Wife asked if I was gay. Lol

[CDPheobe]

Last night the wife and I got a room in Whittier. Just what we needed. A place to dress up and be with my wife. Cute, with a spa, shower, comfy bed, and just US. Well, small talk became bigger talk and she said because she had not participated in these forums, her membership was removed. I told her to ask me and I would have walked her thru it. Anyhow, she will get another membership soon. What led up to this whole conversation was she has this idea that crossdressers are gay. I told her NO. I told her she had to come into these forums and participate, ask questions, ask other GG's, and to participate in the GG only forums to get a broader spectrum of the whole CD world which includes me. She has this worry that I will become to like men rather than stay with her. I told her she was so wrong. I told her there are many men like me who are straight, and have loving, supportive wives, and started out just as similar as I did. I mentioned to her that there are other CD's who like men, but that's not me. It all came up last night in the hotel room because I was wearing her cute toe ring she had took off about a year ago because it hurt her toe. Told her I had it since and have worn it regularly. That's what set off the question if I was gay. True as it may be that when I first met her I was just into pantyhose, panties, sexy shoes, and dresses. Now being with her, I has blossomed into wearing makeup, wigs, and accessories. To me, there is no way I can be with a man. I myself can not get into that only because I know, it does not interest me. We sat up for a while, talked, smoked, and got into details of it and what I like about it. Again, already been discussed with her a while back. But I think she just needs to be assured I have no plans on going under the knife, or taking hormones. Just clean CD'ing and thats all. She has told me before she will have me dress up and go to a club designed for the benefit of us CD'ers. All morning I was texting her that I was not gay. She laughed after and said she believed me. It may come up again. I'm sure it will. But so far my actions have spoke for themselves. I'm not gay, nor do I plan on being such. I'm ready to answer her question again if it pops up and it will be the same thing again, NO.

[Karren H]

My non-supporting wife asked the same thing. And I think she was satisfied with my answer. Till our son came out of his closet as gay... Now she alludes that it was my genes that's to blame. I can't win! Lol

[Julie Gaum]

There are probably 85% or more CDs who are straight so don't let it get under your skin.
Julie

To Karen: You can tell your spouse with confidence that there never was any connection between the majority of CDs who are straight and anything genetic.
Yes, among the 15% or less of the CDs who have mixed chromosomes, physical mixups before birth, have the Harry Benjamin Syndrom and so on there are those CDs who need to transition or accept that they are not "straight" but those are not in this discussion. Further there may be one, two, or no gays in three generations of the same family so don't take the blame for a gene that may have appeared once generations ago.
Julie

[whowhatwhen]

Tell her that you are a lesbian and she's your lesbian partner.

[Karren H]

My wife with a degree in wildlife biology would probably argue genetics with you till the cows come home... Julie. Lol.

[Samantha Thomson]

karen yes wives will ask that question on a side note does your son who gay dress as a women to or just you my gf ask if i was gay told her no but bi she kind of likes that oh well later samantha

[suchacutie]

I've never thought it hard to make my sexual preference clear to my wife. :) :)

[Leslie Langford]

You're not alone, Gigi - those are usually the standard questions all wives and SO's ask when they first find out about our crossdressing: "Are you gay? Are you having sex with another man? Are going to start taking hormones? Where do you keep your things? You're not trying on my clothes, are you? - Eww! Do you want to have a sex change operation? How do you expect me to put up with this? - I'm not a lesbian! What if you're caught or someone finds out? Why didn't you tell me about this before we got married? I should have known...so-and-so always said he thought you were gay...I guess he was right all along..."

Pretty much a standard checklist, and you can simply tick of the boxes as you go along. But like all unpleasant medicine, be prepared to take yours at regular intervals or repeat as necessary - just like heartburn medication or a laxative. :eek::doh::heehee:

Women need constant reassurance to feed their insecurities, and simple logic doesn't come into the equation. Kind of reminds me of that letter to Ann Landers many years ago from the woman who complained that her husband never complimented her or told her that he loved her. When she confronted him about that one day, he told her that he did love her, the proof was that he married her, and if anything changes, he'll let her know. ;) Yeah, like that's gonna work...

As for myself, I have no male friends or "bro's" - period! - only acquaintances or work colleagues. I have very little in common with most men, and few of the ones that I have ever met in the course of my life came even close to being any sort of role models - mainly because the a$$hole genes most of them carry are usually supercharged by all the excess testosterone coursing through their bodies, and they invariably act like jerks. I much prefer the company of women - and by a long shot. That makes my wife's contention that I am gay despite my steadfast refusal to "confess" to that all the more ludicrous, yet these accusations have persisted for over 30 years now. Time to give it a rest, maybe...?

[Eryn]

My non-supporting wife asked the same thing. And I think she was satisfied with my answer. Till our son came out of his closet as gay... Now she alludes that it was my genes that's to blame. I can't win! Lol


My wife with a degree in wildlife biology would probably argue genetics with you till the cows come home... Julie. Lol.

