Not Sure what to do

[karlas dream]

Hello Everyone

I have known since I was very little that I was not who I wanted to be, think the earliest I can remember is 9 or 10 but I also knew I could not do anything about it as my family are not your usual family, I grew up in a very hard nosed family and would beat you up if looked at in the wrong way.. I was never like this and never relay got on with my dad... I have had to hide who I am all my life but something has happened in the last year.. I have some how changed.. I now dont care much about what people think it all started when I moved 100 miles away to live with a wonderful girl and now have a 5 month old boy :) I did keep who I am away from her and it has only come out in the last 5 months... a very good friend of mine sent her a email I sent him when I was about 19 telling everything... it was a bit of a shock for her but I am so happy he did this he knew how unhappy I was, but I am still hiding away in fear of what people will think of me I just want to break out and be me someone who has had to watch from far away at life, I do own all my own clothes bit They are in a case under the bed, I cant bring myself to get them out and put them in draws... Forgot to add I have also tried in the past to take my life I tried to hang myself but the same friend who sent the email did save me I love him for this very much... anyway in the last week or so I have been feeling not the same I cant explain what it is, I have been told I am walking different and acting different.. I have been on herbal pills for ages now and have grown breasts.. is the other part something to do with the pills? I am sorry for going on a bit I never know what to say you could say I am a bit stupid lol :) anyway thanks for reading I just wanted to give people a little about me.. I am sure you will find out more as time goes by :)

[danielle40I]

Karla, I stronly encourage you to seek some sort of councelling. Whatever the precursor was to your attempt at suicide, it is vital that whatever drove you to it be delt with asap. For the sake of yourself and your loved ones, please consider therapy as a means to be at greater peace with youself.

Dani

[david]

Karla i am glad you have been lucky to find this site maybe you did not know it but there is hundreds like yourself who are in the same position as yourself minus the suicide solution .So what i want to say is this your life is important to us all so understand girl we need you to be as happy as we like yourself have gone down this road and found that being what you really are inside will give you the happiness that you deserve in life.So keep reading all the storys of others like yourself on this site and keep us informed of your progress in girl mode. We need you to be a happy girl.

[Barbra P]

Hi Karla

I agree 100% with Danielle that you need to find a Counselor or Therapist trained to deal with the transgender community. It sounds like you have some issues accepting yourself and a Therapist can help you sort out your issues and hopefully resolves them. People who attempt suicide once are much more likely to try again when something in their life doesn’t go the way they think it should.

Herbal medicines and additives can be very dangerous, depending on how they are labeled they may not come under FDA guidelines, and you don’t always know what you are buying. Hormones can have some really bad side effects and especially the artificial herbal hormones which may not be controlled. Read enough of the threads on the TS forum and you will see that most of the members taking hormones are being closely monitored.

There is a right way to deal with your transgender issues and I don’t for a moment think that is the path you are traveling down. You could be setting yourself for very serious body and health issues, not to mention the mental issues involved.

[karlas dream]

Thank you so much, I am so worried about talking to people it has taken me 30 years to open up and now my partner of 3 years knows about everything... she says she wants me to be happy I just worry that it will all be to much for her, I know I am probably being silly as I am good at that... as for the pills I have been taking I also am worried I will start feeling different if I stop taking them... I like the way I feel now, I do get my blood pressure and other things checked all the time about every 3 weeks... do I just walk into my doctors and talk to them? and they will help.. I am not sure how to do this it is all so confusing to me..

[Inna]

Hey babe, what you feel is true, and truth must come out, otherwise, sorrow will destroy all the love you have left. Therapy, therapy, therapy, I have been there, facing deaths wrath but have overcome, and even though I always believed I can do it alone, now I know, there was no way in this life I could. You must present your self, all the secrets, all the inner demons to someone who will take these burdens and let you finally understand and breath. Psychologists are there not to tell you who you are, you will find it your self, they are there to hold your hand while you are walking heels and valleys of your subconscious.

What you feel within is the beginning of real you, let it out, I have waited 41 years before committing, 34 years too long, I knew at 7. Nightmares and pain were my companion, but not anymore, if you can let it out sooner, you will have that much more life ahead of you.


All the love babe, Inna.

[Aprilrain]

Hey Girl, THERAPY NOW!!!! its the only way to do this. I personally had no luck with herbals. If this is truly the path for you you will need to work with a therapist to sort that out and to start the lengthy process of transition. Even if you decide not to transition a therapist can be invaluable in helping you accept yourself. good luck!

[karlas dream]

Thank you for the replies I am not sure how to go about getting Therapy I also do have a little problem with doctors, I have only ever seen a doctor about 3 or 4 times in my life.. I would be ok talking with someone... can a Dr start me on some sort of meds to help me, I have been told it will take 2 years to start anything?

