot possibly defend their viewpoint! It is one more of the numerous types of denial. "I can keep my belief, which I want so badly to be true, as long as I don't listen to anything that might disprove it!"

[DawnRodgers]

My wife still doesn't truly accept it. She really doesn't understand it, I think. She has known for about 10 years and I have been fully dressed in her presence but she doesn't really want to discuss it and the only activity we have is to play cards or board games when I am Dawn. No indication of how she thinks I look or handle myself - no indication at all of what she thinks. I think she hopes that I will come to my senses and get tired of this.

[Wendy me]

my wife knows abought my cding and whike getting better at accepting it we still are working on it now things that would have freaked her out in the past are ok like shaveing and my long hair and outher things we have come a long way and hopefuly we can get them last few steps over with soon....

[Jennifer5400]

I told my SO about a year after we were married about what I like to do. It was very difficult at first, but we took small steps, talking about it every once in a while. We agreed that when I felt the desire to dress up, I would tell her to let her know what I was feeling. About two years later, she was comfortable enough to let me dress up around the house.

Jenn

[Katie Ashe]

It took me 14 years to tell her.

She was happy I'm the other girl, not someone else.

She couldn't be anymore supportive, I do thank her publicly.

[Sarahgurl371]

My wife has been told by many that I'm a keeper. Even by her Mom who is like Tammy's arch enemy, not because I want it to be so( very religous background here, sometimes its like: what the earth revolves around the sun!!!! thats a horrible thing to say) OK maybe thats a little extreme but you get the point. Why is it so hard for some people to accept?

I agree that maybe my dressing brings up some "wierd" feeling for her, and that maybe she doesn't want to acknowledge them out of fear. I also agree that if we are not getting it at home, eventially we're gonna look elswhere. I would hope that I never would do such a thing, especially since she has compared CDing to cheating. What she doesn't realize is that if she accepted me, the LAST thing I would ever do would be to hurt her by cheating. And by not accepting, she is pushing me further away.

We are fine while in everday situations, and I truly do love her and want her happiness, but I need to be happy to. To be truthful, I am starting to wonder why I would be content living with someone who doesn't or won't accept all of me?

[urban gypsy]

My wife found out quite a few years ago, Straight away went into form of denial and tried to forget about it but as time went on she start to accept it was part of me that had been around longer than i could remember.
I let things happen at a pace that suited her and did push into accepting it.
Even now she feels more comfortable with me dressing if she has a say in how I look as Joanna, because I make the mistake a lot of us do and try and dress almost like a lady of the night and not in a manor that suits us as a individual.
I have also suggested that she becomes a member of this forum as what we have been through and the experiences we have had would probably be of help to others as we have been through a hell of alot to be were we are today as a couple. But she feels that this would be another step that at present she is not prepared to take. but maybe someday, especially as her advice always seems spot on.

But please take your time dont push to hard for a partner to accept and let them set the levels at which they are comfortable and remember these can change on a daily basis.

[Jamie M]

My (now) wife found out pretty early on into our relationship at a very yound age ( she was only 16 at the time ) and to be fair i would say that only now since she joined this forum has she become accepting of this aspect of me.

She has never tried to make me feel bad about it but for the longest time pretended that this didn't exist within me. To be fair to her I tried for the longest time to make her think this aswell. You could say it weas a five year purge and for a long time it worked. In this last year or so things have changed though . I came to realise that I couldn't hide it any longer and julia needed to come out a bit.

I think the biggest change that has happened in her acceptance of Julia has been this site , in particular the GG section of the forum and for this I am eternally grateful. Tamara you're wonderful !

For ages she always said that there were loads of people willing to help me out with MY 'problem' but no-one that understood her. As soon as i out her in touch with this place she saw that she's not alone by any stretch of imagination.

It has even got to the point that whilst on holiday she painted my toe and finger nails for fun and even talked about having a weekend away in a hotel somewhere with Julia for my 1 year anniversary of quiting smoking. That's a big change from a year ago I can tell you.

All in all I can only say to those out there , if you're going to tell you SO's , give themn this address so that they can get in touch with other SO's to see the real score about CDing firsthand , it's worked wonderszx for me ,

[Jamie M]

My (now) wife found out pretty early on into our relationship at a very yound age ( she was only 16 at the time ) and to be fair i would say that only now since she joined this forum has she become accepting of this aspect of me.

She has never tried to make me feel bad about it but for the longest time pretended that this didn't exist within me. To be fair to her I tried for the longest time to make her think this aswell. You could say it weas a five year purge and for a long time it worked. In this last year or so things have changed though . I came to realise that I couldn't hide it any longer and julia needed to come out a bit.

I think the biggest change that has happened in her acceptance of Julia has been this site , in particular the GG section of the forum and for this I am eternally grateful. Tamara you're wonderful !

For ages she always said that there were loads of people willing to help me out with MY 'problem' but no-one that understood her. As soon as i out her in touch with this place she saw that she's not alone by any stretch of imagination.

It has even got to the point that whilst on holiday she painted my toe and finger nails for fun and even talked about having a weekend away in a hotel somewhere with Julia for my 1 year anniversary of quiting smoking. That's a big change from a year ago I can tell you.

All in all I can only say to those out there , if you're going to tell you SO's , give themn this address so that they can get in touch with other SO's to see the real score about CDing firsthand , it's worked wonders for me , maybe it can for you too :)

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

I told my now wife three days after we met, her reaction was something I had not exactly foreseen, and I had been through it in my head over and over..... " well off you go then... go get dressed.. I wanna see"...
I think I stoos there for a good five minutes without moving or saying anything other than, pardon...
We were married 7 weeks later if you want to know how much she loves SammyJo
Best wshes
Sammy

[NikkiT]

I told my girlfriend last Halloween - tried to explain to her why I was so depressed that she shot down my idea that we both go as gothic fairies. She helped my put on makeup a few weeks after that, but she didn't realize how serious I was about dressing up like a girl - that I wanted to have an entire outfit put together and be able to go out to the clubs. All in all, it took around 8-9 months before we were both completely cool with it, and were able to break the news to all of our friends.