I have it on fairly good authority that somewhere between 5% and 10% of crossdressers' offspring are gay. Of course, that also applies to non-crossdresser's offspring as well!

With a degree in wildlife biology I have a feeling that your wife realizes this and is pulling your chain.

So, a question, does your wife accept your son now that she knows he's gay?

[prettytoes]

Kind of funny...that's the first question I was asked when my wife found my stash of clothes; I guess it's to be expected. I also wear the cute little gold toe ring that my wife won't wear because it hurts her toe. Another "hey, I'm not the only one" moment!

[Tess]

My non-supporting wife asked the same thing. And I think she was satisfied with my answer. Till our son came out of his closet as gay... Now she alludes that it was my genes that's to blame. I can't win! Lol

But you already knew your job as spouse was to take the blame for any bump in the road of life. She would blame you even if she didn't know you were a CD.

[Tamara Croft]

she said because she had not participated in these forums, her membership was removed. I told her to ask me and I would have walked her thru it. Anyhow, she will get another membership soon.

Her account has not been removed, it is still in the database. It is not in the member list because it has never been used, but it is still there, I have checked myself.

Administrator

[Cynthia Anne]

Tell your wife that the only way you could be gay is IF you found out that she has a life long secret and you found out that she was really a crossdresser!

[whowhatwhen]

Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have
is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be
hidden from the public at all cost. You see...


It really would make things a whole lot simpler.

[StephanieC]

The mass media doesn't help. I recently heard an article about someone who was gay and as partial proof they indicated he was wearing makeup.

I guess I didn't realize that wearing makeup implied one was gay.

[GaleWarning]

I've never thought it hard to make my sexual preference clear to my wife. :) :)

:lol:

The clothes and the tactile and erectile sensations all serve to make it clear to one's SO that being gay is NOT why one wears women's clothing.

[Barbara Dugan]

The mass media doesn't help. I recently heard an article about someone who was gay and as partial proof they indicated he was wearing makeup.

I guess I didn't realize that wearing makeup implied one was gay.

Yes even the gay comunity is not totally pleased about how the mass media portrait gay people... The Gay Myth #1: All gay men are feminine.

[Gaby2]

Hi Gigi - I noticed your fantastic profile picture the other day...:daydreaming:

You've prompted a wealth of humorous and/or interesting responses already,
and I'm sure there'll be lots more to come!

Is it really neccessary to worry about what your SO thinks about your sexual orientation?
If you're comfortable with this aspect of your self, then try not to let her fears and agonizing unsettle you.
It's not really your problem, is it?
:rose:Gaby

[CDPheobe]

Thank you all who replied. This was not ment to be a distress post or anything. Just a convo that came up and what was said. I know it was expected. I know myself that I am not gay. The admin who checked her status, thank you. I just text her that her membership is still here, just not on the active member listed. My wife is cool about it. Yes we do have those moments where questions arise. I simply tell her there are more than just one "me" in these forums who share similar stories that come about. Too many similarities to not read more into. I have also told her that there are more than one SO in these forums also. I explained to her that the more she participates, ask questions, and follow up on reading, she will either feel better or just plain dump on the idea. But I feel since she loves me and knows what I do in my daily life, she may get something out of it and understand that I am not gay or in any way feeling the need to have any sexual desires for or with men. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she said she would let me walk her thru it so she becomes an active member for others to write to, ask questions, or comment. I feel my wife is the best thing that has happened to me since the dawn of time. I am fortunate to have one like her which is why I opened up to her. Again, thank you all. My SO's name on the forum is gigififi. Down to earth and friendly woman and she is my best friend. Nothing is taboo in conversation with her. Just don't be creepy. Lol. Thanks again. See you all soon on another post :)

[CDPheobe]

Hello Gaby. Thank you for the compliment.

I do not worry. I reassure her. I know it's not my problem. Helping her comfort is my main goal.

[Pythos]

Look at what I have gone through when it comes to SOs, and then ask "are you gay?" Sheesh. LOL.

I think my romantic life would be far easier if I was attracted to men in that way. But silly me, I loves de women.

[hhdave]

I think most folks are socially programmed to think that any guy showing any sign of anything remotely feminine or different must be "gay". My last girlfriend and her mom insisted on calling me that after we broke up... long messy story. Might be because I liked women's shoes and was involved with community theater. Sigh. Gotta love the stereotyping. Trying to reason with her that I wasn't gay was like trying to convince the members of the Flat Earth Society that the world really isn't flat.

[whowhatwhen]

Here, let me tell you what you're attracted to.

[JenniferR771]

My wife frequently insists that I must be gay, (two children, not withstanding.)

Don't you hate it when gay men dress in drag? Photogenic--attention grabbing in the media, but...what do you think? Do media pics distort the reality of gay men? Distort the image of crossdressers?

Hijack: Are gay men comfortable with the idea of drag queen entertainers? Or embarrassed?

Why or why not?