[Rianna Humble]

do I just walk into my doctors and talk to them? and they will help.. I am not sure how to do this it is all so confusing to me..

Hi Karla, I see you are in England, so you will be going at least partially down the NHS route like I am.

It may sound crazy, but yes you do walk into your doctor's (with an appointment of course) and tell him/her roughly what you have told us in this thread.

The first thing that (s)he will do is to arrange an outpatient appointment with your local Mental Health Trust. Please don't be put off by that, they are there to help work out what is the best way to support you.

I hope your GP is as good as mine, because then you will be in great hands. :bighug:

It doesn't take 2 years before you get things under way, but the NHS seems to work to a different time-scale to the rest of us, so you may need some patience. I would recommend you to go onto the NHS website and look at some of their resources for trans folk, that may help you to understand what is available.

[Aprilrain]

Yeah your in England so the good news is everything is payed for by the taxpayers right? but the bad news is it takes forever to get anywhere! My understanding is that if you have money you can go the private route and speed things up a bit.

[Jorja]

Hello Karla,
Let me ask you a question. If you were ill or injured, would you not walk into a doctor's office and ask them to help you? Make an appointment with your GP and simply tell them what you have told us here. That is the only way to get things started. Don't worry the doctor has heard it all at one time or another. If not they will before they retire ;)

[karlas dream]

I will ask my Partner and see if she will come with me, if I try to get out of it I am sure she will drag me in... once I have got over the first minuet of talking I should be ok... I just worry way to much at times :) once again thank you everyone..... we have the mental health people out to the house every 2 weeks to see my partner.. I do like and trust the girl that comes out I just might talk to her she is out on Wednsebury next week.. and see what she thinks

[Rianna Humble]

That sounds like a good idea, but to make it official you will need to talk to your GP. If you have more questions about how the NHS route works, don't forget the sticky thread Questions & Issues for NHS/United Kingdom Members (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?131324-Questions-amp-Issues-for-NHS-United-Kingdom-Members) at the top of this section

[karlas dream]

I am going to make a call to the the Doctors on Monday and talk to them... I just dont know what to say to them I am not very good at putting words together.. I do class myself as quite shy when talking to people I dont know... :(

[Rianna Humble]

You don't need to tell the receptionist anything, but when you see your GP, just tell him/her what you have told us.

When I went to see a GP about my Gender Dysphoria, my first words were "I don't know how to say this...". After that it just came tumbling out.

In a lot of social situations, I always used to be like you - extremely shy. I could never find the right things to say and I'm sure half the time they weren't interested in what I did say. I don't have that problem so much now that I no longer have to pretend to be someone I never was, but I still get nervous around new people.

Please try to remember when speaking to your GP that (s)he is there to help you.

[karlas dream]

Thank you for that :) I am going to go in with my partner, do you know how long it takes from seeing the Dr to getting started on some sort of medication? I know I have to see the head Doctors too :) and get referred somewhere else.... I have stopped everything I was taking but I am now worried that I will start feeling the way I did before...

[Aprilrain]

Personally I'm surprised the herbal stuff did anything at all for you, they are generally so weak as to be nothing more than a waste of time. Also lets assume the herbal pills worked the same as estradiol. even estradiol is next to useless without and anti androgen and in many cases will just stimulate further production of testosterone OR be converted into testosterone via metabolic processes. I think aromatase has something to do with this but don't remember the details.

I can't answer your question on how long as it seems that the National Health Care System in England does things quite differently. Here in the states it mostly up to your Therapist to determine if you are ready to take that step. If they feel comfortable they can write a letter for hormones after just a few visits however that would be unusual unless you were already full time and had been for a while. the other big factor I ran into was just getting an appointment with an Endocrinologist. It took 6 months from getting my letter to first appointment. I chose not to wait, my appointment is next week.

[Rianna Humble]

do you know how long it takes from seeing the Dr to getting started on some sort of medication?

In my case too long :cry:

If you are in the catchment area of one of the Gender Identity Clinics outside of London, you will probably get your appointments much faster than going through Charing Cross.

Perhaps you could discuss your concerns with your GP and see if (s)he can come up with an interim answer?

[karlas dream]

In my case too long :cry:

If you are in the catchment area of one of the Gender Identity Clinics outside of London, you will probably get your appointments much faster than going through Charing Cross.

Perhaps you could discuss your concerns with your GP and see if (s)he can come up with an interim answer?


I will Talk to the doctor this week and see what they have to say... the thought of talking to someone I don't know is very frightening :(

[Paula_56]

THERAPY NOW!!!! don't wait 40 years like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aprilrain]

I will Talk to the doctor this week and see what they have to say... the thought of talking to someone I don't know is very frightening :(

Not as frightening as 1/2 or 3/4 of a life of wasted time. Good luck you will be fine they're doctors they've heard it all!