[whowhatwhen]

Gay men still have a feminine side, maybe the effeminate ones are just more visible.

[NathalieX66]

If you gave me a Victoria's Secret catalog , I could read it for hours. I love the models, I I love them in those outfits, I love those outfits too, I want to be just like them. I love the feminine asthetic, Iove feminine things, the clothes, the look. Women are a magical mystical world to me. I like it. women dress the way I want to dress.

If I was gay, I'd be thinking of guys with six pack abs, and wearing speedos, but I don't. Nothing there....so there.

[Barbara Dugan]

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1815538,00.html
Scientists at the Karolinska Institute studied brain scans of 90 gay and straight men and women, and found that the size of the two symmetrical halves of the brains of gay men more closely resembled those of straight women than they did straight men.

[AmyGaleRT]

Yes even the gay comunity is not totally pleased about how the mass media portrait gay people... The Gay Myth #1: All gay men are feminine.

News to me! My brother is gay and he's not particularly femme at all. Neither is his husband. At least, not that I can tell. Of course, they don't know about me, either...

[Kate Lynn]

My wife with a degree in wildlife biology would probably argue genetics with you till the cows come home... Julie. Lol.

Karren,will the cows be gay?

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

As mentioned in a previous post, society causes individuals to automatically assume one is gay if the person in question does something feminine. To be honest, I think it's bullshit.

When it comes to my CDing, I'm in the closet. However, when it comes to shaving my legs, I don't care who knows. I'm 100% straight and friends have given me crap about it. In fact, I shave everything (short of my arms, head and eyebrows) because I cannot stand body hair. Not too long ago, while having a conversation with my mom about the possibility of me having Keratosis Pilaris, she asked if I shaved my legs and then asked if I was gay. It was kind of a joking around tone but I think she was serious due to her adding "It's okay if you are, I'll love you the same" (in fact, I think this conversation happened on a couple different occasions). A few months later, she must have forgot about previous conversations because I told her that I cut a mole on my inner thigh whilst shaving. She responded with "...but you're a guy!". My response? I told her, verbatim, "I don't give a ****. I shave because I like to. Society can kiss my ass". Too bad I'm not that rebellious when it comes to CDing....

When it comes down to it, the difference between a man and a woman originates from XX versus XY (I think it's only the 23rd chromosome but it's been a while since I've studied biology). Personality traits and such are learned and society has a tendency to affect a person's personality, as well as how they perceive certain things. Humans are a social species and as a social species, we are influenced by others. Unfortunately, there are "guidelines" and a great deal of negativity/close-mindedness in how society passes judgment.

[CaitlynRenee]

Wow, it's really crazy, isn't it when folks begin to put labels on us and 'demand' that we just HAVE to be 'this way or that way' because we dress/act/move in a specific manner??

Here I am, a straight (as far as I know) CD dad who's never been interested in guys in a sexual way, but admiring of those who keep in good shape. A dad who is deeply in love with his wife of over 31 years, finds everthing feminine absolutely fascinating and love the feel of soft sexy fabric on my body, pretty panties, lacy bras, Shadowline nightgowns................. and the list goes on.

My BI daughter is now a college sophomore who dresses rather androgynously. A lot of her former high school male classmates wore make up and many of the female classmates didn't. Of the males who did wear make up, some were admittedly gay, some did it for 'effect', some were goth. ALL did it for some kind of attention or to make a statement. Of the females who did NOT wear make up, some did it for religious reasons, some because they definitely identified as lesbians. Others just couldn't be bothered since academics came first.

My daughter's friends like me because I'm the most tolerant older guy they know. Most also know I CD and think it's absolutely 'cool'.

Some of the gayest men I've ever known were die hard warriors; Marines, soldiers and sailors who pumped iron, fought hard and died even harder. Some of the softest spoken men I've ever known were gay, but most were men with a strong creative streak inside. Some were just as deadly as the toughest looking and acting warriors.

I don't suppose we'll ever change people's perceptions of us, I don't suppose it really makes a difference

I'd say we just have to be ourselves and live life for ourselves. I'm content to be CD and I enjoy seeing the creativity and commitment that so many of our girls go to in order to free their feminine selves. Beautiful CD/TG/TS girls, intelligent girls, fun girls to be around.

[Samantha Thomson]

i think most wifes are going to ask if your gay if you dress up in womens clothes

[Erica Thorn]

I've been in the same situation... actually it just changed the other day when my SO joined here and started reading all the various threads! She was convinced that I was gay, and that affected our relationship and sexlife since she felt she wasn't enough for me... It didn't matter how many times I said it wasn't true that I adored her body and just wanted women...
the world needs to learn that being gay doesn't mean you have to be feminine... and the other way around to... being feminine doesn't mean your gay!

[Noortje]

My non-supporting wife asked the same thing. And I think she was satisfied with my answer. Till our son came out of his closet as gay... Now she alludes that it was my genes that's to blame. I can't win! Lol

"Blame"??? Like it's a bad thing or something. Tsk tsk.